[IC] In Bloom [HangYourSecrets x megatrash] [18+]

[megatrash]

“Shit.”

That was usually the first word out of Jane’s mouth in the morning, whether she woke up feeling like death or not. She usually beat the sun rising, but this morning, it was beginning to peak through her window in the small, third floor apartment, causing the insides of her eyelids to turn red. She groaned as she stretched and immediately became aware of the arm laying over her bare torso. After observing the two naked bodies in her bed, the events of last night began to flood her memory, and she gently lifted up the arm and shimmied her way out of the bed and eventually the room, grabbing a black tank top and a pair of light denim shorts before exiting.

Her roommate, Lena, had moved in about a year back, and things were platonic until a few months ago after a drunk night led them to waking up together. Jane didn’t think much of it – she thought Lena was cool, and they had fun together – but she wasn’t ready for any sort of commitment. Especially when she was leaving for tour. She didn't want to worry about anyone's feelings or holding back at all, which to her, was completely reasonable. To Lena, not so much. Their "relationship" was not one that Jane told the guys about; she knew she would be subjected to relentless teasing, especially since they all thought Lena was lame. The morning would have been a normal one if not for the other figure in her bed. Mike. One of their mutual friends who was able to join in on the fun last night. Lucky guy. They had been bar hopping downtown for hours before eventually deciding to all go back to Jane's place. She broke her own rules: The night before a big show or tour, don't party, and get a good night sleep. But in her opinion, it was worth it.

Jane searched around her apartment for her keys as an unlit cigarette hung out of her mouth until she realized she traded the car for the van they'd be driving across the country. She didn't want to drive it to the store - the thing was a lunker - so she located her longboard among the mess near her front door and took off to the gas station down the street.

The sun was warm, and the air was crisp, and through Jane's round sunglasses, she admired the palm trees waving at her in the breeze. The small California town was the only home she had ever known, but she was excited to leave and explore the country. She put in her ear buds that connected to the phone in her back pocket and hit "shuffle" as she enjoyed the vibration from the wooden board under her feet. Vertigo Flowers by Nothing was blaring in her ears as she began to maneuver the board with her feet to sway slowly to the beat as she traveled down the side walk, singing audibly to the song, causing a few honks from the cars passing by. Jane let a middle finger rise with each horn without interrupting her fun.

She got some water, two packs of Newports, and a pack of lighters and traveled back home on the long board. She owed Rob a pack of cigarettes from the other night; she must have bummed at least 10 off of him. There was sort of an unspoken rule between them that whenever one had cigarettes, the other would bum them without any record kept. It worked well for them, but Jane still liked to buy him some when she bought them for herself. After all, they would probably being going through their cigarettes pretty quickly while on the road.

Once she reached her apartment, she woke up the two in her bed and shooed them out of her room so that she could gather the last few things before going to pick up the guys. She opened her phone and typed into the group chat: Leaving in a minute. Austin, you’re the first stop. Then Sam. Then Rob. Be ready! She threw the phone on the tie dye comforter and scurried around the room as she threw some items into a large bag on her shoulder. Jane stopped in front of dusty mirror in front on her desk and stared at herself for a moment. Her hair was sloppily flowing around her shoulders and down her back, her black tank top that hugged her braless, small chest and frame, and the bags that had formed under her eyes thanks to the night before. Most people would probably think she looked like a wreck, but such trivial things like this didn’t bother Jane. She was comfortable enough with how she looked to care about what people thought about her.

After brushing her teeth, she made her way downstairs to the large, black van. Her dufflebag was thrown haphazardly in the back, and she climbed her way up to the driver’s seat and ignited the engine. A few sputters and other odd noises later, she was on the road to pick up the rest of the band. The windows were open, We’rewolf by Every Time I Die was playing loudly, and cigarette smoke poured out of the window like a chimney. At each stop, Jane honked the horn and each member would throw their stuff in the trunk and climb in the back of the van – the front seat was usually always reserved for Rob – and they would all sing along as she hit the steering wheel with the beat of the song.

They pulled up to Rob’s house, and she laid on the horn once again until she saw the door swing open. Jane slid the round frames down her freckled nose as she made eye contact with him and nodded her head towards the seat in the front to signal him in. She removed the AUX cord from her phone and tossed it into the passenger seat so he could be DJ for a while.

Rob and Jane met in high school during lunch. He was a grade ahead of her, but they instantly connected through similar music taste and other hobbies (like sneaking off campus for a smoke). She would like to think that she knew the real Rob, the one he hides away from everyone, but sometimes she couldn’t be too sure. He was her best friend, and although their pride often made them bump heads, he kept her grounded. Leveled. He made sure her dreams weren’t too crazy and usually was the one to cut her off when she had drank too much and dragged her home. If she woke up fully clothed on top of her comforter, she knew that Rob had tossed her on her bed and locked the house up for her at some early hour of the morning. At the end of the day, no matter how angry they got at each other or what stupid thing one of them did, he was always there for her. In his own way.

[HangYourSecrets]

Rob closed his eyes, and for a moment, embraced the noise; the distorted endless ringing of an electric guitar.

He was exactly four minutes into Right In Two - Tool. His morning routine.

His hands moved over to the electric pads, and began their endless rhythm. Diddles, triplets, and syncopation galore. The guitars hummed along behind his tapping. There were no key signatures here. No coordination with the bassist or guitar. Just free-form tapping. For eighty seconds, the song would continue as it was. Just solo drums. Just the way Rob liked it.

Slowly, the other instruments would fade in. Chugging by the guitars and bass. Then, with a quick roll, Rob switched from the electronics to the acoustics.

Here, the toms dominated the songwriting. Timed crashes matched tones from the bass. The singer glided over the lines:


Fight, over life, over blood, over prayer. Overhead and light.

Next came more madness; and endless wall of noise in sight, and nothing but the drums in front of him to replicate the maddening tapestry. His eyes locked shut. Sweat poured down his face.

His mind strained to lock onto the 11/8 time signature. Slowly, the song devolved into syncopated hits. Here, there was nothing but noise. Wet locks of hair stuck onto Rob’s face and eyes. The sticks were beginning to slip through his fingers. And still he marched on.

Hit. Hit. Hit-hit. Hit. Hit. Hit-hit. Hit. Hit. Hit-hit.


Finally, with a final roll, Rob had propelled the song into it’s final chorus. In his mind, his job was complete. By the time he finished the song and jumped into the shower, it was only seven-thirty.

---

Rob’s life was always very organized. Especially today, at the beginning of the tour.

He made sure to pack everything, and dress well; his grey hoodie over a brown V-neck, black jeans, and converse. Sure…it was generic for him. But it was Rob. Everything was monochromatic in his wardrobe. No point in changing that now.

Rob wanted nothing to go wrong here. He had convinced his parents to help him with the cash to purchase a second touring kit, so that Rob didn’t need to bring his lavish, complex one on the road. He doubted he’d have the time to set the damn thing up if he had taken it instead of the new kit.

He thought about the new kit—which was lying, ready to be loaded near the front door—as he ate his morning breakfast.

Two hard-boiled eggs stared back at him from the plate. He knew this would be the last time he had the time or the money to eat so nice for a while.

A part of him was very glad the tour was happening. Their new single had been attracting enough attention to help pay for it, for once, and it would be good for the band. Sam, Austin, and Jane all seemed to be happy about it too, as far as he could tell.

The other part of him wasn’t exactly pleased, either. The single was great, sure, but it was undeniably basic. Rudimentary. Catchy. The kind of song radios would pick up, but not the kind Rob liked to play. What’s the point if there’s no need to even practice the song? Theres no fun with no challenge.

Jane had talked to him about it earlier that week, and gotten him more appreciative of the track than he was before. For all of their issues, Jane knew how to calm Rob down, and Rob knew how to manage Jane’s rougher edges. In some ways, they complimented each other like this. If she wasn’t in the band, Rob would surely quit. Sam and Austin were nice guys, and good at what they do, but the were friends of circumstance. Jane, Rob actually enjoyed being around.

When the room shook as Jane played on the horn, however, Rob considered changing his chain of thought.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, before standing up. He had forgotten the group message, and no matter how often she’d honk at him to leave, it was still startle him.

Heading outside, Rob silently opened the backdoors of the van and loaded his touring kit, before throwing in his own bag of shit atop the others. Just before closing the door, Rob opened the side compartment on his bag. Nestled inside was a leather-bound journal, just where he had placed it. Content, Rob turned, closed the doors and headed for his own reserved seat.

“Hey J,” Rob said through a smile as he sat in his seat. The way the words rolled off his tongue ensured he’d never stop saying it. “Sam. Austin,” he through out, looking back at them. By their looked, neither seemed too receptive of his happiness. Perhaps they had known him long enough to know it wouldn’t last long.

Taking the AUX chord, Rob through on another hardcore tune. Kill Me Quickly - Thrice.

Something about this specific song felt good to play. It was the first on the album it came from. And this was a first for his band, too. They hadn’t embarked on a tour this long before, and he hoped that that was a good thing. One step closer to finding a way out for him.

“Fuckin’ unreal,” he said aloud, thinking about all that was happening. “This oughta be fun.”

[megatrash]

She smiled as his words and nodded in agreement. Jane had been worried how the dynamic of the group would be now after their most recent falling out. It was normal for everyone to bump heads about minor things, but this one was big. It had been about the latest song they released, which she had suspected would cause some problems, but she didn’t expect it to be to this magnitude.

---------------------------------------------

They had all been at Jane’s apartment when she was emailed the mastered version of the song they had recorded a month back. Rob had expressed his concerns about its sound previously, but Jane had thought everything was under control until she played it over the speakers in the living room. An argument quickly sprouted, and she asked Sam and Austin to leave so she could deal with him herself. He was much more receptive to her opinions when there wasn’t an audience.

“Rob!” she had raised her voice was the front door closed. “You knew what we were recording. You said you wanted us to get picked up. You said you wanted us to make money off this thing. The scene is changing, Rob. We gotta keep up,” she frowned as she put a hand on his shoulder. It was a bit of a reach for her, and she could feel his muscles tensing under her touch, but she kept it firmly planted there. “Look at me. I know you don’t think this song showcases our true potential. I get that. It’s simple. But it works, Rob.” She removed her hand, but held his gaze. “Once we get the recognition we deserve, we can change it up. I promise.” Although Jane might have been exaggerating a bit – she loved their new sound – she didn’t want him to quit the band or become miserable. She needed him there with her.

---------------------------------------------

They had only a six hour drive to their first stop. Phoenix. It was some sort of music festival with different genres of music: punk, hard rock, surf rock, shoegaze, metal. It was hard keeping up with all of the names for them these days. Their set was at 7, so they would have time to explore the area or catch some bands they wanted to see before they had to set up. Jane had been driving and daydreaming about the first night of their tour when her phone began to ring. She groaned as she looked at the name that popped up on the screen, “Lena.”

“Yeah,” Jane answered, already unamused with the conversation that was about to take place.
“You don’t even say bye, Jane? You just kick me out of your room and leave for two months?” Lena asked rhetorically, her tone sharp.
“I said bye last night,” she replied, trying to keep her voice calm and monotone to avoid any suspicion from the guys.
Lena scoffed. “That’s all I am to you, huh?”
Jane rolled her eyes. “You’re my roommate, Lena.” Her tone became stern.
“Jesus Christ, Jane. I’m such an idiot!” She shouted into the phone, causing Jane to move it away from her ear. “I’m moving out when you come home.”
Instead of replying the way she wanted to, Jane hung up on her and threw the phone down by her feet, taking a deep breath and turning up the radio in the car to avoid any questions from the guys.

It didn’t stop Austin, their bassist, from getting curious about the conversation. He had already began asking questions to get to the bottom of what was happening between the two of them, but Jane normally just brushed him off. “J, you can’t deny it. You’ve totally been fucking Lena and haven’t told us.”
Jane’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head as they remained on the road. “Shut up, Austin.”
“No,” he laughed at her response. “Come on, tell us. Me and Sam made a bet on it.”
This caused Sam, their guitarist, to punch Austin in the arm. “Dude, shut up. I – ”
“FINE!” Jane yelled abruptly, gripping the steering wheel. “It’s true. Don’t fucking tell anyone. I didn’t get to go to college, so I had to do my experimenting somewhere else,” she joked with a smirk forming on her lips.
“Yes! Sam, you owe me twenty bucks,” Austin said grinning towards him. “What a good start to the day.”
“Alright, shut up, shut up,” Jane groaned as she waved a hand back at them. She was laughing, not as upset as she thought she’d be when the secret finally came out. She actually felt a bit relieved, inspiring her to grab a cigarette from the pack and toss one to Rob as well. After lighting it, thick white smoke poured out of her mouth with a relaxing sigh. They’d only been on the road for two hours, but Jane found herself getting antsy. She didn’t like to sit still for too long.

“Do you guys wanna get some food soon? I didn’t eat breakfast,” she sighed, feeling her stomach grumble more frequently. She dug around in the purse on her lap to grab a joint she had rolled the night before and lit it as her bony knee held the wheel, smiling as she exhaled it slowly. "You in, Rob?" she asked, holding the next hit in and passing it to him pinched it in her unpainted fingernails. Jane smiled at him and nudged his arm. "Are you fucking stoked or what?" She knew how badly Rob had wanted to tour, and she was happy they were finally able to make that a reality.

[HangYourSecrets]

As Rob listened to Jane argue with the others about her roommate, he couldn’t help but look out his own window and laugh. Perhaps it wasn’t polite for him to get in on this one (it was already two against one), but Austin had already asked him to be in on the bet days ago. Rob remembered it distinctly:

---

I’m telling you.

The words jumped off Rob’s phone through beads of sweat that had poured onto his phone. He was in the middle of a practice session. J’s fucking Lena. Twenty bucks says so.

Rob couldn’t help but laugh. And he wanted in on it, too. He really did. But after the earlier argument the two had had over the single mastering, he figured it best not to involve himself.

Well, mostly.

Going to have to pass. This sounds right up Sam’s alley, though. Plus…yeah. She’s totally fucking her.

Rob hit send on his phone and smiled, before returning to his session.

---

Rob thought about that memory as the car returned to it’s quite state—minus the radio. The thought of Jane and Lena together definitely wasn’t appealing. Plus, one was definitely hotter than the other.

Rob jolted slightly when he felt Jane nudge him. He had always been jumpy, but Jane had been doing this recently. Like a week ago, when she had put a hand on his shoulder, and left it there—


“Are you fucking stoked, or what?” She had asked. Suddenly the past few moments caught up the Rob. He gave Jane a smile as he took the joint from her fingers a took a considerable hit, before offering it to the other two band-members. He kept the cigarette she offered him for later.

“Have you heard me play high?” Sam said. When Rob looked to Austin, he merely shook his head.

“Whatever,” Rob said, before taking another hit.

He turned his attention back to Jane; her unkempt hair blowing in the wind. He hadn’t noticed it before. Funny, how he hadn’t.

“Yeah, I’m starving,” he said, as-a-matter-of-factly. “Plus—“

Rob reached down to Jane’s feet, picking up her cell phone. He checked the time, but noticed a considerable number of voicemails from Lena.

“—We’ve got a few hours.”

He tossed the phone into Jane’s lap, by her purse, before looking back out the window. As they crossed the Arizona state line, a song from Rob’s driving playlist started up: Regular John - Queens of the Stone Age.

Rob nodded his head to the beat, tapping his upper legs with his hands, kicking the floorboards as a bass petal, mimicking the drum beat. His long hair slid out from his hoodie and poked at his eyes. Maybe growing this shit out isn’t worth it…

“I swear, if we eat fucking Taco Bell again…” he said absentmindedly. He knew Sam’s penchant for burritos. He was not about to do that to intestines before a show. Not again.

[megatrash]

"No, no, no," Jane laughed, blowing her last hit out the window and tossing the joint through it. She kept the windows open, though, enjoying the breeze hitting her body and flowing through the thin layer that separated her skin from if. "No Taco Bell. I think we deserve something nice. We've been working hard, getting our shit together," she said as she stuck her tongue out. "I'll take all you boys to a Dairy Queen. My treat," she declared as she cut the wheel and pull over as the two in the back groaned. "I want some fucking ice cream! If you want something different, you drive."

Jane hopped out of the van barefoot and dug in the back for her vans, which she slipped on quickly, and she dashed inside the store. She exited with a large chocolate ice cream cone and sat on the hood of the van. Her friend who lent it to her begged Jane not to fuck it up, and based on how the chocolate began to drip down her arm, she thought she made a good choice.

She approached the passenger window after tossing Austin the keys and signaled for Rob to roll it down. "Hey," she began with her mouth full, trying to control the ice cream that was melting in the sun, "I know last week was tense, but I hope we're cool." Without waiting for a reply, she left his view and tossed the cone in the garbage before crawling over the trailer hitch and into the back. She'd hate to know that Rob was still mad at her.

"It's my turn again." Her legs were hung over the back of the seat and her head near the vans floorboards of it as her arm reach for the cord. Her blonde hair sprawled across the floor as she laid upside down fidgeting with her phone until the song she wanted came on. Youth Wasted by The Bronx filled the van as Jane dramatically sang along with the song, nearly kicking the vans roof to the beat.

----------------------------------

They finally arrived to Phoenix and located the ground where the fest was being held. They checked in with the booking manager and arranged what time they'd be expected back to begin load in. Their booking manager was cuter than expected, to Jane of course, and as he flirted with her a bit, she took a mental note to remember him later.

Jane had a grin from ear to ear as she wrapped her arms around both Sam and Rob's shoulders as they walked. "Well, fellas," she exclaimed as she walked ahead of them and turned to face them. "I don't know about you, but I need a drink. We still have two hours to kill." She whipped out her phone from her pocket and began searching for the nearest bar. "Slaintés. Irish pub a block away." She felt so excited to be out on the road with no responsibilities other than drinking and singing. Her two favorite things.

[HangYourSecrets]

Rob rolled his eyes as the van swing to the right, pushing the occupants quickly to the left. His right hand gripped the grab handle, as his left dug around for the loose cigarette Jane left him earlier.

As Jane hopped out of the van and moved towards the back, he was reminded of their differences. She was spontaneous when he was not. Whereas Rob would have occasional bouts of anger, she would have bouts of fun. No, fun wasn't the right word. Bouts of lunacy.

And it wasn’t that this was a bad thing. In fact, it was probably great. The two balanced each other out when they needed to, and the needed to. Often. It wasn’t really spoken aloud, but the band was Jane and Rob’s. They formed together. They chose the sound.

Maybe that’s why there was an undertow of anger about Jane changing it so suddenly.

Rob tried not to think about it, but Jane managed to remind him, coming up to his window and signaling him to lower it.

“Hey, I know last week was tense, but I hope we’re cool.”

Rob tried to think of a response, but he wasn’t quick enough. Jane marched on off, towards the back of the van and searched for the AUX chord. Rob unhooked his phone and tossed it at her, and walked into the Diary Queen. Austin and Sam followed.

“So what happened again?” Austin asked suddenly, as the three guys stood in line.

“When?”



“A week ago,” Austin continued. “With J?”

“Nothing,” Rob said, short and final. The two guys knew not to press the issue further, but still managed to keep on the topic at hand.

“Well, I don’t think it’s a radio hit,” Sam said, staring ahead at the menu. Rob tried to focus on his bandmates but could only look ahead as well.

God, do they sell anything but fucking ice cream?

After a moment, Sam continued his line of thought. “Look man, the bridge is heavy as fuck. J even screams over it.”

“I don’t care about heavy bridges,” Rob said, still looking ahead.

Chicken brushetta. That sounds good…

“I’m just saying—“

“Look Sam,” Rob said, “I know you like the song. You’ve got a cool melody over the verses and you like it. But a heavy bridge means shit. We’re not fucking Halestorm.”

“Halestorm’s not bad,” Austin muttered behind Rob.

“That’s not the fucking point,” Rob spat out. Before he could respond any further, the man in front of him moved aside the counter. He was next in line. Rob rolled his eyes as he went to order.

—

“We don’t sound like Halestorm,” Austin continued as the three exited the restaurant with their food.

“Sorry,” Rob said, dry as he could. “We sound like Paramore.”

Austin rolled his eyes and went into the van without another word.


The funny thing was, he secretly liked Paramore, too.

Sam was next to speak. There was a sort of connection between Sam and Rob. Maybe it was because of their synergy on the stage (they were the rhythm section, after all), but whenever Rob was mad at Austin or (god-forbid) Jane, Sam was the default.

“Don’t take it out on Austin,” he said, kicking at the ground. The two paced slowly to talk long enough to reach the van. “He didn’t do shit. Plus his riffs are great on the single. You don’t think I like it, do you?”

Rob shrugged. “Never asked.”

“You think I like playing the same four notes on repeat for four minutes?” he joked, getting a smile out of Rob. “Look, it’s not a bad song. So, you’re part’s shit on it. Big deal, mine too. Just try to work it out with J. It’s a long tour.”

Without another word, Sam walked off, and sat back in his seat, behind Rob’s. Rob climbed in his own seat, scarfing down the last of his sandwich and preparing for more hours of driving.

---

Phoenix was the first stop, and it looked no different than the town Rob had spent his whole life in. There was nothing but trees and dirt. Just more dirt than trees, out here.

Rob shook again as Jane wrapped an arm around her. How many times has it been? He knew it was stupid to think about he couldn’t remember the last time Jane was so touchy.

“Slaintés?” Rob asked, responding to Jane’s question. In the back of his mind, he knew going to a bar before a show wasn’t the best of ideas. But there was no point in debating it now. Plus, it was only two hours. What could go wrong?

A whole fucking lot, Rob thought to himself.

---

Slaintés bar sucked ass.

No, correction: it sucked major ass.

The place was no bigger than a dorm hall, and skinner at that. Pot smoke filled the air, and Rob couldn’t help but wonder what the rules on that were in this state.

“Yuengling,” he said to the bartender, making sure to sit by Jane. No fucking way she was leaving his sight. It was kind of protective, but it was something he made sure to do, especially after a recent memory:

It was 2 A.M. when Rob showed up to a local bar, in response to an incomprehensible text from Jane. When he arrived, two men sat on either side of her, like moths to flame.

No, like vultures.

Jane had her head down. She probably wouldn’t remember what would happen. After chasing off the two men, Rob literally had to carry her out of the bar, bridal-style. He pulled out her keys after driving to her apartment, making sure to sneak past Lena, and dropped her off on the bed. It was the opposite of romantic, but Rob never forgot how quickly she passed out. It was almost…beautiful?”

Rob drove the memory out of his head and drank some of the cheap beer.

It tasted exactly like he expected it to.

[megatrash]

The shittier the bar, the more fun it was – at least to Jane anyway. As they weaved through the establishment to grab a drink, she observed this different groups of people lining the brick walls. From her guess, mostly festival attendees based on their outfit choices. It was funny: they all looked the same. The fact that she never tried to dress herself up or make her natural self more attractive was sort of Jane’s quiet rebellion to conforming to trends and expectations. That was the reason she rarely wore a bra – she didn’t care what people thought of her small chest. That’s why she didn’t wear make-up, do her hair, or even wear shoes half the time. Life was complex, layered, short, and wildly beautiful in her opinion, and Jane thought it was a complete waste to spend time on aesthetics.

She plopped down next to Rob and blurted “Two please,” after he ordered a Yuengling. After she clinked his bottle with hers, she took a large swig, placed the beer on the bar, and shifted her position to face him. “Rob,” she said quietly, a concerned look on her face. “Lighten up, huh? You left Long Beach! We’re on tour. We’re gonna have groupies,” Jane said jokingly as she took another sip. “I’m so sick of waiting tables and bartending for shit pay. I think this tour is gonna be good for us. You and me against the world, Rob, like always,” she nodded as she whipped out her phone and opened the app that was advertised on the jukebox’s screen so that she could choose the song she pleased.

Once Drop by Turnstile came on over the bar’s speakers, Jane looked around and giggled at a group that was obviously annoyed at the choice, but she did catch a few people singing along with her. One guy in the corner, though, looked familiar. Who was he? “Oh, shit!” Jane exclaimed as she tapped Rob’s arm. “I’ll be right back.” She grabbed her beer and approached the man standing with his group of friends, all of them goofily singing “I’m just a baaaaaad boy, la la la la” at the end of the song.

“Didn’t know you were a Turnstile fan, Jared,” she said as she made her way in front of him.
“No fuckin’ way, Jane Molloy. Long time no see,” he smiled and gave her hug before introducing him to the group of guys surrounding him. “You’re not playing the fest, are you?”
“Afraid so,” she joked. “I’m guessing you guys are, too?” She had met Jared a couple of years ago down in Phoenix when she tagged along to a punk show with some friends.
“Nah, not this time,” he chuckled. “Just watching. We are having an after party though. Off of Pine Street. You should come,” Jared offered as a smirk crept on his face.
“Gotta talk to the guys. We’re driving to El Paso tomorrow, but…” Jane smiled faintly, “I don’t see why not.”
Jared was pleased. “Awesome. Good luck tonight.”

Jane made her way back to her seat next to Rob and ordered another beer. “There’s an after party tonight. I think we should go. It’d do you good to cut loose a bit, yeah?” she smiled as she thanked the bartender for her beer. As she took the first sip, her eyes landed on Rob where they lingered for a moment.

She knew that, mentally, he was going through a lot at the time. Not that he ever would voluntarily tell her that, but his demeanor disclosed enough. She was used to being the crazy one, and him the serious one, but things were changing. Jane lately felt like Rob was annoyed by her, either by taking care of her or rescuing her when she got too fucked up, or just by her being, well, her. It really hurt that their dynamic had not been the same, but she tried her best to not let it eat away at her. Of course, the change in their sound has something to do with it, which worried Jane, because if she could, she would completely change the music they played. She was sick of being compared to the very few female vocalists in their genre. She was sick of the crowd. She was sick of the music. It was what she loved back when she was younger, but as she was growing older, her taste in music was changing. But she had never let Rob know that, not yet anyway. So what was it?

In reality, no one knew what was going on with Rob but Rob, but Jane's pride wasn't going to let him know her feelings were hurt, so she would have to grin and bear it. For now.

[HangYourSecrets]

”Lighten up, huh?

The words were so…shallow. Like there wasn’t a weight to them at all. Rob wondered about Jane sometimes. There were days when he felt like she really connected with him, and days such as today, where it sort of felt like there was this…this void between them. And he didn’t just it any more than he figured Jane did.

But, once again, before he could respond, Jane did what Jane always does. Disappear on him.

Rob nearly felt the wind brush past him as she ran off to the group of guys that had been singing the song she had picked out.

Surprisingly, though, her seat was quickly filled in.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” a feminine voice rang out next to Rob. As he looked to Jane’s former seat, he locked eyes with another bar patron; this one, appearing to be another one of the festival attendees. Her hazel eyes glared at him through her brunette hair. She wore a white tank top, and had the familiar flannel tied around her shorts.

Definitely another festival girl. Rob thought to himself as she smiled to him.

“I know you from somewhere!” She called out. Her smile beamed at him in a way that made it perfectly clear—she knew exactly who he was. That didn’t mean, however, that Rob wouldn’t play along.

“I don’t think you do,” Rob said politely, taking another sip of his beer. He watched as what remained of the golden liquid sloshed around in it’s glass as he set it upon the bar.

“No, I totally do!” she said. “Jackson Pennie! You’re playing the festival tonight!”

Rob winced. “Call me Rob,” he said, hiding his contempt.

“Oh, don’t be too flattered,” the festival girl said, spinning in her seat. She angled her shoulders right at Rob, now completely facing him. “I do my research on all the bands. I have to.” The festival girl pointed to something Rob hadn’t noticed yet; the DSLR hanging around her neck, floating freely in the air between her bust and thighs. Next to the camera was a press pass.

“The single’s great,” she continued. Rob looked up as fast as he could. “I’m looking forward to your set.”

“Well, we appreciate it,” Rob said, turning on his public mode. If there was a switch inside him that altered his personality from aloof and stressed to bubbly and happy, he had just flipped it.

“Adrianna, by the way,” she had said, offering out her hand. Rob shook it. “I guess I’ll see you there, then?” Her eyes darted from his own chest and back to his eyes. Rob pretended not to notice.

“Absolutely,” Rob said. “Any publicity is great for us. Let me know if we can help out in any way.”

Adrianna hopped off the bar stool, and turned to the door. “There are lots of afterparties in Phoenix,” she said. “Don’t run off too soon. El Paso can wait.” As she walked behind him, Rob felt a hand slide, ever so lightly, across his back. Just enough to illicit the suspicion that it might have been an accident.

It was another moment before Jane came back to reclaim her seat; just enough time for Rob to finish his beer and order another. “There’s an after party tonight. I think we should go. It’d do you good to cut loose a bit, yeah?”

“Sure,” Rob said through a smile. “Why not?”

He gave her a smile as they locked eyes, and held up his beer slightly.

Alright, Rob thought to himself. Maybe that was a little fucked up.

But maybe…it wasn’t. Rob knew that the tour would be long. He knew the parties were going to happen. And every one of his bandmembers always assumed Rob hated the parties, but it really wasn’t that. He had always felt like, for every night Jane remembered, Rob remembered the mornings. The hangovers. The headings that went on for fucking days. But El Paso was a long ways away, and there was lots of time to sleep it off. Plus, if there’s any time to get fucked up, it might as well be tonight. They were on tour. They were gaining some traction.

But must importantly, they were in a fucking rock band. And just the thought of that made him smile to himself. It was what Jane and him always wanted, really.

[megatrash]

A surprised yet satisfied look took over Jane’s face as she put a hand up to his forehead. “You feelin’ okay, bub?” she laughed as she sipped the cold beer again. Maybe the tour really would help him loosen up. She missed the old days when they were both insane – before Rob became the serious man he was now – when they would skip class, get fucked up, cruise the town together, and most importantly, play music together. Or maybe he just grew up, and she never did. One of Jane’s fondest memories of them began to replay in her head as her fingers slowly traced the drips of condensation that formed on her beer.

At the time, he was a senior and Jane a junior. They had snuck out of school during lunch and had made their way to a park nearby. It was sunny, warm, a slight breeze. They had begun to write music together recently, and they both sat under a tree as Jane kept trying to come up with a melody for the lyrics she had written. She had always been self-conscious of the words she wrote, but Rob had a way of making her feel like they weren’t half bad. They passed a joint back and forth as he sat up against the tree with his legs criss-crossed and Jane’s head resting on his knee as she laid on the grass with her notebook in her hand, singing out different arrangements repeatedly until they found one they liked.

On the outside, it wasn't different at all from the afternoons they spent together, but she remembered the energy that was in the air like it was yesterday. They were best friends, two souls linked together by their love of music.They used to be able to spend hours together. Days together. And they would never argue or grow tired of each other. But within the past year, Jane felt their relationship beginning to crumble. She wasn’t angry; it was human nature that people grew apart eventually. But Jane wasn’t going to let it happen that easily. He knew everything about her – her favorite foods, her likes and dislikes, her habits both strange and annoying, every man or woman that she had ever slept with – and she felt like she knew everything about him. Or what he would let her know. No matter how much she felt Rob would get annoyed of her, she never got annoyed of him, even when he was angry or being an asshole.

Jane shook her head to clear herself of her thoughts as she caught Rob’s eyes lingering over to the brunette with Jared. “Ah,” she said as she swallowed the last drop of the beer. “Jared’s sister. She’s a photographer. Adrienne? Something like that. Cute girl,” she said nonchalantly and she turned to him. “I guess we should start heading back.” She groaned as she stood up and stretched before retrieving Austin and Sam from a group of girls that had surrounded them. “Time to go, boys. Sorry, ladies,” she laughed as she dragged them away and headed for the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After they returned to the site of the festival, Jane slipped into the back of the van while the guys unloaded their equipment from the trailer. She dug through her bag, found her outfit, and began lifting the black tank top up as her back faced them, tossing it over the back seat and sliding on a white Backtrack shirt that made her sun kissed skin look even darker in contrast. She quickly removed the denim shorts and replaced them with a short khaki pair. A backwards snapback found it's way over her blonde, messy hair, and her shoes were removed and tossed on the floor along with the rest of her stuff as she made her way back out of the van to help carry some of the equipment to the side of the stage they’d be playing on.

When they arrived, a man from the booth on the opposite side of the stage called Jane up to sound-check the microphone they had set up for her. She nodded and hopped up on the platform overlooking the darkening sky and never-ending green lawn.

“Alright, Jane, go ahead,” the voice boomed through the feedback amps in front of her.
“Check, check, heeeey, check-check,” she blurted as she listened to herself. “Check, check.”
The man worked on the knobs in front of her and asked her to go again.
“Check, check, check, hey, check. Can I get a little more feedback in this amp?” she asked and pointed her bare foot to the one on her right.
“Okay, try again. This time, sing something.”
This made Jane smirk. “Alright,” she said smoothly as she cleared her throat and began to belt Shame on You by Aerosmith, gripping the mic stand and slowly swaying with the beat in her head while her lazy, raspy voice glossed over the words, which caused a small audience begin to form in front of her. A whistle erupted from the group of people below her. Jared. Next to him, Adrianna with her camera in hand.

“Sounds good, dude. Thank you,” she called over with a thumbs up to the sound tech as she exited the stage back to her band. “Fuck, I’m so excited,” Jane grinned as a punch was thrown at Austin’s arm and winced at the realization of what she did.

“Jesus, you guys keep punching me today!” he chuckled as he rubbed his arm.

“Sorry,” she apologized as she held back a laugh. Her eyes turned to Rob, and she nodded at him calmly.

“Next, drums!” the sound guy spoke over the microphone, signaling for Rob to go get set up and do a sound check.

Jane smiled to him when she heard the tech call for him. Every ounce of her hoped he was just as excited as she was, even if they had to play the single he hated. They were doing what they had always dreamed of, how couldn’t he be?

[HangYourSecrets]

They had arrived at the festival just in time for soundcheck.

It was a funny sort of thing to play. The way Rob looked at it, there were two kinds of festivals. One was the well-knowns. The huge ones that get national attention and huge bands. Bonnaroo. Woodstock. Cochella. Austin City Limits. Hell, Burning Man might as well even count. These were massive events, orchestrated by thousands and seen by tens of thousands. Then, there were these. Smaller, shittier. Local’s and regionals only. The goal here was to have absolutely as many bands play as possible and attract the dozens of fans from each to hopefully get a band that’d blow up one day.

Because of that, the band had only been given a thirty minute set, teardown included. They had practiced the routine down to a good ten minutes for both, but it was always going to be a struggle to fit in as many songs as possible. Even more so, since a lot of their earlier work (and Rob’s personal favorite tracks) ran six minutes and sometimes more. So, they had eventually agreed to have four tracks; the single, a track Austin liked, a track Jane liked, and one Rob and Sam agreed to; the longest on the setlist. This way, pretty much everyone agreed to a track, and they’d be off the stage for the next local garage band with exactly nine minutes for teardown.

By the time Jane had finished her sound check, it was Rob’s turn. Walking out on stage, he pulled out a pair of sticks he had loaded in a pocket next to his snare. In there was another four pairs and two drummer’s keys. There was very little room for error in the rhythm section, and he was ready for it. He hooked his IEM’s up to the festival-provided transmitter.

“Go ahead,” the sound came from both the speakers ahead and in his IEM’s. It was almost impressive a festival his small had it set up so well. First, Rob gave a good strong hit to every piece on his kit; high-hat (open and closed), toms, snare, then symbols, and finally bass.

“I need more on the floor,” Rob said into a mic, hitting his floor tom for reference, “and give me more for kick. The rest is good.”

“The kick is good,” the sound guy came back.

“Trust me,” Rob said, smiling. “It’s not. I don’t play like these other assholes. When I use the kick it needs to fucking hit.”

“Prove it,” the sound guy came. “I’ll crank it for now.” Rob was beginning to like this guy. Smiling, he instantly went into the drum pattern for an unknown band he figured the festival would know; Metz - Spit You Out. Not only was a great, simple track. it had the benefit of being heavy as hell. Like playing a Nirvana song, it was just a joy to smash out on a kit.

At about 1:19 in the song, Rob rolled on the cymbals and threw in a fill for good measure, before slamming his foot on the kick. The smaller crowd in front of him cheered. Even with his monitors in, he could hear Adrianna’s squeal from where he sat.

“Shit man,” the sound guy came after the last cymbal had rang out. “If your patterns are like that, you’ll kill the first eight rows. Consider the kick cranked.”

“That’s the idea,” Rob said, “thanks,” before standing up and heading off-stage. As he passed, Sam, he slapped him on the back. “Don’t let him tune you out,” he said, jokingly.

He headed straight for the van, pulling out a change of clothes. After checking that no one was inside, he climbed into the back, and pulled off his familiar hoodie. In order to be the drummer, he thought, you need to play the part.

He pulled off his usual black jeans, and threw on a pair of gym shorts. His v-neck was replaced with a loose black shirt, and his shoes were replaced with flip-flops, to be taken off after he had sat behind his kit. If there was one minor thing both Jane and Rob shared about their performance styles, it was that they both liked to play barefoot. For Rob, it was purely functional; he didn’t feel like bringing his double bass petal, and a barefoot accomplished the same task rather well on a single, stronger petal. Plus, it honestly felt better. Never a downside to that.

As he tossed around his hair for the desired effect, he looked around the van and noticed Jane’s clothes lying around as well. Her tank top had lay strewn over the backseat, and her shorts and shoes were lazily thrown on the floor. After changing, Rob neatly folded his own clothes and threw them in a bag within his own travel bag. He almost laughed at their differences, even in clothing. Still, a part of him envied her spirit. It was certainly freer than his.

By the time Rob got back, Sam and Austin had finished the sound check, and stood with Jane as the band before them had already started. Rob shook his head to get his messy brown hair out of his eyes as he approached.

There was a persona he had always put on before shows. It something he almost mirrored after Jane. Freer, looser…

Sexier…

It was something that helped him play songs, and set him in the right mood for a show. Practice was all about perfection to him, but performances were something to be enjoyed. Admired. Embraced.

It was the first stop on the tour, and he was fucking game.

He waited anxiously as the band ahead finished their set.

“I’m so fucking reading for this!” Sam said.

“As long as they don’t fuck up our name,” Rob said, referring to an incident that had happened a year ago, “…yeah. I think I am too. Let’s do this.”


He turned and gave Jane the first genuine smile of the day. They were finally about to really do it. Really be, a rock band.

[megatrash]

Maybe he doesn’t hate me after all Jane thought to herself after she saw the first real smile from Rob that day. She closed her eyes and listened to Life in a Jar by Superheaven playing loudly through her head phones, one of the few songs she listened before she got on stage. Something about the raw power and energy that came through the vocals and instruments moved her, got her in the mindset she needed to perform. Jane had the vocals and sex appeal down when it came from her stage presence – both came natural to her – but as she got older, it got harder and harder to find the energy she needed from their music.

But, Jane couldn’t think about that now. No. She had to sell the band to the crowd. She had to give them reasons to not forget what band they were watching when they left the festival.

When the band before them finished their last song on the adjacent stage, Jane chugged the rest of the beer she had grabbed back stage and removed her ear buds, taking a deep breath before lighting a cigarette. The booking agent told them there would only be a three minute pause between each band, which is why they had two stages and were able to book so many acts on one festival, but Jane took the stage with her cigarette and her beer bottle early, sitting on the front letting her dirty, bare feet dangle off as she drank. The stage itself was painted black, and it was much wider than it was deep, meaning that Jane would be able to fuck around with Rob during the set. She enjoyed this greatly, as Rob was most relaxed on stage and would be receptive to her teasing.

Jane returned a smirk from Jared as she sat across from him.
“You cold, Jane?” he laughed as he eyed the white tee shirt she was dawning.
Jane looked down and realized what Jared was talking about. “No, just excited,” she winked as she stood up gracefully and looked behind her, seeing that they were ready to begin. She wasn't lying; performing almost felt like sex itself. Almost. It was exhilarating. Powerful. Invigorating. Sweaty. All of Jane's senses were stimulated when she was on set.

She approached the mic stand again and gripped it with one hand, using the other to push back down her hat, before addressing the audience.

“Hey, everyone. Damn, you guys are some beautiful fuckers,” she chuckled as a few people let out a “Woo!” in response. The crowd had grown significantly since they set up, but between the sun setting and the bright spotlight shining on the stage, Jane couldn’t make out any faced. “Just kidding, I can’t see shit,” her raspy voice muttered into the microphone.

“Well, we are In Bloom from Long Beach, California. Thanks for checking us out.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last song to be played was their new single that caused all the tension in the band and the one that every one loved.

That was when Sam’s guitar began to pump out notes over the speakers, playing by himself for a few moments before Austin joined in seamlessly into the song. And then Rob, on the drums came in soon after that. The vibration from the noise rang through her body as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes, her body beginning to move with the music. They were all in sync, like a little cogs in a machine, all working together to produce something bigger than all of them.

Before Jane was needed, she picked up her beer she had placed on the floor and took one more sip before grabbing the mic with her right hand and biting her lip for a moment as they formed into a smile. Her eyes scanned the featureless faces below her as she came in with her first line, the legato flow of her voice transitioning from note to note without hesitation. Her other hand gripped the stand and dipped it downward, and she belted out the second line as effortlessly as the last.

After finishing the first verse, she abandoned her post and backed up a few feet until she was in front of Rob’s drum set, and she stuck her tongue out at him and smiled as she danced to the music, throwing her hands up above her hand and twisting her body while they played the song leading up to the chorus. Jane assumed he wasn't enjoying himself during this song, but maybe she could convince him to by making him smile.

Jane made it back to the microphone at the exact moment she needed to begin the chorus, and she did - a deep, powerful tone ascending in to a high, soft one that broke nearly into moan at the end as the notes faded back into the verse again. She threw her hat to the floor and ran her fingers through her hair to remove the blonde strands from her face as she sunk into the second verse of the song.

Then finally, the bridge approached, and Jane once again grabbed the beer to coat her throat before beginning, building up in volume slowly as her voice bounced around until the end, where it turned into a sort of scream that rang out for a few moments. It was simply what her voice did when she pushed it too hard, and when she accidentally did it in recording, the guys liked it.

The crowd began to cheer loudly until she finished as sang the chorus one last time, her hips slowly and naturally oscillating until the song finished.

Her voice was raspier than before, and she thanked the crowd for watching as she exited the staged and immediately lit a cigarette to be greeted by Jared.
“Jane, that was so fucking sick. You killed it,” he smiled as he hugged her.
Jane was a bit sweaty and was still catching her breath, but she managed a “Thanks,” she smiled faintly with smoke flowing out of her mouth. She was satisfied with their performance and the crowd’s reaction. Jane wasn't one to critique herself.
"You're coming over, right?" Jared took a sip of his beer as he eyed her up and down.
She laughed. "Easy, tiger. I think I am," Jane said through a jokingly snobby look.

The rest of the band members began to make their way off stage when Jane high-fived and congratulated them. She was on a high, but it never satisfied her long enough.

"I'm ready to party."

[HangYourSecrets]

Rob mounted his throne as the crowd cheered wildly at Jane and the rest of them. Sometimes, Rob had to admit, being the drummer was rough. You’re situated high and deep on the stage; the audience blurred through the kit’s hardware and cymbals. It was difficult to see Jane, Sam, and Austin be free to run about, screaming at the audience and moving at-will.

Still, there was a sort of comfort back here. There wasn’t a crowd and sometimes, that was a good thing. There was a deep focus on the music, a sort of primordial urge to just play the song really fucking well. What he lacked in mobility he made up for in solitude and he really started to enjoy the feeling.

The first song came and went; it was Sam’s first pick and easily the best opening track they could all agree to. Distorted, mindless rhythm plowed out of the channels for a good half-minute. Then, as Jane prepped the crowd and really egged them on, Sam and Austin would turn to Rob, and he’d count them in at a blistering 185 bpm, every time. He always kept a metronome on just to be sure. Perfect moshing tempo, guaranteed.

It was a fun song, sure, and so was Jane’s personal pick (which came second), but the third song was what Rob had been waiting this whole time for.

The lights dimmed. Then, Rob would start up by virtually stomping his foot on the high-hat petal, keeping time at a speed faster than their opening track. Then, he’d start out by slamming his sticks into the snare, just once.

The crowd roared for more, and Rob obliged. He slammed the snare again, which was followed by more cheers. Then, the kick began to slide in, syncopating his rhythms, throwing off the groove of the audience, causing them to stop their incessant, off-beat clapping. All well-thought out years ago, when Rob first penned this opening solo. Finally, the build-up dove into complex tom fills, cymbal crashes, and small bouts of double-bass (hence the bare feet). A snare roll broke out of the cacophony of noise, rolling for four beats before the song officially started, with Austin holding the tempo down with mindless, melodic bass. All-in-all, it was a minute and a half before Jane’s vocals even started on the six-minute track, and since Rob had gotten naming privileges on this specific song so long ago, he decided to play off her initial hesitation on the extended opening.

He ended up naming the track Speechless, and it was a track that sounded like the bastard child of Metric and System of a Down. And, for some reason, the band agreed that that analogy worked. A blend of chaos and staccato.

Finally, the single came on, and the crowd roared louder than it ever had. It was a bit of a shock, seeing as how the song before it sounded so little like the current single, but it was always exciting to hear a band play a song on local radio, Rob assumed. He paid it no mind, and played the song straight, as it was meant, without any flair or fills. Towards the start, after the verse, Rob looked up through sharp strands of hair to see Jane fucking around in front of him. His initial polite smile turned into a genuine one as she willingly made a fool of herself on stage, for him. It was a gesture he appreciated, and wasn’t going to let current events take away his fun. He tried to give the song a last push as the bridge continued, throwing in some fun fills as Jane tore up her vocal chords. He always assumed she hated it but he was glad she typically did the scream on stage to match the album version. It never failed to get a smile out of Austin, who looked to Rob as he played his ascending bass riff; one of the only moments of the song he liked.

Finally Rob rolled on the cymbals as everyone ended the song with a last flair of the guitar or tone on the bass. Rob’s eyes darted to Jane, as she slowly gyrated her hips to the beat. As he stared, he began to look past her, to Adrianna, taking a photo of the moment with her camera. He watched her drop the lens from her face slowly, giving Rob a lip bite and a smile that wasn’t hard to read in the slightest.

---

Rob was all smiles off-stage, high-fiving with Jane and the other guys, and casually trying to look around for Adrianna. He caught view of her talking to Jared in the press section, not seeing her. He looked away before he figured anyone would notice.

“I’m ready to party,” came Jane. Rob looked to Austin, and noticed his expression. Out of the four of them, it was Austin—not Rob—that liked parties the least. However, today was different. Rob would not fight Jane on this one like he normally would.

“Where at?”

[megatrash]

"Our house," Jared butted in before Jane could answer, extending a hand to Rob. "I'm Jared, an old friend of Jane's. This is my sister, Adrianna." He stepped aside to introduce her. "A lot of the artists here are coming over. Should be fun," he laughed as he looked to Jane and smiled. Jared was cute. A cocky asshole maybe. He was covered in tattoos, shaved dark hair, and light blue eyes. A tall and lean stature. Typical for the scene he was in, but still attractive nonetheless. Jane never really got to know his sister though. A part of her always felt like Adrianna didn't like her, which most girls usually didn't, so Jane usually avoided her when she could. That didn't stop her from saying hello though, to which Adrianna replied with an unamused look.

Jared wrapped a colorful arm around Jane. "See you in a little, yeah?"
She nodded as her sleepy eyes caught his. "Yeah, see you there."
"Nice to meet you guys," said Jared as he waved a hand to the rest of the band, then he and Adrianna left the area.

They worked together to load the trailer and all plopped in the van. "You guys were great tonight," Jane nodded as she lit a cigarette and released a large cloud. "I think the crowd really liked us." She smiled goofily as she looked back to them and sighed in relief. "I think this tour is really gonna get us the exposure we need." Jane turned back around to start the van, and after sputtering a bit, they were ready to go.

"Jared will let you guys change and shower at his house if you want. Pretty sure he'll let us crash there, too."

Jane's phone rang. It was Lena again. She had been dodging her calls all day and wasn't in the mood to listen to her bitch, so she silenced it and slipped it back into her bag. "How do you guys deal with women? Jesus," she mumbled as she backed the van out and got on the road.

The ride there was uneventful; they mostly laughing and talking about different parts of the set. Sam and Austin went off on a tangent in the back as Jane looked to Rob. "Hey, uh, thanks for really trying during the song. It means a lot," she smirked as she nudged his shoulder. The vibe between them throughout the day was beginning to really bother her; she hated when they were 'off', especially when she remembered how good things were with Rob and her. Things will go back to normal soon she kept telling herself as she drove the large van around.

When they arrived, Jane backed the van in trailer-first to the side of the house to avoid people from the street seeing it. It looked as though a good amount of people had already arrived. "I'm gonna change really quick," Jane announced as she climbed into the back of the van to reach her bag. She pulled out an old, worn Blind Guardian shirt that was cut into a muscle tee, a thin, lace bralette - which she was only wearing to not flash anyone - and black shorts. One the guys exited the van, she changed quickly and joined them soon after.

Jane opened the door to be immediately greeted by Jared and a few of his friends. "Give me five minutes, and I'll come get you," he said lowly, and Jane nodded in excitement, waiting to see what party favors he would have to offer her. He always had something decent.

She swiveled around to the guys and smiled. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink. Catch up with you guys in a bit?" Without waiting around for them to answer, she ran off to the kitchen to inspect what the fridge had to offer. Trays of multicolored Jell-O shots lined the shelves along with an array of beer choices. After careful consideration, Jane selected a craft beer from some Phoenix brewery and made her way through the party.

[HangYourSecrets]

Jared’s house was nice.

Nothing special, nothing terrible. Just…nice. As Rob entered he had remembered what Jane said earlier that day:

“Jared will let you guys change and shower at his house if you want. Pretty sure he'll let us crash there, too.”

Without bothering to look the the man, Rob took him up on his offer.

---

Upstairs, Rob, Sam, and Austin all claimed a guest bedroom as the guests milled about downstairs. They all brought up a night bag, and were looking forward to at least getting one decent night’s sleep after the party. As they had come up, Rob locked eyes with Jared, who seemed to give a nod of approval to them as he went down the stairs they climbed. Good enough for them.

“We’re heading down,” Sam said as he and Austin exited in the room. “Need anything?”

“I’ll be a minute,” Rob said as he pulled his shirt off, “thanks.”

As they closed the door, Rob made his way over to the shower. He turned the faucet on and waited for the water to heat up as he locked the door and looked in the mirror. A recent lifestyle change was doing good for him; he looked healthy enough. Small but toned bands of muscle poked out from under the skin along his arms—his best feature. As he took off the rest of his clothes, he continued to look at himself.

It was a sort of odd thing for Rob, if he wanted to admit it. To see yourself naked before you, in a mirror. When Rob was younger, and considerably less fit, he hated the sight of himself. It was shameful to see; disproportionate features on a frame too big for them. Now an adult, he seemed…typical. Normal. Real. It made him feel as if he was on the edge of youth, and tumbling off of it, without so much as an accomplishment to his name.

It was these introspective thoughts that he typically kept either to himself or locked away in his journal. It was…weakness. It was in it’s own way shameful. It stopped Rob from moving forward. From being truly devoted. And as he took his shower, Rob let these thoughts melt away from him; pour off his skin and circle into the drain below him. Insecurity wasn’t an option. There was too much to do.

After his shower, Rob wrote down everything he had thought of and done that day in his leather-bound journal, before locking it and putting it back into his bag. He then pulled out fresh clothes; slacks and a navy blue shirt. He rolled the sleeves and unbuttoned the top button as he made his way back downstairs and to the party.

As he walked downstairs, he remembered something Jane said to him:

"Hey, uh, thanks for really trying during the song. It means a lot,”

She nudged him as she said it, looking at him and giving him a smirk. Rob couldn’t think of what to say in the moment, and had only looked at her long after her eyes had diverted back to the road, before he turned back towards his own view. He knew she thought he was off today. But the truth wasn’t that Jane and himself were off because of anything the she had done. It was he that was off with his own self. He had been feeling…not himself for a while, and it was a thought he only had, for some reason…

…when he looked at her.

---

Hours passed and the house filled to the brim with other band members, friend-of-friends, and local fans smart enough to know of the party. As Rob drank, his vision blurred, and the number of people he talked to began to blur. Soon, his memory began to fade, in the middle of a conversation, no less.

Who was in front of him? A fan? The tech guy? One of Jared’s friends?

Rob blinked his eyes and stared down at the floor. In front of his own bare feet (why was he still barefoot?!) was a pair of strappy heels. As he looked up, past the dress and necklace, he saw Adrianna, smiling, and it all flowed back into him.

So that’s who I’m talking to, he thought to himself.

“You were saying about being ‘out-of-yourself’?” Adriana asked him, smiling.

Rob looked around, noticing that he was somewhere deep inside the house; not the main room. Surrounding him were bongs and pills. The air was alive with tense conversations and weed. How did he end up here? And why did he tell this girl about that?

He played along, for there wasn’t much choice. “I don’t know,” he continued, “I just sometimes feel like, it’s not me, you know? Like, up there, I’m the drummer. I’m doing my job. But it isn’t me doing it? Right? God, this makes no fucking sense…”

“No no,” Adrianna said, smiling, “it really does.”

After a moment, she pulled a small bag out of her purse. “Do you really want to feel out of your head?”

It was all too much. Sensory overload. There was no turning back from here.

For the first time in five years, Rob dropped acid.

---

Rob ran back out to the main room, Adrianna in tow. He had to find Jane. Where was Jane? Everywhere he looked was more faces he never recognized.

Finally he found her. Or…he thought it was her. Maybe.

She was sitting with Jared. Or, someone that looked like Jared. Actually, he didn’t look much like anyone at all. Or really…anything?

It didn’t matter.

“Jane!” he shouted, as he sat near her. “Jane! Jane-J-Jane! …I’ve been looking for you, all night!”

He turned to Adrianna. “What time is it?” She could only shake her head. She was just as high as he was. Rob made a face at her and turned back to Jane.

“Look, sorry I’ve been all..” he started, and waved his hands in the air as if to signify “weird” to her, “…lately. That’s dumb of me. I’m dumb. I’m…I’m dumb. Right?”

He looked to Adrianna for more support, but she clearly only wanted one thing from him. Even high, it was obvious.

“So, so I’m going to go, okay? I’ll go…go journalize how fucking weird this is…I dunno, write a song or something.”

Adrianna grabbed Rob, and began to pull him away. Shit, she’s strong.

And why did he tell her about the journal. No one knows about that journal!

“I’ll catch you later?” He called out to her. He couldn’t read her face even if he wanted to. He couldn’t read anyone’s face at this point. He barely could climb up the stairs, even with Adrianna’s help. All he could think about is going back downstairs.

—

Rob’s face hit the bed as Adrianna closed the door behind him. As she came at him, the only thought he had was that he was sad we wasn’t going to remember what was about to happen.

[megatrash]

She made small talk in the kitchen with a few people as her eyes landed on Adrianna approaching Rob. Jane, if asked, would swear on her life that 95% of her was happy to see Rob talking to her. He never really put himself out there, not that he usually needed to – the ladies definitely seemed to like him – but he looked like he was enjoying himself. But, that 5%, Jane wasn’t sure what it was. She couldn’t be jealous. No, that definitely couldn’t be it. Why would she be jealous? Well, she was used to having Rob’s attention all to herself, but she didn’t realize until that moment how awful that was of her. Was she expecting him to stay single so that he could remain her loyal best friend? Jane wasn't that selfish... Was she?

Interrupting her thoughts, Jared approached her with a zip-lock bag in his hand. “Hey, come with me,” he smiled as he took her hand and led her down the hallway to the bedrooms in the back. Jane followed him without a word, observing the pictures hanging on the wood-panels, letting a finger graze the walls as they walked. Once they were in his room, he opened the bag to reveal the surprise. Mushrooms. Her face lit up with excitement, but quickly dimmed when she realized tripping until 5 AM probably wouldn’t be the best decision when they’d have to be on the road tomorrow. “Only a little.” Jane didn’t want to hear it from Rob if she ended up tripping all night and being too tired tomorrow. He already seemed weird enough towards her.

“That’s not the Jane I know, but more for the rest of us, then” Jared laughed as he ‘cheers-ed’ her, and they both began to chew on the contents of the bag.

After they finished, they both looked at each other, and Jared reached a hand behind her head, wrapping his fingers in her hair, and pulled her into a kiss. It took Jane by surprise, but she obliged, placing her hands on his chest and lifting up to her toes to reach him.

“We’ll finish this later, let’s party,” Jared smiled, and she nodded in agreement.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were outside in a circle with some other musicians, and Jane was singing Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman while sitting on Jared’s lap with a beer in her hand. Her voice was accompanied by an acoustic guitar played by Sam and a bongo played by a guy she hadn’t met before. Once the song finished, Jane’s head snapped to her right to hear the sound of Rob’s voice. Wow, he was fucked up. But, before she could even ask what the hell he was talking about, he ran off with Adrianna. Jane felt a pang in her chest at the sight, but before her mind had a chance to elaborate, a hand guided her head to face Jared, who kissed her once again.

“Why don’t we head to my room?” he whispered with a devious look on his face.
“Yeah, uh,” Jane’s mind was racing, “I’m gonna go grab a drink and head to the bathroom, and then I’ll meet you there, yeah?”
When Jared agreed, she stood up and headed into the kitchen to grab her fifth… maybe sixth beer.

Half an hour later, Jane found herself again in that hallway grazing the wooden walls again, but this time, they were much smoother, and the swirls in them were stunning. Jane ate just enough to feel the mushroom’s effects without actually hallucinating, but she was definitely still enjoying herself. Her normally hazel irises were consumed by large, black orbs, and she felt giggly, happy, and amused at the party around her. Everything just looked cooler or felt better, which was satisfying. She had lost track of time, not concerned with how long Jared had been waiting, when she decided that she needed to find Rob. Although she knew he was a grown man, Jane felt the need to make sure he was alright, especially after his outburst earlier. He must be tripping she decided, based on the sudden introspection and his dilated pupils.

She walked through the house, looking like a kid in a candy store, observing the home around her as she searched for the familiar face. Jane would find herself distracted and force herself to focus on finding him, but then she made it to that hallway again after she couldn’t find Rob, and she began to laugh as she slowly strolled down it, turning in circles, until she thumped into a door and heard noises behind it. A curiosity took a hold of Jane, so she opened the door to see Adrianna sitting astride Rob, her bare back facing the door. “Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she panicked as she returned the door to its rightful place and quickly made her way back to the party.

After the sight, Jane began to feel suffocated by the room and its habitants, and in a quick effort to make it stop, she dashed out of the garage door, grabbed her longboard from the van, and finally propelled herself down the street with a bare foot. Luckily, the vibrations the board was sending up her leg and through her body was enough to make the thoughts stop for a moment. She dug in her purse for her ear buds and picked a song. White Mystery by Minus the Bear. Yes, that would calm her down. Usually that’s what she’d listen to if she was either smoking weed or getting laid, but it would hopefully have the same effect on her now.

Unfortuanately, though, the song did little to stop the madness, and as her mind raced, Jane thought about why she was feeling so awful. Could it really be that she was jealous of Adrianna? No, why the hell would she be? It must be just the attention thing. Rob was always hers, even when he had girlfriends in the past. Then why was it bothering her now? Maybe because she’d never seen it happening before. Ah, that was probably it.

Tears began to stream down her face as she pushed the board through the dark streets.

“Why the fuck are you crying, Jane?” she nearly yelled at herself as she stopped the board abruptly and plopped in the grass, ripping her headphones out. “Must be the shrooms,” she muttered as she looked at where she was. The yard in which she was sitting had no lights on, along with the house inside, and no cars parked on the driveway. That was when she had a mind-blowing idea.

She threw her bag over the white fence surrounding the backyard and hopped over with her board in her hand, plopping sloppily on the ground beneath her. She got chills when she saw the pool; the water looked like a sheet of glass that Jane wanted to break, ad she brought her things over to the edge and dove in fully clothed as the warm water surrounded her body. It felt astonishing, making the insides of her eyelids explode with color as all her senses pulsed. I guess I ate more than I thought.”

Her head rose out of the water slowly when she heard the muffled voice of someone yelling at her. Jane shook her head to release the water that had lodged in her ears and opened her eyes to a middle aged man barking at her to get out of the pool or he’d call the cops. But, instead of panicking, Jane did what she was best – using her sex appeal to get out of the situation.

She smiled faintly as she slowly climbed the steps to exit the pool, watching the man eye her body as she made her way to her bag, bending down slowly to retrieve it. “I’m sorry,” she softly apologized, keeping her eyes on him, a smirk on her face. “I thought no one was home.”
The man fumbled over his words as he backed up slowly. “Y-yes, okay. It’s fine, just go before my wife sees you.”
After nodding, Jane gathered her things, exited the backyard, and threw her board down on the ground to mount it once again.

The relief brought on by the past five minutes was short-lived, and Jane returned to the mood she was in before entering the pool. She didn’t want to talk to Rob. Didn’t want to look at him. It wasn’t his fault, though.

After a few wrong turns, she finally made it back to Jared’s house, but instead of going back inside, she laid down using the longboard as a pillow behind her head, sighing in relief. She was soaking wet, but it was a warm night, so she didn’t bother drying off or changing. It was nearing 3:00 am when her eyelids finally became heavy enough to drift off to sleep, although her mind kept replaying what she saw when she walked in on the pair earlier. Why did she have to see it? Why did she have to feel this way? It was the first night of tour, for God's sake. Jane knew she'd feel fine was the hallucinogens wore off, but man, her emotions were through the roof. She couldn't let Rob know she was feeling this way. Never.

[HangYourSecrets]

What the fuck happened last night?

It was the first thought to run through Rob’s mind as the woke up, even before his eyes opened. As they did, the patterns lining the ceiling slowly faded away; a last remnant of the trip he had been on nearly all night. Slowly, painfully, Rob’s head rotated to the right, and fell face first into a pair of bare feet. He jerked back, so much so, he nearly fell off the bed.

As he tried to blink the last of the night away, his head raised up, trying to get a sense of where he was. On the bed, he laid with his head to the foot of the bed, his own legs wrapped underneath a girl’s head. Her own body was positioned to the foot of the beat. Both of them were naked.

Thats the photographer girl, right? Adrienne?

Looking down, Rob noticed exactly what position he was in. Even this hungover, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to what had happened here. Everything else that night, however, he still needed to piece together.

He rolled off the bed, grabbing a pair of gym shorts laying on the floor. Based on the color, he assumed they were Austin’s, who lay of the floor, fully clothed, sleeping against Rob’s bag. For his own sake, he let Austin sleep, hoping he’d forget if he had seen…anything happen last night.

As Rob walked into the bathroom to piss, he saw Sam, hardly awake and laying in the empty bathtub. He tried to stutter out an apology, but Sam beat him to it.

“I’m surprised it was you that got fucked up,” he muttered, his voice with a considerable rasp. “I mean, I drank, but holy shit—“

“You didn’t see..?” Rob asked, not wanting to finish his question. Thankfully, Sam shook his head.

“Me and Austin came in after. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we saw your naked ass.”

Sam chuckled slightly as Rob suppressed his embarrassment. “I lost the bet, so that’s why I’m here.” Before Rob could ask about the bet, Sam answered it for him: “I didn’t think you’d get laid.”

“I wish I didn’t.” Rob said. He crossed his arms across his bare chest. “I don’t remember a fucking thing.”

“Then forget it,” Sam said, sitting up. “We will if you will. For Jane’s sake, too. We saw her come up here last night, probably during your…anyways. She ran off sometime late last night. Haven’t seen her since. She was high off something. Probably shrooms.”

Fuck, Rob thought to himself. He thanked Sam and told him to get ready to go, before taking his leak and leaving the room with his wallet, a pair of shorts, his phone, and nothing else. No point waking Austin up. He took one last look at the photographer girl, before leaving. She’d be fine.

---

Rob found Jane outside, laying on her longboard and passed out still. He had scanned a clock on the way out, and knew it was about time to leave. No point in even trying to go if their driver was this fucked up. Without bothering her, Rob made his way to the town a few blocks down, feeling the hot asphalt against his soles as he went. It wasn’t at bad as he had thought it’d be, and for a bit, it made sense Jane lived like this.

He found a gas station first, and walked in, buying some small candies, fajitas, cigarettes, and Jane’s favorite chocolate bar, before crossing the street to the coffeeshop. The owners gave him a look as he entered, and pointed to a sign before he had gotten to the register: No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Rob frowned. “Fuck off,” he said as light as possible, “I’m leaving anyways.” He ordered two lattes and quickly left as soon as they handed it to him.

On the walk back, he opened Spotify and played one of his favorite songs to walk to: Gorillaz - Last Living Souls. It wasn’t a song he normally listened to, but as the beat played out and cars passed him, Rob couldn’t help but sing the lyrics:

Can you take us in?
The part that coming on,
The coldest man doesn’t see it’s all—

He made his way back to Jared’s place finishing his own coffee, before sitting cross-legged in front of Jane, setting down the food and the other cup. He reached out to shake her awake, but his hand traveled upwards, brushing the hair from her face and…cradling it?

Rob thought he felt her move, so he tore his hand back. “Some night you had,” he said, smiling. He took a bite from the shitty gas station fajita and tried his best to atone for whatever sins he committed last night.

As he waited for a response, his head filled with the blurred memories of the previous night. It was unlikely he would remember the actual events, but he tried to remember the thought of Jane walking in during his one-night stand. Nothing could be remembered; not but the taste of her skin, the feel of her body…the scent of her…it all felt so much like…like…

Like what he imagined Jane did.

Maybe it was the night that made him feel this way. Maybe it was the acid. He wasn’t sure but it was just a feeling he hadn’t really ever thought about before. Jane was a friend. A good friend, a close friend…being with her almost seemed incestual.

So as Rob looked down at their singer in front of him, he decided the timing could not have been worse. There was no time for any of this. For anything like last night. For the first time in their lives, their band had such a change. There was no way he was risking it.

No fucking way.

Rob suppressed himself as he held out a coffee to Jane.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, draining the joy out of his own voice. “I’ll drive if you’re not feeling like it. We’ve got a show to play today.”

He couldn’t be cold to Jane, not for long. It wasn’t going to be possible. But he was surely going to try until he could figure out what the fuck was going on in his own head.

[megatrash]

A groaned escaped Jane’s pouty lips as her eyes fluttered open to see Rob’s shirtless form in front of her. “Shit,” she whispered as she sat up, the world spinning for a moment until her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the morning. Some night she had? Jane wanted to scream, but it wouldn’t be justified, so she bit a lip to keep herself from exploding. “Yeah,” her hoarse voice mumbled, more raspy than usual, “you should drive.” Jane’s hand shot up so that he could help her stand, and as she did, she began to wipe the blades of grass that had stuck to her off her body, barely making any eye contact with Rob as she walked over to the van to pull out a change of clothes. Hers were still damp, and she was thankful he didn’t notice since she didn’t feel like explaining herself.

After slipping on black tee shirt that had been cut into a crop top and a new pair of shorts, she crawled into the van quietly before plopping down on the middle row. Jane had nothing to say for the first time since she could remember. Her mind was exhausted along with her body as she laid down with her ear buds in, softly playing B&E by Nothing, her usual go-to song when she felt upset - even if she didn't know why she was upset. Usually, after mushrooms, she felt like things were so much clearer, but today, her thoughts were cloudy. Never speaking about what happened last night would be ideal, but she knew in a van with three guys, that probably wouldn’t happen.

Rob was driving, and Austin was in the passenger seat, wearing black Ray-Bans and singing along to a song that she hadn’t heard of before. “Jane!” he yelled so that she could hear through the music, and he turned down the volume once he caught her attention. “So, did you fuck Jared before or after you passed out in the front lawn?”
This caused Sam, who was in the row of seats behind her, to start cracking up.
Jane swung backwards and hit him on the arm. “I didn’t sleep with him, asshole.”
Austin scoffed. “Yeah right, I saw you guys together all night. You’d never deny the chance to f—“
“Shut up, Austin. I said I didn’t fuck him, okay?” Jane rolled her eyes and laid back down on the seat, closing her eyes and folding her arms.
“Jesus, Jane, chill out,” Austin mumbled as he turned the radio up.

Jane didn’t like acting that way – she prided herself in usually not letting things get to her – but she was completely drained, mentally and physically, and didn’t have the energy to play along. The thoughts she was having about Rob were tormenting her still, making her question if it truly was the drugs or not that made her feel… that way. Her eyes opened and lingered on the window for a bit before she fell back asleep, this time much more comfortably then on the front lawn.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She woke up maybe two or three hours later, halfway into their trip to El Paso. Without saying anything to the guys, she searched through her phone until she found the number she needed and popped up from the seat. Jane tapped Rob on the shoulder and quietly asked him to turn down the radio right before the person on the other line answered.

“Hey,” God, her voice sounded like shit. “It’s Jane from In Bloom. What time is load in?”
The man on the other line was Tim, a booking manager who put together the event. They had spoken once about a week ago. “I hope your voice sounds better tonight then it does now! Load in’s at 7:00, you guys go on at 8:00.”
Jane laughed. “Yeah, last night is lingering a bit. I’ll be fine. See you then.” She ended the call and looked out the window to see the landscape surrounding them. They were probably in New Mexico by now, she figured. She would, however, want to see the Rio Grande, but Jane decided she would ask later.

Her stomach began to rumble. "Our set's at 8. Would you guys be cool with getting food soon? I’m starving.” Jane felt awkward about what happened between her and Austin, so she rested a hand on his shoulder and almost squeezed herself between him and Rob. “Hey, Aust. I’m sorry. I was just… hungover. Really.” She smiled at him sincerely before taking her seat again.
Austin laughed. "It's fine, mad woman."
"And Sam, sorry about your arm," she apologized as she stuck out her tongue at him.

Jane couldn't have the whole band hate her. She could barely handle Rob not wanting to be around her.

[HangYourSecrets]

“Did you want some—“ Rob started, before watching Jane make her way off to the van without so much as eye contact. Something about it just…really killed him. He was a dick to her from time to time, yeah, but she was rarely short with him. Perhaps he had been taking it for granted, but it certainly set the time for the day. “It’s fine,” he muttered under his breath as he walked in, “I’ll just go fuck myself, then.” He chugged the coffee, made his way upstairs, and got the rest of the band in the car and changed. Adrianna had rolled over slightly, but Rob paid it no mind, and left the room as quickly as possible in an effort to avoid her.

Rob climbed into the front seat, and tossed the AUX to Austin, who had taken the passenger seat, since Jane had taken his own seat. A part of Rob was hoping Jane would’ve played this off better than she was, but on the other hand, what’s the point? There’s only four of them. Sam and Austin were going to figure out eventually that things were off.

Rob made no comment when Sam and Austin confronted Jane about Jared. Personally, Rob didn’t think they had sex, but only because he found her on Jared’s yard, not his bed. Either way, the subject wasn’t worth approaching from his point of view.

The van crossed its way into New Mexico, Austin’s playlist threw on a track Rob hadn’t heard in years: Dead Kennedys - California Uber Alles. Rob and Austin quietly sang along to the lyrics, laughing to themselves at the absurdity of the lines.

“I will be Fuhrer one day,” Austin sang, before suppressing a smile. Contrary to popular belief, Austin could hold his own singing, even if it was just a punk song. In fact, each of the members had a voice of their own; just not the stage presence.

---

As they approached Lordsburg, Jane asked for food, and wordlessly Rob pulled the car off the highway, and into a gas station next to a mall. He figured there’d be a lot in there for food. Plus, they had been running low on gas. He filled up quickly, then parked the car in front of the food court.

Glancing at his watch, then turning to his bandmates, Rob tried to act a bit happier than he was feeling. “We’ve got about an hour,” he said. “Meet me back here.”

As the other band members got out, Rob reached down to his groceries he had bought earlier, and pulled out his cigarettes. Instead of walking into the mall, Rob walked around the perimeter, alone, smoking nearly half the pack by himself. He had his headphones in and played music from a playlist he had of calmer music. Radiohead - Paranoid Android played calmly in the background as Rob looked up to the sky. Dark clouds loomed overhead, and a strong breeze blew past. Rain was a rare sight in these parts, but they never lasted long. He waited for the song to finish, before putting out his ninth cigarette and heading inside, seeing the faces of the people he past grimace from the scent wafting off of him.

“Smoking kills,” he heard a mother tell her son as they passed.

“Everything kills you,” he shot back, loud enough that hopefully they’d hear him.

Checking his phone, he still had another 20 minutes to kill. Making his way into a shop that seemed to sell clothes he liked, he passed Sam, checking out similar outfits.

“So,” he said, “you gonna tell me about why you are Jane are being weird?”

“What are you talking about?” Rob asked sarcastically.

“Oh, fuck off,” Sam said, but Rob took his words to heart, marching off and out of the store as soon as he had entered it. He heard Sam call out to him, but there was no point in engaging him any further. Rob went to the food court, bought an energy drink, sat at the nearest empty table, and slumped into his seat. He pulled his hood up and took a swig. He couldn’t wait to sleep tonight.

[megatrash]

Jane aimlessly wandered the mall after getting something quick to eat in the food court and getting a hot tea for her throat. She had to do something, because her and Rob's silent argument was only going to come to a head if she didn't try to fix things first. But how would she fix it if she didn't know what it was?

Jane came across a small record store owned by an old man no younger than sixty who was playing Dark Side of the Moon loudly as he sat behind the register. After a few minutes of bullshitting, she walked out with a Queens of the Stone Age vinyl in a plastic bag and headed for the mall's exit when she spotted Rob sitting alone, looking just as awful as she did . A deep breath later, she approached the table and plopped the record along with the beer enclosed in a brown paper bag she had bought at the gas station.

"You always complain," she began as she cracked open the beer and took a conspicuous swig, "that I don't have any records you like at my place, so..." Her voice trailed off. Her throat hurt, and she definitely needed to rest it before they arrived in El Paso, but swallowing her pride at the moment felt even worse. "I, uh, I had a bad trip. Plus, I really wish I fucking showered last night," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. "Sorry I was a dick this morning. Are we cool?" Her facial expression showed remorse, and for the most part, that was the truth. Why would she be mad at her best friend for sleeping with someone? Even though she desperately wanted to bring it up, at least joke about it, she figured it was probably best she let it die with the rest of that night. She held out a hand for him to hold as a signal of peace.

"We're stuck in a van for two months together. You've been acting weird lately. I guess it hurt my feelings," she said sarcastically even though that was also the truth. "I just don't want you to hate me anymore, Rob." She looked past him to see a man staring at her chest. "What, you don't have nipples? It's fuckin' cold in here, man."

The man at the table across from them abruptly looked away and put his newspaper in front of his face, which Jane erupt with laughter.
"Ah, that never gets old. You ready to get outta here?" She was already feeling like herself again. Maybe it was just the drugs.

As they approached the van, she snatched the keys from Rob and climbed into the drivers seat and sighed in relief, and then grabbed the neon AUX cord that was laying on the floor. "Hmm" she pondered as she heard Sam and Austin climb in the backseat. "Hey Sam," she asked, a devilish grin on her face, "What's your least favorite band?"
"No, don't do it, Jane. I just got that one song outta my head. I was singing it for like a week!"
"What song? This song?" Jane asked innocently as she turned the volume knob, and Covet by Basement began to pour through the vans speakers. Jane laughed heartily as Sam groaned in the back, and she began to sing along and ignited the engine. She didn't belt the song out though, unfortunately, as she decided to be responsible and rest her voice. She took a swig of the beer and got back on the road to El Paso.

[HangYourSecrets]

Rob scratched at the sand building under his eyes as he continued to drink his caffeine. By the time Jane had approached, he was about to get up. If i’d be so lucky…

“I, uh, I had a bad trip,” She said. Rob could only nod. Same here, he thought.

Jane, from time to time, was spontaneous, wild, and hard to understand. Other times, such as now, she was being more than obvious. As if the record wasn’t enough, or the apology. Truth was, Rob knew Jane long enough to know she couldn’t stand just accepting that someone was mad at her. Jane had to fix it, and that was a good quality to have under normal circumstances. Normally, Rob could get away from everyone. Take a walk, have a smoke, enjoy some time away from people. Here…he couldn’t go forty minutes.

He looked to Jane’s hand as he held it out to him. She might not have been subtle, but…at least she seemed honest enough. Rob took her hand, playing along with the peace that had been made. Maybe, it wasn’t honest to have done so—Rob was still conflicted. But at least it meant he would try.

“I don’t hate you,” he had said after she seemed to joke that he did. “I’m just…I don’t know. Tired.”

Jane was noticeably cheery as the two approached the van, even bothering Sam with the Basement song he secretly liked. Rob took the opportunity to take another nap, sleeping his way from the mall all the way to El Paso.

---

Time had been good to them when they arrived at El Paso. There was another thirty minutes before load in, and not much to do.

“I’ll take the CD’s over,” he said to the others when they had arrived, before pushing the hoodie off his head and taking off to the trailer before anyone could protest. He picked up one of the boxes of CD’s the band had finished printing just days before the tour, and bolted for the front entrance. He could use the time alone.

At these sorts of festivals, merch was usually handled in two different ways, depending on the size of your band. If you were on that day and you were a big enough band, they’d give you your own merch table to set up, with T-Shirts, CD’s—the whole nine yards. If you were a smaller band (read: In Bloom) and you weren’t selling much, you could get a stack of CD’s over to the festivals proprietary merch table. There’d be too much hassle in passing the money back to the bands, so El Paso’s festival had decided to just offer discounts based on how fell the CD’s sold. The whole system worked different ways in different towns, and Rob wondered if it was even worth the hassle. Who the hell buys CD’s anymore, anyways?

Rob showed off his artist pass at the entrance gate and made his way over to the directed table near the front. As he did, thoughts of the day passed by him, he felt himself visibly cringe at some of the things he had muttered to people in the mall that day. He made a mental note to at least apologize to Sam some time later.

Surprisingly, a small crowd was formed in front of the merch table, completely ignoring the (admittedly much bigger) band that was on before them. The staff worker behind the table saw Rob and seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief, before motioning him to move behind the table with her.

“In Bloom?” she asked as he slid around behind her. Rob patiently set down the box on the ground.

“Yeah?”

The staff worker immediately grabbed the box and about slammed it down on the table, atop some festival T-shirts. The small crowd of festival-goers turned to see the small spectacle.

“They’ve been asking for your CD’s all day,” she said, starting to take money from the nearest fan. “We played a few tracks from your record yesterday after a band decided not to show. Called it a preview until we could rush the next band on stage. Now all I hear is ‘Where’s the In Bloom record?’”

She put on a mocking tone as she said it, and turned to the crowd. “Well, it’s here,” she said, almost to herself. 

While the two had been talking, Rob had watched her sell three of their CD’s already. In the crowd in front of them, Rob noticed a guy look down at his artist pass, then back up to him.

“You’re the drummer, right?” He asked, holding out the CD. Rob nodded, trying to put a good face on. “Could you sign my copy?”

Rob agreed, and quickly signed a copy for the guy, before watching him disappear into the crowd, headed towards the stage. “You’re on at eight, right?” Another person called out in the crowd.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta get back there now,” Rob responded. The interaction with actual fans, not just friends and family, was starting to become exciting. Before he left, Rob signed another four CD’s and was handed $200 from the staffer for finally bringing her a box. The last thing he heard her say as he took the back route to the stage was something about needing more CDs.

---

By the time Rob made it to the stage, load in had already started. He quickly ran over to help Austin, who was struggling with carrying the bass drum.

“About damn time,” he said, panting slightly at the weight of the thing. “Where were you?”

“Signing CD’s,” Rob said, almost shocked to hear the words come out of his mouth. “It was surreal. People were actually buying our shit.”

Austin was not one for much reaction. “Well, we could use some groupies to help move this shit anyways.”

Smiling, Rob helped Austin and the others set up the stage. He returned to the van, and after making sure no one was inside, reached into the back and pulled out his leather-bound journal. He climbed into the back seat and sat on the floor, his back to the door, and hastily began scribbling down what he could. Moments alone were few-and-far between on the road, or so it seemed, and he certainly seemed alone enough. Rob hoped writing down all the endless shit running in his mind about the tour would help him clear his mind. Eventually, the writing turned to Jane, and Rob simply tried to jot down what he thought. Just being able to read the words on the page was comforting enough. After he was satisfied, he closed the book and set it on his lap, hoping for just another five minutes. Even if it was in this hot, closed, black van.