[OOC] Golden Age of Piracy: Caribbean 1655 (OOC)

[Kho]

I'm sorry Jangel, but that post doesn't meet the basic English standard for this RP, let alone the quality required. While I don't mind first person and short posts, I do mind when the depth and calibre of this RP is brought down by bad grammar and uninteresting posts. I don't want to be dogmatic and have to start laying out the unspoken rules for a mid-high casual RP. I would appreciate it if that post was rewritten to a better standard please.
If I've misjudged and this is the kind of quality everyone else wants, then you'll find me a very democratic and fair-minded GM, but I personally cannot enjoy reading or writing such posts.

Edit: Mostly's is an exemplar post. Short but engaging and the conversations and description are to a good level

[Vantas]

yo yo i'll post in a bit
sisters just left my house an' shit so im hellsa tired
cant write anything interesting when im tired so when i wake up more i'll post~

[Vantas]

five hours later and i finally post a stupidly written starter im half asleep right now sorry that it sucks once riley gets someone to interact with ill write better

[Click This]

Did you know? Tortuga rum cake is delicious.

[Kho]

Rum Cake may be delicious, but I know something even better. I am sure you are familiar with cookies, but are you familiar with...Khookies?

[TheyMostlyComeAtNight]

@Vantas
Hey, thought I'd take advantage of your little theft, hope thats okay?

[So Boerd]

Seems interesting. I may make a Dutch admiral to be the law since you are all pirates.

[Kho]

I've introduced the concept of XP points (or Khookies) in a few of my past RPs and players have generally liked them, and they've helped in making the IC more interesting, and I think I would like to try it out for this RP. Tell me what you think.

Khookies explained:

XP points are very useful, the more you have, the more powerful your character is. A character with high XP will be able to do more things, for example, if you have a pirate with high XP, and he started out with say, average fencing skill, once you get a good amount of XP (i.e 5-8) you can have them start to notice that the sword feels much lighter in their hand, or they've become a tad bit more acrobatic in combat etc. As they gain more XP, their skill can grow and they may even develop other skills which they previously didn't have, for instance they discover their climbing is actually very good despite never having climbed much before, however, remember that with things like, say, knowledge, they do need to learn or get taught. For instance, your character isn't suddenly going to be an expert on kinds of fish despite never having seen a fish or read a book about fish in their life (though with higher XP they could learn those things quicker.)

With higher XP, your character will be able to do more daring things, like take on more than one person at once or sneak into places a person wouldn't usually be able to sneak into, or even survive falls or fatal attacks which one would not usually survive. XP is not 'experience' it is a higher force which guides the power of those chosen by the story.
XP gives one licence and ability to get away with more daring things and survive incidents and accomplish feats they usually would not be able to.

However, XP will be worth naught if the post is not well written, Example 1:

Horath, the myty man hoo kils all hoo stand in hiz way puntshed the grayt boldjer in hiz way and distroyd it, bikoz he h'az 340 XP and can do stuf lyk dat. he den run's a fyoo step's and fynd's himself akros the owshin, in de midle of tat batle goin on in hat plase. widout weighting, he smash't the first soldier he see'd, and befor he new it he waz saroundid by the ded or dying body's of the soldier's, he lookt to the sky's and gayve a miytee ror before jomping bak over the sea, getting into bed, and having a good nights sleep aftr a veri lonng day.

And lack of XP will not limit a character if the post is well written. A char who has 5 XP for instance, Example 2:

Horath took another step forward, forcing himself to continue onward, against the pain in his arms and the pressing heat of the merciless sun, he forced himself to push the boulder, one more step, even half a step further. His breath was shallow, coming in quick gasps, sweat ran freely down his face and all over his body, and his cracked lips and dry throat called out for even a droplet of water. If only he'd been more prepared before leaving on this mad quest! If only he'd not been so angry and frustrated with her...
He shook his head, this was no time for regrets, and so he continued onward, pushing the great red rock across the dry plains. It was a large thing, nearly twice his size and ten times his wait, and the fact that it was not perfectly round did not help, in fact, the side he was trying to roll over now was completely flat. He put his shoulder to the rock and tried pushing it, but to no avail. This was hopeless! He was never going to get this stupid thing to the city, and he was never going to be able to board the ship and get to Mardithia in time. But then, he could always walk, yes, it would take a few weeks, he may miss a few battles, but he'll get there eventually. He shook his head, no, he was needed at the front, and he was needed now, even if it took him all day and night, and all tomorrow too, he would push this impudent rock to the city, whether the rock wished to be pushed or not!
"You look in pain young one. Why do you push such an ugly thing, when you can walk, free of its burden, free of its weight" a strange old voice, crackly in a way, sounded to Horaths right. He immediately jumped back, reaching for his sword and drawing it.
"Who the..." before him stood not a man, but a strange ethereal being, human-like, but not human at all.
"Fear me not for I wish you no harm young one, your plight merely intrigued me. Why do you push such a great rock, and where do you take it?" Horath was speechless, what in the world was this?
"Uh, it's...well" the creature raised an ethereal hand, and Horath stopped, it closed its eyes and did something, before long it began to nod.
"Ah, I see, you wish to travel the large blue yes yes? You wish...to go to war" its voice faded slightly at the last bit, as if disappointed.
"You wish to fight...to kill your brothers and maul your sisters and SPREAD EVIL IN THE LAND!" its voice rose dangerously high and its colour changed, becoming very dark, its ethereal body becoming more like smoke. Horath backed away.
"NO! No I don't" he tripped on a dried root and fell back, landing on the hard ground and smashing his head badly...
(Little Time Skip, WOULD BE FILLED WITH WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!)
The great spirit Xeanthiel nodded as it picked up Horath.
"Very well, for your love and your people, to Mardithia I shall take you" and before Horath could say a thing, or even ask for a second to prepare, the being was off, flying through the sky at speeds Horath did not know possible.
"AAAHHAAAHHAHAHA. NO! NO! Stop! You're going to FAAAAAAASSSSTTT!!" but the creature ignored him, going even faster. Horaths ears suddenly popped and his hearing became weird. Then it was over, he was back on solid ground. Once more, he fell to his back, this time out of dizziness and inability to stay on his feet.
"Ar-...-ou...-ay?" someone was speaking, someone was saying something, he just couldn't make out the words.
"Ho..ath, ar- -ou -kay?" he looked around himself, not entirely seeing what was around, it was all just a blur.
"What?" he asked half-consciously.
"Are you okay?" his ears had popped again, and he could hear again....

You get the point! I would go on, but then this post would never finish! So example one would be rejected outright even though the character has a legendary amount of points, while example two, even though what happens is slightly ridiculous, would be accepted because at least the writing is of a better level (that example was for a fantasy RP so it wouldn't apply here, but I think the point is the same.) The same goes for fights, if a char of higher XP is fighting one of lower XP, generally the one with higher XP would win unless the difference in writing quality from the one with higher XP is that bad. If two chars are of equal XP, then it would come down to writing quality, while if two players are of equal writing quality, it would come down to XP, while if all is equal, then the two players will have to discuss where they would like to take this.
Of course, if players have a storyline going, then they don't necessarily have to stick to the above rules.

Now, how to earn Khookies. It all depends on your IC posts. When handing out Khookies, I will take into account various factors:

Spelling and Grammar (graded out of 10): Example 1 is the king of kings when it comes to terrible spelling and grammar. If your post is anywhere like that...let's not think about that. Just basic spelling and punctuation will get you a 10/10, and there is allowance for general typos or mstakes everyone tends to makes.

Writing Quality: There is difference between getting spelling and grammar right and having good writing quality. If your post grips me and your use of language and vocabulary is better than average, you've got yourself a 10/10.

Story Line Advancement: If your post actually adds something to the RP and develops the story in an interesting direction, then you're ticking this box. Even if you're basically RPing on your own but are creating an interesting storyline for yourself then that's brilliant.

Character Development: I want to see real characters, real people, not some shallow character who makes Barney seem like the most complex creature in existence by comparison. A post which really delves into the workings of the characters mind and makes me think, 'yes, this is real, this isn't just some game someone's playing somewhere' then you're good.

Independence: Quite simple, this is about your ability to create a story line with other characters rather than be depend on the GM to do so for you (basically, help me be lazy.)

After taking those factors into account, I'll hand out however many Khookies you have earned. an average post should receive 2-3 Khookies. Good posts should receive 3-4 and stunning posts could receive up to 10 (more than ten is thus far unheard of in my RPs, and I've seen some simply stunning posts.)

[Kho]

So Boerd said
Seems interesting. I may make a Dutch admiral to be the since you are all pirates.

Feel free

[Vantas]

theymostlycomeatnight: thats chill yo

whoa khookies sound radical
i like it

[TheyMostlyComeAtNight]

Awesome :)

Khookies sound interesting. :P

[Kho]

Right, everyone.

I'm going to be away this week and won't be back until next Sunday. The RP goes on and Click This will take up the mantle of GM until I return. I'm expecting some impressive things to have happened by then in order to hand out a few Khookies ;)
Remember, don't be afraid to go off the book and create your own adventure with the other players (i.e. don't give Click a head ache and makes things fun rather than stressful for Clicky :P)

Have fun, and protect this RP with your lives.

[TheyMostlyComeAtNight]

Have a good week! I'm away for the week as-well but reportedly the place i'm going has wifi so I'll still be 'here'.

[Jangel13]

Kho said
I'm sorry Jangel, but that post doesn't meet the basic English standard for this RP, let alone the quality required. While I don't mind first person and short posts, I do mind when the depth and calibre of this RP is brought down by bad grammar and uninteresting posts. I don't want to be dogmatic and have to start laying out the unspoken rules for a mid-high casual RP. I would appreciate it if that post was rewritten to a better standard please.If I've misjudged and this is the kind of quality everyone else wants, then you'll find me a very democratic and fair-minded GM, but I personally cannot enjoy reading or writing such posts.Edit: Mostly's is an exemplar post. Short but engaging and the conversations and description are to a good level

I'm sorry but understand I'm not responding to anyone's post so theirs no interaction going with me or someone else. I was planning to leave and end up fighting the woman planning to take on tortuga

[TheyMostlyComeAtNight]

brah you changed tense in your first sentence.

[Kho]

@jangel bit busy right, but will set aside ten minutes later today to tell you exactly what is wrong with your posts.

[Kho]

@Jangel Now, I want you to take this in a positive way, part of RPing is improving your writing and being able to understand where your weaknesses lie and working on them. If we look at the Khookie factors, your weaknesses are currently Spelling and Grammar, Writing Quality, Story Line Advancement and Character Development (you're quite good for Independence.)
Let's go through your posts so far.

Jangel's First Post

Jangel13 said
I smiled seeing branzillo finally leaving, he was nosier then a damn dog. I ordered some more rum for my men celebrating getting a new ship today, although I made sure we had enough money to actually buy the ship. I held my bottle of rum drinking it happily, I did hear about that change of power with port royal. im also getting the sense that even though me and my men loved this place we couldn't stay here long we would need to leave eventually before all hell broke loose here. once I finished my bottle of rum I ordered another to go "lets get our new ship lads!" I called out and they cheered happily. we all got up me and my 50 men left the tavern at once. I still remember being raised my one of the great pirates, I knew I had to become a legend to see him again and show him that his time wasn't wasted. we left the tavern and walked down the street to see the loveliness of debauchery everywhere. I walked over to the harbor master and I paid a good price for our new brig and I ordered my men to start setting everything up and move all our supplies

"I smiled seeing branzillo finally leaving, he was nosier than a damn dog." - Firstly, you spelled Braziliano wrong. Secondly, first letters of names must ALWAYS be capitalised. I believe when you say nosier, you mean noisier. They are completely different words and you should double check your posts to make sure you haven't put one word in place of another as 'nosier' makes very little sense in the context of Braziliano's tavern scene.

" I ordered some more rum for my men celebrating getting a new ship today, although I made sure we had enough money to actually buy the ship." - It's all good saying you bought more rum for your men, but try going into some more detail. Have your character call out to the barmaid for more drink, have her bring it over, describe the scene, tell us what happens to the rum you ordered - you don't mention it arriving at any point. How have you made sure you have enough money? How much money do you have? Where did all this money come from? Your character doesn't have an infinite supply of money, and certainly not enough to buy a brig at this stage, even if he sells the sloop.

"I held my bottle of rum drinking it happily, I did hear about that change of power with port royal." - What bottle of rum is this? Did you not finish the one you were drinking from before ordering more? Or is this a new bottle which just arrived? How did you hear about the change of power at Port Royal? From who? When? What are your thoughts on it? Also, 'Port Royal' is a name, thus the first letters should be capitalised. So 'port royal' is incorrect.

"im also getting the sense that even though me and my men loved this place we couldn't stay here long we would need to leave eventually before all hell broke loose here." - You always start a new sentence with a capital letter, and you ALWAYS capitalise the personal pronoun 'I'. You have to remember that 'I'm' is a shortened version of 'I am' and therefore you MUST but an apostrophe between the 'I' and the 'm'. This 'im' is not a word in the English language. Why are you getting the sense that you can't stay in Tortuga long? Explain more of your character's reasoning. Saying 'me and my men' is also incorrect, it should be 'my men and I'. You cannot switch from the present tense 'I'm also getting the sense that...' at the beginning of your sentence to the past tense 'my men loved this place...' it just doesn't work like that. How do you know all hell is going to break loose in Tortuga? It seems like a very strange statement considering all the imperial powers are occupied fighting each other. Why does your character think this? Give his reasoning.

"once I finished my bottle of rum I ordered another to go "lets get our new ship lads!" I called out and they cheered happily. we all got up me and my 50 men left the tavern at once." - Again, always start a new sentence with a capital letter. Again, give more description about getting a new bottle, or did a new one just fly into your hand when you ordered it? Description, description, description. It might be a good idea to start a new line for your speech, or at least put a comma between 'go' and '"lets..."
'Let's' is a contraction of 'let us' while 'lets' means 'allows'. Thus when your character says 'lets get our new ship..." it makes no sense. What you're trying to say is "Let us get our new ship..." which is shortened to "Let's get our new ship..." and NOT to "Lets..."
Again, you end the sentence at 'happily' but then the word right after the full stop doesn't start with a capital letter. The word 'we' should be 'We'. Now I don't know how big this tavern is, and I don't know how big the door of this tavern is, but 50 men fitting into this tavern at the same time is very difficult to imagine, and them walking out of the tavern 'at once' is literally impossible. What's more, buying rum for all these men, then buying even more, must cost an absolute fortune. How rich is your character? Where is all this money coming from? How do you have enough left over to buy a brig?

"I still remember being raised my one of the great pirates, I knew I had to become a legend to see him again and show him that his time wasn't wasted. we left the tavern and walked down the street to see the loveliness of debauchery everywhere." - We all make mistakes and typos, so the 'my' instead of 'by' is acceptable because I know for certain that it could be nothing more than a typo (or at least I hope it's a typo...)
You should expand more on your character's reasons for wanting to become a great pirate, why can you only see him again when you become 'a legend'? What does 'a legend' in pirate terms even mean? You end your sentence at 'wasted' and guess what you do next. Or what you don;t do next. No, guess. Yes, you DON'T start the sentence with a capital letter. I quite like the image of debauchery being lovely, but what exactly does it mean? Are people rutting in the street? Are there a group of gangsters doing lines with dollar notes? What exactly is this loveliness your character and his men are seeing?


"I walked over to the harbor master and I paid a good price for our new brig and I ordered my men to start setting everything up and move all our supplies" - So you got from the tavern to the harbor. Other than the loveliness of debauchery down the street, I don't know how you got there. From your description am drawn to believe that there is a tavern, and outside it there is a street full of debauchery, and if you walk down this street you will meet the harbormaster. Description is of the essence. Now, you walk up to him and, without a single word, you pay him money, and he somehow knows that this money is for the Brig. You haven't specified the price of the Brig or where this huge stack of money you paid him with was all along, shouldn't you at least have haggled a bit? Have you seen this Brig before? Or did you just buy the first ship you saw when you walked down to the harbormaster. It makes very little sense. And of course, always end your post with some kind of punctuation mark, a full stop would be enough in this example.

Jangel's Second Post

Jangel13 said
I watched as my men loaded up all the powder and resources they had on them and put them on the brig as he watched his skull flag waving in the air above the brig feeling proud to have a ship like this. once I signed all the papers saying I gave up my ship to the harbormaster and that I was taking this ship as my flagship I made sure to keep track of my extra money just in case as I told the men that we would set sail for greater plunder as the men cheered and started to get the ship ready to leave port as I went over to my captains cabin and set everything up the way I like it as we got ready to sail from Tortuga.

"I watched as my men loaded up all the powder and resources they had on them and put them on the brig as he watched his skull flag waving in the air above the brig feeling proud to have a ship like this." - where is this powder and resources coming from? What kind of 'resources' are these? Were these resources on them in tavern and when they walked down the street? At the moment am just imagining your crew emptying their pockets which are somehow full of powder and 'resources'. This gets a bit confusing now, you either go from first person to third person narrative, or there is an unidentified someone else who appears to be looking a the flag of the ship with pride.

"once I signed all the papers saying I gave up my ship to the harbormaster and that I was taking this ship as my flagship I made sure to keep track of my extra money just in case as I told the men that we would set sail for greater plunder as the men cheered and started to get the ship ready to leave port as I went over to my captains cabin and set everything up the way I like it as we got ready to sail from Tortuga." - Wow. That is one long sentence. Try breaking it up, it's way too long. I repeat, a new sentence always starts with a capital letter, so 'once' should be 'Once'. What papers are these? Is this exchange a legal one? In Tortuga? If you've paid so much for this new Brig, why are you giving up your Sloop for free? Couldn't you have made money out of selling, rather than giving up, the Sloop? What extra money is this you're keeping track of? How much of it is there? Where is it all stored? The rest of the sentence makes very little sense. I'm assuming you give some sort of speech about all the plunder you're going to get, the men get very happy, and then you return to your cabin. You really could have written that more clearly. And finally, what is this setting up 'everything they way I like it'? It says very little to the reader, you need to explain.

And there you have it. These are the problems with your posts. And one last thing, even if you did somehow leave Tortuga and meet Commander Hampshire, why in the world would you attack her? Your crew, as far as I am aware, is made of 50 men, while her's is easily four times that, not mention she is commanding a 32 gun Frigate whose crew are more disciplined, according to Governor D'Oyley, than those of Admiral William Penn (who captured Jamaica.) The only outcome of an encounter with the Frigate would be capture and imprisonment, if your ship isn't sunk that is.

[Jangel13]

okay, I got your message and I understand. with the next few posts ill make sure to work on it as best I can. I didn't mean I would attack her I mean that since she was patrolling Tortuga she would try to stop me or something was all that I meant

[Kho]

Jangel13 said
okay, I got your message and I understand. with the next few posts ill make sure to work on it as best I can. I didn't mean I would attack her I mean that since she was patrolling Tortuga she would try to stop me or something was all that I meant

It's all good ;D as long as you understand what you have to work on and I can see you trying, you're fine. Nothing better than learning how to have even more fun :P
Anyway, as I said earlier, I won't be here this week so I won't be able to give you feedback on what you do post, but when I come back I will be sure to, so impress me ;)
Have fun everyone, and if new people show interest, tell them to PM me their CS's and I'll look over them when I return.

Hasta la vista!

[Jangel13]

See yah. Now just gotta wait for posts