Onward -A No Man's Sky ARG-

[ColdAtlas]

*Heyo, I've been writing this mini ARG lately to try to work on my writing skills. Feel free to give any feedback*
Day one//
Begin initialization?
This message floods my vision as I regain my consciousness. My whole body aches, as if I've been torn apart and hastily stitched back together. The message fades and a brightness seeks into my eyes as they open, momentarily blinding me. I gaze around my surroundings, alien and unfamiliar. Where am I? I can't remember how I got here, actually, I can't remember anything at all. Panick creeps over me as I pull myself up from the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust. I look over my equipment. My scanner is damaged but all the essential life support modules still function. I find myself in a thickly wooded forest or jungle. System readings state that it's around midday. I check my holster for my multitool- it's there, thank goodness. I'd be screwed without this thing. I dust it off and note what's damaged. Using its mining laser I'm able to gather some ferrite dust from scattered rocks. Inserting the raw materials into the damaged scanner slot, the machine knits itself back together. I hear a voice in my head, my exosuit systems. It emotionlessly states "Technology repaired." I fumble with a keypad on the arm of my exosuit, activating my scanner. I do another 360 until it locks onto my ship's signature. Okay, now I know where to go. I begin my trek through the trees and other foliage, occasionally using my multitool's mining laser to cut through the thick undergrowth. After managing my way through a few hundred meters of jungle, I find a small clearing, at the edge of which is my crashed ship, nestled upon some crumpled bushes. There's some smoke rising from the engine compartment which can't be good, but it otherwise looks intact. Near it is a large mechanical orb, painted white. An emergency beacon. Must be what my scanner found. I stumble up to it, typing in a basic activation command, and the top spins and rises open. An automated voice speaks to me, stating "SCENARIO: #Iteration 231187661T [Deleted] Boundary separation failure likely. Vessel [16] emptied. Cause: [Sentinel intervention | Deliberate Transfer] ANALYSIS: Fresh Iteration Generated. Anomaly Containment Prepared." It offers a prompt to either broadcast or leave. Instinctively, I select broadcast. It buzzes and says "// BROADCAST RECEIVED // TRAVELLER ANOMALY DETECTED // Anomaly is Compliant. Position logged. System Integrity Scan Initialized." With that final cryptic message, it closes and turns off, leaving me confused. My attention returns to my ship. The setting sun reflects off its wings. I sigh and say aloud to nobody in particular, "Well, looks like I have some work to do."

[ColdAtlas]

Day 2//
As the sun rises I look over my now fully repaired ship. I was able to find a cluster of crystals nearby that seemed to be pure di-hydrogen which I was able to make into some fuel for my launch thrusters. I enter my ship and it boots up, all systems reading green. Now this ship I remember. I remember everything about her, gracefully going through the system bootup and preparing for launch. The cabin pressurizes and with a burst of fire, the engines flare, lifting my ship up off the ground. I point the nose of my vessel skyward and throttle it forward. The ship rattles in the atmosphere as it pierces through the clouds. Suddenly the motion stops as I break through the last of the atmosphere. My ship floats in the expanse, making small adjustments to remain stable. Pulling up my ship's navigation I try to find where the hell I am in the galaxy. As the star map comes up I can immediately tell that something is wrong. “What the hell?” I murmur as I gaze at the foreign galaxy mapped out before me. I am completely lost. This isn’t my home system. This isn’t even my galaxy. Right where I expect it to read the familiar word “Milkyway” it instead reads “Euclid” Something must be wrong with my systems. Humanity hasn’t discovered a galaxy of that name, we haven’t left our own! But it can’t be wrong. I look for familiar star systems, constellations, nebulas, anything. But nothing is familiar. I am torn away from my thoughts as my ship’s systems state. “Coordinates Acquired” I look to see a set of strange symbols, somewhat like hieroglyphs from ancient Egypt, yet completely new. I ponder my options. Either I can stay in this system, wait for rescue or at least some sort of human contact or I can follow these coordinates to some random warp point to who knows where. But I can’t ignore this. I’m an explorer, the possibilities of an entirely new galaxy seem too enticing to ignore. Who knows, maybe I’ll find people at those coordinates. My hand goes to the throttle as I enable the warp core on my ship.
“Only one way to find out.”

[Zeroth]

Since I was one of the ones that suggested you post here, I thought I'd offer some feedback. I'm kind of a wordy guy though so hopefully it's not too long:

Feedback

The message fades and a brightness seeks into my eyes as they open, momentarily blinding me.

The verb "seek" means "to search or look for something," so I'm not sure this is the right way to use it. If you're trying to personify the brightness as doing the "seeking,", as if the source of the light is trying to pry the character's eyelids open, it would still need to be worded a little differently.

*Panic, not panick

You need to break your narrative up into proper paragraphs. Whenever your character's situation or train of thought changes, or when you need to adjust the pacing (that is, the figurative "speed" at which events in the story are happening) you should start a new paragraph. Particularly on web forums, it's also a good idea to have an extra line of space between paragraphs as well, whereas normal manuscripts rely on indentation.

Whenever a character speaks, you should also make a new paragraph. If the paragraph starts with dialogue, you can keep putting new dialogue in that same paragraph between narration segments as long as it's the same character speaking. When a new character speaks, start a new paragraph. Don't put dialogue into a paragraph if the paragraph didn't start with dialogue; instead use the dialogue as the start of a new paragraph.

Your viewpoint character needs more characterization. We as readers have no idea whether they're male or female, and no defining features to help us envision them in our heads, and very few personality traits with which to identify with them or understand their decisions. Your narration also needs more description to help the reader envision the setting and atmosphere, not just physically but emotionally as well.

I gaze around my surroundings, alien and unfamiliar.

Why are the surroundings alien and unfamiliar? Further on, the narrative does specify rocky surroundings and also an area of thick vegeation, in midday sunlight. Are these things unfamiliar to the character because they grew up in a desert environment, or in a dense city? Or, is it unfamiliar to them because the jungle features all manner of plants they've never seen before, with different colors and shapes than anything they've seen on Earth? And how do they feel, being in such an environment? Scared? Excited? Do these emotions provoke any physical reactions from them, such as trembling, heavy breathing, or a sudden thrill that sends tingles down their arms and legs? These are the kinds of questions you should ask yourself, putting the answers into writing so that you can protray your characters's feelings, perspectives, and surroundings to the reader in a way that enhances their ability to imagine it.

Now this ship I remember. I remember everything about her, gracefully going through the system bootup and preparing for launch.

This is another example where you could add character to the protagonist. If they remember everything about this ship, what stands out foremost in their mind? Do they remember how the ship has faithfully carried them through dogfights with space pirates? Do they remember working long nights in the hangar, repairing and upgrading the ship until it had top of the line specs, or cleaning it until it outshone every other ship in the space marine fleet? Using the character's memories, you can show us more of their backstory---where did they come from, what was their occupation, why were they in space to begin with, and so forth.

As it is, and as I understand is probably common with these types of "captain's log" playthroughs, your writing comes across as very mechanical. "This happened, and then this." By adding characterization and using the physical descriptions to provide atmosphere, you can create a series of events charged with more emotion, instead of just a simple description of events in linear time.

I would recommend looking up a book called The Elements of Style by Strunk & White to further improve your mastery of the different parts of the English language in general---you haven't made a bunch of grammatical mistakes or anything, but it just looks to me like you need a bit of brush up or something to reference to keep things in order. I also recommend that, instead of using adverbs such as "hastily, momentarily, emotionlessly," and other descriptors that you try to adjust your verb choice and your sentence structure to give stronger meaning and emphasis. For instance, instead of "walk quickly," use words like "hurried," "jogged," "scampered," etc depending on what you want to convey.

As an example, instead of saying that the exosuit system "emotionlessly states "Technology repaired," you could instead phrase it like this:
"Technology repaired," stated the exosuit system in a feminine, monotone digital voice muffled by the confines of my helmet. Calling the voice monotone and digital emphasizes that it is free of emotion because it's a machine, but are stronger descriptors than the adverb "emotionlessly" and also less awkward to read aloud. Generally, good writing should flow off the tongue the way eloquent speech does.

Hope this helps, good luck with your efforts as a writer!

[ColdAtlas]

Thanks for the feedback! That's super helpful! For the first two comments I didn't notice my typos lol, and "seeks" was meant to be "seeps"

I'll definitely look into that book you spoke of and thanks for the examples of better ways to add more character to it.
I'm gonna put work into that character development and hopefully that will help bring them to life.
once again thanks though, as getting helpful advice like this is exactly why I started this learning experience :D

[ColdAtlas]

Day 3//
Streaks of light fill my vision as I warp out of the system. I sit there for a few minutes, watching the light show as my thoughts turn to home.

I grew up on a farm in one of the outer colonies. Our planet was called Obraxis, a lush planet covered in fertile fields. Almost the whole planet was a farming community. We had a small family of just Mom, Dad, and me. Dad was always somewhat distant, but I always knew he cared about us. Mom was a tough woman, strong-willed and sharp-minded.

I worked on our farm since I was six, helping manage the large automated harvesters that wandered grain fields. My mother taught me to work with machinery, while my dad always preferred old-fashioned hands-on work with the animals. I worked with them there till the age of 30. Farm life would never be enough for me, I wanted to do something new, something incredible. Dad was pissed when I decided to join the Obraxis Space Administration, but my mom loved the idea of her boy going from star to star. Eventually, she convinced him and I went into training.

The training was brutal. I’ve been told that our space program had more requirements than our military, honestly, I believe it. I was eventually assigned to the Second Exploratory Wing. When it came time to say goodbye to my lifelong home, I said goodbye to Mom, but Dad didn’t show. Honestly, I don’t blame him. I was leaving behind everything I had ever known, including my family. He was losing his son, who wouldn’t be torn apart? I remember giving Mom that last hug goodbye. The tears in her eyes. Tears of pride, tears of fear, tears of hope for my future. I hope they’re still out there, tending their fields and watching the stars, hoping their son is out there looking back. I hope Dad forgave me…
That was three years ago now, and as I look at the stars streaking by I dream of home, knowing it's dreaming of me.

[ColdAtlas]

@ZerothI tried to build some background for the main character in this entry, I tried to use some of your advice!

[ColdAtlas]

I might add in his reflections of home every once in a while

[Zeroth]

@ZerothI tried to build some background for the main character in this entry, I tried to use some of your advice!

@Elite Minor

Good work, I can already tell there's some improvement! This is what came to mind as I was reading it:

Feedback

This is just my opinion, as it's mostly stylistic this time around. As you write more, and read more (never forget, writers must also be voracious readers), you'll find more of your own voice and your own preference for pacing, atmosphere, etc. But I think the last piece would be improved if the sentences and descriptions weren't quite so choppy (as in, they're rather short) and if they were a little less...I guess I'll say, down to earth? What I mean is that the sentences and the information they convey is very straightforward.

Our planet was called Obraxis, a lush planet covered in fertile fields. Almost the whole planet was a farming community. We had a small family of just Mom, Dad, and me.

This isn't bad at all, it gets right to the point and maybe that's the kind of writing you feel most comfortable with. But here's what I mean by being less concrete about your details, and putting in a little more information so that sentences have variable lengths instead of all being so short and direct:

Our planet was called Obraxis. I still remember looking down at the golden seas of grain from our crop duster---the first vessel I learned to fly, long before I ever imagined a life among the stars. The heads of wheat grew so thick and so tall, watching the mecha-combines comb the fields felt like watching a pod of whales breach the sea surface. Thousands of miles of the planet's surface were covered by lush fields of every variety, enough produce to export to half a dozen colonies. The farmsteads, dotted here and there amidst the gold and green oceans, were the closest thing to civilization I ever knew growing up.

Growing up. Back then it felt like it took forever. Looking back at it now, it passed in the blink of an eye. My whole world was so small---just me, Mom, and Dad. My father was always somewhat distant, but I always knew he cared about us. If he hadn't, his hands wouldn't have been so tough, and his face so leathered and worn from the sun. My mother was a tough woman, strong-willed and sharp-minded. What Dad often didn't know how to say, she knew without him saying anything.

I'd worked on our farm since....

If you find that style of writing too overly wordy or slow paced, though, that's completely up to you. Like I said, the more you work at it, the more you'll develop. Keep writing, and don't be afraid to go back and change earlier things--just don't get rid of your original drafts, either! Everything is a building block to something better.

[ColdAtlas]

Thanks! I appreciate your help :D