[IC] Journey to the East

[snelss0]

Elann saw that the book was set on Aimee's lap, but wasn't sure she had settled in to read it yet. Given her closing of it, Elann figured that perhaps she had, but from where she sat, she could see her sister's thumb inside, holding her place. Elann hummed thoughtfully at her response. Fifteen more days, just over two weeks more and they would be free of the boundaries of the wagon and the dangers of the wild.

Already she had pissed off some sort of witch or God that she didn't know of, her husband had nearly died - and would have if she had not got him to the road before the wagons came - and she also had a fear looming from her dreams of trouble ahead. Elann still was cautious about her dreams. Many of them were fluid, only true in part. She couldn't tell for certain the things that would come, but every day seemed to remind her in Noah's tea leaves that something was coming.

The thought faded away as Aimee asked her if she was anxious. It was a little of the issues between Noah and herself, her dreams and thoughts, but also the distance Aimee had kept after their fight. She really enjoyed getting to know her back in Syliras, and it seemed the further Elann and Noah got from each other, the less support she had of her sister. Had she been so wrong to want Noah to change? She assumed so and had settled into the place she was at now. Tensions had seemed to be calming down as she gave her husband space, but she couldn't be sure.

"Well, not anxious. I'll be glad to be in Zeltiva though."

Elann looked down. She knew the Kelvics were at home out there in the wilds, and much like them, she too wanted to be, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was at work out there in the wild and set against them all.

Aimee piped up with a question and shifted to her. Elann raised her head and faced Aimee by turning on the bench all the more with one leg crossed under the other.

"Sure," she answered, a small smile playing over her face.

[Illumin0sity]

“Me too,” Aimee had said in reply.

The Kelvic missed her home. Though the wilds were great to be in, she had grown used to being within the family’s home and seeing the buildings and attending classes. Zeltiva, in a way, was another type of wild due to the cultures smashing together and Zeltiva just being lively and unpredictable as always. It was the reason she couldn’t live in Syliras for more than a year all those years ago; Syliras was dull and predictable. The rush hour happened at the same times every day, the Knights were grey, drab, and overly stern, and people got arrested for the oddest reasons. That wasn’t to say Zeltiva’s guard wasn’t enforcing its own laws, they just seemed a little more liberal in their delegation.

Aimee returned Elann’s smile, though it was more in politeness than geniality. She considered what she wanted to ask for a short moment; there were a few questions on her mind but she didn’t want to overwhelm or confuse the Benshira.

“I wanted to know how you and my brother met,” Aimee said knowing that Elann had told her once before, but this was for personal clarification. “Also, how were things before you married one another? It’s just, now, things between the two of you seem really… tense, for lack of a better word, and I’m trying to wrap my head around it because it confuses me.” She took a breath. “I mean, when momma and I were there in your apartment before the wedding, things between you two seemed… I don’t know… better?”

Aimee shifted uncomfortably. “I know he adores you, otherwise he wouldn’t be here now. I know there’s conflict and bickering sometimes, my parents do it all the time, but whenever things happen between you and Noah, it seems much more dire,” she pointed out. “It may be because he can conjure storms on a whim, but he’s never been this… stressed before. He’s usually so mellow and quiet, but with you he’s always talking or seems as if he’s just trying to keep together without falling apart, or something.”

She finished, blinking her large eyes towards Elann. She had been observing for the past two weeks and had nothing but questions come. Though she didn’t want to overwhelm Elann, as soon as she started talking the words just kept tumbling out as if she didn’t have a shut for her mouth. She was an eager individual and she was passionate about the topic: her brother and Elann as an extension.

[snelss0]

It was a comfort to hear that Aimee, someone natural to the wilds, was anxious to return to Zeltiva. It made her feel like she wasn't so alone out there, that there was something else to look forward to ahead.

Elann listened intently as her sister cautiously laid out her question and her clarification of it. Aimee had read her memoirs and knew of her desires and love for Noah, as well as how they met, but upon her giving her clarification, she realized the hidden inquiry as to what she wanted to know.

Shifting more and more slumped as she went on, Elann almost seemed to crumple as she went on. As she finished it was clear that the toughened outside of Elann had been punctured and deflated and she was showing her inner sadness.

"I know...I know he's stressed. I think it's all my fault. I mean...ever since the beginning I've been pressuring him to be something he wasn't. I had never met a kelvic before, so I just thought he was a...well...a strange man." She smiled at that slightly, "But in him, I saw a sweetness, an innocence, and he wasn't strange in a so bad of a way, so I decided to get to know him more. I had no-one when I came to Syliras, but he seemed to want to spend time with me, and to be honest, just having someone there to listen to me made me feel better after the horrible stuff that had happened to me."

"I eventually grew irritated with his behavior, still thinking he was a human. I actually yelled at him a little the first outing we went on because he would only ever speak to me in one word answers...I made him cry." It was clear she felt bad about it, but she continued on. "That was when I found out in small part what it means to be kelvic and it was why he didn't understand some things that to me were normal. He confessed to me he wanted to be more human-like, but didn't know how...so we mentally really just settled into this relationship with him where we seemed to be human together, but to tell the truth, I think I just settled into that mentality and have been fooled by it since."

"We had bickered in the past as he tried to understand me, but nothing we had fought about was as serious as since the marriage. I think the reason this has been so bad is because in my mind, I had this image of him as this Kelvic trying to be human, an image where he was trying. When you both showed up, he seemed more like a Kelvic trying to forget the human and that he hated the ruse of it. It seemed to me like he had given up trying altogether. That was my perspective anyway. I think he feels like I think I don't appreciate or notice how much he has changed to conform to me. I do, but it wasn't that that bothered me. It was his words in our fighting. He would leave when the topic wasn't something he wanted to hear and he seemed to be just more angry, snippy; all likely my fault by me trying to change him still."

"I've been trying to understand him, but I just had this image in my mind of how he loved me and that image I've been finding out is far different than I thought. I don't doubt his love for me. I know he loves me like no other, but I love through desire and attraction, among other things. And I felt like I didn't know him anymore when I found he married me but wasn't attracted to me nor desired me. It was like he was a puppet and I had been tugging and dragging him along to be this person he wasn't, even into marriage. To me, nothing is more important than marriage, but to him, I think he never cared for it. Most of the changes I've seen were because I wanted him to change...and I think it has been so volatile lately because I've pushed him to a peak where he can't take it anymore." She sighed, feeling destroyed inside. "It's been very hard for me to come into the mindset I need to be in, but I am trying."

She shed a single tear then, but didn't cry much. She was trying with all her ability to understand him, but was just so horrible at it.

[Illumin0sity]

It seemed as Aimee spoke the Benshira fell apart slowly with each word. Aimee kept up her questions though and kept up the expectant gaze she was putting on the Benshira to answer. There was a small guilt in the Kelvic for putting the Benshira in this position but her love for her brother was much more immense than the love she felt for Elann. That said, she wanted to learn how to like Elann more, and she had found a way how to in Syliras. Now though, with Elann and Noah’s fighting, her brother was giving her unspoken reason to be cautious, and so she was cautious here, listening as Elann spoke on her side of the story.

The Kelvic knew this was the only way to really get Elann’s side of things. Noah wouldn’t speak on it much because he didn’t like to talk as it were and he would always play of Elann’s unintentional slights against him because of their bond and love. Aimee knew because she was the same way, and it wasn’t until Jocelyn had literally shaken her to see her most recent bond and relationship were toxic did she see the error in her ways. The last straw for that relationship was when Aimee and her love got into an argument. The last words he had said to her, yelling, were why she couldn’t be normal and act like a human. Crying and afraid, Aimee severed their bond, inflicting a tremendous pain on herself in that moment in order to spare herself prolonged ache later.

As Elann explained, Aimee felt herself recalling her former relationship and how the same underlying theme seemed to be at play here. It was off-putting but the Kelvic persevered, understanding that Elann’s approach to change were much more delicate than Aimee’s old bondmate. It did hurt her though when Elann said she made Noah cry. Unintentionally or not, it was a hard thing to here her brother in emotional distraughtness without being there to comfort him.

The tear Elann shed was a cementer of the guilt within Aimee’s belly. It spurred her to reach forth with her free hand to wipe Elann’s cheek, ridding the tear before withdrawing into herself again.

“I’m sorry if I distressed you,” she said softly. “I really care for my brother, that’s all. To see him like this is disheartening. I don’t know what to do though.” She sighed. “I hope you trying helps. I really do, because I don’t see him anymore, just something else there.”

“Sorry that you had to say all of that.”

[snelss0]

Elann had opened herself emotionally to Aimee, really trying to explain and open her heart to her and she wasn't disappointed. Unlike Noah, she had a civil way of expressing herself, even if inside she may have felt like he did. It made Elann feel comforted, not yelled at because she was crying.

Feeling comforted, and with tear carefully wiped away, Elann listened to her sister. It was excusable she guessed, but never having a sibling, she wondered at their relationship.

It was sad to Elann to hear that what she had done to Noah had left him to be something else; that stabbed her in the heart.

"It's okay. It kind of felt good to get it off my chest, really." She then sniffed and regained some composure, then leaned against the canvas of the wagon.

"Aimee, I don't know what to do at this point. I've tried to draw closer to him and that didn't work, and now I'm trying to stay away a little without making him feel like I'm pressuring him for anything...and it's going better. I just couldn't stand it if I pushed him to the point of tearing our bond. I feel I couldn't live without him. He has become my only friend, my only family, and the only man I've ever loved. It hurts more inside than I ever knew I could that I have been destroying this bond between us. I just want his forgiveness. I want to start over, but I feel I've pushed him too far and I can't talk about it anymore with him without him getting mad. I can't make it right. Now we are in this lull where neither of us want to offend each other, but I want more than that because I love him."

A hand came down to help lift her other leg up onto the bench so she was curled up on it. It felt so good to finally talk to her sister again, and once more, she didn't feel as rejected as she did.

[Illumin0sity]

Aimee gave Elann her full attention at the call of her name. What they were discussing was all too important to the she-wolf, and so she listened to what the Benshira had to say on the matter all the more. What Elann did say Aimee nodded to, having made her own observations and inferences enough to find them accurate. There was a great amount of patience and caution in Aimee, hence why she was handling the conversation so well. The same couldn’t be said about Noah in such situations.

“Forgiveness is a hard thing to get,” Aimee told Elann. “Noah doesn’t get upset easily; he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t really get angry, or didn’t until recently - I’m not sure anymore. I suggest you just leave it alone for now; you can’t start over, but I don’t know when you’ll be able to make it right.”

Aimee didn’t even know if Elann could make it right at all, but she kept that to herself in order to give Elann some kind of hope. “I’m sorry I can’t help more; I’m just not him and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He won’t talk to me about it in order to defend you, regardless of what he’s feeling,” she informed.

Aimee leaned back as well, resting her book in her lap, her thumb still there. Sighing, she said, “I’m surprised he’s stuck around this long. The bond must mean too much to him because he’s usually done and over these things by now.” Looking to Noah, her eyes fluttered over his curly hair and how his head was slightly tucked underneath the blanket. “I think his last bond destroyed him to the point where he won’t be able to take another breaking. There’s that, and I’m sure he loves you beyond anyone’s understanding.”

She let out another labored sigh and opened her book, flipping through pages with no aim other than to hear the sound of paper on her skin.

[snelss0]

Elann nodded to her sister as she said that forgiveness was a hard thing to get. She took in a deep breath and let it out. She said that Noah didn't get upset easily, that he didn't yell or get angry, all of which she had led him into. Elann had taken all the blame upon herself and played over the hem of her clothes in quiet sadness from it. It almost sounded like from Aimee's point of view the relationship was over, but had a tiny bit of hope. Elann wasn't sure at that point.

With Yahal, a promise could be broken if both parties were in agreement, but divorce was a bit more serious. Elann didn't want to divorce him, and it seemed like Aimee thought Noah was just sticking around because he didn't want to break another breaking. That hurt most of all, even if she said that he loved her. She loved Noah completely and wanted to make everything right. She just felt helpless though. Only time would tell if her husband would ultimately tear their bond or if the space she gave them would heal their relationship. She felt trapped in a box with nowhere to go. If she went closer to him, he only seemed more annoyed. If she opened up to how she was feeling, he only got mad. If she shared her culture or any real aspect of herself with him, it would end in pain. She couldn't be sure anymore if that was how he was or if that was how she made him. Feeling extremely depressed, Elann gave a small smile to her sister and patted her on the arm as she opened her book. It was a sign to Elann that she was done talking.

"Well...thanks for listening, and I know you love your brother, that you are looking out for him. We do love each other. We are just having some hardships right now. I want to do what it takes to make it right though. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I'm sure it has been more than awkward for you."

Elann then rose and moved to the back of the wagon.

"I hope he sleeps better on the rugs," she said lovingly as she looked to him. It pained her in her heart to see him injured again, but after a small sigh, she looked back up to Aimee.

"I'm going to walk ahead today I think."

With that, she made her way out the back of the wagon and moved out ahead of the wagon train. They were just getting lined up to head out, and Elann started down the road after giving Aimee a little wave. Once out of sight, of the caravan, Elann shed tears of the pain in her heart for what she had done and the lacking hope that lingered around their relationship like a stormy cloud.

[Illumin0sity]

“Thanks for talking with me,” Aimee said softly in reply to Elann’s own thanks, drawing quiet to listen to the rest of her statement. Though ‘hardships’ seemed like an understatement, Aimee accepted Elann’s words as they were, looking to her as she rose, touching the Kelvic’s arm. Aimee nodded to Elann saying she would walk ahead and let the Benshira dismiss herself from the conversation and one another’s presences. There were many other thoughts in Aimee’s head but she didn’t know how to express them. She was attempting to like Elann and believed she would if it weren’t for the Benshira being in a relationship with her brother.

Aimee settled back into her book since she was now virtually alone, Elann gone and Noah sleeping. The hours ticked by and Syna rose higher into the air and warmed the coolness into something comfortable, probably even for the Benshira’s easily chilled skin. The day, from that point on, was relatively quiet in the back of the wagon. Aimee read and napped or lost herself in thoughts. Noah woke and shifted to sleep again and lie in silence with a quiet sense of longing in his heart for Elann since she didn’t seem to be there when he awoke. Considering what had happened between them that morning he expected her to be around, yet she wasn’t.

It was just after midday and all Noah could hear was the wagon’s creaking and bounding as it jostled and rumbled him. He rose his head from the floor and looked around the wagon’s interior. He could see Aimee hanging out of the back of the wagon, her hands going through her tresses of hair but her back was to him. He settled back down, turning his head to face the canvas wall of the wagon, his eyes studying the texture without touching. He stared, blinking, until his vision blurred and he was lulled on away to sleeping again, only coming to wake as the caravan pulled off to the side of the road, signaling the end to the day’s travel. He recalled waking a few more times still to either relieve himself or see if Aimee or Elann was around. While Aimee stayed, never to leave his sight, she didn’t speak to him when he woke, if she even knew he was awake at times.

Now, in the coming darkness, his stomach spoke out in hunger, having been neglected that entire day save for breakfast. The entire day had been bouts of loneliness only interrupted by the forced sessions of sleep because nothing else was happening. He felt lethargic and heavy there on the floor covered in furs and surrounded by pillows. He was comfortable physically but felt cold otherwise, though his body was warm.

His side and back were aching but, in a way, his heart was calling for treatment. He felt the figurative silver thread connecting him and his bondmate. His fingers loosened their grasp, letting his ache, hunger, and quiet loneliness trickle out down the length of the cord. Noah could not tug and call Elann like she could him, and see as he had been mute in this sense for a while, he thought the slightest foreign feeling felt by her coming from him would be enough to pull her to him. Gently, he rolled over his left side and settled onto his back, shifting ever so slightly to stay comfortable.

Noah heard a shuffling at the back of the wagon that disappeared into the ground. He figured Aimee had gone away from the edge and went to interact with the rest of the people of the caravan. There he waited then, alone to see if Elann heard his cooing down at the other end of the bond.

[snelss0]

Elann was none the wiser on her husband's status. She hadn't meant to leave him alone all day, but knew him to be sleeping. Because of that, she just wanted to clear her mind and heart from her disheartening conversation with Aimee before Noah woke up. Most of the day was in prayer and praise. Not too far before the lead wagon, she sang worship to Yahal and Zulrav just out of earshot.
Each prayer and worship was different. To Yahal it was her showing her love and purity of heart to him, her undying faithfulness in devotion to him and her promises. To Zulrav, she worshiped his warm winds and how strong and mighty he was. Even going so far to be bold and ask for rain and wind from him. He would know she was trying to be faithful, not just because of Noah, but because her own willingness to be faithful to him.

With Zulrav, it wasn't about love for him when she worshiped, but more about a relationship, like the relationship of the wind and the storm. She had seen how he saved her because of Noah and his relationship and she wanted that too. She wanted to share that with her husband and repair even what may have come to tension between her and Noah's God. The only problem was that she didn't know enough about Zulrav to really start and wasn't sure he even had eyes on her, let alone cared. It didn't stop her though, and as she sang and danced in Shiber, she kept hope in her heart that he one day would respond.

As the night began to draw close, Elann didn't take the chance being out so far from the wagons as she knew that they would stop soon, but also because she knew animals hunted in the evening hours. Noah's bond had been dull to her, but as she had said before, if he ever needed her, he could just loosen his hold on their bond and she would come once she felt him.

They had begun to encircle the camp on the side of the road and Elann spoke with the wagon master on the lead wagon about how to drive a wagon. He continued to explain for the next hour the various dangers of driving and how to keep your wheels safe. It was then a rushing pain came over Elann she did not expect. It had been a long time since she had felt Noah let loose on their bond. Elann was not prepared for it and gasped mid sentence. The man asked her if she was alright and she nodded, swallowing the feeling of pain, ache, hunger, and loneliness as it flooded into her. Her husband was calling.

"I'm okay...I just had a random pain. I'm okay now," she stated as she straightened up. "I think I should go," she said kindly and he excused her. Elann began walking and then the pain shifted from one side to the the other and then to her back. He was clearly laying on his back, a new change. She passed Aimee on the way back to the wagon, and saw that she had come nearby to speak to one of the other families in the next wagon down. She gave her a smile and showed that she was heading to the wagon to keep and eye on Noah, then headed that way. It wasn't long after he had let loose of the bond that Elann came up to the wagon's back, but before that Elann pestered the cook for some bread for Noah.

Inside the wagon lay her husband on the bedding she had made with rugs, pillows, blankets, and furs for him, and true to form, he was on his back. The back of the wagon was down still and she climbed up into it with a plate in hand to lie next to him.

"Hi there," she said with concern in her voice. She could feel his loneliness, which out of all he felt, triggered her compassion the most. She was his helper, and whether he wanted her or not she didn't know, but she would be there for him in any aspect he wanted. "Are you doing okay? I brought you a little bread to tie you over until supper is ready."

If he wanted to eat the bread, she would help him sit up from where he lay so he could eat.

[Illumin0sity]

Leaving Noah, Aimee dropped down from the wagon and rounded the corner. She bid a hello to the occupants of the wagon that followed behind theirs, whose driver she had been exchanging friendly glances with. She couldn’t see the driver now but figured he was tending to the horses who strew the transport. She came to the side where a majority of the tents would be put that night. The children were jetting forth from the wagons they had been cooped up in all day and their chiming calls could be heard along with their thudding feet. They zipped past Aimee, sending her into a twirl to avoid being ran over by the little bodies. Stopping, she saw Elann and met the Benshira’s gaze with her own. Aimee returned the smile politely, figuring that Elann was going to Noah after leaving the wagon for the whole of that day.

Inside the wagon, Noah held onto his bond with loose fingers, letting his feeling trail out in the only way he could call his bondmate. Time passed since Aimee dropped down from the wagon and there hadn’t been another shift. He could feel Elann through the bond but she had yet to appear in the wagon at all. He resolved himself to stop trying in the seconds before he heard the Benshira pulling herself up into the back. Prone, he didn’t turn to see her, waiting for her to appear out of the corner of his eye. She did, a plate of bread in her hand, of which she laid down beside him as she came down to the floor.

“Hello,” he voiced softly, almost mouthing the words. Now that she was there he pulled his bond closed again, the action doing what he intended for it to do.

“I just hurt,” he admitted quietly again.

Noah used his hands to find some sense of bearing with the blankets. Using Elann, he went to sit up, turning to face her in his cross-legged position, his hands going for the plate of bread. He eyed her searchingly, his light blue eyes scouring her face and posture for physical signs of the emotion held inside her. His right hand brought the bread up to his mouth, his teeth coming down and into the piece as he looked at her. His left hand rose to smooth over the matted side of his hair, trailing down to scratch at his cheek before settling in the blanket strewn over his lap bare lap.

“You left,” he pointed out. “I thought you were going to stay?”

Noah’s question was asked with the intent on having her explain herself. Each time he did awake for the brief moments she wasn’t around despite their seeming sense of closeness that morning. It was a cause for concern in him seeing as he was attempting to cover the most recent wound inflicted upon their relationship.

He swallowed the first bite of bread dryly. There was a clear thirst in him for both liquid and an answer.

[snelss0]

It was good to finally feel the hunger that was in her stomach, as well as the pain in her back, come to an end. After a quick breath and a closing of her eyes to mentally recover, she pouted a tiny bit at his evident pain.

"I know you do. I wish I could just heal you so you could be free. It kills me to see you in pain like this," she admitted, and he would surely feel that within her there was a deep compassion for him. "I wish you were free to soar again and be on the wind where you are happy."

Her pout was brief and only showed a tiny bit of outward empathy as he had stated he didn't like her pouting, crying, or seeming sad really in any way. She settled him to where he could eat and she sat across from him cross legged a small space away from him on the other side of the wagon's floor. There had been a small jug of water kept beside the trunk for Noah incase he got thirsty and seeing his bites, she wondered at his desires.

"I stayed for a while after you slept, but then I wanted to pray and spend some time in worship where I could sing aloud. I didn't want to wake you or bother Aimee, who was reading. Aimee kept an eye on you and I wasn't too far away."

She then poured a glass of water for him and held it in her hands for him until he was ready to take it. She loved serving him and spending time with him, so holding the glass for him, even briefly was a symbol of her love for him in that service.

"Are you doing okay, Noah? I felt you were lonely."

Her tone was one of concern for him, but she didn't mollycoddle him, instead only placing a hand lightly on his shin. Before she would want to smother him in love so he felt better, but she was trying to remain distant from him, yet showing her love. He couldn't doubt that at least. It was the most prevalent through their bond, and almost never seemed to cease for him in its extreme.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah was thankful she stopped her pouting. The way he saw it she was sad at his expense and because of him. It was a reminder of foolishness and soaring about like he owned the skies in this area when he didn’t. The thought of him not being in his own territory had slipped his mind entirely. Elann had wanted to hunt with him and he saw it as a way to bridge the gap their last fight had put between them. Now, he was injured and it was affecting more people than he intended to. It was enough that he felt bad but now it was trickling out to others and he didn’t like being pitied even if the other people were worried about him. Elann didn’t have to pout to show her compassion because all she laced their bond with was the feeling.

He bit another piece of the bread as she explained her absence and he nodded, understanding. The water was presented to him and he reached forth with his free hand to take the cup, sipping as she asked of his wellbeing.

“You were gone,” he pointed out again. “I thought you were going to stay today, that’s all.”

Though he didn’t say, he did want her to stay around that day, thinking their relationship was healing in some way that morning. She maintained her distance though and he wasn’t sure what to feel. He did enjoy having the distance, as it was the only way for them to seemingly live in the quiet he preferred, yet he did enjoy her being around at the same time. It seemed though, whenever she was around, a subject was always broached that caused trouble between them. Before, she had said it wasn’t that their gods, or they, were incompatible, but he was having a hard time believing that now of all times.

He swallowed. “I’m okay though,” he said. “I was just wondering where you were. Did you enjoy your walk?”

[snelss0]

Elann thought it curious that he reasserted that he thought she was going to stay. Instead of bickering about it, smothing him with love, or making up more excuses, she brushed her hair back and just looked to him and nodded. He stated he was okay and just wondered where she was. A small smile passed over her features and she nodded again.

"It was really pretty, and it was actually warm today. Even Zulrav's breezes were heated by the sun. It felt really nice too to just open up and sing. I haven't been able to very loudly since I left the tents of my father. Though he doesn't require it, Yahal loves it when I sing to him, so I really felt his presence today with me."

She leaned back onto the edge of the bench behind her and raised an arm to prop up her head.

"Did you want me to make you something more for dinner? Or if you want, I can grab whatever the cook is making? Or is that enough?"

She nodded to the bread in his hand, wondering what he wanted to do. She didn't want to leave him yet though and she uncrossed her legs, turned on her hip a little and placed her feet up close to his thigh to rub him lovingly with her shin as she looked to him. The way she lay against the other side of the wagon seemed to communicate her want and willingness to be with him and not to leave. Above all else, if he wanted to draw closer to her and wanted her to draw closer to him, he knew what he had to do. Elann was always open to him in whatever aspect he wanted to come to her. She was a needy woman and she needed his loving affection, but she wasn't going to make him. She had done that in the past- made him into a man he wasn't, and if he really wanted her, he would have to show her. Even in their volatile state, him simply extending a hand to her would communicate he wanted her in his lap and close to him.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah nodded to Elann, finding a small joy that she enjoyed herself in the time away from him. He was jealous of her having felt the breezes of his deity. It was a jealousy that didn’t turn to envy, just resided in the want to be outside of the wagon as both of them had wished it. He almost wished he had told her he didn’t want to go hunting with her but he couldn’t have done that. It would’ve probably dampened their relationship all the more and he wouldn’t allow himself to let her go off into the wilds alone, especially since he didn’t know these parts as well as he knew the area directly around Syliras.

He took another bite out of his bread as she leaned on the bench. He looked to the hand her head rested in then shot his gaze to meet hers as she asked her questions. “What the cook makes is fine,” he told her, still wanting to be around her for a while longer.

The distance he wanted was bittersweet it seemed. The distance allowed him to reside in his quietness, but also made him yearn for the closeness of his bondmate physically without drawing over the now immensely fragile lines he once had. He longed for her to understand that silence and quiet living wasn’t a curse upon their relationship. His quietness wasn’t a way to say he didn’t love her, didn’t want her around. Him being around her, he thought, was enough to communicate that he was so exceptionally comfortable with her to stay in the same cramped establishments day in and out. Apparently it was not though, and she didn’t respect the quietness, perhaps thinking it was a slight to the relationship and her character.

He didn’t dare broach the subject, not wanting to come remotely close to another argument he wouldn’t be able to bear, keep up, or contend with. As it were now, he had resolved himself to her image and was simply trying to keep her satisfied as to not endanger the recovering bond anymore.

With that in mind, he set his drink off to the side and held his bread with his teeth, raising both hands to her to signify that she was allowed to come into his lap. Noah understood she enjoyed the affectionate feelings translated through their physical closeness, and so he opened himself physically to her despite his own feelings; he was comfortable with her being beside him and that was all. If he sought her physical affection, should he have not been injured, then he would’ve went to her. As it were, she had to come to him and he had to give the signal that it was alright, reading her in knowing that it was probably what she wanted.

[snelss0]

While Noah was beating himself up inside, Elann was none the wiser. His bond was closed once again and she was innocently loving on him. She had her issues with what had happened, but she was trying to do what needed to be done to make the relationship right and yet still not be so distant as to make him feel unloved. Elann had come from a family that loved at a distance, and she had always wanted more. Even her own mother had confessed her anger at her husband for not being closer to her. That drove Elann to fight hard to be close to Noah, but in the end, she was trapped in the same relationship. She didn't want to grow to hate him and still held hope for their future.

"Okay," she responded softly to him. Elann was actually quite joyful given not only that she had prayed all day, but because she was finally getting to see him awake. She hated seeing him laid out there unconscious and drugged. She couldn't stand his sleepy eyes and drugged looks from when he would stir awake and fall back asleep. It tore her heart open for him as she loved him dearly. It was nice to see him finally sat up, and as he finished taking a drink, she watched him set it off to the side. With bread in his mouth he beckoned for her and it caused her to giggle a little. Waves of joy would flood him as she rose up first to her knees, and then gently crawled to straddle his lap. Normally she would lay in his arms, but given his weak strength, his stitches in back and muscles that would normally support her, she figured it best to come to him directly. As it was, she rest facing him in his lap with her hands on her thighs to give her upperbody support.

Playfully, she bit the bread and yanked it from his mouth with eyes that showed her mirth and deviousness. Her eyebrows wriggled to him as she now held it in her own mouth. Elann was trying to start a game with him as she had noticed how he liked playing with her earlier but wasn't sure if he would. She knew that certain terrestrial animals fought over food, but she was a human and clearly playing. She just hoped that would translate to him.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann came to him, straddling over his lap and facing his front. He brought a hand behind her to rest on her lower back to aid in keeping her upright there and the other went for the piece of bread in his mouth, bread that was stolen from its loose hold in his teeth by her. Immediately his brows creased to denote his dislike for it. Having his food taken wasn’t something he took kindly too, especially because he was hungry enough as it were. Atop of that, growing up with a family of predators meant that even in family meals food could become a competition, despite there being enough for everyone. He was the youngest of all his siblings, even more atop that, and meant his was often the victim of getting his food taken from him.

His look softened as he realized the thoughts that went through his head. Elann wasn’t attempting to take his food entirely, just start a game with him. He plucked the bread from her mouth nonetheless with his free hand.

“Mine,” he simply said as he brought it back to his mouth.

Noah took a large bite of the bread, handing it back over to Elann’s lips to see if she wanted to bite it again. He wasn’t one to play with his food seeing as if he couldn’t take his catch to the trees, he had to eat quickly. He was purely businessminded when it came to eating and it explained why when she fed him he wouldn’t speak often, only doing so when his family was visiting because it was what they did together. In the times where Elann did eat with him, she was always done with her food before him between the seconds he would like. Though, with her he was learning to be less focused when eating and since this was supposed to be a game, when she drew forth to bite he moved the bread back so she’d miss, a humored and humming laugh coming from him as she did so.

He moved it back to her, humming for her to take it, and when she reached for it again he pulled it back like last time. Noah chuckled then, deriving his own fun from the instance. He presented it to her for the third time, not planning on pulling it back this time since he had his enjoyment and laughing.

[snelss0]

As expected, Noah was caught off guard, and if his look hadn't softened, Elann would have felt somewhat distraught. As it was, his looks did soften as he realized it was a game. He snatched it from her mouth and took a big bite of it. She glared at him playfully, almost predator-like, and he would see that where her cute little teeth were, there was no piece missing. She had bit it initially very lightly and then held it mostly with her lips, so when he had snagged it from her it was quite easy to get away. It too was a sign she didn't intent to take his food from him.

Eventually, he began to hand over the bread back to her and she opened her mouth to take a bite, but he fooled her. It sent her into giggles for a moment before he tried again. She nipped at it more intently to take it back, but he snatched it from her again. With her playful toothy grin, he could see that twinkle in her eye he had seen on the days of their bonding, the day of her wedding, and any other such happy moment. He presented it a third time and she went after it so good she almost got his finger in the process. With it in her lips again, she mouthed, "Mine", back at him and giggled with his laughter.

It was then that the triangle bell rang for food and she moved closer to him so he could put the small amount of bread back in his mouth. Once he took it from her, she would let it go and would run a hand through his hair with a little nibble on her upper lip.

"I'm going to go get you a bunch of food okay? Then I'll be right back."

She would reach up with a hand and snatch the bread from his mouth and would plant a kiss on his lips before setting it back in his hand and sliding off of him carefully. If he didn't protest, she would skip off to the line forming for food to get two full plates for him. She would share off the second one, but wasn't very hungry so it would be a small amount. For dinner that night there was rabbit, dried bear steak, dried fish, squirrel, and some sort of lizard. There was also soup and some dried kale with spices, but she skipped all of those things and just gathered a bunch of lizard, squirrel, and rabbit- the freshest of the meats and then would head back.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah was a lightly mooded individual for the most part. With those light moods came playfulness, quite naturally as well. It wasn’t long before the dullness in his eyes lit up in unison with Elann’s own, especially because his own innate sense of mischief was sparked by the teasing he had done of Elann with the bread. The moment was a welcome relief to the constant eggshell stepping that either of them seemed to be doing in order to not offend one another. It let him see he and Elann could be foolish with one another without the need for amazingly heavy feelings, of which could be misinterpreted. Play was neutral and universal. He enjoyed it.

The dinner bell clanged loud enough to give him pause. His head turned towards the wagon’s flaps and then back to Elann as she shifted in front of him. He opened his mouth to receive the bread between his teeth, her hands coming through his curly brown strands. A ‘bunch’ of food was to come his way, something that made him glimmer with mellow happiness. He nodded at her, the bread in his mouth was snatched out of again and his lips kissed. The bread was placed in his hand as she slid away from him to go retrieve their dinner.

Noah finished the bread and waited patiently in the same spot for Elann to return. Outside, Aimee was delegating food to the children. She showed Elann a kind gaze and smile. Seeing as the Benshira was skipping around, the Kelvic figured everything inside the wagon was going well. Inside the wagon, Noah played with the fur of the blanket until Elann was coming into the wagon again, the aromatic smells cooked meat coming to him the closer she got. The bread in his stomach did little to dull his appetite once the two plates of food were in front of him. The lizard wasn’t all too foreign to him and was eaten without discrimination. Noah ate with a total disregard for making a mess of his face, his hunger being the only thing he was content with sating at the moment, and it wasn’t until the first plate was clean did he wipe his face with the back of his hand, if Elann didn’t do that for him beforehand. What Elann didn’t eat of the second plate went into his mouth and down to his belly too.

Finishing, he stuck his forefinger into his mouth and sucked the tip, looking to Elann as he came back to giving her his attention. “Did Zulrav say anything to you?” Noah asked, remembering Elann saying she had been out frolicking in the warm winds when she was away from him.

[snelss0]

Coming back into the wagon, Elann was happy she saw Aimee still out there and wondered if the woman was actually going to eat the food gathered. Then Elann thought it possible that she herself was the one to have caught the rabbits and squirrels. It wasn't as if they were easy to catch by humans. Elann settled down next to her husband with her plate in hand and handed him his. She only ate a few cubes of the meat before she was done eating. Elann wanted to waste away the feeling of hunger that he had had in him when their bond was open, and from experience, she knew that the bread and water would only make him hungrier. The meat though, both her plate and his combined with the bread would likely sate his appetite.

She set it before him on the rug and waited for him to finish. Elann had noticed the first day that he didn't want her help with the various tasks, and even before that when he had been injured after Caesarion he too did not wish to be helped then. Now he had a choice in the matter and was functional, so she left him to do things himself. As he moved to take the second plate, she nestled closer to him and just hummed a silent Benshiran tune and wriggled her toes to it. Her arm was behind him on the bench and lightly toyed with his hair as she thought about their life in Zeltiva and what it would be like.

He eventually finished the plate of food and she held out her hand to take it kindly from him and to set near the back of the wagon. The sucking sound of his finger was heard as she turned back from where she set it and in resuming her position there at his side, she thought to his question.

"Well, not like Yahal speaks to me directly sometimes with words. But the winds were warm and seemed to dance about me as I sang to him. I suppose that was something, right? You know...I even asked for rain and storms?"

He would know that was a huge step for her as she had a phobia of water and of lightning even still. Essentially everything Zulrav had in his domain was something that had at one point scared her to death, but starting with the warm winds which she held dear in the desert, and now growing in appreciation for even his rain and storms, she had grown a lot in appreciation of her husband's God.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth, the grease from the meat making his skin glisten before he rubbed that away with the palm of his other hand. Noah posed the question because he wondered how attentive his deity was to his bondmate. He knew that Zulrav had spared her life during the lightning strike which procured the stormgems, but he wondered if she only got favor with Zulrav because of her relation to Noah. The Kelvic figured it was the case; Elann was afraid of the things that Zulrav took the most pride in and the things that Noah found the most comfort in. He was amazed by the storms and accepted the wind’s flightiness and quickly changing emotion as it were. All his life he had been shaped in the worship of Zulrav subconsciously.

“Maybe,” Noah said with uncertainty when Elann asked for his confirmation. His brows quirked in interest as she said she asked for rain and a storm. The mention made him look to the flaps of the tent again. He would be able to tell if Elann’s plea was heard by Zulrav, but as it were he was inside.

“Makutsi is the goddess of water,” he told her, looking to her again. “They work together to make it rain. Zulrav just has the clouds and the lightning, thunder, and wind.

A part of him felt almost guilty for not taking a deep interest in Yahal. It was just his domain and the apparent laws attached to it clashed with Noah’s own ideals of both purity and faithfulness. It seemed to him that Yahal inhabited the civilized definitions for that terminology. With his Kelvic bond, there was no way he could be intentionally unfaithful to his bondmate, therefore another attached meaning was unnecessary. The definition of purity was too up in the air and seemingly convoluted for the Kelvic to wrap his head around. If it weren’t for Zulrav’s attitude lining up almost directly with Noah’s, the Kelvic doubted he would’ve been religious at all. He figured he would be like his father who adhered to no deity and didn’t care for them. He would, like Noah, listen to what was told to him of the deities, but the information would do little to pique the great wolf’s interest.

“Did you talk to Yahal too?” he asked since the god was on his mind already.