Eklispe

Dawn of The Coming Storm (Co-GMed with Eklispe this time!)

@Senhara

For physical description a general list of things to think of when writing is something like this. Height, weight, skin color, hair/eye color, noteable feature of their face like scars or perhaps being very pretty or just average. Also how someone might think of them at first glance. Do they slouch? Stand confidently? Look around with shifty eyes or examine everything carefully? Perhaps the general clothing they wear. This should help flesh that section out.

I would describe why the Katana is important to her. Is it a heirloom? Why doesn't she use it? Is it fragile, magic, perhaps the original holder was a pacifist? Giving this some meaning would help us understand her character some more.

Your backstory could be improved rather easily as well. All character that are mages have found and read a Malakim Record, at least describing this specific instance and how/where/why it happened would help. What happened after she gained magic? Did her personality change? Did she run and hide, try to make a difference with her new powers, become a hero of sorts? Are there any other key events in her life that shaped her into who she is today? Why does she usually ignore people is willing to lend a hand. Why does she know how to play the violin? Was it part of her families tradition? Perhaps her parents gave her a certain morality, encouraged a certain way of thinking, or she saw something that caused her to commit to a certain cause. All things that can help develop your character.

These are mostly fine, specify what magic Spectral Wolf counters though. You can't counter high magic without having 6 high magic spells so with your list it is limited to Mind Spells or Change Spells, though you already have a counter mind spell. I like the idea behind them.

I hope you won't think this review is too harsh, your character is by no means terrible, these are just a few things that can help them become more developed, easier to interact with and roleplay for. The list may seem long but it's really just a bunch of rather minor things.

-Co-GM Eklispe

Shattered Fates - A Dark Fantasy, Boss Battling Epic

Solomon

!@#$, Solomon staggered back from the corpse clutching his wound with his free hand. Didn't that stupid thing know you were supposed to fight like you wanted to live? He hadn't thought it would be so spiteful as to give up its own life to give him a wound. Solomon glared at the body, resisting the urge to pulverize it with an arrow. Sinners wearing sheep skin? A cryptic sentence that didn't mean anything, Solomon dismissed it. Ihosha was using that eye of hers and prodding at the bodies, but there was hardly a chance to pay much attention to that as suddenly Ezain emerged from the southern tunnel telling them to flee as he stayed behind, proclaiming himself already dead. He looked the part.

Isabella immediately told them to head down the east passage, although given Isabella's decision making had nearly killed herself and several other people at least twice in the last five minutes... Not that anyone else's track record was looking much better. Another surge of pain. His wound was blackened now, a sign of disease or infection, not that it was surprising given who he'd received it from. Still, nothing he could do about it now. Solomon stumbled into motion to follow the group towards the passage they were all heading down to avoid whatever else was chasing them. His bow pulled down on him as much as ever in addition to the wound in his side but he could at least run with it. Though it was more of an unstable jog to be honest.

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

@SantosGabriel77 Good to see you're working on your character. However I have a few things to point out, keep in mind that since your CS is a bit of a WIP, it might sound a bit extensive. To start off this review of your character, I wanted to highlight a piece of information for you:

You can choose to PM your character sheets to me, or post them in the OOC.

The Rules

This does not mean the character tab. So, if you wouldn’t mind, your first step to editing your character will be to remove it from the character tab, and choose one of the two methods mentioned to send it to us. To do this click the edit button and replace with a dash, period, or whatever you like. Then, once your character is edited, (and approved) you can edit that post again and place your character back inside it.

Moving on to the character itself.

To start off, simply put, you’re not using the appearance section for what it’s meant for. Keep in mind that barely a paragraph is not really enough to describe a character. Think about Jon. What does his hair look like? How long is it? Is it clean? Dirty? Thick? Thin? Does he have any special features? Scars? Tattoos? Piercings? What color are his eyes? Is he tall? Short? Stocky? Lanky? How do his Rhinoceros traits affect his appearance? Is his double layered skin noticeable? If it is, what does it look like?

Moving on to the history section. So, first of all, we would like you to remove the rhinoceros DNA merging from the history all together. In Potpurri that would be done before he was even born, making him a test tube baby so to speak. Some other things you should think about are: Did he have a family? How did his family treat him? How did he treat his family? How did the scientists who experimented on him treat him? How did he react to the treatment? What was he trained in? Fighting? Speaking? Did he have to relearn everything after the experimentation? If he forgot parts of his life, how does that affect him? What exactly did his memory loss take away? What was the intent of his modification? What purpose did the scientists want him to serve? I understand that the way you wrote his history was a way of removing the need to consider these things but history is a very helpful section for the GM's to look at.

For the personality section the first thing we want to touch on, is length. We did say that it didn’t have to be too long, but a sentence is still too short. At the very least two sentences or more are necessary to accurately explain who your character is. He’s stubborn and violent, but what else is he? How does he react to friendship? How does he feel about people in general? How does he deal with people he doesn't know? How does he deal with people he does know? Does he have a sense of humor? What kind? Morbid? Goofy? What makes him angry? What makes him sad? How does he deal with being sad/hurt? How does he react to affection? You don't necessarily need all these things, but they would help us get a better general feel for the character.

So, we’re going to combine his skill and modification sections for ease of explanation. We would like you to explain in more detail how his modification actually works. It gives him double layered skin, and a thick elbow, but what does that actually mean? Does it affect his durability? Can he take more blows than an average person? What does his elbow do? Why is it only one of his elbows? Is he heavier than he looks? Why can he run so fast? Was he taught that? Or, did his modification make it possible?

Lastly for the weapon section, this seems like a strange choice, but alright.

Capes of Denver: A Worm RP

Sofia Stien - Icehouse Hideout

_{@yoshua171@BCTheEntity@floodtalon@ProPro@Old Amsterdam}

Sofia was paying only a small amount of attention to what was going on. After all, everyone seemed to have an idea of what was going on. The general gist was Sofia was sneak in the people that needed to be snuck in and sneak out the people that needed to be snuck out. A stealth mission should be easy considering the team members they had. Sofia felt like if it really came down to it, with a bit of studying she could probably do the mission on her own. Of course the point was they had a team, so she would just help the whenever they needed it and call it good. Still she was a little excited about it. Last mission had been stimulating. Sofia wasn't used to feeling so strongly since she triggered, her life was incredibly boring about it and she was okay with that. But she had to admit, doing something like this made her feel like she wasn't just following the steps involved in living like some sort of robot that didn't know what it was doing. She liked it when Chatterbox talked...

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

@Zoey White Alrighty, thank you for your prompt notification.

@SantosGabriel77 Cool good to know things are coming along.

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

@Zoey White@SantosGabriel77 How are your characters coming along, do you need help or clarification on anything so far?

Capes of Denver: A Worm RP

Lethal Force - Farce's Apartment

_{@Banana@solokolos@Spiffy}

Samantha laughed. "Oh you don't know do you. My name isn't troll, it's Master Baiter." With this she flashed the screen a charming smile and sunk the knife into the women's thigh prompting a shrill scream. Samantha didn't even look back at her, in fact she hadn't even looked where she'd put the knife. "Not that you'd fucking know would you? You'd have to talk to people then. You don't even like people, you like controlling them. You don't trust people you don't control, that's why focused on your own team instead of the FBI, couldn't deal with people being on top of you." She began talking faster, and was taking up the whole camera now.

"I bet these poor sobs with you don't know that you can't even control that power of yours. Always leaking something out aren't you? An empath that can't control his own emotions, but at least you can control others right? Combine that with the kid that can't be hurt but couldn't even be bothered to save his own parents and the twincest over there. One willing to die to protect the other, who would do anything to stop just that from happening. Both of them want to stop humans from being traded when they don't realize they're basically property themselves. At least Romeo and Juliet had the decency to kill themselves." Her eyes shifted as she picked new targets, her finger tapping on the screen for emphasis. "The only reason you losers are even together is because you're all being mind raped by the guy who can't even control himself. Pathetic." Samantha walked back and laid her arms around the women she'd just stabbed, a mockery of a lover's embrace and devilishly smiled at them, the only sound in the wake of fiery tirade the quiet sobbing of the women tied in to the chair.

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

Nah you pretty much covered it. If you want a point of reference try looking at my character for the modifications and skills section. While Jarvan is on the higher-end of the power-scale regarding players, you should be able to get a general gist of what is expected. Normally having a weaker character wouldn't be too much of a problem but this RP is highly conflict centered so anybody who's on the weaker department will likely have more difficulty interacting with everything and that wouldn't be as much fun for anyone. Not to say you can't have a more mind based character, but your character also isn't that either.

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

Jarvan Gearshield

Name: Jarvan Gearshield

Age: 18

Gender: Male Attack Helicopter

Appearance: Jarvan is massive for a 18 year old, standing at approximately 6 feet and 6 inches with a frame to match. He's a bit large even for his height with muscles that are painfully well defined. His skin is very dark and clear of practically any blemishes. Jarvan has short scruffy brown hair and equally boring brown eyes. He generally wears loose-fitting clothing that shrouds his general shape, though it certainly doesn't hide the fact that's he's a giant.

History: Jarvan comes from Mithlonde. Initially the enhancements he was equipped were designed for barely sentient brutes used in excavations. However it was not a far reach to apply these same enhancements for participation in the Patchwork Potpourri. Of course the subject would have to be slightly more intelligent which could result in more deviation. The project began.

Jarvan was a little more handcrafted for the contest, his enhancements slightly different and his mentality allowed to develop. Under the strictest control of course, his initial disposition could not be controlled but how it developed could be much more easily. Luckily for his overseers Jarvan was naturally complaint and the fabricated backstory about him doing this to protect his family, little sister and all.

It was swallowed hook, line, and sinker, surprising everyone. Jarvan took to his training and the painful enhancements with energy. Of course the process of hardening his skin and rerouting the way his lungs work, in addition to giving him an inhuman amount of strength caused a catastrophic amount of pain, even with the admittedly limited drugs he was given.

Still he persevered making things easy for his creators. However he making things easy for those working him did not they made it easy on him. They were unused to having such a complaint subject. They didn't like it. Still it wasn't worth taking away the illusion entirely, so instead they pushed him. Pointless sessions just to cause him pain. Nothing to eat for days when he already needed more food than a normal person. Impossible training scenarios he was doomed to fail at.

Jarvan was stoic however, accepting that these things were required. A wise man would call him stupid and they'd be right. This led to him being very well prepared, as there was no need to deal with the troublesome resistance and rebellion that usually accompanies the subjects entered into the contest. The additional torture was just that, but one could say that it too, help prepared him for what was to come.

Personality: Jarvan looks the part of a brute and it isn't too far off. He's no genius, seeking the easiest way to take care of a problem in the shortest time. This can occasionally lead to unexpected innovation but more often it leads to a painfully obvious decision making process. He can appreciate the value of others and naturally aims to win the contest, whether it be through his own strength or others.

Modifications: Jarvan was designed with strength in mind and has several enhancements that compliment this. Perhaps one of the most peculiar is that he has 'breathing holes' in various points on his body that help him regulate oxygen. These also can filter gasses and prevent them from affecting him, as long as he is aware of the gas. Naturally he's strong, but that modification is relatively minor. Jarvan's skin on the other hand has been slightly modified, it's durability is akin to toughened leather, resisting harm.

He can output incredible power and speed but even with his advanced ability to utilize oxygen his runs out of steam very quickly and requires large amounts of calories to recharge. In addition he carries five pills that can briefly recharge his system, allowing him to go at full power for a few seconds, though the rebound is severe. Taking one will render him practically immobile, taking two will render him unconscious for several hours and require even more calories than normal to regain full capability. Taking three will surely kill him.

Weapons: Jarvan carries a monstrous bardiche as tall as he is. The blade appears to be made of some sort of steel while the stave portion looks as through it's some kind of hardened wood.

Skills: Jarvan is monstrously strong and fast, very aware of his capabilities and his limits. His abilities in the physical realm are practically unmatched, he can judge most opponents prowess at a glance. Use of his weapon is second nature, he knows it's abilities as well as his own limbs. Beyond that... Not much. Jarvan has no advanced ability to analyze a situation, deal with traps beyond his own advantages, or sustained mobility. His strength however is fragile and he generally acts in short bursts to deal with situation. In drawn-out situations, endurance challenges, or problems Jarvan can't brute force through, he will likely fail.

Patchwork Potpourri: A Bio-Steampunk Roleplay (Currently Accepting)

Jarvan Gearshield

Name: Jarvan Gearshield

Age: 18

Gender: Male Attack Helicopter

Appearance: Jarvan is massive for a 18 year old, standing at approximately 6 feet and 6 inches with a frame to match. He's a bit large even for his height with muscles that are painfully well defined. His skin is very dark and clear of practically any blemishes. Jarvan has short scruffy brown hair and equally boring brown eyes. He generally wears loose-fitting clothing that shrouds his general shape, though it certainly doesn't hide the fact that's he's a giant.

History: Jarvan comes from Mithlonde. Initially the enhancements he was equipped were designed for barely sentient brutes used in excavations. However it was not a far reach to apply these same enhancements for participation in the Patchwork Potpourri. Of course the subject would have to be slightly more intelligent which could result in more deviation. The project began.

Jarvan was a little more handcrafted for the contest, his enhancements slightly different and his mentality allowed to develop. Under the strictest control of course, his initial disposition could not be controlled but how it developed could be much more easily. Luckily for his overseers Jarvan was naturally complaint and the fabricated backstory about him doing this to protect his family, little sister and all.

It was swallowed hook, line, and sinker, surprising everyone. Jarvan took to his training and the painful enhancements with energy. Of course the process of hardening his skin and rerouting the way his lungs work, in addition to giving him an inhuman amount of strength caused a catastrophic amount of pain, even with the admittedly limited drugs he was given.

Still he persevered making things easy for his creators. However he making things easy for those working him did not they made it easy on him. They were unused to having such a complaint subject. They didn't like it. Still it wasn't worth taking away the illusion entirely, so instead they pushed him. Pointless sessions just to cause him pain. Nothing to eat for days when he already needed more food than a normal person. Impossible training scenarios he was doomed to fail at.

Jarvan was stoic however, accepting that these things were required. A wise man would call him stupid and they'd be right. This led to him being very well prepared, as there was no need to deal with the troublesome resistance and rebellion that usually accompanies the subjects entered into the contest. The additional torture was just that, but one could say that it too, help prepared him for what was to come.

Personality: Jarvan looks the part of a brute and it isn't too far off. He's no genius, seeking the easiest way to take care of a problem in the shortest time. This can occasionally lead to unexpected innovation but more often it leads to a painfully obvious decision making process. He can appreciate the value of others and naturally aims to win the contest, whether it be through his own strength or others.

Modifications: Jarvan was designed with strength in mind and has several enhancements that compliment this. Perhaps one of the most peculiar is that he has 'breathing holes' in various points on his body that help him regulate oxygen. These also can filter gasses and prevent them from affecting him, as long as he is aware of the gas. Naturally he's strong, but that modification is relatively minor. Jarvan's skin on the other hand has been slightly modified, it's durability is akin to toughened leather, resisting harm.

He can output incredible power and speed but even with his advanced ability to utilize oxygen his runs out of steam very quickly and requires large amounts of calories to recharge. In addition he carries five pills that can briefly recharge his system, allowing him to go at full power for a few seconds, though the rebound is severe. Taking one will render him practically immobile, taking two will render him unconscious for several hours and require even more calories than normal to regain full capability. Taking three will surely kill him.

Weapons: Jarvan carries a monstrous bardiche as tall as he is. The blade appears to be made of some sort of steel while the stave portion looks as through it's some kind of hardened wood.

Skills: Jarvan is monstrously strong and fast, very aware of his capabilities and his limits. His abilities in the physical realm are practically unmatched, he can judge most opponents prowess at a glance. Use of his weapon is second nature, he knows it's abilities as well as his own limbs. Beyond that... Not much. Jarvan has no advanced ability to analyze a situation, deal with traps beyond his own advantages, or sustained mobility. His strength however is fragile and he generally acts in short bursts to deal with situation. In drawn-out situations, endurance challenges, or problems Jarvan can't brute force through, he will likely fail.