SUICIDE
Losing ground.
I KNOW I'M A FUCK UP, LACKADAISY, GOOD FOR NOTHING, LATRANT MONSTER WITH NO POSSIBLE HEART TO SPEAK OF.
SO I'LL DO THE SAME AS ALWAYS; MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT'S GOING ON.
TRUE, I'VE GOT NO FUTURE. I LIKE TO PRETEND I DO AND FANTASIZE ABOUT A FAMILY OR FINDING SANITY OR TURNING OUT TO BE MORE THAN MY FUCKING MOM THOUGHT I COULD ACHIEVE.
THAT ISN'T THE CASE, OBVIOUSLY; I'M TAKING TIME TO PEN THIS ATROCITY...LIKE I DESERVED A PERSON TO CURB THE MERCURIAL MOCKERY, OR A REFUGE FROM FADED PULSE AND PHANTOM PRESSURE THAT MAKES MY GHASTLY ALACRITY SUCH AN UNCANNY ALCHEMY.
I HATE IT. EVERY BREATH IS BATED, ANTICIPATING CESSATION TOO LONG IN THE MAKING.
SO MY HANDS HOLD A CHOICE WITH ONE IN THE CHAMBER. I NEVER COULD'VE DONE IT PERFECTLY; FUCK EVERY LAST PERSON WHO EVER HAD AN EXPECTATION OF ME. MY OWN BLOOD WISHED FOR ME TO SUCCUMB AND COME UNDONE, BUT IT ISN'T SO EASY WHEN I'VE GOT A GRUDGE TO SETTLE WITH EVERYONE. I HOPE IT HURTS WHEN THE NEWS REACHES YOU TWO WEEKS LATE AND I'M ALREADY PUT AWAY.
MAYBE MY SMALL CIRCLE WILL CARE WHEN THE TIME COMES TO PASS. THE SAME PEOPLE WHO'VE TALKED ME DOWN FROM THE BALCONY AND REMINDED ME THAT THE GOAL OF HOLDING SO TIGHTLY TO SPITE IS TO SURPASS. I CAN'T PUT THAT ON THEM, SELFISH AS I AM; TO LEAVE THE POTENTIAL AT AN END IS UNFORGIVABLE.
STILL. FUCK EVERY BREATH YOU SPOKE BEHIND MY BACK; LACED WITH A FRAIL SENTIMENT THAT CAN'T BE RESCINDED OR BLITHELY BURIED. BEING ALONE IS PREFERABLE WHEN MELANCHOLY IS PRESENTED CONSTANTLY, CHANGING BUT UNVARIED. FUCK EVERY MOMENT THAT MADE THIS BITTERNESS REAL AND GRANTED CREDENCE IN SEEING THE GRAVE A VIABLE ESCAPE.
YOU LAUGHED WHEN I CHOSE TO SHED MY OWN SANGUINE. FUCK YOUR TAUNTS AND PETTY WANTS. FUCK EVERY MOCKING VILE SMILE AND BROKEN PROMISE; VOWED TO BE FIXED IN A SITUATION MORE REALISTIC. I FORGAVE BECAUSE, OTHERWISE, I MAY HAVE LOST MY WAY. SO THANKS TO YOU, OF ALL MAJOR OFFENDERS. WATCHING THE CHOKED ROAD YOU WALK HAS INSPIRED THIS WORTHLESS, MAKESHIFT SELF-PROCLAIMED SAINT.
THERE ARE OTHERS.
THE LIAR. SHE AND I ARE SIMILAR. THE SPIDER. A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER BLINDED BY PRIDE. THE INNOCENT. ONE I DAMAGED WITHOUT THOUGHT. THE BELEAGUERED. I ABANDONED THIS SUFFERING ONCE-BROTHER.
SO MUCH TO SAY THAT I REFUSE TO FADE.
I WROTE THIS NOTE TO BE CERTAIN MY RESOLVE IS MADE.
PAIN SO GREAT IT STEALS WORTHY MOMENTS.
FEAR GRAND ENOUGH TO INSPIRE ATONEMENT.
FUCK THIS MOMENT OF WEAKNESS AND WHAT THIS WEEPING REALLY MEANS TO ME.
