Jade had left Tena and Natalia alone, letting them get some quality time that she knew that two people who had…something needed. She knew she overstayed her welcome even if neither of them would ever come out and say it. That was something that Jade was coming to like about both Natalia and Mitena. Both could speak their mind as far as she could tell (though so clearly in very different ways) but had enough respect for those around them to not say it outright.
Initially, Jade was going to stop by the casino for a bit to unwind, but after they joked and laughed and had an exchange of sweet words, she just wanted to head back to Adora’s place, and unwind. One thing Jade knew, as she was heading back towards Adora Diamondheart’s pad, she was in high spirits (no pun intended of course). Yesterday was a lot to deal with: her heart-to-heart with Natalia, the fear coming into her heart when Key spotted ReyRey and then it apparently being a nonissue, the night spent here helped the Angel Princess do a lot of soul searching. Part of her felt guilty for taking in the sights when it wasn’t her land to begin with, but she was part of Charlie’s family, so it was okay. Tena said it herself.
As she slowed her walk, she became so lost in her thoughts, most of which ran the last month up and down her mind. Those days spent in her self-imposed isolation. She drowned herself in work, Jack Daniels, and the magic white powder. These past twenty-four hours forced her to take a hard look. Jade had a long way to go with Poppy, she knew that she and her soul sister were only at the beginning of being back to where they were - hell, one might even say they haven’t been there since Freshman year.
There’s still plenty of time to right that wrong.As soon as Jade stepped through the front door of Adora’s pad, she made her way up stairs as soon as she could. Hot on her mind was how Key left breakfast earlier. On her mind wasn’t just everything that happened to her since she’s been here but how Key was doing. On her mind was seeing how hard he took that particular topic of Danny and of Charlie, too. She wanted to check up on him and when she was upstairs, she saw the door of the room he was staying in was open.
“Thought I’d find you here.” She gave him a smile, leaning against the wall at the entrance.
“How are you holding up, Key?”“I’ve already made a joke ‘bout that with Auntie, so I’ll spare ya,” The man answered from where he was laid back on the foot of his bed, feet planted firmly on the ground. Adora had left a few minutes ago, after all the energy had drained back out of him at his realizations and he had gone silent and contemplative as he zoned out to the twinkle lights. Poppy had yet to return, but he trusted Blue Hill to keep her safe. He lifted his head slightly to look at his bombshell friend in the doorway and gave her a soft smile, one more sure and warm than he’d been able to garner since returning to their cursed place of birth. Living for himself was going to be the hardest undertaking of his pathetic life, but Adora had soothed his initial hysteria and he had since been silent with his own thoughts. It had left him rather sedate and contemplative, but also more steady and sure than he’d been before.
“I’m better, thanks. You?”She could tell that he really was. He wasn’t lying to her for her sake or his. Whatever happened between when he took off and now, she saw it in his eyes. There was a light in them and that warmed her heart. Tried as she did, there was a lot to unpack with everything that was said at breakfast.
“Yeah, about the same too,” she mused as she took in a semi-deep breath. The blonde kept her gaze on Key, though.
“It’s been..an eventful morning, to say the least. Got to know Mitena a bit more. She’s such a delight, Key. Actually said we are all welcome here.” She found herself smiling. Among other things that happened when it was just her, Tena, and Natalia, that stuck.
“I won’t lie, I don’t think this will be the first time I’ll venture up here. There’s something…unexplainably wonderful about Blue Hill.”“I’ll be comin’ back too,” Mordechai replied.
“I can’t just never come back now that Auntie knows I’m back in town,” He laughed a bit and finally sat up fully.
“So long as we stay outta R2’s hair of course. But I’m glad ya got ta know Mitena, maybe I’ll try again soon now that I’ve leveled out again.”He looked around the room that still had all the little tchotchkes of their youth. There was plenty of Creed and Jokes’ stuff on the far end of the room where the other twin sized mattress sat, still neatly made and untouched. His own bed had actually been shared with Danny when all of the Briteson-Kraeter crew would come visit and drag the Boaz brothers along, the kids all sharing this room while the adults had the one next door. The odd mix of books, comics, and posters gave the room more of a permanent residence feel than the guest suite it was supposed to be, and Mordechai felt a flutter in his heart at the thought of seeing those two- and all the other Serpents- again. All their lives, all of them have been so intertwined for so long, it’s no wonder he started feeling empty the moment he earned his jump out in Junior year. It’s no wonder he couldn’t settle in New York with Legs and the kids when so many souls called out to his own, yearning to tangle their strings of fate once more.
Mordechai looked out the window to the early afternoon sun and then traced the beams of light it cast right back to one of those very souls, tied in with him and the Serpents just as much as the Angels through her cousins Molotov and TNT. He knew his friend also suffered from the feeling of disconnection from those around her, just as Poppy did. Though, their mutual friend had more cause to feel that way as she had been actively kept from forming those bonds, whereas the two occupants of the bedroom had them but couldn’t see or appreciate them.
“If you’re ready,” He spoke up, standing and stretching, revealing his plaster covered hands to the blonde from where they had been hidden interlocked beneath his head. The hair on the back of his head was now a soft powdery gray and if Adora hadn’t been so focused on being supportive earlier she would have given him shit for getting the sheets as dirty as he did.
“I think the light’ll be hittin’ the field real beautiful soon.”Jade had always admired Key’s ability to press on despite what might be going through his mind. That was a trait that she didn’t know if she’d ever possess or not. In an ideal world, she’d be able to address her demons with very little problem but life wasn’t a storybook and her life wasn’t the kind of story you found in modern-day fairy tales. She smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, let's do it!” When Tena had pointed it out earlier, she saw it briefly, but Jade couldn’t get a good glance at it in the short time she had when Tena was pointing to it. Between what Key told her about it yesterday and the additional details Tena provided, Jade was in the mood for some healing. Already being at Blue Hill just for a day, Jade had felt the effects of being removed from the darkness and trauma center that was her hometown. Not to mention, she wanted to see this place because it meant something to Key. It meant a great deal to him and she wanted to experience that with him.
As Jade moved out of the doorway to let Key out and they started heading downstairs, she looked at him as she reached the bottom and he started to walk past her. She saw the gray on his hair and she reached over, wiping some of it off.
“Think you forgot something.” Jade giggled in a way that felt foreign to her. She was grinning, too, something else Jade hadn’t done so frequently in a really long time.
“Hey, what if I wanted it there?” He smiled back and bumped his head against her outstretched palm after repressing his initial reflex to jerk away. Despite his newly relaxed muscles and motivation, despite his revelations and lower energy, his first reaction had always been to flinch away from the hands that reached out to him. He learned early in life that only pain came from outstretched hands, and his life has been a running test of everyone he met after trying to prove him otherwise while he reacted like a cornered stray. He was tired of warming up only to shrink away again, if he was going to live for himself he was going to finally put that to rest. A reason worth fighting for? How about finally feeling safe and secure in the skin that his parents had branded so he would never even see it as his own.
How about finally accepting the home he had formed years ago with his friends and since left derelict in his self-depreciative wanderings. How about letting himself be a little more free in general. The thought brought forward a certain level of childlike mischief he wasn’t expecting, and his smile turned into a grin as he turned around and opened the door into the fresh air.
“Race ya ta the field?”Jade’s expression matched Key’s. She didn’t know where this suddenly came from, but she gave him a nod.
“Okay, but..” There was a pause as she took off ahead of him.
“Winner has to buy the loser a month’s worth of coffee!” She called out as she ran backwards with a wide smile on her face as she saw him start to run after her and she picked up the pace, running for real in the direction of the fields.
____________________________________
The race was fun, had his heart beating faster in a healthy way instead of the emotionally distraught strain it’s been paced at for the past two years and change. He was limping a bit by the end of it, the scarring in his muscles sending feelings of fire across his upper leg that he hadn’t felt since the wound had finally healed. Chest heaving as he stood next to Jade while staring out at the beginning of the field with the sun cast its golden rays upon the Big Bluestem and Purpletop, contrasting the blues of the New England Aster and making the Goldenrod glow, Mordechai couldn’t really find it in himself to let the permanent reminder of
that day affect his mood. He took a deep breath and let the Wild Bergamot fill his senses.
“It’s as beautiful as I remember.”Jade had trailed behind Key about a few seconds, almost out of breath and damn near wheezing as she took a few moments to collect herself as she was hunched over, hands on her knees and her blonde locks falling in front of her face. In that moment, she knew she lost, which meant he won and for the next month, any and all coffee he needed or wanted was on her. She accepted that and maybe, on some level, she lost intentionally. Maybe on a subconscious level, she lost on purpose. Perhaps this was her way of kicking her own ass into shape to make up for the lost time.
Once she caught enough breath, the scents around her were the first thing that caught her attention. Her gaze went all around. She wasn’t even trying to focus on one patch of flowers because everything around her felt like something out of a movie. Tena had told her it had healing elements and she tried to envision what it would feel like, but nothing could do it any justice. Jade was rarely left speechless. She may have internalized a lot of the thoughts she didn’t say, but this wasn’t like those times. She genuinely had nothing to say or think. The Angel Princess just took in the sights, mirroring what Key said, muttering
“It really is,” as she walked a bit further into the fields, only taking a few steps in front of Key.
“It’s like I’m in a dream. Or God-forbid, heaven.” Jade wasn’t a religious woman. Ironic, right? Given her family were fallen angels, but she never believed that deeply in God or religion, but she felt something flow through her that was more than anything she could put into words.
“Yeah,” Mordechai laughed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and stepping up next to her, bumping her shoulder with his own. The next breath he took was for fortification instead of oxygen, but it was just as deep. His eyes drifted to the way the sun was making Jade’s hair glow like a halo, much like it had as it rose behind Poppy this morning. His Angels were beacons of light to him.
“Danny was shorter than all this Bluestem the first time we came here, I was too if I’m bein’ honest, and I kept gettin’ scared that he’d wander too far and I’d lose ‘im,” Despite them both being tall enough to not have to worry, Mordechai grabbed Jade’s hand like he always had Danny’s- like holding onto a memory- and gently led her forward through the small wander paths that had been created by the Blue Hill residents’ own visits and management of the prairie area. He took his other hand out of his pocket and let it brush through the flowers and stems as the tops bent into the path to tickle their faces.
“Never thought I’d be in here as a way ta feel him again, but ta find a bit’a me.”Jade had let out a small giggle as Key was talking about the last time he was in the fields. She was imagining him and Danny being here, both being small enough to potentially get lost in the flowers. For someone who towered over her some, she found that to be a funny thing to entertain. They both went through a massive growth spurt at some point. The part of growing up, but as he grabbed her hand and Jade, of course, was almost surprised by this action, but only because she wasn’t expecting it. Naturally, the blonde didn’t fight it.
As he led them through the path, she took in all the sights, the different colored flowers, the floral scents they gave off - Jade could understand why this place was one of healing like Tena implied. The longer she spent with one of her favorite people, her Key, the clearer her understanding of the true magic of this whole place became to her.
“That sounds like some full circle kind of shit, Key.” Jade had never been known for her deep words.
“And it’s a beautiful thing. I know that this place must hold a lot of memories -- and painful ones, at that -- for you, but you made it back here for a reason. Now you know I’m not the poet of our group, or anything close to it, but there was this quote.” Jade hummed thoughtfully as she tried to recall it.
“I don’t remember who said it or where I remember hearing it from. Probably from Mr. Beau, if I had to guess, but it said sometimes the end and the beginning are the same place.” Speaking that out loud had forced Jade’s insides to twist in a way when she knew she was going to an emotional place. Her feelings and bond for Key were so strong that, even though the Angel Princess didn’t intend to, she was in her feels. Certainly a side effect of being here with one of her top three favorite people.
"'What we call the beginnin' is often the end, and ta make an end is ta make a beginnin'. The end is where we start from.' TS Elliot," Mordechai clarified, a smile on his face and a bittersweet twist in his heart at the blurry memories the quote brought to the surface.
"We actually heard it from Charlie before Beau, but they've both said it. Pretty sure Charlie mentioned it durin’ y'all's first Juvie visit ta me, when Danny was whinin' that me bein' gone was like the end'a the world," he laughed a little, remembering the comforting arm Charlie had slung over his little brother's shoulder-since he technically couldn't- while Danny pouted. Jade, on Danny's other side, had rolled her eyes while Poppy had flanked Charlie's right and had been smiling wide at the warm sight. In the safety of the glowing field, he let that memory be pure and untainted by the shadows of later events. He let the memory help him instead of harm him. He let himself take a step forward. He closed his eyes and listened to the wind as it wove through the field, and if he dusted off and focused his imagination, he could practically hear Danny’s laugh as though he were just somewhere further in the grass stalks.
“There’s a clearin’ up ahead so we can lay down.”Jade remembered that day. It felt so distant, like something that was slowly out of reach, yet at the same time, firmly in their grasp. She remembered that lighthearted day. Circumstances of Key’s situation aside, she remembered it because it might as well have been one of the last times all of them were able to spend with each other before everything around them started to crumble. Jade liked to think of that as a time where they could all go back to occasionally and remember how simpler things were.
She smiled at the thought, lingered on it for a few moments as she and Key walked to the clearing he mentioned. She laid down on the cool grass. Despite the sun above, it hadn’t affected it as it may have back in Edenridge. The blonde let out a relieved sigh, letting the scents around her consume her and take her to a place that brought her the most comfort. If this were a month ago, it would have been with her Uncle Charlie, but at this moment, she was in Dolly’s. Despite so much, that place had been her saving grace in the past month.
“Damn, Tena really was right. This place does heal you.” She mentioned almost instinctively as she opened her eyes, looking up at the clouds passing them overhead. The glare of the sun didn’t seem so bad.
“Hey Key? Can I tell you something? Something I haven’t told anyone yet?” She asked as she looked over to him.
He turned his head to stare at her profile while she watched the shifting clouds. He almost wanted to make a joke, something like
’well shit, at this point I’d sure hope so,’ but the way she had asked him had seemed so fragile that he didn’t want to insult her by laughing it off.
“Of course, Harley Head, I’m here for ya,” He answered instead, rolling over so that he was laying on his side and giving her his full attention as the midday rays warmed their bodies and kept them safe in the light.
“What’s up?”There was a slight tension in Jade’s stomach. Even though she had been the one to start it, to admit it to anyone was a whole nother matter altogether. Key had always been one of two people she could trust almost anything with. One of the few people in this world she never had to feel weird for being more than her usual self. Still, as she thought about…
this...this thing eating away at her, she couldn’t help but think about what that meant for her. She was feelings all sorts of things. None of them were bad per se, but they were so foreign to her.
“Well…” How on Earth did Jade even begin? Seeing Key’s eyes, she knew this was a safe space and that had little to do with why she was hesitating. At her side, her hands gripped the grass beneath her as she tried to figure out the best way to put it.
“How do I put it?” She struggled again, biting her lip as she again tried to find the right words.
“You know when you meet someone that can be such a random thing, but the way they make you feel, it’s like you don’t know how to properly describe it, but it just fills you with something…positive?” "Oh, this is that kinda talk," the suddenly too-sober man replied with an awkward smile before laughing it off and making a show of fucking his hands under his head as if they were at another Southie Sleepover. Embracing life. But what could he tell her? He'd felt that with a few people, honestly. Sunshine first and foremost, since the day they first saw each other through their locked windows and realized there was a world a little bigger than their parents' hate. He'd felt it in Lanie when they first met, before his personality got in the way and currents of tension had underlaid their relationship while he'd worked to get him and Danny a better life. He'd felt it with a certain Serpent girl that he and Sunshine enjoyed teasing mercilessly back in the day, even when he knew it bothered Lanie. Now that he's older he can admit she was right to be upset. But he's never talked about it, and he's never been asked about it. He certainly never let himself sit in silence long enough to think about it until this past month. To think about them; the ones that made his heart sing in a note others just couldn't reach.
"Yeah," he finally answered after his own drawn out silence, the smile on his face softening into something as vulnerable as her own.
"Yeah, I've had people that do that for me. It's fuckin' scary as shit ain't it?"“Literally the most frightening, nerve-racking thing I’ve ever experienced.” Jade could only laugh out a rough chuckle as her heart skipped so many beats, it felt tight, yet free like she was riding down a perfect country road on her Harley, her golden locks flying free as she had her person clinging to her back. It made her smile in a genuine way that she couldn’t possibly explain. But also, she was so very nervous. Afraid that this was too good to be real. Frightened that she’d fuck it up somehow.
Two times in her life, Jade came close to feeling things for people that made her feel this way. Once was with the Serpent Princess herself, Aleyda Gonzalez, but Jade was far too young to appreciate the bond that she had with her and the time just wasn’t right for them. The second person was Roddy Callahan. In that case, Jade was too lost in her head to acknowledge that maybe the reason she pushed him away wa snot because he was developing feelings for her, but rather maybe she didn’t want to let herself become vulnerable again, so she gave an excuse that pushed him away.
But Anya? She was different.
“I swear I have avoided letting myself fall for anyone for as long as I can remember. It’s easier that way. There’s no added complications. Nothing that spoils the fun and forces either of us to become too invested. Sex and that’s it. But Key, this feels…different. ” Jade’s heart went harder as she thought about her Pancake. Hair as golden as the breakfast treats she drowned in syrup, the sweetness likely even more so than how innocent her smile was that always managed to make the resident Princess of Resting Bitch Face™ turn that frown into a genuine grin like she was some cookie cutter schoolgirl who just got asked out by the prettiest girl in school. Even just laying here, talking about how that one person made her feel connected to this shitty world, all the Angel Princess could visualize was her face. Her Russian accent trying to think of simple words because she couldn’t pronounce the more complex ones and how she saw through all of Jade’s bullshit. Nobody since Aleyda had been able to make her feel so seen and vulnerable at the same time. She probably didn’t even realize what she was doing, yet that didn’t stop Jade from coming to a realization. At this moment, she understood something.
“Like, I just don’t want to give her my body — I want to give her my heart and soul, too.”"Damn J, ya got it bad," Mordechai concluded in a supportive tone, gaze soft as he watched his friend alight from her own inner glow rather than that of the sun.
"Can I say somethin' that might be shitty advice, but it's advice I'm probably gonna take myself when we get back?"Her gaze remained on Key and she half-raised her right eyebrow at him.
“I’ll be the judge on whether it’s shitty or not,” she remarked, laughing for a few seconds.
“Hit me!”"If they make ya as happy as I'm seein' that ya are from just thinkin' about 'em, follow it. Follow that fucking feelin'," he encouraged, rolling back onto his back and reaching one hand up towards the sky, closing his fist over the sun as though he'd caught it tight in his grasp.
"Straight ta the person that causes it and don't let go of 'em. Don't steer away and don't let your mind fill up with others' ideas on what that feelin' should be. There's so much that ya lose when ya sit there thinkin' that the other side has greener grass," he thought to Lanie, the Northie cheerleader with a savior complex a mile wide, something he didn't know how to identify back when he was with her. Mordechai had wanted emancipation and that was as far as he'd thought for getting him and Danny out from under their parents, but Lanie had been the one to bring him to the conclusion that he had to leave the Southside behind to truly get away from his traumas. She had been uncomfortable with the relationships he had there and worried that if he continued to hang around with them that Mordechai would backslide and lose the freedom for him and Danny that he'd worked so hard- and she'd helped so much- to gain.
Mordechai could never truly stop crossing back over the tracks, though, because by the time senior year had rolled around he had been itching for a bit of freedom from the life he was building with her. He had never really understood the monogamy thing, but he had done it for her, another shot at playing for a ‘normal’ life. It wasn’t enough for her, since he couldn’t stop flirting with Sunshine because you can’t just change up the way you’ve interacted with someone basically your
entire life and for some reason he is only recently beginning to understand, he couldn’t keep himself from messing with Mamba and watching as that fire blazed in her dark brown eyes and they seemed to glow like the richest amber. The more he spoke to encourage Jade, the more he solidified his decision to go chase his own feeling. Or rather, feelings.
“I don’t care if everyone around ya is tellin’ ya that you’re makin’ a mistake, or that ya need ta take the safest path ya know, the road most traveled. Fuck that shit Harls, spit in their faces and then chase that feelin’ right inta the arms of the ones that are actually right for ya and hold ‘em so fuckin’ tight that it feels like ya could never possibly lose 'em. Hold ‘em like that every damn day until the one when it’s not possible anymore,” his hand finally let go of its faux grasp on the sun and dropped softly to the bed of grass they lay on. Exhaling slowly, he turned his head to gaze into Jade's eyes and smiled at her once more.
“That’s my two cents, at least.”What Key was saying gave Jade a lot to think about. It ran deeper than any alcohol and pill-induced high could ever produce. Nothing about that ever came close to what she was feeling right now. Both with Key encouraging her to go to Anya and that adorable blonde herself, the one that knew how to make the butterflies that Jade thought had moved on flutter in a way she hadn’t experienced. She had people in her corner and just the last twenty-four hours were enough to make her
really see that. Key had always been there for her. Her family had always been there for her and now, despite everything in her power to run away from what made
her happy, maybe Anya, too, was on that list of people she could lean on.
Jade stared at the sky, focusing on the radiant sun, her senses filling up with the scents around her and all Jade could think about was how genuinely blessed she felt. Blessed for those in her life who didn’t give up on her when she had given up on herself and blessed to have made new friends in Tena and Natalia. That sister of Charlie’s was absolutely right. This was a place that healed.
“Key I love you and your beautiful soul.” As Jade spoke, a light trail of tears fell down her face and she smiled, looking at the sun, her heart feeling full of something she couldn’t quite explain.
Unsure of how to reply to such a kind sentence, Mordechai settled for reaching down and gently grasping her hand as he too let the sun and the field heal some of the old fissures on his
beautiful soul.
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