The Hunt for the Grandmaster!
Featuring: Tai Pei, Esmerelda Gripenasty, Colonel H. Stinkmeaner, Mrs. Dolemite
Rows of ebony and blonde heads sat cross legged as Tai Pei stood in front of them. Small gi adorned each minuscule body, Tai Pei had hands clasped behind her back and her feet a little less than shoulder-width apart. To her students she issued,
âBreathing, most important. More oxygen makes it easier to?â a small girl with pigtails rose her hand, excitement lush,
âThink!â
âAnd better thinking leads to?â
âBetter⌠umâŚâ silence fell over the interior. After some time, Tai Pei interjected,
âReaction! And better reaction means?â a welcoming tone from the sensei and her pupils responded in kind,
âWinning!â not
quite what she had been trying to imbue in them.
âYes, but no-â elated faces deflated, âit makes it easier to
run. If someone is bigger or stronger or faster? Use your thinking!â she tapped her temple, âand get out of there safe!â
âOhhhhh.â rang the children in unison,
âDachi!â the students hopped to standing positions, feet together,
âRei!â and they all bowed, Tai Pei as well.
Not long after the students had left and Tai Pei was placing focus mitts, shin guards, and helmets in their assigned lockers there was a knock on the door. An elderly lady with a handbasket of brownies and chocolate chip cookies, a linen scarf wrapped around her head and golden bifocals obscuring her eyes. She gave a smile, several teeth having abandoned her gums decades ago, and some golden ones replacing those which decided to stay.
âYeyus, hello, baby! Would you like to buy some cookies? Help an old lady with her arthritis!â
âYou donât have arthritis, Esmerelda.â
âCouldja speak up a little, baby girl? Canât quite hear you!â
âEsmerelda. Pl-â
The next thing Tai Pei knew, a floating hip toss had her lying on her back and another
geriatric standing over her who spewed his eccentric voice at her,
âWHERE BUSHIDO BROWN AT, GUHL?â
Tai Pei coughed, she was sure some ribs were bruised,
âAgh!â she writhed,
ââPEAK YO ASS UP! WHERE âE AT?â slobber and saliva misted at the grounded karate master,
âY-you think I would t-tell you?â
âYâEN GOT NO DAMN CHOOOOIICCEEE! HEEYAAAHH!â Stinkmeaner was about to level an axe kick to Tai Peiâs forehead before she rolled out of the way. Sideways momentum helped her get onto one leg and continue her sideways spin into a leg sweep. Colonel H. Stinkmeaner found himself lying flat on the dojo floor.
Glass shattered and scattered along the mats of the dojo as Esmerelda kicked the door off its hinges. Tai Pei dropped into a roll and Esmerelda tossed her basket of delectable sweets at Stinkmeanerâs head,
âGetcho olâ ass up, Stinkmeaner! Ya dumb mothasucka!â Esmerelda tossed her linen scarf aside and assumed
mabu, horse stance. Stinkmeaner kickflipped off the ground, glasses lopsided but never departed from his face.
âSHUT YA DAMN MOOUUTH, ESSIE!â Stinkmeaner drug his right leg along the mats of the dojo floor in a line in front of himself before he lifted that same leg straight up and positioned it to the side of his head where his foot touched the side of his ear.
âNow, sweet baby, Ms. Essie gonna ask you one moâ âgain! Just tell us where he is! âCause see, now, Ms. Essie donât wanna have to put a foot in that pretty liâl ass! She been trynna change her ways, goes to church every Sunday! But if you lies once moâ âbout where Bushido Brown isâŚâ Esmerelda frowned, matronly sweetness subsumed by creases and wrinkles when she did,
â...you gonâ make me get to sinninâ.â a growlish and deep voice pushed her sentiment well into Tai Peiâs mind,
âI. donât. Know.â Tai Pei smiled smug. Stinkmeaner and Esmerelda charged, so did Tai Pei.
Airborne went Esmerelda and Tai Pei first with Stinkmeaner staggering his own ascent to assure he would land the critical blow,
âYAAAAHH!â screamed Esmerelda,
âHEEEYAAH!â Tai Pei shrieked,
Esmerelda missed wide. Tai Pei landed a spinning back kick into Esmereldaâs chest which sent her flying through the dojoâs window behind Esmerelda and into the bustling streets,
âAwwwrgh! My arthritis!â Esmerelda expelled dramatically as she lie on the concrete,
âWILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, NYUKKUH!â Stinkmeaner planted a sidekick into the airborne Tai Peiâs sternum and sent her flying into the dojo wall behind her. She was knocked out cold. Stinkmeaner collected Tai Peiâs husk and tossed her over his shoulder. He would deliver her to Coffee.
Once outside, he stepped over Esmereldaâs body. Shocked civilians circled around and some called 911. One of those âciviliansâ was Mrs. Dolemite, owner of the Silver Satin club and the only person in Harlem who knew where Bushido Brown was.