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[OOC] A Tale of Fantasy: Delight and Misery Page 6

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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dioxide
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Dioxide Foreign-Local in Hong Kong

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Still open for connections! :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dioxide
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Dioxide Foreign-Local in Hong Kong

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So uh...?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by SillyGoy
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SillyGoy Goius Sillius

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Yeah.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
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FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

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Sorry, us gms have been busy with school and the flu, we'll get you your feedback TONIGHT.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
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FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

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Well, whenever Genkai posts it~<3
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
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FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

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OKAY WE'RE ALMOST THERE EVERYONE STILL HERE?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Genkai
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Genkai ~ Endlessly Writing ~

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Yes! I'm writing the feedback! It's in another tab, I swear but a good roll call can't hurt too!
Hidden 10 yrs ago → 10 yrs ago Post by Astarael42
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Astarael42

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late in coming, I know. Here is my character and anyone feels like establishing connections with her please just shoot me a PM and we can work something out. Also still working on formatting with the new site...hopefully I'll correct everything before anyone reads this. :-) **Name:** Cara. No surname. ![] (http://i.imgur.com/HDJAbI5l.jpg) **^^Cara @20 years old ^^** **Appearance** Cara is a slim, slightly underfed looking woman. Her skin is pale and dotted with freckles and her cinnamon red hair is long and usually held back in a braid. She dresses very plainly, partly by choice and partly because her clothes are provided by the merchant caravan she lives and works with and they are frugal. She wears undyed rough cotton peasant garb and during the winter a dull brown wool hooded cloak. While her clothing is very basic it is surprisingly sturdy; a good thing since she owns exactly two dresses, one pair of walking boots, one belt, and a cloak. All of which are in uninspiring shades of cream and brown. The most interesting part about her appearance is her gray eyes which spark with intelligence. Of course most people never notice that, or her. She is just one more person in a mass, unremarkable in every way. **Age:** 37 (she doesn't know exactly as she is an orphan) **Origin:** Uellia (no home city/town). She is part of a nomadic merchant caravan. **Class:** merchant **Skills:** Nullified: Cara has no ability to use or understand magic at all. Not only can she not use it, it has no affect on her. Neither harmful or beneficial spells affect her in any way. If there is something that cannot be seen except through magic she will never see it; conversely if magic is hiding something from others it will not be hidden from her. For Example: a fireball spell will not affect her however the fire that it starts is a normal non-magical file and will burn her just like anyone else. A magical poison will not affect her however a dose of mistletoe will kill her as normal...with the added disadvantage that she cannot be healed magically so she must find a non-magical antidote. In a world where magic is literally in the ground people walk on she always feels insecure, despite her intelligence, because she cannot understand what others do. Cartography: Cara has traveled extensively around Uellia, in fact he has no home save with her merchant caravan which is nearly always on the move, and has mapped every inch of where she has traveled. Her maps are extremely detailed, well drawn, perfectly scaled, and of the highest quality. It is one of the few reasons her presence is tolerated in the caravan. They fetch a very high price and even with her “cut” the profits for the caravan are still extremely high. Eidetic Memory: She has a phenomenal memory for places, able to remember down to the very last detail. She can recite back to you exactly what she saw in a certain place, down to the bugs on the ground if she noticed them, as well as size, shape, dimensions, etc. It's what makes her such a skilled cartographer. The odd part is she has trained her eyes to notice surroundings, places not people, what she reads, what she hears, etc. She could, if given the proper motivation and time, force herself to be more observant but as a cartographer at heart she focuses only on the things that go into her mapping. She could tell you how wide the road was, but not if the people she passed on her journey were male or female. Unnoticeable: It is partly her eye for her surroundings and her skills at observation and partly her paranoia that make her so good at this. She is terrified of getting hurt, injured, etc. She cannot be healed by magical means and therefore every injury is a serious thing. When her caravan is attacked, as it is from time to time, she hides. She is very careful, and often able to hide in places no one would ever notice her in. She walks in a manner that makes people not notice her. She never draws attention to herself and has actually become spectacularly good at being completely ordinary to the point of being ignored. Herbalisim/Healer: While unable to tap any magic she has taught herself a variety of non-magical techniques for healing. Mostly herbal remedies, she can also stitch a basic wound and set a broken bone. All this is done non-magically and it took her years to learn what she knows. She still doesn't have any knowledge beyond some basic common ailments but she works to study new methods. The problem is that lacking magical skill, or understanding, finding anyone to teach her is hard. She has had to teach herself from books and when she can observe healers without drawing attention to herself. Naturally she only treats herself, no one would ever ask her to treat them...not when better options are available. Much of what she learned she has never had a chance to practice so she doesn't even know if it works, just stores the knowledge up as a squirrel stores nuts. **Sample:** “Cara!! Get over here now!” The voice carried across the still camp like the sound of a thunderclap. Cara knew immediately to whom it belonged. Drekthenor. He was her former merchant master, now the head of the caravan, and she still had to cow-tow to his yells. The sun wasn't even up yet, it was still that eerie gray pink predawn light, and already he was yelling at her. “It's gonna be a fun day” she muttered under her breath, her tone dripping sarcasm. Fortunately no one really heard or, or paid attention to her. Hooking her skirts through the skirt-hikes on her belt she jogged across the camp. What could he possibly want this early in the morning, she hadn't even finished milking the three goats that were her responsibility. When she reached him she knew immediately what he wanted. A high-quality folding desk was set up, parchment and all her map making tools laid out, and Drekthenor waiting impatiently nearby. Still, this early in the morning, who the hell would want maps drawn this early in the morning? “Sir?” she asked politely as she looked around for a sign of anyone who wasn't part of the caravan. She was wildly curious about the buyer who could throw off the caravan routine. “I need six maps drawn, as quickly as possible” barked the leader of the merchant caravan to his best cartographer. Indeed she was one of the best cartographers in the land; he was lucky to have her skills available and sometimes he even remembered that. Cara goggled at the man. Six maps at once was unheard of. It would take the full day, if she was very very lucky. She actually figured it would take 2-3 days. The buyer must be very wealthy, or very powerful, to hold up the caravan for that long. Time was money when you were a traveling merchant, and they would be loosing a lot of money while they waited for her to work. “Yes sir” she said when she could hide her startled expression properly. “What maps do you wish?” “The list is on your desk” Drektehnor said, his tone calming down. “Get to work.” With that he strode off into the camp to inform everyone they would not be moving this day. Cara watched him walk away then turned her eyes to the list. With a curt nod at the paper she hitched up her sleeves, tucked her long braid down the back of her dress, and set to work. Map-making was her passion, and it was way better than milking goats. It took only moments to call up the memories required. She was under-confident in other areas but this was her arena, her strength, and she was damned good at it. She moved to the blank parchment with perfect certainty, her hand holding the charcoal easily, supremely confident in her skills.
Hidden 10 yrs ago → 10 yrs ago Post by The_written_John
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The_written_John Professor Screwball

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So am i accepted genkai? I dont wanna post my character in the chars tab unless i know for sure XD, dont wanna clog up space XD
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Genkai
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Genkai ~ Endlessly Writing ~

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Okay so we've all gathered and had generally the same concerns. I will be giving feedback in this post. If I overlooked you, let me know. If you edit something, let us know and tell us WHAT you edited so we're not trying to figure it out. Pouring over sheets gets a bit tiring you know. Only when I've given you a fat APPROVED, may you post in the CS and then talk with the others to make your two connections. I think rather than have the GMs give you one, the RPers will feel free to pick two on their own. So have at it once you're approved. (after all, why make a connection with someone who is dropping out or has to make edits???) Also guys, present tense is really annoying to read. And some have used first person which is fine in a sample. But please post in third person, past tense for all IC posts! Also proofread, some people are missing a letter here or there. Just things to tidy a post up. Also also also-some of you need appearance, just find something please, even just a head shot~ **_FEEDBACK:_** Hebigami Shiho: Your character will be useful for helping with work on the sidelines and during downtime. Obviously she is not a fighter but we would like to know is why you added her inability to fight (with the sword, bow). Is it needed? Could you just say she isn't combat oriented and therefore does not fight if possible? But then you also mention she is "quite skilled" with fire and water but in reality she isn't. She just knows basics to aid with cooking and making potions correct? Also her stutter (for me, a character stuttering shows weakness or a bit of stupidity that she can't think/converse) or shyness can be a weakness, which is fine to have but if she's stuttering every word, I have to question her resolve to be with a group, tromping around the world. If she's really as popular as she claims, then wouldn't she have gained some confidence with being social? Just some thoughts. SillyGoy: We believe him lacking any "drawbacks" or weakness to his massive list of attacks is an issue. We'd like you to scale back his skill set some. We feel like the giant boulder needs to go, and at least one other move because they are pretty advanced and although there is reason behind it, we'd still liked some moderation. And as far as teaching goes, that is alright...but I would then wager it is basic and not in a real classroom setting since he is very young. I mean a 24 year old even in an academic situation will probably only have 3-4 enchantments that they know well, be them something basic and something more advanced or tricky. So if you could up the age some, that would be lovely but the skills is what need tweaking the most. The_written_John: We're in agreement that the attack that can give someone sudden death/a heart attack, is not something we're comfortable with. Also the history of him is quite...colorful and it should have a purpose because that would take a mental tax on someone, drive them mad almost. It may also be helpful if you gave us some sort of Code or Creed he as a monk lives by. And you should also be aware that the world isn't that bloody or eccentric. I mean generally everyone gets along...no crazy massacres or war torn landscapes. So if you can adjust his magical skills, jot down what he has learned/gained as a monk and how it guides him now, as well as make a note to be careful with his history and stability, that would be good. Dioxide: We're going to want to see a bit more in regards to his physical skills (if any) he has, or general fitness perhaps. We should note though, a rune wouldn't give poisonous toxins so he would need to carry some in a vial on his person, should he wish to say, coat a weapon in poison. And I think just having one or two weapons (and to me, katar is pretty much a dagger that's just more specified) rather than three since he is young and should focus on one thing rather than two or three, as far as skills and weaponry go. Dead Cruiser: We are a bit wary that he knows pretty much everything in some regard. We understand his age and his travels can add up the skills he has under his belt but we would still like to ensure he isn't on the border of a perfect character or one without flaws. His age is a flaw of course but since it grants him so much skill in everything you listed, it's more of a pro than a con, at least in the way it was presented since it just listed off everything he could do and nothing he struggled with. Or just doesn't like to do. Just because you have time on your hands doesn't mean you'll master fishing, it's not for everyone (an example). And then you go on to add all the spells and herbal things he knows to stay fit and healthy, again we would want exact details. And perhaps what sort of rules he abides by as a knight or former one.
Hidden 10 yrs ago → 10 yrs ago Post by The_written_John
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The_written_John Professor Screwball

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Jesus, alright guess il get to editing some time or another...! Edit: Also, hey, someone needed to have a very distubing backstory! And that stuffs great for character development! Il probably edit that stuff in when i wake up in the morning, as for codes and creeds, i dont think antricanto follows a SPECIFIC monk code anymore.. Concidering y'know, dat dark backstory and such but, il try to add in things i think your asking me to add. I dunno, we'll see i guess! Double edit: Also, incase you forgot, im dyslexic! So spelling and grammar is not my forte, and proofreading is kinda pointless to me because as you know, what I write is how I think things should be written, so you're completely able to proofread for me if you want! Or give me some guidence :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dioxide
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Dioxide Foreign-Local in Hong Kong

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Duly noted. I am skipping class today (optional attendance is the best), making edits for this. You had me worried there with the long pause hahah
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Hebigami Shiho
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Hebigami Shiho Shinoa Squad Leader

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> **_Le FEEDBACK_** Well, Violet is only shy around people at first, but she soon gets comfortable around someone, so she just stutters when first meeting someone. If that is a problem, I can still change it though, and she is popular given that she lives in a little town where her family's restaurant is quite famous, so she is mostly popular cause of her family, not cause of herself. ;P Can change it too, if it is a problem. Will edit the other things accordingly, thanks for the feedback! :D
Hidden 10 yrs ago → 9 yrs ago Post by The_written_John
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The_written_John Professor Screwball

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-edit-
Hidden 10 yrs ago → 10 yrs ago Post by SillyGoy
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SillyGoy Goius Sillius

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>Balance him up, you silly goy. Right on it, boss. [Malcador](http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/74595/posts/char#post-2315890)'s been nerfed accordingly, and has only three combat enchantments he knows well, namely: the one where he releases a wave of fire, the one where he throws a fireball, and the one with the rocky spikes. I've also upped his age by two years. I will also nerf him further by maintaining his virginity, boss.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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> Dead Cruiser: We are a bit wary that he knows pretty much everything in some regard. We understand his age and his travels can add up the skills he has under his belt but we would still like to ensure he isn't on the border of a perfect character or one without flaws. His age is a flaw of course but since it grants him so much skill in everything you listed, it's more of a pro than a con, at least in the way it was presented since it just listed off everything he could do and nothing he struggled with. Or just doesn't like to do. Just because you have time on your hands doesn't mean you'll master fishing, it's not for everyone (an example). And then you go on to add all the spells and herbal things he knows to stay fit and healthy, again we would want exact details. And perhaps what sort of rules he abides by as a knight or former one. I wouldn't say he "knows everything," he just has a good number of survival skills. He was a soldier for a fairly long time, and has been living on his own for longer than that. These are just skills that he makes use of in his day-to-day life. He's not exceptional at any of these skills, he's just proficient at them. To use your example, he's not a master angler, but he can reliably catch a fish for his dinner. The reason I didn't list any flaws was because, well, that part of the CS said "Skills" not "Strengths and Weaknesses." But indeed, because of his age, he's not as strong as he used to be, and his endurance and reflexes are greatly diminished. His hearing and eyesight are weaker, and his memory is starting to fade. The many people and places he has met and experienced around the world are increasingly irrelevant, as he has outlived many of them. You'll have to let me know what specifically you want to know about his spells. As for his knightly code, he's part of a sort of warrior faith, so they're really more tenets of his religion. A few are as follows. - Worship only one god, no idols or demi-gods. - Treat all equally, regardless of race, class or gender. - Always have thoughts of meditation and prayer. - Make an honest living. - Share earnings and serve others selflessly. - Meditate to free oneself from worldly sins and desires. - Keep to honorable behaviors. - Wear the sacred undergarment, to symbolize modesty and chastity, but to also be always ready for battle. - Keep the sacred comb, to symbolize cleanliness from sin, and to practice hygiene. - Wear the sacred iron bracelet, to symbolize bonds to God, and to protect oneself in a crisis. - Do not cut the hair of one's head, face or body, as to not forsake what one has been given by God. - Keep armed at all times, so that one may defend the weak or innocent. - Do not use tobacco or other intoxicants. - Do not eat sacrificial meat. - Do not commit adultery. - Pray upon waking, before each meal, and before sleeping. - Live communally, cook and worship with others.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
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FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

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So your knight is a Nazarite?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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> So your knight is a Nazarite? [Not quite.](http://www.limitstogrowth.org/WEB-Graphics/SikhMegaTurban.jpg)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
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FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

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Haha
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Genkai
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Genkai ~ Endlessly Writing ~

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Looks better SG, You're accepted and then you'd have to post your CS but hey you already did. ^^; Feel free to mingle with anyone else who posted there to make connections while the others make their edits accordingly. Mine will be finished soon, I have a 1x1 post to finish and then I'll slip back here.
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