[OOC] Bleach: A New Dawn

[DeathstrokeSW]

I edited out the Hado #90 bits, is there anything else you'd have me work on?

[Zane620]

DeathstrokeSW said
I edited out the Hado #90 bits, is there anything else you'd have me work on?

Check last page dude XD I said what I found wrong near the bottom

[Expllo]

DeathstrokeSW said
Revised CS: Name: Kenny (no other name known.)Appearance: a Soul Reaper gi with no shirt, short-cropped hair and a black hood with a mask covering everything from nose to collarbone, and hands wrapped from forearm to knuckle in black cloth. He is EXTREMELY built. Scars crisscross his torso and he is missing his left eye. He has never bothered to put a patch over the eye, and has no eyelid for that socket. Age: (Keep it sensible! Think of it like this. 10 Shinigami years equal 1 of our years so a 19 year old would be 190. Just what we go by) 240Height: 6’3Weight: 265Hair Colour: BlackEye Colour: GreenRace: ShinigamiRank: Unseated, but I hope to rise to captain. Spiritual Energy Colour: BlackPersonality: Outside of battles, Kenny is hard to pin down to any one personality type, and prefers to stay within the Seireitei's library rather than interact with others due to a dislike of conversation. He is a loner by some accounts, preferring to keep a small circle of friends rather than a large social set. In battles he possesses a quiet, calm rage that allows him to rage at his opponent in a tactical, analytical mind. He is sadistic against opponents, largely as psychological revenge for the beatings he received prior to entering the academy. History: Kenny does not remember much of his life before coming to the Academy; he cannot even remember his real name, only the persistent beatings and rough life in the Rukongai. What he does remember is admiring the captains of the Gotei 13, and in particular remembers seeing a move he would later learn was Hado #90. From then on, he set his goals: become a captain and learn the Hado that had fascinated him for what little of his life he remembers. His goals were not met by all with welcome arms; he was beaten almost routinely by the more priveledged for aspiring so high. They did not know that his dreams would allow him to see beyond the hell that was the roughest part of the Rukongai, and achieve the strength needed to rise above and become captain. However, once inside the academy, Kenny was welcomed and he acclimatised to life there quickly, being trained as if his life depended on it. He excelled at Hado and close quarters combat, while showing some skill in sword fighting. Eventually he came under the purview of the former squad 11 captain and was offered a place there upon graduation. Kenny accepted and threw himself into his studies with two goals in mind: become captain and master Hado #90: Kurohitsugi. During a training incident, however, he lost his left eye. In response, he beat the other student to a bloody pulp with his bare hands, despite the other boy being on the fast track to Lt. Captain. It was a feat which largely impressed his instructors, and in particular the man who taught him Kido. At graduation, he received his Zanpakuto, learning his name within 5 days. Despite being unseated, the man shows promise. Other:~Zanpakuto~Zanpakuto name: Sankontessuo(Iron Reaver)Type: CombatZanpakuto Shikai Release command: ReapSpirit Appearance: Inner world: Sealed appearance: Shikai appearance: Bankai appearance: Shikai skills:(Start off with no Shikai or 4 to 5 Shikai skills)1. Fear inducement(minor, but all it does is the equivalent of an increased heartrate) there are the after effects of being fearful of Sankontessuo's wielder for the duration of 6 posts, with a cool down of 3 posts. 2.a slash similar to a getsuga tensho in function.(one post cool down/1 post duration.) It is named Shadow wave or Kage no nami3. Increased speed by 20%4. Darkness generation similar to what Tosen was able to do but without the sensory deprivation, rather, it simply forces the battlefield to shrink to a more intimate level by way of illusion. Lasts for entire battles but cannot be used for 6 posts afterwards. Takes 6 posts to be able to use. As yet, Sankontessuo has not revealed the name of this move to him. As a result its effectiveness is reduced by 50%. 5.6.7.8.Bankai skills:1. 2. 3. 4.5. 6. (Ultimate Skill) Non-lethal Zanpakuto Skills: instigates fear.SkillsZanjutsu: ShitonegashiKido:Tsuzuri RaidenHakuda:TesshōHoho:ShunpoPoints gained from missions:Mission log:Points spent and skills gained:

Looks better atleast.

Just a few things about the history:

1. I doubt anyone privileged would want to kick his ass just because he wants to join the Gotei 13, especially since at a time like this they can use all the help they can get. And since a Captain (Kenpachi) started from the slums and probably became one of the, if not the, strongest member of the Gotei 13. Just saying, just a tiny nit-pick, but it's not something you have to change.

2. Don't understand why someone would want to take his eye in a training session.....This again is just a nit-pick, but I just don't understand that part....

3. At graduation, he received his Zanpakuto, learning his name within 5 days. Despite being unseated, the man shows promise.

Although you probably wouldn't unlock your Shikai by instructors training, I'm 99.9% sure you have your Zanpakuto while in the academy.....Which is why you would learn Zanjutsu.....So, yeah, that's that.

Abilities I still think you could write better, but here goes nonetheless.

Fear inducement(minor, but all it does is the equivalent of an increased heartrate) there are the after effects of being fearful of Sankontessuo's wielder for the duration of 6 posts, with a cool down of 3 posts - I would make the cool down more fair/a bit higher, but I'd say after the fear inducement wore off then the cooldown starts....That's just me though. This is probably something I should have opinions on.

a slash similar to a getsuga tensho in function.(one post cool down/1 post duration.) It is named Shadow wave or Kage no nami - Kurisa stated he wants atleast a two post cool down for the max cool downs to avoid spamming post after post. Since this ability isn't really on effects and is just a blunt attack I'd give it about a two - four cool down, personally.

Darkness generation similar to what Tosen was able to do but without the sensory deprivation, rather, it simply forces the battlefield to shrink to a more intimate level by way of illusion. Lasts for entire battles but cannot be used for 6 posts afterwards. Takes 6 posts to be able to use. As yet, Sankontessuo has not revealed the name of this move to him. As a result its effectiveness is reduced by 50% - I understand that the point may be so the opponent has limited amount of room to move (By illusion), but the whole battle and then just a six post cool down to use again? No, absolutely not. What'll make it more fair is that it's an ability he can use once per day, then the whole battle shrinking area thing would be fair. Or give a post duration on how long the ability lasts, then have it have a six post cool down.

[Expllo]

Zane620 said
Check last page dude XD I said what I found wrong near the bottom

Or the post below this one ^^

[Axel]

Zane620 said
No I actually went and read his skills and I know Kurisa wanted the one that was like Gestuga Tenshou to be a 2 post cool down just so he didnt wait one post and do it again then wait and do it again. and his last one confuses me a bit, like it last the entire battle? it is just weaker?

Well it says it lasts the entire battle but it sounds like Kaname's "Muyo" just with the opponent being able to sense his target.

[Zane620]

Expllo said
Looks better atleast.Just a few things about the history:1. I doubt anyone privileged would want to kick his ass just because he wants to join the Gotei 13, especially since at a time like this they can use all the help they can get. And since a Captain (Kenpachi) started from the slums and probably became one of the, if not the, strongest member of the Gotei 13. Just saying, just a tiny nit-pick, but it's not something you have to change.2. Don't understand why someone would want to take his eye in a training session.....This again is just a nit-pick, but I just don't understand that part....3. At graduation, he received his Zanpakuto, learning his name within 5 days. Despite being unseated, the man shows promise.Although you probably wouldn't unlock your Shikai by instructors training, I'm 99.9% sure you have your Zanpakuto while in the academy.....Which is why you would learn Zanjutsu.....So, yeah, that's that.Abilities I still think you could write better, but here goes nonetheless.Fear inducement(minor, but all it does is the equivalent of an increased heartrate) there are the after effects of being fearful of Sankontessuo's wielder for the duration of 6 posts, with a cool down of 3 posts - I would make the cool down more fair/a bit higher, but I'd say after the fear inducement wore off then the cooldown starts....That's just me though. This is probably something I should have opinions on.a slash similar to a getsuga tensho in function.(one post cool down/1 post duration.) It is named Shadow wave or Kage no nami - Kurisa stated he wants atleast a two post cool down for the max cool downs to avoid spamming post after post. Since this ability isn't really on effects and is just a blunt attack I'd give it about a two - four cool down, personally.Darkness generation similar to what Tosen was able to do but without the sensory deprivation, rather, it simply forces the battlefield to shrink to a more intimate level by way of illusion. Lasts for entire battles but cannot be used for 6 posts afterwards. Takes 6 posts to be able to use. As yet, Sankontessuo has not revealed the name of this move to him. As a result its effectiveness is reduced by 50% - I understand that the point may be so the opponent has limited amount of room to move (By illusion), but the whole battle and then just a six post cool down to use again? No, absolutely not. What'll make it more fair is that it's an ability he can use once per day, then the whole battle shrinking area thing would be fair. Or give a post duration on how long the ability lasts, then have it have a six post cool down.

That and I just noticed his Zanpakuto type is combat and he has an Illusion move. So if anything his Zanpakuto type is Illusion and Melee.

[DeathstrokeSW]

WHat concerns me is that there are only 3 ways to become a captain of the soul society. How does one advance to captain in this game?: 1. To take the captain proficiency test which requires the ability to perform the bankai. Presumably, most Soul Reapers become captains using this method. At least three existing captains, including the Commander-General, have to witness the test.
2. To have personal recommendations from at least six captains and approval from at least three of the remaining seven.
3. To defeat a captain one-on-one with at least 200 witnesses from the captain's division. Kenpachi Zaraki is the only known captain to have achieved his rank using this method.

[Expllo]

Zane620 said
That and I just noticed his Zanpakuto type is combat and he has an Illusion move. So if anything his Zanpakuto type is Illusion and Melee.

Oh yeah, that! I told him to put the ability as seemingly an illusion as actually shrinking an area would probably be too much O.o more so a mistake on my part.

[Zane620]

DeathstrokeSW said
WHat concerns me is that there are only 3 ways to become a captain of the soul society. How does one advance to captain in this game?: 1. To take the captain proficiency test which requires the ability to perform the bankai. Presumably, most Soul Reapers become captains using this method. At least three existing captains, including the Commander-General, have to witness the test. 2. To have personal recommendations from at least six captains and approval from at least three of the remaining seven. 3. To defeat a captain one-on-one with at least 200 witnesses from the captain's division. Kenpachi Zaraki is the only known captain to have achieved his rank using this method.

Well at the moment we arent worrying about other becoming Captain, besides The captain test will msot liekly be different due to having so few Captains.

[Expllo]

Zane620 said
Well at the moment we arent worrying about other becoming Captain, besides The captain test will msot liekly be different due to having so few Captains.

This ^^

And the fact that the ways are in the OP, which apparently no one reads anymore.....

[DeathstrokeSW]

I've changed the Zanpaku-to type as well as added in some things that even up the skills.

[YuukiSuzuki]

Expllo said
This ^^And the fact that the ways are in the OP, which apparently no one reads anymore.....

*raises hand* I read it~

[Expllo]

YuukiSuzuki said
*raises hand* I read it~

This is why I like you.

[Kurisa]

I haven't read the OP...(xD)

[Zane620]

Expllo said
This is why I like you.

I read it tooo :3

[DeathstrokeSW]

Well, I Re-re-re-re-edited the CS. Is there ANYTHING else you'd have me fix?

[Axel]

YuukiSuzuki said
*raises hand* I read it~

I read it like every single day!

Expllo said
This is why I like you.

That's a lie, you would've still liked her even if she didn't read it!! *Slams miscellaneous info onto table in a lawyer like fashion*

[Expllo]

Kurisa said
I haven't read the OP...(xD)

YOU'RE TEARING THIS RP APART!

Zane620 said
I read it tooo :3

Yeah, but you're not new xD I mean, Yuuki isn't new, but she hasn't been here for a while so I appreciate her reading it xD

[YuukiSuzuki]

...... Axel... your a lawyer? *sparkly eyes* Can you teach me? >>

[Axel]

Kurisa said
I haven't read the OP...(xD)

You made the OP so you're an exception!