Avatar of El Taco Taco

Status

Recent Statuses

6 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
6 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
7 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
7 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
7 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

August ████
Madripoor


Her target is selling secrets, she knows. KGB, Red Room, perhaps simply Ivan’s, she doesn’t know, only that he can no longer be allowed to live. She knows his face better than her own; dark eyes, heavy beard, white lines of scar tissue bisecting gnarled lips and hands marked with fading ink. He stands to slip a knife into the belly of the Kremlin with every sale. She will find his buyers and slit their throats before they can cause more damage. And then she will handle Kostya.

This is everything she’s made for.

She finds him in a resort that could double as a fortress, flanked by mountains in the guise of men, indulging in colourful drinks and beautiful women. She follows him for days, lifting information off his bulky laptop, tapping his phones, bugging his suits. She learns and learns and learns.

They are to have an auction, she discovers, in the resort’s glittering ballroom. They will sell her motherland’s secrets like chattel.

She will not let that happen.




Lisbon, Portugal


“I’m thinking Thai,” Natasha said lightly, handing off the case to Clint, as if she was already assured of her victory. Her skin hummed in anticipation, streaks of red painting across her vision. She’d never stop loving the dance of battle. And here they were only fighting men; there were no gods, no monsters, no cities plummeting through the clouds. This was her playground.

Clint took the men at the front door. Natasha was halfway out a window when the first had fallen, swinging out to strafe (and, subsequently, position herself closer to the car) their attackers.

They were well armed, well-coordinated, but entirely too focused on assaulting Clint. His trick with the grenade had caught their attention, and Natasha sprinted, her hands manipulating a garrote from her bites. She sprang on one of their men from behind, winding the metal cable about his neck once, twice, thrice, elbows snapping out. He made a gurgle. One of his friends turned, shouted, but she’d shifted her victim’s body to catch the spray of bullets. She sank into the fight, firing electric stings and dancing around her prey, her lips split into a grin and her eyes shining like acid.

Someone managed to catch her neck with an arm, but she shifted her weight, spilling him off balance and swinging her thighs about his neck. A twist brought him crashing to the earth, and she unholstered a glock in a smooth motion. The bullet found home in his throat, gunpowder and blood arcing across her hands. She gave it no thought, already honing in on her next target.
Step One: Try not to cry.
Step Two: Cry deeply.


It's been too long since the last Hawkeye post.
Of all the top hats in all the world, you might be my favorite.

Welcome to the guild!
I have named him Hernandez and he is the most adorable destroyer of worlds *A*
I wish I knew. IS IT NOT THE GREATEST GIF THO????? I like how his little paws come together in fiendish glee when he's got his eyebrows on. Omfg *A*
Boop!
In Blue Moon 9 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
“You might come to regret that offer,” Carys flashed her teeth in a teasing grin, shifting her weight to one foot and resting the other on her calf. “I’ve been told I’m like a fungus. A particularly enthusiastic strain, no less.”

Fingers combing her hair off her face and into a semblance of order, she couldn’t help the widening grin as Chase fumbled over the phone provider, looking as though he’d shoved his foot halfway down his throat. Teeth sinking into her lower lip to suppress her laughter, Carys found herself strangely charmed. Fumbling was leaps and bounds better than aggressive posturing.

“Here, give me a sec,” Carys placed the helmet he’d leant her on the back seat of his bike. Twisting her bag to dig through it, she scoured it for something useful. Bobby pins, empty altoids tin, her wallet, loose change, there! Withdrawing a pen, she reached forward and caught his wrist. Pulling the cap off with her teeth, she wrote her number on the back of his hand, taking care not to dig too sharply into his flesh. Adding her name with large, looping letters, she looked up at Chase with a wide grin.

“I’d appreciate it,” she dropped his hand, capping her pen and dropping it back into her purse. “Thanks so much, for everything. Moving here’s been kind of…” she trailed off, making a motion with her hand, as if that described it. “Well, it’s been a lot. It’s nice to not be totally lost.”
Ugh, I totally forgot I had plans for tonight. I might be able to post summat when I get back, otherwise I'll plan on tomorrow morning.

Sorry about that!
Yeeeee buddy!
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet