[OOC] Why Not Try Evil? (A Fantasy-Comedy Roleplay)

[Jster]

Dearest Reader,

I am the new Dark Lord over all of this fair realm. I will soon be the ultimate ruler of this whole entire world.

But I'm in need of some assistance.

You can call me Steve, well Dark Lord Steve. I've recently taken up residence in the middle of the Twilight Forest in what will soon be my "Tower of Evil". It's really hard to miss, a large black spire rising dramatically out of the forest. It just screams nefarious.

So why, Dark Lord Steve, are you sending out this flier? That's a good question. I've found myself in need of assistance. I need good little henchmen and allies to form an unstoppable league of evil. Good henchman are really hard to come by nowadays it seems.

If you're reading this flier and are in need of work I implore you to come find me. As stated earlier, really tall tower middle of the Twilight Forest. Hard to miss. We'll talk over contracts and the like and get you some good work.

I don't take questions, so I hope you go getters can figure it out yourself.

Cheers,

Dark Lord Steve

Our RP will follow our small group of adventurers as they respond to this flier. They are all, for their own reasons, answering to work for Dark Lord Steve. Except none of them are really that great at their jobs.

A senile old witch, a arthritic not so evil Knight, and even a blind swordsman are some of those that answered the call. And their misadventures will be our fun to write.

A quick Character Skeleton to help you make your characters:

Name:
Age:
Description:
History:
Alignment:
Anything you would like to add:

The point of this RP is to have fun and make some good jokes along the way. Not to be taken to entirely seriously. Any questions?

[ActRaiserTheReturned]

Meet Camilla. Former scourge of the West. She managed to discover a secret to prevent her body from aging into a decrepit state. She led an army of skeletons, ghouls and necromantic horrors. Unfortunately for her, but fortunately for the countryside, a daring hero put a strange green substance into her brew of immortality. After Camilla drank for the cauldron, she was physically superior than before. She noticed, however, that her memory began to fail. She began to act senile, and her empire was defeated easily without her leadership or control over minions. Her legend became nothing but a comical fairy tale, and as the years passed she began to be seen as a harmless, but maybe occasionally annoying pest, rather than a lethal horror she used to be.

She doesn't remember the vast majority of her extremely potent spells. She still knows how to make effective potions, and a few spells useful immediate use. Bandits once attacked her houseand attempted to kill her. She briefly remembered some of the spells she used to wield and scared the bandit horde to death, almost literally. She had one of them at her mercy with a dagger to his throat. She suddenly remembered she was making dinner and turned her back on him. As the criminal was about to stab her in the back, she turned around with a tray of cookies and bumped hard into him as she tried to offer him one.

He fell back and bashed his head hard on the master work furniture, knocking him senseless. When he came to, he had bad amnesia, and his wits were much less sharp than before. She has been taking care of Tom ever since the incident and he has been some sort of a dim witted body guard and house servant ever since.

Name: Camilla Rose
Age: Unknown.
Looks around 60 years old or late 50's.
At least thirteen centuries old, and probably more than that.
Description: A sort of powerful witch. She's senile, and sometimes more likely to offer the enemy cookies, cake, and tea with the latest gossip than to fry them to a crisp with a fire ball. She's technically extremely intelligent, but with her senility it's impossible to tell when she'll be effectively competent in her contribution to Dark Lord Steve's cause of evil. She really only joined so she could open up a kitchen in the Dark Tower.
History: As above.
Alignment: Formerly Neutral Evil, currently Lawful Neutral.
Anything you would like to add:
She's likely to occasionally remember certain spells, and maybe even start acting less senile, but it's unlikely she'll ever be completely normal, unless the plot demands it. Head trauma may occasionally unlock certain memories every now and then, and her constant brewing and cooking may occasionally allow her to cast a more powerful spell than usual every now and then. However, because she is constantly unable to remember her former glory as a witch, she might only be able to cast a really powerful spell once, twice, or perhaps three times at absolute best.
In her old days, she had enslaved ten families of dragons. (Mother, Father, and son/daughter), began conquering the world, easily raising an army of thousands upon thousands of goblins, slaying an Archmage in a magical duel, conquering the world's equal to Camelot, and even defeating the world's version of France, Scandinavia, Germany, Spain and the rest of Brittain, and Ireland in a great war. Finally a party of ten adventurers infiltrated the heart of her territory and their experienced thief and rogue, Dentin, contaminated her cauldron with the substance that is still responsible for Camilla's senility.

[Lotrix Molick]

His Shields:


Name: Sir Blestemat of the Order of the Rattling Lungs

Age: 21

Description: Stands above most at a solid 6'6". Tends to be observing and speaking his mind between coughing fits. He seeks literal immortality so he can eternally show up any goodie two shoes knights and prove that he is a true, if evil, knight. Spends time either in the library to learn or in the kitchen making food.

History: He is an evil knight, embodying his own twisted sense of honor. He does not use any normal weapon, rather, he uses two tower shields in combat. He is not unskilled at this, and he makes for a damn fine cook, but he isn't exactly feeling young. Despite only being about twenty-one, he was born with rheumatoid arthritis and is stricken with chronic coughing fits that worsen in frequency as he increases his activity levels. He also happens to walk the line of being a nice, good guy frequently as he legitimately cares for the lives and well-being of friends. Strangers, though, he will kill if he deems them to be only worth a corpse. Hmmm, if this guys cooks, I wonder if he can make me some cookies. The narrator deserves some cookies.

What made Blestemat become evil?: Well, he may give a different story each time, but here is the truth. No knight order would accept him and he was almost constantly beset by bandits thinking him an easy target. Eventually, he just said screw it and took the mantle of evil since he grew tired of those that rejected him. He will be a real knight and will delight in walking on their corpses, right after he gets a drink and stretches out.

Why only shields?: Well, considering he is ridiculously strong and was almost constantly got attacked for coughing loudly and seeming weak, Blestemat quickly learned how to use items to shield himself and eventually just kept two at a time to keep a better defense. He had no money for any other weapon when he created his own knight order, so shields became his signature weapons. Heh, you thought he was some protect the weak kind of guy? Nah, just a poor bastard with a dream.
Alignment: Lawful Evil overall, though has some Lawful Good tendencies

His Code:
1. Kill as often as necessary, but never kill without reason
2. Assist your infirm friends so they will not suffer as you do
3. Always cook properly, no lollygaggin' during it
4. Maintain equipment, but never polish it to shine
5. Never use any non-shield weapon