[OOC] Star Wars: Birth of a New Galaxy

[True Self]

*Moved to Iwaku*

[AngelNoire]

Hey. I'm game. But I wanna be a Mando.

[Shard]

Yay, OOC!

AngelNoire, I believe that there is one other person that was going to join. And I don't know how a Mandolorian would fit into the setting, and they aren't really at the same power level as a padawn.

[True Self]

Yes :) And Angel, you'll be second on the waiting list if you still intend to join. If the thread loses people then I will be sure to contact you ~

[Charlie]

Could I play a smuggler, like Han Solo?

[True Self]

You could play a character similar to that I suppose (since Neomisia isn't that well known, because her and Nessus are the first born planets of the new galaxy), but we really are in need of a fourth Padawan. I'm open to letting you play as two characters.

[Charlie]

I'm cool with being padawan #4, I'm not to good at playing multiple characters.

[True Self]

Great, try to get your CS in as soon as possible. I'll be posting the intro sometime today.

[Charlie]

Name: Axle Niebo

Sex: Male

Species: Human

Height: 5’10"

Appearance:
http://omupied.deviantart.com/art/Natas-274700062
Personality:

Axle is introverted, he may look cold on the outside but he loves everyone and is very protective of his friends. Due to his working with machinery he thinks systematically, trying to keep all plans open, though for him its difficult not to think in absolutes. He has felt the twinge of the dark side in certain actions he had done.

Abilities:
Force pull and push- The basic force powers.
Pilot experience- He can fly most ships.
Force Grip- Choking enemies from a distance, although he doesn't use it for he may be shamed by his peers
Axle's Light saber skills are lacking compared to the other padawans, with his orange light saber he fights with little grace and uses the force more then his saber.
Background: Axle was born on a freighter of refugees escaping a civil war, his father died from disease when Axle was 6. During his schooling he had gotten bullied, teased about his fathers death. One time this large kid was picking on him fiercely, but soon the verbal abuse stopped, the large kid started beating on him. The beatings came daily. One day he had found a small alien it was docile and hungry just like Axle. Then the beating of the day was beginning but as soon as the large kid hit him the small alien, Kipp, defended Axle. The large kid didn't like that, the large kid was started to beat Kipp. A rage built inside Axle, he raised his hand then the large kid started to choke, gasping for air but as much as Axle wanted to kill him, he couldn't. Once the bully was released he ran. Kipp died that night. Axle was never bullied again. The ship slowly turned from there hope to a ball of scrap, not from only destruction but every one on board became scavengers, Axle included he like wearing the oxygen mask, being flying though space, and what he loved most was getting robot parts and putting them together. None of his robots had a smart enough AI to do anything helpful. Not to long after their turning in to a ball of scrap there were riots, Axle found them enjoyable although his mother wasn't too fond she usually locked herself in a safe room with all their valuables, Axle took advantage of it by stealing credit and robot parts that he needed for his projects. and during one of the worst riots Axles' mom was able to send him to the nearest planet, Neomisha. He was taken in by the Jedi soon after he touched down. He had just recently built his light saber.

(What am I missing?)

[True Self]

You're off to a good start with your CS Charlie, but it needs a little more content before it is acceptable.

Add two or three more good sentences to his personality and another 4-5 sentence paragraph for his backstory, and I'll take another look. Just think of what makes him tick, what his motives are, his habits, etc. Go more in depth about how his home life, the death of his father, and the riot's affected him and molded him into the character that he is now. Take your time, I didn't mean for you to feel rushed if that was the case. Be aware of grammar as well.

Also, the picture link is not working correctly.

[Charlie]

Improvement! :D

[True Self]

That is improvement. Be sure to add a sentence or two more to the personality and change your picture to a character of similar style to the rest of the characters like I asked of everyone in the interest check.

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lyrev-212401058 - There's an example of the style we're following (not a real photo, but realistic and not anime-ish) There are hundreds of similar styles to that of the concept art I linked. Be sure and link the artwork that you use from deviantart if you do use one from there. You can choose whichever you want as long as it isn't the same as any of the characters already chosen. I'm sure there is a guy that resembles that of the one you were going for. Remember though, that all the characters are all around 18-early 20's too :P

~~~

Alright everyone,
The intro is posted. It isn't overly amazing, because I had a lot of distractions and a bad case of writer's block tonight. I'll also be thinking of the title of the first chapter which I will edit in whenever I can :)

Here's the Jedi Code of conduct by the way:
(You'll need it to answer the question in the intro)

"Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy.
Jedi use their powers to defend and to protect.
Jedi respect all life, in any form.
Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy.
Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training."
- I used http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jedi_Code as the source.

Let's start this thing!