Madalyne Crane
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April Flynn
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Location: California Asylum for the Genetically Enhanced
Madalyne was really happy that she was able to get to visit her best friend April, she was surprised to hear that she was there though. Madalyne was allowed to enter CAGE and approached the front desk she signed herself in and was eventually led into the visitors lounge. Madalyne looked around seeing a few board games a tv and a bookshelf full of books. It kind of reminded her of a little family room as she went and sat down on the couch waiting for April to be let in.
It wasn’t too long until April entered the visitor’s lounge, dressed in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, a patient identification bracelet on her left wrist with her name and other important information on it. She had her glasses on today, not feeling in the mood for contacts, and she smiled brightly as she saw Mads. It had been a few days since she’d seen her, and it already felt like it had been weeks.
“Hey!” April greeted, coming up and offering Mads a hug.
Madalyne instantly smiled seeing April coming in it felt like forever since she had seen her last, and it did feel a little bit lonely having a whole entire dorm to herself for the last few days. "Hey April!" Madalyne said happily as she got up and walked over to April pulling her into a hug.
"How have you been?" Madalyne asked her.
April sat down on the couch, brushing her hair back behind her ears from where it had fallen forward.
“A lot better, I think,” she said, pausing for a moment. Conversations like these had been so incredibly difficult a few days ago - just admitting that she wasn’t okay had been a struggle. But the doctors and the medication and the group sessions, all of those things were really helping - enough that April felt the slightest hints of a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in years.
“Um. I am sorry that I - that I hid all of this from you. From everyone, really. But I - I am doing a lot better now, I think. I think I’ll get to go back to school in a few days, they’re still evaluating the treatment plan and stuff while I’m here… But how are you? What have I missed?”Madalyne reached out gently resting a hand on her friend's shoulder as she listened to her, she was glad that April was doing better than she had been.
"I'm glad that you are doing a lot better." Madalyne said giving her a smile, she then shook her head slightly trying to reassure April.
"And you don't have to be sorry, you know i'm always there for you whenever you need me to just talk." Madalyne said to April she couldn't imagine how hard it was to admit something was wrong with her.
"I'm doing alright, and honestly not much has happened since you've been gone." She answered.
"What have you been up to? Aside from all of the therapy and whatnot here?""Um, I mean it's - it is a lot of, like, therapy - with doctors and in group, and stuff - and then people come to visit, and I've been reading books, and playing games with people it's - it's kinda like summer camp in a way? Y'know, no phones, you're with the same group of people and are sharing weirdly intense experiences with these strangers, and you kinda figure out who your meal buddy is going to be super quick. Except for they, like, check on your room in the night to make sure that you haven't killed yourself, that sorta thing," April explained, feeling mildly awkward. She really did appreciate that Mads wanted to be there for her, but at the same time... It was hard for her to imagine being that open about everything that was going on with Mads. It was hard for her to imagine really talking about this sort of thing with most people, including family.
"Have you - have you been training for the contest, then? How's that going?"Madalyne nodded as she listened to April as she mentioned what she had been doing here and what it has been like as well to she would have felt uncomfortable with sharing personal information like this to her friends and family as well to.
"Yep i've been training with the others as well as by myself for the contest since we have had a lot of free time to do that."”Oh, that’s - that’s good!” April said, feeling a little strange. She couldn’t tell if Mads was treating her differently - or if this was how things always had been. She felt like there was some sort of disconnect between them.
”Um, so, is there anything you wanted to talk about? I don’t have to go to group therapy for a little while…”Madalyne thought for a moment she still wanted to make sure that April was okay, she was happy that she was still getting the help that she needed.
"We can talk about prom coming up, and what you, Leah and Sabine would be wearing?" Madalyne said.
"We could go and do some dress shopping to if you want when you get out of here."The thought of dress shopping made April feel queasy, her skin itching. She rubbed the back of her hand absentmindedly, trying to scrub the feeling away.
“Uh, yeah, s-sure! We can - we can go dress shopping. Or um actually I… I should tell you that…” she glanced down at her hands.
”We kinda… we kinda broke up. So, I, um - I don’t know if I would be going to prom with anyone. Well, anyone in a romantic sense - I’ll probably - I’ll probably see if Danni would go with me.”Madalyne looked at April with a surprised look as she gently reached out gently resting a hand on April's shoulder and pulling her friend into a hug.
"I'm so sorry that happened." She said, she didn't know that they ended up breaking up at all, she always thought that all three of them got along really well together.
"What happened if I may ask?" She asked.
April hesitated for a moment, not certain what she wanted to say - what she wanted to tell people. She didn’t want people to feel pressured to take sides, or look for a victim in the situation. But even then, her reasoning behind the breakup was more complicated than what she had told Sabine and Leah - something she didn’t know if she was ready to admit to anyone, even Mads.
”I… I ended things. I wasn’t - I can’t - I… I’m not able to be good enough for myself, so how… how can I be good enough to be a girlfriend for someone else?”Madalyne listened to April while still hugging her before letting go, she had a feeling that there was something more to it but she didn't want to push her to much.
"You are good enough April, take whatever time you need to. Also you can talk to me about it whenever you are ready if you want to." Madalyne said giving April a smile.
She bit her lip, struggling to communicate this correctly.
"It's... It's more like I am not good to me? Like... Like I don't know how to handle my emotions when they happen, so I... so I just don't and... If I can't treat myself okay, then... Like they deserve to be treated better than the way I've been treating them. Does that make sense? Sorry, it's... It's been a lot of time to just, like, think about myself and I might be a bit in my own head about it."Madalyne nodded slightly.
"I think I understand." She said softly while gently rubbing April's shoulder.
"Just focus on working on yourself and getting the help that you need. And i'm always there if you need me to as well." Madalyne offered.
April nodded.
"I know - I - thanks," she glanced down at her hands.
"It's weird, because I know that you're there for me - and Danni and Dori and Sabine and Leah - but... I dunno, there's some... Some part of my brain that says that isn't true - or that I'm j-just a burden - that I'm - that I'm a horrible person and no one actually wants to have me around. A-and I know that isn't right, but it... But it doesn't stop things from feeling that way. And I don't know how to - how to handle that disconnect. Like when my head says one thing, but my feelings - they're saying something else. Like if I'm not - if I'm not the person everyone expects me to be, then... then what am I, y'know, if not just a waste of space?""You are welcome. You are not a waste of space, or a horrible person at all April." Madalyne tried to reassure April giving her a smile.
"Did Dr. Whitehall suggest anything to help?" She asked her.
"Yeah, she, um - we're working on things together, different strategies. Just - there's so much stuff that I'm... that I'm having to realize I've been, like, doing to myself and even now I feel like... I feel like there's still something there that I don't know about yet - something beyond being... beyond being bipolar. I don't - I don't know what it is but... There's something else wrong with me," April bit her lip again, her skin starting to feel clammy. So much of her time with Dr. Whitehall was April just unpacking her own psyche, she hadn't even really begun yet to even really learn how to use the tools, how to deconstruct her own thoughts to find their causes. She was still just finding repressed emotion after emotion, a dam finally broken.
Madalyne felt bad for April she wasn't sure what she could do to try and help her she looked at April she never knew that April was diagnosed as bipolar.
"We can change the subject if you don't want to talk about this if you are uncomfortable about it." She said offering April her hand.
"It's... It's fine," April said, leaving Mads' hand where it was. She felt this weight gradually beginning to increase on her shoulders, a subtle downward push. Her fingers felt as cold as ice, so she tucked them beneath her legs, using her thighs to try to return some warmth to them, some sensation.
"It - it was really great seeing you, Mads!" she forced herself to smile. Forced herself to keep up some semblance of cheer.
"I, um, I know that you're busy and all, so I don't - I don't wanna keep you here, so... I'll see you when we get back - when I get back, I mean, to school?" Her chest felt like it was rapidly emptying itself out, hollowing.
Madalyne gave April a smile and pulled her into another hug.
"It was great to see you as well, and of course i'll see you back at school." Madalyne said as she started to stand up.
"And i'm always there for you if you ever need to talk or anything, and if you want me to come and visit you between now and when you get back to school let me know."April returned the hug, the smile fading from her face.
"Y-yeah! I'll - I'll let you know. Th-thanks Mads - I really - I really appreciate it."