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16 days ago
Current Seeing TikTok being banned tonight reminds me of how you banned me from your life. I miss you… tell your mom I said hi
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2 mos ago
If you use ChatGPT you’re kind of a loser
6 likes
2 mos ago
Apparently they kick you out the mall if you give Santa spiked eggnog
2 likes
2 mos ago
MUSTARDDDDDDDDD
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3 mos ago
Or don't
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Bio

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SALSA VERDE
SALSA VERDE

▅▅▅▅austin | ♏︎ | he/him | 28 | vegan

Hi, I’m Salsa Verde, arguably the best salsa and formally known as the writer, Syn. I’m a Wildlife Biologist traveling the country looking to work with the coolest: herps, mammals, birds, and invertebrates I can get my hands on. I also like plants, trees, and fungi specifically. I’ve been writing for about 13 years now and recently decided to get back into it. I enjoy anything from casual to high roleplay, 1x1, and arena. My main genres tend to be anime, SOL, and superhero but I’m really down to participate in anything. And yeah I like all that weeb shit.

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Most Recent Posts




Then |The Astor Residence| @Hoekage



Ximena didn’t understand it, but then again, she didn’t understand a lot of things that entertained the mindless masses of Palm Beach. The radiant queen had tried her best to sully herself and her reputation to equate that of the attendants of her newly transferred high school. However, it seemed like she just wasn’t destined to fit…. except of course letting Santiago find the right fit for that one night. Besides that, one night changing incident for the two of them nothing else seemed to strike her fancy. Then, of course, the homecoming event that she had planned to go to, only to pull out last minute due to her unscrupulous pairing. It wouldn’t be soon enough for XiXi to get away from what’s his name? The tall really weird kid that had a bad habit of vanishing when you needed him most. With nothing tethering her to the school and no minions to amass a larger following, it seemed like the highness was losing traction at her school.

Something so troubling as that would leave anyone in tatters, but Ximena was the definition of poise and grace. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was conquering even if it meant being feared rather than loved or respected. It was just the price she had to pay and a price she would pay in full. So, while the puppets played in their little masquerade with their fake kings and queens, the real Baroness was scheming on something all more important. They could have their time in the limelight, but XiXi knew she needed two to tango and who better to call than her lost long better half. XiXi ran her finger through her contacts before finding her golden ticket. A smile creased over her face while the phone touched her delicate ear. The sound of ringing buzzing in her ear until the opposite line picked up.

“Hello? It’s me bitch. What are you doing?”

“Sleeping, Jesus, qúe hora es?” A groan sounded over the phone followed by some muffled curses and shuffling before the voice sounded again, “Ximena, you realize I just got back, right? After 48 hours of like no sleep, and from a country 13 hours ahead of us, do you know what exhaustion feels like? Mia regina, Por qúe me odias?"

XiXi looked at the time realizing that LA was three hours behind the east coast. “Oops, gonorrea I forget that you’re ahead of me. Pero like wake up necesito que hablar contigo” Ximena said trying to decipher the hieroglyphics Yessi was trying to speak in. “Listen nena, I think it’s cool and all that you hung out with all your little chinitas, but I’m gonna fly over to your place okay? Love you bitchhh” Ximena said making a loud audible kissing sound before hanging up. After her call was over Ximena called and arranged for her next private jet out back to dreary Florida, the state where the headline “Florida man threatens to kill neighbors with a bat named kindness” is just another day in the office. Ximena stole the beauty rest Yessi couldn’t get and soaked in it on the flight over.

Finally touching down and having been chauffeured to Yessi’s house, she was finally ready to see her sister of a different mister. Ximena rang the doorbell gleefully waiting for her blonde bitch to open the door.

There was no way in hell the sleep-deprived Astraia was ready to function in society, much less deal with hurricane Ximena, so the second her best friend ended the call she was back to a night of blissful sleep, that sadly was cut about 16 hours early.

The combination of Aurelio’s bitching in the hallway and the incessant sound of the doorbell was enough to drag her out of the dreamland she had entered only a mere eight hours earlier. A dramatic huff of resignation to her fate had her flinging the comforter off her body, feet sliding into slippers and stomping down the stairs.

” Oh fantastic, I thought you were dead, whoever that is out there has been ringing the fucking bell for ever. Jesus, I forgot how annoying Americans are.”
“Reli, it’s Ximena, you could have, you know, just let her in?”
That’s Ximena? Fuck she got hot.”

Only a roll of her green eyes was given as Yessi pulled open the door and in the same moment dragged her friend inside, and shutting it promptly behind her. Once the two of them were safely in the privacy of the Astor house Yessi threw her arms around the smiling, and slightly irritated bombshell, hugging her tightly, “I’ve missed you so much, Meme!”

What felt like centuries of standing outside finally came to a climax as the door cracked open, the light shining from the other side almost blinded the Colombian Princess. In all actuality, it was just Ximena being caught off guard and pulled inside by a death grip that did it fit the busty petite girl on the other side. The door closed behind them and as the girl collected her bearings she was smothered in a warm embrace.

This was the kind of warmth and feeling she had been longing all those weeks trapped in Palm Beach. Her freshly manicured nails enveloped Yessi in an equally ecstatic and affectionate hug. The bond the two had formed since they were children was unbreakable. “Ay Yeye, I know!” She said snapping her neck to the side as if she had no spine at all. “But look at you hermosa! Korea has been good to you.” Hyping up her friend as she grabbed her hand and spun her around.

XiXi noticed Aurelio awkwardly standing to the side, “Don’t just stand there, say hi to me” Ximena said extending her hand out waiting for him to kiss the ring like so many other boys did before him.

Aurelio gazed at the two princesses' lesbian-esque reunion with a tinge of jealousy flickering in those consuming brown eyes of his. Astraia and Ximena had been friends for god knows how long, Aurelio could remember all the trouble those two got the three of them in and how much fun they had. Though that latter fact would only remain in his thoughts, he’d never vocalize how appreciative he was of these two thots.

Rolling his eyes at the more annoying of the pair, he enveloped the meticulously manicured hand Xixi extended to him and tugged her towards him. Aurelio wrapped his muscular arms around the curvaceous body of the active succubus and placed a kiss to the top of her head. This is home. The thought came in as if he was trying to force himself to believe it and involuntarily squeezed Ximena in his arms for a moment, before releasing her and stepping back.

What was with this family and tugging her like a family rag doll. Her body was wrapped in another hug, this time much more muscular and heavenly scented. Aurelio certainly had changed since the devious duo used to bully him despite the age difference. A sudden wet warmth could be felt planted on her forehead, it was all so much to process. Luckily for her, these were the only people allowed to see her as shooketh as this.

She tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear before clearing her throat, “Well it’s nice to see you too Rel.”

“Well, we head back to King’s in two weeks, and there’s a LOT for you to grill her about.” He feigned a whisper towards Ximena “Ask her about the married man that got us ki-“ Laughing he barely dodged the open palm coming straight for his mouth and smoothly grabbed his keys off the key chain.

And with that, the tension in the room came undone as her eyebrows cocked and her tongue slid through her pearly white teeth.

“Reli! Stop bringing that shit up!” Yessi yelled out after her retreating twin, “Stay on the DL out there, please” A raised thumb was all the response she got as the garage door closed and the rev of his motorcycle roared through the door. With a roll of her eyes the Spanish princess turned her attention back to her other, other half, “Okay, shit, there’s so much to tell you, let me start from the beginning.”

“Oh? Yeye you know it’s rude to make a girl wait” she said waiting patiently for the bombshell to blab.


Post K.O.

Ximena finally woke up to what was still the porcelain bathtub she remembered sitting on before, well before you know being knocked out cold by her not-so-bestfriend anymore? XiXi didn’t know anymore and she really couldn’t think about much with her head in the condition it was in. There were bells ringing in her cranium that just wouldn’t go away. It was like waking up with a hangover from hell, but without the fun to preface it and only the regret to live with. Sitting up from the tub as if she had just gotten drugged and a kidney removed, the groggy Colombiana daintily touched her face feeling for pain. She went from no pain around her cheeks to wincing in pain when she touched the skin around her eye.

“Puta!” she cursed almost ready to burst into tears from frustration, she had ruined lives before but never her own. With no account of time, Ximena knew she had to move unless she wanted Yessi to come back and deliver round 2. Struggling to make her way to the sink she gazed into the mirror only to find a rather large discolored area around the right side of her face. No amount of concealer could hide the hues of purple and blue on her soft caramel skin. Carefully opening the door, she peered her head out so see if the coast was clear. Seeing no in the area Ximena sprinted for her phone and then to the front door. Gracias a dios her car was still in one piece.

Fleeing the scene of the crime Ximena went back home defeated and stuck wondering what she could do and how she could fix this. She had time to heal and also time to scheme…something no one should leave her idle with.





It was her first day back to King’s Academy in who knows how long, ironically it only took a few sugar-coated words for the super intendant to let the beauty queen back into this little herd of high schoolers. Her bruises gone and her smile just as mischievous as ever, Ximena was ready to play the game of thrones. That wasn’t without the queen of mean being fashionably late as always. Strolling into the gymnasium, she was just in time for the climax of the lecture on what she caught to be about the dangers of sex and drugs. Homecoming must have been one hell of an event, one she sadly missed out on thanks to a certain tall dark and disgusting. While she waited on the side of the bleachers phone in hand, Ximena surfaced social media keeping tabs on all the saucy news she missed.

Next was scanning the audience since she wasn’t in sight. She must have missed Santiago since he was no where to be seen. However, the familiar face of Yessi struck a chill up her spine and a pain in her cheek. Taking cover back behind the bleachers, she waited for the lecture to be over and hovered in the back of the crowd as most of the herd headed to the cafeteria. That’s when she caught the sight of Aurelio.

“Oh, thank god just who I needed to see" she said in relief. Even if he was now surrounded by some of her potential frenemies she needed to talk to him. In her best diplomatic fashion, she walked up to the small crowd surrounding the table.

“While it’s all very nice to see you all here again in such short notice, I need to borrow Aurelio for a bit. Of course, if that’s okay with the rest of you. I’ll have him back to you in a jiffy” she said smiling with all gums and teeth.




Another day another uncomfortable situation Aaliyah found herself in. While she did participate in this year’s homecoming she was just a spectator, but now she was guilty by association. Intrusive thoughts of exaggerated outcomes plagued her mind especially the thought of not being able to walk at graduation. Committing seppuku seemed like here only option now for bringing dishonor on her family. She was so engrossed in her head she hadn’t realized that she was sitting nowhere near any of her potential friends once she made it to the auditorium. ”Great job Aaliyah, you really know how to avoid people even when you’re not trying to” she said in her mind, someone probably taking note of the obscure reactions her face was making unconsciously to her.

Hopefully Aaliyah’s prestigious record would keep her from being called down, although her parents were understanding enough to excuse her behavior and most likely end up advocating for her defense. Seeing an angry black woman was nothing short of scary, so at least she had that going for her. Prom really had no weight on her life since she wasn’t planning on going anyways, but the collective groans was enough for to understand not everyone was as thrilled as she was. The announcement of homecoming king and queen had no effect on her either. Unfortunately, the three-hour lecture was just as torturous for her as the rest of the auditorium. The entire time they were being lectured Aaliyah couldn’t help but picture the film from AP Bio, “The Miracle of life” where she saw her first live birth. Luckily for them no one in their school was pregnant, what a tragedy that would be.

After the lecture was over, Aaliyah made her way to the cafeteria looking for somewhere to sit. She thought she caught the glance of Chanel and Julie, but a crowd was already forming around them. Bea was already in the company of Jordan, so she did what all wallflowers would do and sat alone. The bathroom was a close second.
You may call me Nosferatu
Boy


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Location | Misfits' RV, Santa Monica, California
Interacting with | Les Misfits

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It was true what people said when you die, your entire life flashes right before your eyes. While her life was as short as a YouTube ad rather than a movie, Umbra saw enough to want to keep herself grounded to the rust bucket otherwise known as the misfit RV. Her soul reeling back to her body left her choking on her breath as she regained consciousness. The familiar sound of her bubbly blonde counterpart was a welcome one, not to mention the faint sounds of bubbling soda pouring into a cup.

“…I’m up….I’m up!” the soft prodding of her cheeks left her just as defensive of her sleep as she was this morning. Slowly but surely the witch sat up reaching for the cold ether, guzzling it down with the carbonation burned her throat.

“If you drank my orange soda I would have had to hex your life or at least haunt you after I die, which was pretty close just now”

Umbra looked all around to see the puzzled or inquisitive faces of her peers; they probably should have been used to the magic the young misfits brought to the group. Her eyes caught a glimpse of Sami’s face, noticing the not so subtle beating he received. Not so conspicuously, Umbra leaned in towards Em cupping her hand to her ear. ”What happened to Sami’s face? Did he lose a fight to the RV trying to fix this thing? she asked whispering softly.

“It’s nice to see you too Sami, just don’t get us lost I know how much you don’t like asking for directions” a playful jest attached to the end of her sentence.

Her head then snapped over to face Kim, “I’m healthy enough to give you a hug Kimmy” ensuring the laid back brunette that she was fine.

“So what else did I miss?”

This post is very ugly. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk


Aaliyah narrowly missed a deadly encounter with JJ on her way perusing through clothes and make-up. After explaining the night she would never forget, her mother could see why the girl was so distracted. Before they left the food court, her mother imparted her wise womanly knowledge. With all the shopping finished it was time for Aaliyah to set her eyes on her first ever hang out. The nerves slowly began to creep back up her spine as the ETA moved close and closer to 0.

Pulling up to Bea’s house, Aaliyah was greeted by a house modest in comparison to the top of the top. Not knowing what to do or who to text, Aaliyah sat in the car fumbling with the door.

“Are you going to get out honey?” Her mom asked.

Having both parents turn to face her only surmounted more pressure onto the poor girl.

“Yeah I was just uh making sure this was the right house number...hehe”

Her excuse was as bad as her laugh. Regardless she forced herself out the car with her bag clutched in her hands.

”It can’t be that bad right? Right? Just breathe and knock” The more she focused on the door the further it had gotten away from her. The space between the top of the steps and the door stretched miles. Honestly if anyone saw her from a window they would have been confused and just sent a recording to worldstar. Hoping no one would see her and her confidence slowly rising. Aaliyah took ACTION, which was really just ringing the doorbell and running into the nearby shrubbery so no one would see her.

Spitting a leaf out of her mouth and slapping the branches out of her face, Aaliyah peered from around the vegetation waiting for Bea to emerge. Hopefully this was the wrong address, because this girl had no clue what to say. As the door opened Aaliyah has realized the luggage tag attached to her bag had fallen onto the front porch. This was it, her career was over.



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Location | Misfits' meeting place, Santa Monica, California
Interacting with | Basically all the Misfits

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Normally rays of sunlight would peak through the curtains of anyone’s room…well almost anyone. Instead of rising with the sun, Umbra found herself surrounded in a veil of darkness. The blackout curtains doing their best work of keeping her room as dark as her soul, edgy I know. The pleas from her grandma were incessant, but not enough to shake the slumber that tethered the queen of the damned to her fluffy mattress. A groggy voice left her lips insisting on only needing five more minutes, she had until 11 am after all to meet at Santa Monica Pier. In her zombie state, she decided to check her phone to see how much time she had left before her alarm jolted her awake. Her hand proceeded to knock down everything imaginable off her night stand before finding her phone.

Her fingers ejected the pentagram pop socket as to not strain her measly pinky.

“Oh, it’s only 11 I have more than enough time” she said as she collapsed back into bed.

That’s when the fear set in and Umbra’s light skin turned a ghostly white. Her body jumped like a woman possessed as she furiously unlocked her phone and opened her alarm app only to see she had set an alarm for 11 pm instead of am.

“Are you kidding me!?!” she spat, throwing her phone down, racing towards the shower as she stripped off her top and black cat pajamas. Perhaps the first sign in a string of bad luck the young witch would face today. Diamond was so desperate to catch her friends she had even brought her toothbrush fully loaded with paste into the shower with her. If only she had a spell to give her more arms, than she wouldn’t need to rotate between her razor, toothbrush, and bar of soap. Leaping out of the shower, with soapy suds tastefully covering her womanly bits, Umbra jumped into her pile of all black clothes hoping to find something…anything clean and cute. Hair and make up would just have to wait, Umbra was sure Em would love the opportunity to touch her face.

“Shower. Check. Clothes. Check. Back pack. Check. All good now let me just see what fate has for me”

The flummoxed teen was finally able to catch her breathe having completed her checklist. Laying out her customized tarot cards she did a quick run of her daily fate. The first card she turned over was The Magician in reverse.

“Poor planning. Shit okay”

Knowing full well she deserved that one. ”Come on, come on” she said under her breath, hoping her fate would be swift and merciful. The next card was, The Hanged Man…in reverse.

“Damn it! Delays? What other delays could I possibly have besides my dumbass alarm”

Umbra closed her eyes and placed all her luck into the third and final card. She flipped it over almost triumphantly before opening her eyes and grimacing. It was The Sun in the upright position, meaning positivity and fun. If it weren’t for her Xanthophobia this would have been her blessing in disguise.

“Right well, I’ll take what I can get” another glance at her phone made her realize she was running out of time.

Almost tumbling down the stairs and rolling her ankle she ran into the kitchen to say good morning and good bye to her sweet grandmother.

“I was calling you and calling you child”

“Yeah, I know, today’s just not my day! I got to go Roe-roe I’m late!”

“Do you want me to drive you baby? You don’t have to be embarrassed!”

“I’m not grandma! By the time you get ready it’ll be the New Year. Bye love you!”

The truth was, despite knowing her friends and being part of the misfits since she moved to Cali, Umbra had always been a little embarrassed of her home and how poor she was compared to the rest of BHHS. With a kiss on the cheek of her grandma, Umbra was out the door and, on her bike, cycling as fast as she could with her eyes set on the pier.

“That girl is just too much” she said with a giggle, watching her pride and joy rush off into the distance.

Time bled away as Umbra did her best to make her way to the pier and the misfits meeting place. Sweat was starting to bead along her forehead and the choice of black was obviously a bad one with the sun absorbing into her clothes and cooking her from the inside out. If Umbra didn’t pass out from dehydration it probably would have been from heat stroke and not the same kind women be having at Sunday service. ”Who loves orange soda. Umbra loves orange soda. Is it true? I do I do I dooo ooo” she said deliriously licking her lips, while imaging what Um had hoped Em had saved for her on this trip. Rounding the corner, she was reinvigorated upon seeing the RV in the not too far off distance. Unfortunately, there was no one around the RV. They’re probably already inside! You have to catch them!, putting the pedal to the metal, Umbra took off in mach speed towards the RV. It seemed The Hanged Man had other plans for her. The nuts and bolts keeping her back tire attached to the frame of the bike loosened and jiggled with every bump and pivot. Eventually, they had all come undone and her back tire flew off the rack.

A shrill shriek left her mouth while her hands gripped the handle bars. Sparks flew as the grinding of metal and asphalt created a cacophonous sound. By the time her eyes had opened, and her face relaxed from her grimace, her runaway train had stopped. Her hands touched every part of her body making sure she still had every limb and piece of skin attached. A smile came over her face in relief of having survived, but quickly vanished remembering she still had yet to make it. The girl’s cardio was as bad as middle-aged man sitting at home watching the Wendy Williams show, so bad. Yet, that wouldn’t be enough to stop the determined shadow.

One knock was heard on the outside of the RV door before she opened the door and fell bustling through the rusting RV. Star fishing onto the floor, swallowing as much oxygen as she could, the final misfit had finally arrived, and her eyes rolled to turn to Em.

“Where’s my orange soda?!” she said before passing out.


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