[OOC] The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

[MacabreFox]

<Snipped quote by MacabreFox>

Nothing glaring in this sheet, I actually quite like it. My one nitpicky pedantic thing is that I thought that given name was in the Dragon Language or something. But then I found out it was just Swedish with apostrophes shoved into it. Varg is wolf in Swedish, just so you know, btw. Anywho, it's okay to take those apostrophes away. You have my half of the approval, now we must wait for Gcold to rise again from his deep slumber come the distant morn.

@Leidenschaft

I dropped the first apostrophe in Varg, but I prefer the last one in t'uk, supposed to be a heavier drawl on the <u>, but I believe I did know that it meant wolf, I'm familiar with a lot of words like that, either way, it's still good to know what it means (: so maybe her name means Wolf-tooth?

[HHShetland]

<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

I dropped the first apostrophe in Varg, but I prefer the last one in t'uk, supposed to be a heavier drawl on the <u>, but I believe I did know that it meant wolf, I'm familiar with a lot of words like that, either way, it's still good to know what it means (: so maybe her name means Wolf-tooth?

@MacabreFox

Is it supposed to be pronounced 'turk'? If it is, maybe it should be spelt 'tök'. Assuming that's what you mean by a 'heavier drawl'.

[MacabreFox]

<Snipped quote by MacabreFox>

Is it supposed to be pronounced 'turk'? If it is, maybe it should be spelt 'tök'. Assuming that's what you mean by a 'heavier drawl'.

@HHShetland

Not quite, more like "took" or "tuuk", if that makes any sense?

[Leidenschaft]

<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

I dropped the first apostrophe in Varg, but I prefer the last one in t'uk, supposed to be a heavier drawl on the <u>, but I believe I did know that it meant wolf, I'm familiar with a lot of words like that, either way, it's still good to know what it means (: so maybe her name means Wolf-tooth?

@MacabreFox

I don't have a problem with that. You just have to say how she earned it, as she doesn't hail from one of the distinguished Clans like Grey-Mane or Cruel-Sea. Maybe she earned it somehow, but remember Nordic names are meaningful but simple, they don't insist upon themselves...mostly...it's common to see names like Thrice-Pierced, Once-Honored, Stonefist, names like that. They tell of the deeds and reputation, or any great wounds, even or just something about the person without being lel edgy like Beorn the Destroyer.

Even the most badass Vikings and Norsemen through history had underwhelmingly literal names like Snake-in-the-Eye(because of a curious abnormality in his eye), Boneless(because he was unable to walk) and perhaps the most famous, Lothbrok. Sounds cool in Norse, but it just means hairy-breeches because he wore pants made from fur.

[MacabreFox]

<Snipped quote by MacabreFox>

I don't have a problem with that. You just have to say how she earned it, as she doesn't hail from one of the distinguished Clans like Grey-Mane or Cruel-Sea. Maybe she earned it somehow, but remember Nordic names are meaningful but simple, they don't insist upon themselves...mostly...it's common to see names like Thrice-Pierced, Once-Honored, Stonefist, names like that. They tell of the deeds and reputation, or any great wounds, even or just something about the person without being lel edgy like Beorn the Destroyer.

Even the most badass Vikings and Norsemen through history had underwhelmingly literal names like Snake-in-the-Eye(because of a curious abnormality in his eye), Boneless(because he was unable to walk) and perhaps the most famous, Lothbrok. Sounds cool in Norse, but it just means hairy-breeches because he wore pants made from fur.

@Leidenschaft

Ah, well I figured that her family, being as reclusive as they are, tucked away in Falkreath, would have a strange, uncommon name. But I think I can come up with a crafty explanation.

[Oak7ree]

@gcold, @Leidenschaft Finally, I think my character is ready. I have expanded his biography to include a reason for his name and updated his skills list and equipment. I have slightly altered the wording in the Skills section to make it more sensible.

Felix aep Caileach/Trentius

Basic Information
Name: Felix aep Caileach (real surname Trentius)
Race: Imperial
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Birthsign: The Steed
Place of origin: Leyawiin, Cyrodiil

Appearance:

Felix aep Caileach is about six feet two, or about 185 centimeters tall. He is a handsome young man with slightly slender features, and after few weeks of martial life he has gained some athleticism. He's not very muscled or big-figured, but he's fast and agile. He has brown short hair and green eyes. His face has a long scar running from right temple to the jaw.

Background:

Felix was born to the Trentius family, who are prominent merchants and cultivators of arts and sciences. Felix was given the best education the family could afford from a very young age. In his teens Felix became an avid student of history and a novice bard, who had a reputation of visiting young and beautiful women at night time for "extracurricular activity". Due to this he has some skill with stealth. He also trained cartwheels and other acrobatic tricks in his childhood.

During his late teens during the Skyrim's Civil War, Felix took a part in a small protest against a hated tax that was thought to be unnecessary. An imperial patrol tried to control the crowd, but soon the protest flared up and casualties were suffered on both sides. He took a wound from a shortsword to his face and almost died, but he was saved by a Breton healer named Caileach that also took part in the skirmish. Caileach had personal reasons not to like the Empire, but he didn't share those with Felix. The Breton helped Felix to recover and escape.

Felix fled from Leyawiin to Skyrim, assuming a new surname, aep Caileach to create a new identity. Felix escaped for the fear of imperial authorities and started to earn a living as a bard, even enrolling to the Bards' College for a term. After finishing his term, Felix traveled across Skyrim singing songs and telling tales of Dragonborn's deeds, but as the Dragonborn's tyranny continued and he became more disliked, Felix dropped those from his repertoire. In many taverns he is considered a talented lute player and a singer, but horrible at poetry and playing with dice.

One night, Felix played his lute in the Bannered Mare tavern in Whiterun. After a successful concert and an encore, many customers and locals bought him a few drinks and toasted for him several times. Soon, Felix was drunk. In the Bannered Mare was also a recruiter who looked for able young men and supplies for the Dragonborn's campaign against the Forsworn. Felix boasted to the recruiter that he could chronicle the campaign and fight at the same time, and so they struck a contract.

On the following morning Felix found himself with a hangover in a wagon bound for Markath. After arriving to Markath he bought his equipment with the money he had left. After that, they headed to the meeting point between Markath and Karthwasten. For the last two weeks, Felix has been trying to grasp the basics of soldiering and fighting with a weapon at hand.

Personality:

Born into wealth, Felix has hardly done any physical labour besides travelling in his life. He often wants to have some luxuries in his life or hopes of getting some in his immediate future, although mercenary life has humbled him as a person. Felix' experiences as a travelling bard have given him a taste for extravagance and good company.

One of the reasons why he hasn't deserted the mercenary company is because he wants to keep his word and to detail his adventures as a mercenary. Felix tries to keep his word as best as he can, but sometimes he speaks perhaps too eagerly, getting into trouble for his mouth. He acts sometimes without thinking everything through.

Felix enjoys good company, drinking and parties.

Felix wants to do the right thing and he is naive to an extend, although his world view has been expanded and evolved from the time he was in Leyawiin by his travels and experiences.

Capabilities

Skills:
Expert in Speech
Adept in Mercantile and Acrobatics
Apprentice in Sneak, One-handed blunt weapons and Light armour
Novice in Hand-to-hand, One-handed bladed weapons and Medium armour.

Weaknesses:
Nervous: Many soldiers have nerves of steel in the heat of battle, but Felix gets nervous easily.
Inexperienced: Felix lacks many of the basic skills a soldier needs, but is learning quickly by trial and error.
Even the Lady Luck has mood swings: Felix has the uncanny ability of jumping from the frying pan into the fire without a burn or scratch, and ending up either ambushed or falling to the arms of a beautiful woman. This doesn't mean Felix doesn't get injured ever, but he is prone of walking or talking himself into trouble.

Relations to other characters: Felix has lots of fair weather friends all around Skyrim, but not really anyone he call a true friend.

Affiliations: Neutral

Spells: None

Combat style: None at the moment, but Felix is trying to learn how to fight a battle-axe and shield.

Other capabilities: He is a charismatic person and a capable negotiator.

Inventory

Cash: 100 Septims
Keys and lockpicks: None
Clothing and armor: Boiled leather brigandine-like jerkin and a wool shirt beneath it, a thick wool cloak, two cotton trousers, four pairs of wool socks and leather boots. He bought the brigandine at Markath.
Weapons and ammunition: A steel battle-axe ornamented with runes, a steel dagger and a wooden round shield that has a silvery griffin painted on it. The shield seems to have been belonged to someone before him, as the shield is battered. He was given the weapons by the recruiter for a small price.
Potion and arcane supplies: None at the moment.
Jewelry and novelty items: A lute, a set of dice and an amulet of Talos
Books and documents: A manuscript titled The Devils of the Reach and a copy of his contract.
Food, drinks and provisions: Ingredients for porridge, some dark ale and bread with him.
Bags, pouches and packs: A large backpack made from cloth and strips of leather.
Other: Nothing comes to mind. I think I have finished my character building.

[Leidenschaft]

@gcold, @Leidenschaft Finally, I think my character is ready. I have expanded his biography to include a reason for his name and updated his skills list and equipment. I have slightly altered the wording in the Skills section to make it more sensible.

Felix aep Caileach/Trentius

Basic Information
Name: Felix aep Caileach (real surname Trentius)
Race: Imperial
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Birthsign: The Steed
Place of origin: Leyawiin, Cyrodiil

Appearance: Felix aep Caileach is about six feet two, or about 185 centimeters tall. He is a handsome young man with slightly slender features, and after few weeks of martial life he has gained some athleticism. He's not very muscled or big-figured, but he's fast and agile. He has brown short hair and green eyes. His face has a long scar running from right temple to the jaw.

Background: Felix was born to the Trentius family, who are prominent merchants and cultivators of arts and sciences. Felix was given the best education the family could afford from a very young age. In his teens Felix became an avid student of history and a novice bard, who had a reputation of visiting young and beautiful women at night time for "extracurricular activity". Due to this he has some skill with stealth.
During his late teens during the Skyrim's Civil War, Felix took a part in the protests against a hated tax for utensils. An imperial patrol tried to control the crowd, but soon the protest flared up and casualties were suffered on both sides. Felix fled from Leyawiin to Skyrim, assuming a new surname, aep Caileach to draw away suspicions. Felix escaped for the fear of imperial authorities and started to earn a living as a bard, even enrolling to the Bards' College for a term. After finishing his term, Felix traveled across Skyrim singing songs and telling tales of Dragonborn's deeds, but as the Dragonborn's tyranny continued and he became more disliked, Felix dropped those from his repertoire. In many taverns he is considered a talented lute player and a singer, but a horrible at poetry.
One night, Felix became so drunk that he enlisted to a mercenary company by an accident. For the last two weeks, Felix has been trying to grasp the basics of soldiering and fighting with a weapon at hand.

Personality: Born into wealth, Felix has hardly done any physical labour besides travelling in his life. He often wants to have some luxuries in his life or hopes of getting some in his immediate future, although mercenary life has humbled him as a person. Felix' experiences as a travelling bard have given him a taste for extravagance and good company. One of the reasons why he hasn't deserted the mercenary company is because he wants to keep his word and to detail his adventures as a mercenary.

Capabilities

Skills:
Expert in Speech
Adept in Mercantile and Acrobatics
Apprentice in Sneak, One-handed bladed weapons and Medium armour
Novice in Hand-to-hand, One-handed blunt weapons and Light armour.

Weaknesses:
Nervous: Many soldiers have nerves of steel in the heat of battle, but Felix gets nervous easily.
Inexperienced: Felix lacks many of the basic skills a soldier needs, but is learning quickly by trial and error.
Even the Lady Luck has mood swings: Felix has the uncanny ability of jumping from the frying pan into the fire without a burn or scratch, and ending up either ambushed or falling to the arms of a beautiful woman.

Relations to other characters: Felix has lots of fair weather friends all around Skyrim, but not really anyone he call a true friend.

Affiliations: Neutral

Spells: None

Combat style: None at the moment, but Felix is trying to learn how to fight a sword and shield.

Other capabilities: He is a charismatic person and a capable negotiator.

Inventory

Cash: 100 Septims
Keys and lockpicks: None
Clothing and armor: Boiled leather brigandine-like jerkin and a wool shirt beneath it, a thick wool cloak, cotton trousers, wool socks and leather boots.
Weapons and ammunition: A steel bastard sword called Fury and a round shield that has a silvery griffin painted on it.
Potion and arcane supplies: None at the moment.
Jewelry and novelty items: A lute, a set of dice and an amulet of Talos
Books and documents: A manuscript My Life as a Mercenary and a copy of contract.
Food, drinks and provisions: Ingredients for porridge, some dark ale and bread with him.
Bags, pouches and packs: A large backpack made from cloth and strips of leather.
Other: Nothing comes to mind. I think I have finished my character building.

@Oak7ree

That's better, I've no gripes with it.

[Sovi3t]

@Leidenschaft

Any word on Gcold where he's at atm.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Paging @Gcold.

Also, what the verdict on Lucex?

[ButtsnBalls]

Any word on Gcold where he's at atm.

@Sovi3t

Getting my beauty sleep, yo.

Since Leiden's playing the good cop and accepting everybody, I'll play the bad cop and annoy y'all with nitpicking.

@ClocktowerEchos Do not add in skills without my notice. You may keep the woodworking, but please revert speech back to apprentice. This is all that stands between Lucex and acceptance.

@oak7ree Felix's background and personality are both very short. If you have trouble getting more content down, I would start by extrapolating on what you have so far. For example; how did he get that scar on his face? How did he get drunk and found his way to Markarth? Where did that Griffon emblazoned shield come from?

Also, leave a line between each paragraph, it'll make reading easier.

@MacabreFoxFirst of all, you should also space paragraphs, same deal as Oak7ree.

Second, I would like you to link her apperance directly to the picture, Pinterest can be tricky to navigate. I would try this link; https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d6/bf/41/d6bf4109a0bde8d355eb582962888f6e.jpg.

Regarding her sister's name, do you think Leiliana is a Nordic name? I could see it being derived from “Liliana”, which in turn can be derived from the Greek “Lily”. However, Greek names are generally assigned to Imperials and High Elves. Another source is “Leila”, which is Semitic.

How did she get her horse? Please explain in your background. Beside that, her personality is fairly short. The first paragraph is primarily her outlook on the world, and I want to see you expand the second paragraph.

@Sovi3t Genes are no substitute for exercise. No lift = no guns. Also, the average Redguard man is 6'1, not 6'4.

There are lots of spelling and grammar mistakes. Read everything over and do your best to reduce them. I'll be honest with you, the caliber of your sheet is on the edge between casual and advance. So, you need to really convince that it fits in this category.

This sentence; “Bascero approached the parents of Bascero and asked them if they would be interested with their son joining the Synod. “. Do you mean Bascero asked his parents about Jonimar, or did he ask Jonimar's parents? Confused wording like this happens more than once in the sheet, again, re-read and convince me you can edit.

I found the third-to-last paragraph in your background to be incredibly confusing. Rewrite and make it clearer.

Another thing to note is how did Jonimar know what's happening within the Synod HQ? Did he intercept letters or something?

Like Leiden said before, his weaknesses are more like quirks. Besides being wanted, everything else are easily countered.

Look man, if this is the final product, it'll be rejected. I'm giving you this week as second chance. Take your time and make something that will convince me of your improvement.

[Sovi3t]

@Gcold

So in short the content is there just the mistakes and grammar are lacking, right.
Also improve weakness's and improve sentence structure to make sense.

[ButtsnBalls]

That's right.

[ClocktowerEchos]

@gcoldDone and done, sorry about that I guess. Is he all good now?

[ButtsnBalls]

@gcoldDone and done, sorry about that I guess. Is he all good now?

@ClocktowerEchos

All good.

[HHShetland]

Ha, "Imperial Crossdresser". :P

You realise that now we're going to have somehow engineer a scenario which would require Lucex to put his crossdressing ability to good use? Otherwise it'll just seem like a Red Herring, and you can't just say it was a joke now that everyone's drawn so much attention to it. :V

[ClocktowerEchos]

Ha, "Imperial Crossdresser". :P

You realise that now we're going to have somehow engineer a scenario which would require Lucex to put his crossdressing ability to good use? Otherwise it'll just seem like a Red Herring, and you can't just say it was a joke now that everyone's drawn so much attention to it. :V

@HHShetland

I'm completely expecting that to come into play at some point. The crossdressing part I planned to have some use unlike the enchantment on his hood that makes it be better at being purple.

[MacabreFox]

<Snipped quote by Sovi3t>

Getting my beauty sleep, yo.

Since Leiden's playing the good cop and accepting everybody, I'll play the bad cop and annoy y'all with nitpicking.

@ClocktowerEchos Do not add in skills without my notice. You may keep the woodworking, but please revert speech back to apprentice. This is all that stands between Lucex and acceptance.

@oak7ree Felix's background and personality are both very short. If you have trouble getting more content down, I would start by extrapolating on what you have so far. For example; how did he get that scar on his face? How did he get drunk and found his way to Markarth? Where did that Griffon emblazoned shield come from?

Also, leave a line between each paragraph, it'll make reading easier.

@MacabreFoxFirst of all, you should also space paragraphs, same deal as Oak7ree.

Second, I would like you to link her apperance directly to the picture, Pinterest can be tricky to navigate. I would try this link; https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d6/bf/41/d6bf4109a0bde8d355eb582962888f6e.jpg.

Regarding her sister's name, do you think Leiliana is a Nordic name? I could see it being derived from “Liliana”, which in turn can be derived from the Greek “Lily”. However, Greek names are generally assigned to Imperials and High Elves. Another source is “Leila”, which is Semitic.

How did she get her horse? Please explain in your background. Beside that, her personality is fairly short. The first paragraph is primarily her outlook on the world, and I want to see you expand the second paragraph.

@Sovi3t Genes are no substitute for exercise. No lift = no guns. Also, the average Redguard man is 6'1, not 6'4.

There are lots of spelling and grammar mistakes. Read everything over and do your best to reduce them. I'll be honest with you, the caliber of your sheet is on the edge between casual and advance. So, you need to really convince that it fits in this category.

This sentence; “Bascero approached the parents of Bascero and asked them if they would be interested with their son joining the Synod. “. Do you mean Bascero asked his parents about Jonimar, or did he ask Jonimar's parents? Confused wording like this happens more than once in the sheet, again, re-read and convince me you can edit.

I found the third-to-last paragraph in your background to be incredibly confusing. Rewrite and make it clearer.

Another thing to note is how did Jonimar know what's happening within the Synod HQ? Did he intercept letters or something?

Like Leiden said before, his weaknesses are more like quirks. Besides being wanted, everything else are easily countered.

Look man, if this is the final product, it'll be rejected. I'm giving you this week as second chance. Take your time and make something that will convince me of your improvement.

@gcold

Edited. Personality expanded, horse info added, Leiliana changed to Liliana, photographic image linked properly now. If anything is still falling short let me know.

[Sovi3t]

@gcold

Fixed Background, I re-wrote the parts and made sure the fit so if you want me to PM you the background only, I will.

Fixed weakness's, and fixed sentence structure as you said.

Fixed Physical

[ButtsnBalls]

Edited. Personality expanded, horse info added, Leiliana changed to Liliana, photographic image linked properly now. If anything is still falling short let me know.

@MacabreFox

Nope, you're all set.

Fixed Background, I re-wrote the parts and made sure the fit so if you want me to PM you the background only, I will.

@Sovi3t

Please do.

[Sovi3t]

@Gcold

Unable to send PMS, should i post it onto the google Doc?