<Snipped quote by Kho>
Man, what the hell was the Queen thinking when she invented English?
@Double Capybara I think it may have been something along the lines of:
'I must create a language which will affect my subjects so greatly that they will complain of its effect for generations to come, and their once-affection for me shall become very not so. My heirs will curse the air I breathed, this entire isle will wish my mother and father never walked down the aisle, and they'll all cry aloud, "that should not have been allowed!", and someone else may say, "why'd no one alter the Archbishop's speech at the altar? Make it so they never could marry and bring this demoness to life! Or when each was to give their assent, someone should have ascended the steps and demanded the marriage be halted. It's odd no one did!" and another will reply, "they were probably all awed by the majesty of it.
"Ah, yes, these royal marriages tend to be awe-full, don't they?"
"That's what I always say! They're terribly awful! And for what? To see a couple of bald old men in dresses and bolder young men on horses trounce around all day."
"Oh yes, they make quite the band when they all stand together."
"Should all be banned in my opinion."
"What, even that one what plays the stringy-thing?"
"You mean the Bard?"
"Him too, should be barred from every playing! What a terrible racket he makes, would smash him with a racket of I could."
"Oh come on now, a bat would be better."
"A bat? Them metal ones Batman uses? They could come in handy too I guess, if we're trying to kill the man."
"I thought we were..."
"But where would we bury him?"
"Down in the wood underneath the big berry bush."
"I'm down for that then! Nothin' better than beating bards!"
"I love to batter them silly."
"Yeah. Wife battered me silly with some batter yesterday."
"Bloody 'ell mate, why'd you not batter her back? You're the team's batter after all."
"Couldn't do that, she had a point. I forgot to get the butter you see."
"Well, if she was battering you on that basis, I can see why. You should've had your bases covered - she got the better of you there. You should've done better you fool."
"Damn you! Leave me be."
"I mean, if you knew she was gonna batter you, shoulda given her a wide berth. You know they stop acting cute after they give birth a few times."
"Yeah, ok, I blew it yesterday."
"No need to feel all blue about it mate, lets go for a beer in the bier."
"You mean the pier, right? I ain't going near no bier."
And they will quickly forget that I am the source of their linguistic misery, they'll get the canons and fire them at one another without thinking who it was that established the linguistic cannon! Thus I shall illude them while my wiles elude them, and I'll allude to them that their friends are the reason! CHAOS REIGNS! (But really, it will be me, even beyond death, at the reins!)'
Gotta love homonyms.
