[OOC] The Relics (No Plot/Fantasy/Character Driven/Worthy of Skepticism)

[AlidaMaria]

Monsterpost incoming!

Also, all hail the holy relic of the Duckius the Magnificent.

[Maki Casanova]

Haha! That relic form is cute. I like it. :D

[Ink-berry]

Yay, so the duck relic is most definitely going to be a thing, then! :D I'll get the CS up sometime tomorrow.

[WilsonTurner]

Sep said
and in the ancient kingdoms they used brass ducks in the bath.One day one of them looked at his duck and gave it the control of the elements!Nah seriously from what I understand can be relics. Just don't let it get too far away from your body or it'll go badly for you.

hehehe
if mine were to be too far away from Myth to have bad effects

Myth would be dead.

I also declare myself the most skilled and/or experienced combat person of this roleplay, since I just killed a large 3-foot rattler [Diamondback] with a 30 pound steel homemade hammer, while keeping two very enthusiastic dogs away from it.

Adrenaline and fear can affect oneself strangely. Once Myth is completely out of danger, including the fire, then I'll give a bit of oh-god-oh-god-oh-god and he'll- yea it'll be a good post.

[Ink-berry]

Blargh, one more question before I start finalizing things. Would the ability to control dust be too OP for a power?

[WilsonTurner]

Ink-berry said
Blargh, one more question before I start finalizing things. Would the ability to control dust be too OP for a power?

Dust is simply very small particles of something larger. Dust may just be really fine sand, and sand is just really fine gravel, and gravel is just ground up, broken up pieces of rock and boulder, and rock and boulders are the bedrock and the mountains. To control dust, I would think you'd have to control rock itself, and the minerals that are often in it.

My opinion, of course

[Guilty Spark]

WilsonTurner said
I also declare myself the most skilled and/or experienced combat person of this roleplay, since I just killed a large 3-foot rattler [Diamondback] with a 30 pound steel homemade hammer, while keeping two very enthusiastic dogs away from it.

Adrenaline and fear can affect oneself strangely. Once Myth is completely out of danger, including the fire, then I'll give a bit of oh-god-oh-god-oh-god and he'll- yea it'll be a good post.

*cough*Korea veteran*cough*

[Guilty Spark]

Ink-berry said
Blargh, one more question before I start finalizing things. Would the ability to control dust be too OP for a power?

It sounds like it can be used very opportunistically, how absolute is his control?

[WilsonTurner]

Guilty Spark said
*cough*Korea veteran*cough*

How so? I don't know anything about Korean vets, just a bit about Afghan and Iraqi vets.

[Guilty Spark]

WilsonTurner said
How so? I don't know anything about Korean vets, just a bit about Afghan and Iraqi vets.

Just kidding, to be a Korean war vet I'd need to be in my 60s.

[WilsonTurner]

Tyrell, if you want, you can just semi-control my character to go travel around the fire or something.

Should Tyrell/Myth meet up with Hunt-Goddess/Marcus/Sparkly Drama? Or whoever.

[AlidaMaria]

WilsonTurner said
Tyrell, if you want, you can just semi-control my character to go travel around the fire or something.Should Tyrell/Myth meet up with Hunt-Goddess/Marcus/Sparkly Drama? Or whoever.

Eehm Wilson... In case you missed it, Artemis is either burned to crisps or he just disappeared :/

[Maki Casanova]

Name: Kaiden Belzer

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Relic Description:
A slightly tarnished pair of brass earrings adorn both his ears, and gives Kaiden the ability to manipulate sound. He found it when he was rummaging through his mother’s jewelry box, and found it pretty enough on his person to wear. It bolsters his echolocation ability greatly, enough so that he could aim at a target and take in his surroundings as if he had vision. He also noticed that he can make things sound louder or quieter at will. Its other capabilities are not known yet, as he has not been able to utilize its full potential due to his ignorance of Relics and its powers.

Skills: Kaiden has a rather magnetic pull on his soft words and gentle voice. He is quite the charmer, for both men and women alike, and his approachable demeanor adds to this quality. None of his previous partners, however, can rule out his skills in bed, and all of them like to recommend a more “hands-on” experience rather than just a show and tell. ;) His impeccable hearing also makes for great auditory learning and memory, so he can often recall things said to him at the snap of a finger or two. He has mastered echo location for his nearby surroundings, and oftentimes has no trouble whatsoever getting around places as long as he possesses a producer of sound, or a walking stick. He also has very little problems being sneaky, silent, and discreet.

Background: Kaiden is the son of a pair of humble bell makers who ran a semi-prosperous shop in the small, uncharted village of Yorstrum, near the hills of Ovesh. He led a relatively normal life with both his parents and mischievous older brother, helping out his parents with their work for a couple hours, and dashing off to play in the nearby woods excitedly once the late afternoon comes around. Kaiden was the youngest amongst his group of village folk friends, and as a result, he was often picked to be the “it” of the game, or chosen last in the war games that they held. They also teased him quite a bit about his shortness of stature, which he did not appreciate in the slightest.

One afternoon, while he was the seeker for probably the fiftieth time, a band of slave raiders, a group that typically came to isolated, unguarded villages to kidnap vulnerable people into enslavement, were camped near a pond. As he wandered about the trees, looking for his friends, one of the men from the raiders spotted him, and, fearing that the kid would report their location to any potential bounty hunters or authorities, he captured Kaiden and hauled him onto a slaver caravan. The boy gave them significant trouble by kicking, biting, scratching, and making a general nuisance of their jobs. They eventually indoctrinated him into docility by gouging out his eyes; he was only eleven years of age during this time.

His stay with the raiders was utter torture for the lad, as the men kicked, spat, and degraded him verbally all through out; his clothes were torn all over from the raiders grabbing and tossing him around. They didn’t even bother trying to steal his earrings, as they looked like junk to his captors; in fact, that added fuel to their fire of insults, calling him a sissy boy, blazing faggot, and the like. There were other victims too, but they were in the vehicle for longer, probably weeks, or months, and smelled horribly of piss and for some, dried blood. The men were not generous enough to offer them ample food and water, and so he grew very thin and became malnourished over the course of three months; he thought that he would rather die than continue bearing this anguish.

One monumental day, out of complete nowhere, he heard yelling and several screams of agony and fear from the outside of the caravan walls. With his hands and feet bound and his eyes violently stolen from him, his panic shot through the roof, but nothing particularly gruesome happened within his immediate vicinity. Once the fighting seemed to come to a rest, the caravan door swung open hard, and he heard heavy footsteps enter. Kaiden didn’t remember much of the details of what was said and done; he only remembered the soft cries of death from his fellow victims around and the terrifying sound of sliced flesh echoed around him. He squeaked a desperate plead for life, but it ended up being incomprehensible, so he braced himself for the darkness of the afterlife. Suddenly, he heard a gentle, yet authoritative, woman’s voice say, “They’ve got a kid in here guys.. Shit, they took his eyes out too.” He heard more shuffling feet into the cabin: based off of the voices that murmured inaudibly in front of him, he gauged two men had just entered and were probably discussing his fate. The trio basically discussed, rather heatedly, what to do with this poor, miserable sot of a boy: he was blind, weak, almost on the brink of starvation and dehydration, and tipping on the weariness to live. But for whatever reason, whether the fates decided to save him or the three found such compassion deep into their hearts, they took him into their company, and raised him.

It turns out that the two men and the woman were the fearsome leaders of the new, uprising Leviathan bandit clan. As soon as the boy was rid of his hunger, thirst, and mental instability, they put their heads together to figure out what to do with him. They realized his exotically astounding echolocation skills helped him immensely with his accuracy and his feel for the flow of combat; his lack of vision forced him to be more intuitively sound with his movements. They set him up for intense, rigorous training with bows and throwing weapons, to become one of the most fine-tuned marksmen that they have ever seen. He became instrumental in their raids and in their somewhat mercenary undertakings, taking out priority targets out swiftly and efficiently.

Appearance: (I am borrowing Hideo Muraoka’s face, hair and body for this character. <3 However, Kaiden will have a long, red headband wrapped around his eyes and tied behind his head. He also wears a gray, short-sleeved tunic, padded with brown leather armor that covers his shoulders, back and chest. He also wears leather bracers with protruding fur at both ends on his arms, and an olive green gloves as protection for his hands. A dark, earth colored satchel decorates his hips, and acts as a belt for his black, leather trousers while holding twelve of his throwing knives. There are also leather shin guards for his legs, complete with worn and torn leather boots. His mahogany quiver wraps around his shoulders, with his oak wood arrows and long bow sheathed right behind him as well. He stands at around 6’0”, and has a lean, yet muscular build. Credits to Wong Sim for the pictures.)

My Spoiler

Motivation: Despite the fact Kaiden has been part of the bandit clan for half of his life, he does not really feel like he belongs to this particular group of people. Killing, robbing, and pillaging were just things he was good at, not necessarily what he liked. He wants to find his own passions, but he doesn’t know where to start, where to take the first step. He keeps travelling with the bandit clan for protection and basic necessities, and is on the lookout for a way to break off and begin his own personal journey.


Theme Song: http://youtu.be/J_5OQ1NEmlk?list=PL9beQJG-aPJ25kF94h3-wIJWfywf3XrYa[/url

[PHEW, THAT TOOK A WHILE. Please, please, let me know if you guys have any criticisms, just try to be a little gentle with your words so that I'll be more receptive instead of defensive. :) ]

[BingTheWing]

Guilty Spark said
Uhh, no. Not unless it's the power of the relic, to shapeshift itself.

DAMN.

When Bor wakes up, I wanted his relic to turn into a magic handaxe or something.

D:

[Ink-berry]

Guilty Spark said
It sounds like it can be used very opportunistically, how absolute is his control?

It won't be too much control, just with areas that have a high concentration of dust, and only if the parts are small enough. Like, fine / possibly dust that's almost powder-y. (He won't be able to control small pieces of rock, though.) I'm guessing his powers work best indoors, where dust gathers more easily. If the dust's made of the right material, then he could probably stir up a miniature sand / dust storm, mostly as a defense. For offense, I guess he could... make the dust get into his opponents' eyes...? I guess he'd be able to absorb some of it, as well, although that wouldn't be great for his health and probably make him all coughy for a while.

WilsonTurner said
Dust is simply very small particles of something larger. Dust may just be really fine sand, and sand is just really fine gravel, and gravel is just ground up, broken up pieces of rock and boulder, and rock and boulders are the bedrock and the mountains. To control dust, I would think you'd have to control rock itself, and the minerals that are often in it.My opinion, of course

Okay, thanks for the input! :3 I think having him control smaller bits of sand / rock would make a little more sense, then?

[WilsonTurner]

AlidaMaria said
Eehm Wilson... In case you missed it, Artemis is either burned to crisps or he just disappeared :/

but he still DER
just not healthy

[Ellri]

Maki, these are the impressions we got on reading your character. We'll try to not make them seem to harsh but it may not seem that way all the time. Know that we don't mean anything bad about you, no matter what we say below. Our intent is to be constructive in the criticism.

Image: Even if it takes time, there are more than enough images out there that can fit a setting like this so you won't have to use a photo of someone in completely different clothes. We understand you like the person shown in the image, but there's so many wonderful characters out there. We'd recommend browsing DeviantArt or sites like that to find the gems hidden among the junk. Going from the description of the clothes, you can probably find something roughly similar to that.
Relic: Power makes sense, but the fact that there's two parts kinda contradicts with all the other relics so far. Also, earrings on a male character feels kinda wrong to us. It doesn't really fit with the sort of setting we're in. thats what it feels like to us.
Also, considering the fact that moving a relic far from its evoker is lethal to the evoker, having earrings, who are rather exposed, is rather risky.
Lore: You've not really used much lore established by others yet. You make mentions of the hills of Ovesh, who are far, far west of where everyone else is. Not bad in itself this, but we'd suggest working on making it mesh well with others' lore.

Blindness: Quite inspired flaw, but the reason for it doesn't make sense. Slavers would have no trouble handling an 11-year old boy, no matter how wild he is. Gouging out the eyes would make his value as a slave drop dramatically. If someone is too wild to control normally, blindfolding and hogtying is a reasonable attempt to control. Pain is also a teacher slavers are fond of. If nothing else, they would probably have cages they can use. A few days in a cage, and even the wildest prisoner will be more docile, even if it is just because of burgeoning starvation.
Treatment by the slavers: In an era like this, especially to slavers, "pretty boys" and such are just another commodity. Still, being called such is still nothing compared to being a slave. Also, slavers would remove any property he has, especially ornaments. Even if ornaments are cheap junk, they can still be sold. a skilled swindler, could probably get much more than what they're worth for them. Besides, slavers generally won't know how to judge the value of ornaments, its the value of living flesh they can judge easily. Any reminders of home, of hope, are natural to tear away.
One more thing: only stupid slavers starve or abuse their merchandise. A malnourished, starving slave fetches a much poorer price than a healthy slave. Same goes for injured vs. healthy slave. Plain logic.
The rescue: Bandits, unless they're really strange, wouldn't take compassion on someone almost guaranteed to die, someone who would not be of much use to them. Unless the pickings in their territory are extremely good, they wouldn't normally afford to have an extra drain on their resources.
Also, why would they raid a slaver caravan? Such a caravan, when it has merchandise, probably doesn't have much worth stealing (other than the slaves). We would recommend making up a plausible reason here.
How did they discover his "astounding echolocation skills"? Training someone who is blind in archery doesn't really make sense. Archery is a skill that works best at greater distances, where sound no longer provides much aid through echolocation. Throwing knives, on the other hand, that can make more sense.
Is he reliant on the sounds made by others, or does he have some sort of ability to produce "pings" of his own?
belonging to the clan: Why would he not feel like he belongs? Ten years in the same place, especially the ten years from eleven to twenty-one, are important to shaping who someone is. He might have some memories from before his capture, but after ten years they won't be what he focuses on any longer.

There are also some minor lingual oddities in there, but we don't see any reason to point out such unless requested. If we'd held everyone else to the standards of language we hold ourselves to, we would end up with far too few people to RP with. Content matters more than wrapping, so long as basic grammar is there.

We see considerable potential for making this character much better, but right now we can't really see this as a good character. Fix at least a few of those things mentioned above, and you'll be well on your way to a good character that should fit perfectly into this RP. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

[BingTheWing]

Ellri said belonging to the clan: Why would he not feel like he belongs? Ten years in the same place, especially the ten years from eleven to twenty-one, are important to shaping who someone is. He might have some memories from before his capture, but after ten years they won't be what he focuses on any longer.

I saw this, and immediately thought of Bor.

Any cause for alarm?

[Sundered Echo]

BingTheWing said
I saw this, and immediately thought of Bor.

Any cause for alarm?

Doubtful. Even if you see similarities, if Ellri thought there was something wrong with Bor and his backstory, he most certainly would've let you know by now. Ellri does not hold back when it comes to criticism. A great many factors go into who a person (and in this case a character) is. Something inconsistent for one character may make total sense for another, solely because of other factors. Its a complicated art.

[Guilty Spark]

@Maki, Ellri did a good job of pointing out all of the faults in the character which I noticed when reading and you can treat their advice as mine when editing. Although I do not mind earring on a male character, that's just personal taste.