arockysmith

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Jeremiah finally settled himself down next to Marta and put a comforting hand around her shoulders the way a father would. He felt her pain as his own and let out a sigh as he looked around to see if anybody he knew was on call this day. His eyes landed on two men in getsapo uniform who seemed to be flirting with a couple of the nurses. He shook his head slightly and turned to the girl. "Marta, I'll get you back there, but you see those two men," he said motioning towards the front desk, "stay away from them. All of them talk and word travels fast these days between those types of men. If they know who you are it may get Atalia killed. If someone calls for you, ignore them. You're no longer Marta at the moment," he said standing up.

He began walking towards a mild aged man who was looking at a clipboard. Jeremiah took the clipboard from his hands and began to write something down. That girl. She needs protection here. Trouble from G he scribble down and handed the papers back to the man. The doctor glanced up his eyes fell to Marta and Jeremiah nodded. He could faintly hear the conversation from the men in the background, but when Marta's name came up his ears perked a bit.

"Father is a government worker, but it appears his daughter sympathizes with the rats. Took her in to question her. Marta may just be getting brainwashed. We'll break her through and then we'll go for the baker's boy," the first man said. He was younger than his partner and his smile was evil.

"I heard he's been here a few times. The good lord has a sweet spot for him or something. Maybe we're supposed to use him and that girl as a lesson. Teach all the other boys and girls why you should kill any Jew you come in contact with," the other man said, slightly older and graying.

The first man laughed, "I heard the boy tried to kick them out too. They had to rough up Marta to show her just what would happen to people like her. We'll let her go if she gives up her fathers secrets. A girl doesn't just sympathize for no reason. It starts from the family and then the Jewish scum feed off that. Probably fed her some bullshit about them being good people."

Jeremiah turned back to the doctor who was already walking towards Marta. The stranger sat down next to her and quickly flipped the page on his clipboard and wrote her a little message. You're Ezra's cousin. You're watching over him while his parents are gone. Your name is Kiva. Only respond to that name. He slipped the paper to her and then stood up and walked away. Jeremiah took his place back at Marta's side keeping an eye on the getsapo men.

"Those men are after you and Ezra. Keep yourself a low profile here," Jeremiah whispered as a nurse walked over to them.

"Hi, Dr. Futterman said you were the cousin of one of our patients, a Ezra Baer. Are you Kiva Baer?" She asked with a smile.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

"No. You need to rest yourself. You're tired and there isn't anything we can do. I'm sorry. My mind is going on a loop and I can't figure out what I want or even what I need, but I know when you're here...when you're around me I get better. My body hurts and I want to give you affection you need. I know you're hurting like I am. I know you're blaming yourself in the same ways that I'm blaming myself. I know all this, but looking at you I can't help thinking I made the write choice because in my heart all I want is to see you safe. You tried to give yourself up. I know you hate me for not allowing it. I knew what they would do and when she jumped up claiming to be you...I went with it," Ezra said taking his shirt off completely and laying back so he could breath better.

He watched her face contort into sadness and helplessness. She needed him to be stronger than he was, but after everything that kept happening he was at his limit. He wanted his parents. They always knew how to handle situations, but they were off somewhere else. He wanted a comforting touch, but he felt like he didn't deserve it. He deserved the pain he was feeling, mentally and psychically. He pushed down on his chest and a small cry escaped his lips. He moved his fingers down his chest where his ribs were and most of the bruising and pushed down. He coughed a bit and a few drops of blood made its way to his lips and down his chin. He pushed again, harder this time watching Marta to see if she would react.

He coughed again more blood. His face had grown pale at the taste of it in his mouth and began to kick his legs like a child throwing a tantrum. "Why do you stay when it's so dangerous. I can't even protect you in the state I'm in. Today was the only time I felt like I truly did you any good. I don't regret saving you, I regret putting you in this position. I should have let you walk away that day one month ago and let you cry out from the words I spoke in the shop. I shouldn't have gone after you. If I had just stayed away you'd be at your home with your parents ignorant to the world and happy. I will never get to see you happy and I think that's what pains me most," Ezra said coughing once more. He gave her a forced smile, but his eyes still held the angst he was feeling deep inside.

His teeth were bloody and all he wanted to do was reach out and touch her, but he didn't deserve the touch of love he reminded himself. He deserved to feel alone.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Ezra hesitated a moment before moving himself away from Marta. He didn't want to be touched at the moment. He didn't feel like he deserved any form of kindness, especially from her. Deep down she probably hated him for covering her mouth and at the moment he hated himself. He was sure if Jeremiah knew what he did then they'd both be kicked out and left on the streets or back at the home where Atalia's screams would linger. He looked over at Marta with a sadness that seemed like it would forever be carved onto his face.

"I can't have you touch me like that. I don't want to feel your love. I want to hate myself for what I did. I should have protected her. If she hadn't come over or if I hadn't talked her into staying she'd be alive and well. Instead she's probably being tortured just like her father was. I could see it in her eyes Marta. She knew I'd never see her again. It was like this was her parting gift to us and I can't help but hate myself. How am I better than Oscar? Just because I'm not the one who physically handed her over...I still allowed her to be taken," Ezra said as he heard Jeremiah's muffled voice in the background.

Classical music was playing, it tended to ease Ezra's soul. Jeremiah was the one who taught him about music therapy, but tonight it seemed to make things worse. He turned his face away from Marta and stared blankly ahead. After a moment he stood up and the movement alone made his body shake with pain but sitting still wasn't an option. He grabbed the blankets that were sitting on the shelf and began to lay them out on the floor as best as he could. He wanted to sleep forever.

"If I lay down and close my eyes do I even deserve to wake up, Marta?" He asked holding onto the pillow like it was his only form of oxygen.

Jeremiah came back to the living room then and gently touched Ezra's shoulder. "Son, you shouldn't be standing anymore. You need to sit and rest. Your tender to the touch. Lift your shirt and let me see your body."

Ezra dropped the pillow to the floor and unbuttoned the shirt he had on. His torso was a giant bruise from all the movement and he heard the older man sigh and say a small prayer. His necklace was cold against his chest, and when Jeremiah gently touched his body he bit his lip and fell to his knees breathing hard.

"No more movement for the next three days, Ezra. I mean it. You will be staying in the guest room not here. The blankets you were just handling are in case the room gets cold. I will bathe you unless you'd rather Marta do it. We will bring you whatever it is you need and I have my people looking into Atalia. Do not ask questions, if you don't want to know the answers," Jeremiah said lifting Ezra up and sitting him back on the couch. "The bed in the guest room is big enough to fit you both, I just ask you keep it down in there. Marta, do you want to bring him up, while I grab the bags?"

arockysmith x SinfulSkills <<Kento & Jun>>

Jun wasn't sure if she should dress up or just keep it casual. She decided to just put on a simple pair of yoga pans with a sweater that baggy t-shirt. She tied a sweater around her waist just in case she got cold walking back home tonight. She grabbed her purse and pulled her phone out of it so she shoot him a text that she was on her way. She took a bus to get most of the way there, and then walked the last few blocks. She pushed hair out of her face and took a deep breath as she saw his home come into view.

"Whoa..." she said to herself taking in how much bigger his home was than hers. She was pretty sure her house could fit inside his with plenty of room to spare.

After a moment of hesitation she knocked lightly on the door and bit her lip waiting for a response. She still found it hard to believe that she had a real friend, but she didn't want to allow herself to question it or she'd probably ruin it herself. She could hear foot steps coming from inside and placed a smile on her face as he answered the door.

"I'm super excited for this. I can't wait to be scared out of my mind," she said with a smile as she waited for him to welcome her in.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Ezra shrugged a moment trying to remember if there was any place they'd be safe when Jeremiah came into his mind. He hesitated a moment wondering if it would be a good idea to involve him. He wouldn't judge, he'd just be disappointed in him. He sat up and began to nod his head a moment before deciding to speak.

"Jeremiah. He's a family friend. He's like an uncle to me, but he's a couple blocks down. Mom and Dad told me I could trust him always ever since I was a kid. He'll help," Ezra said trying to get the screams inside his head to stop.

"You need to get me a bag, and you need one also. You can't lug around expensive suitcases. I should have a duffel in the living room and then my dad has a spare in the closet. We can pack some clothes...and hope my parents don't come home earlier than expected," he said trying to remain calm.

It was a struggle to move around the house packing things they might need. He'd made a call to Jeremiah to let him know that he would be coming over and to set up a space for him in the living room. The old man obliged without question and promised to have the house ready for him and Marta. Walking down the steps was hard, but the determination to get Marta to safety was even stronger. The buses didn't run directly to Jeremiah's area so they could only ride it half way there. Marta did her best to help keep him steady and when they finally arrived at their destination he could barley stand. Jeremiah half carried him to the sofa and set him down gently.

"Ezra, you can stay as long as you need to, but I need to know what happened. I can't go into this blind, son," Jeremiah said helping Marta with her bag and setting her down next to Ezra. He went to the kitchen and brought back some tea as he waited for one of them to explain.

Ezra hesitated a moment, "They came to our house Jeremiah. They took Atalia right in front of me and I didn't stop them. They just barged in without any reasoning. I heard her screams and I heard them hit her and I couldn't do anything. I just stood there frozen," he said as another wave of guilt washed over him.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Ezra listened to Marta yell at him, not sure what to say. Each word felt like a knife to gut and his chest only got tighter. He wasn't sure he understood. She was mad at him, but he had just saved her life. Why was that a bad thing. Her screams echoed in his ears along with Atalia's in an endless cycle. The tears had stopped falling and when she finally came back to the room he already expected her words. She was leaving him. There was nothing he could do. She forced him to look at her and but he wasn't sure if the words she was saying were real or fake. Everything began to hurt inside of him and not just because of the injury. He shook his head gently trying to will her to stay with him His eyes became watery once more and he leaned his head forward so that it was resting on her shoulder and began to sob as his arms wrapped tightly around her waist refusing to let her go.

"Don't leave me, Marta. I can't watch you go too. I know I'm a terrible person. I'm the worst man alive, just as bad as Hitler, but you cannot abandon me. I can't carry this weight without you by my side," he was pleading with her now, "Don't do this. Don't leave me. You can hit me or cut me or torture me in any other way but I would not survive if you walked out that door. I did my best. I did what I had to and now..." his words cut off as his body shook even harder and his fingers gripped onto her tighter.

He pulled away from her ashamed of himself and his actions. Had his parents been here they'd have yelled at him too. Called him a traitor and they never would have let him live it down. He began to slowly detach and his body stopped trembling. His breath was still ragged, but the tears no longer fell. His eyes were hallow like his chest and when he looked at her now he saw and felt nothing. He leaned against the sofa and let his arms fall away. He had no right to have her in the first place or to beg her to stay.

"You can go. I'm sorry. I'll be fine on my own. Forever on my own. I don't need you or help. Go and do what you need to. Runaway from me and this life. I don't blame you for changing your mind. I wouldn't want me either after tonight. I'm a traitor to my people and nothing I do is ever right. I won't be alive long anyway. Find yourself a real man to make you his wife and never think of the moment we shared yesterday. Never think of me again, Marta," Ezra said in a monotone voice that felt and sounded robotic as it came out. He was torn between wanting her to stay and wanting her to leave so he detached himself from the situation all together and decided to feel nothing.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Atalia and Marta had just finished cleaning up the dishes, sharing girl talk about Isiah and stories about Ezra from his childhood while he sat on the couch denying the fact that he once broke his mothers favorite plate trying to jump off the kitchen table and then denied it all while he cried holding his broken arm. She shared the stories of him sticking up for kids on the playground and teaching people how to be nice. How he'd been pushed around, but never resorted to violence himself. He was the saint they had needed in their lives as kids and it was Ezra who had showed them all the path of right.

Marta was standing behind the couch and Atalia was on the floor in front looking through the books to see which would better to start with when the door downstairs busted open. Footsteps came quickly up the steps and Atalia and Ezra were frozen in place when they finally emerged before them dressed in full uniform. Atalia shook her head and looked at Ezra who was struggling to stand. Marta had found her way to his side and was holding him up when the first man spoke.

"We're here for a Marta. We've got reason to believe her father has been part of illegal activity. Please step forward," the man said in a low voice.

Ezra refused to look at her scared he'd give her away. "You don't have any right to enter this house. This is private property. You can't come in here and harass my family," he said voice firm.

"This doesn't concern you rat. Marta step forward now or we take you all in. You seem like nice kids, but we won't hesitate to use force and that one looks like he's about ready to pass out already," another man said.

Atalia stood up hands above her head. "I am...I am Marta. I am the girl you are looking for," she said loud enough for them to hear.

The men looked her over in disgust. "You've even begun dressing like them. Disgusting. Sympathizer's are the worst. You're coming with us," the first one said grabbing Atalia forcefully by the arm.

She let out a small squeak and tears began to fall from her face as she faced the same men who had taken her father previously. She looked back at Ezra who had his hand over Marta's mouth. She could see he was using all his strength to hold himself up. Her body began to shake as they pushed her down the stairs. She stumbled a few times, but it only made them angry. Ezra could hear one of the men slap Atalia in the face as if she was struggling, but he knew the man did it just because he could. He flinched the echo of impact in the stair way. His body began to tremble and he let his hand fall when the door closed. He could hear the sobs from outside the window. Atalia's screams were almost deafening until the cars drove away.

Ezra fell back into the sofa eyes wide and glassy from the tears that refused to fall. His breathing was rough and he couldn't stop the shaking in his hands. He reached for his pendant, and then dropped his hand. He didn't deserve the star of David around his neck. He'd just betrayed his own people. He betrayed his best friend. He let his heart rule over his mind and he allowed himself to let Atalia go to her possible death. He kept trying to speak but all that came out was small squeaks. He looked at Marta to gauge her reaction. She probably felt just as bad as he did.

"I couldn't let you...I had to stop you from coming forward. I got her killed Marta. It was you or her. If she doesn't come back...if Isiah finds out...her blood is on my hands. I stopped you. I betrayed her. Who..who am I? I don't..." his voice began to shake and the tears he'd been holding back finally drenched his face and he began to claw at his chest like he was trying to rip his heart out, "I can't breath. I don't know how to breath. What have I done? I turned on my people. I let her get taken. I didn't have a choice, no I had a choice...you or her," he was repeating the last phrase over and over trying to find the logic behind his actions. "You or her, you or her, you or her..."

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Atalia hesitated a moment unsure if she should accept or leave them alone. "I don't want to intrude. You seem like you two wanted to be alone, which I understand. I'm sorry I just barged in the way I did," she said as she swallowed and looked everywhere else.

Ezra made his way over to her slowly and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, you're not intruding. If she didn't want your company she wouldn't have asked. Plus you look like you haven't eaten in days. How's your mom taking everything?"

"She's sad about father still. We don't really eat anymore unless it's a special occasion. He's the one who brought the money, without him moms scrapping by. I don't like her to know how hungry I get. I eat some at school though. Joshua and Isiah give me food sometimes. The girls split their lunches also if they have extra. I'll get through it though. I started looking for a job," Atalia said quietly so that Marta couldn't hear. She didn't want the other girl feeling sorry for her, "on the plus side Isiah and his family have been talking with my mom. Since Beth moved away a couple months back he's been looking for a bride. You know I've always had a small crush on him. They think we could have the marriage soon."

Ezra grinned and walked to the table for a seat. Standing was starting to cause him some pain and he could feel himself getting tired. The news of Atalia and Isiah made him happy though. Isiah had been one of his closest friends growing up. Isiah and Atalia always had a special bond that Ezra used to be jealous of when they were kids, so to hear he would marry the girl he had to let down made him feel a little better. "That's great. Isiah is a good replacement for me. He's smarter and stronger. I would trust him with my life, so I trust him with yours. When would you two tie the knot?"

She glanced up at Marta and shrugged, "When school is over. They want it to happen fast so that him and I can have kids before it's too late. I know it's crazy to want to bring a child into this world with Hitler and the designated areas for Jews, but it's what our parents want and it could provide some normality. Maybe we could have a double wedding. You and Marta, me and Isiah. I trust she'll be converted by then."

Ezra looked over at Marta who was finishing up the breakfast and his smile dropped a little. They would never be able to marry with friends or family around if she didn't convert. They would have to do it in secret with only God to bare witness. He switched his gaze back to his friend who had taken the seat across from him rather than next to, which felt a little odd to him. He could sense the shift Atalia was making to ensure that she didn't make Marta uncomfortable. Her comfortable demeanor had changed to almost timid and she spoke much quieter. He felt guilt wash over him, but he refused to let it rest.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Ezra stretched a little, the kind he'd done every morning since the hospital. It didn't quiet satisfy his body, but it was better than nothing. The sun hit his eyes and he groaned laying a hand over his head and pushing his curls in front of his eyes. He needed a little bit of a trim, but his parents refused to let anyone near him. He peaked through the curls to see if Marta was still by his side, but he knew the answer before he even checked. With a frown he pushed himself into a seated position and swung his legs over the bed. He'd lost track of the days and time since he hadn't been working or going to school. He was pretty sure he was considered a drop out now that he hadn't attended for more than a week.

He pulled himself up off the bed using the headboard and wobbled over to the wall that held his crutches. He could smell food coming from the kitchen and he closed his eyes to inhale the scent. "I could get used to this," he said to himself with a smile as he took his time walking out to meet Marta.

He saw her messing with the stove and part of him wanted to go and help, but the other part knew it wouldn't end well if he dropped his crutches. He let out a small cough to let her know he was in the room. "I see working in the bakery helped your cooking skills a little bit. Have you been watching my mom?" he asked moving over to the counter and leaning his back against it to take the pressure off his torso.

It was than that Atalia walked in with a stack of books. Ezra hadn't even heard the door downstairs or her steps so when she dropped the pile on the floor he jumped a bit and let out a bit of a yell. Atalia covered her mouth with her hands and looked at him with wide eyes. She was more shocked to see him half naked and slightly embarrassed that she hadn't thought to knock first.

"I'm sorry Ezra, I thought you'd be sleeping still," she said pushing her hair from her face and moving her gaze to Marta.

Ezra nodded slightly, leaning on Marta who had moved to his side the second he jumped, "What are you doing here Atalia? It's not even noon yet. I can't imagine you being awake this early."

"Your parents told me to check in periodically to make sure Marta had everything under control. I also had these books lying around from when we were kids learning about Judaism," she said taking a quick pause, "I...I thought Marta could use them. It's very basic stuff, you probably know it already, but I thought they could help you convert. Unless...you aren't doing that anymore. I overheard the Rabbi telling your parents it wasn't a good idea and you had been slightly against it while taking medication, but I thought maybe if she proved her knew her stuff they'd be more open to it," Atalia said looking at the floor now.

She was trying to show her acceptance of the situation and to let Marta know she wasn't going to get between them, that she would help them. Ezra was her best friend and just because they weren't to be wed anymore didn't make it any less true. She could sense the smile on his face without even looking up and she relaxed a bit as she bent down to pick up the books she'd dropped.

Why Can't This Be? [arockysmith + tlstiffl]

Ezra wasn't sure exactly what to do when she started unbuttoning his shirt, but his mind didn't seem to need to work all that hard as his hands moved on their own helping her to undress him from the waste up. Her lips were soft and a little warm against his skin and when she kissed his scars he could feel his body tingle in response. His heart was beating faster, but then she pulled away all too soon. He had heard her words clear that night. They were not going to be broken so easily no matter his doubts, or concerns. His brain couldn't seem to form words as he felt his cheeks turn red. Before he knew exactly what he was doing his hands were sliding up her dress and he was pulling her to straddle his waist.

"You are my life," he whispered as he brought her face down to his meet his own in the kind of kiss that should only be reserved for husband and wife.

He found his lips wondering from her jaw lawn to her neck and his hands gripped her waist, his fingers slowly moving up her back. He felt her body tremble underneath his hands and it sparked something inside of himself that he'd never felt before. He pushed his waist up a little feeling his pants become more constricting. His lips found their way to her collar bone and he bit her softly.

Pulling away slowly his face bright red, "I'm sorry. I don't...I don't know what's come over me," he gasped wincing slightly at the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

He found himself kissing her again though, his hands moved from underneath her clothes into her hair and he held her close wanting nothing more than the fabric between them to disappear, but as her hips moved slowly against him through their clothes he let out a soft groan and began to slow himself down. He wanted to continue, but he couldn't let their first time be with him half injured and wincing in pain through every kiss or every thrust. His hands fell down to her thighs, smooth like the rest of her and he kept her dress hiked up so that her panties showed and he messed with the underwear band pulling it away from her skin in temptation and letting it slowly go back against her hip. His pants still kept the tightness and he felt a little embarrassed at having been so rough with her. He was pretty sure she could feel the issue he was having pressed up against her, but he didn't push her off. He laid his head back and laugh slightly.

"I'm so sorry, Marta. Forgive me for my behavior," he said with a smile.