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Recent Statuses

6 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
6 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
7 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
7 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
7 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

Updated bump!
♡ you're welcome.

Now go rest up!

#k8isgr8
I am the best influence. :D

I think we can agree that Kate is the Best Hawkeye.

LOLADDEDTHESAMEONEMYB

ENDLESS FUCKING VALENTINES SHITPOST GOOOOOOOO











With bonus Sam Wilson!!!





I'm working on some thumbnails for a big illustration gig (which will, fingers crossed, lead to some more work) and finishing up another commission to boot. Busy busy!

HOMESLICE, TAKE CARE OF URSELF. ): ): ): Back injuries are hella bad.
-gives hot water bottle-
-and puppies to cuddle-

Take as long as you need to post, I'm in no rush c:
Buuuuuump.
HULK MILDLY ANNOYED.

Bwehehehe. These are all amazing.

Haha, what else would you expect? Natasha is totally a rotten cheater. That's why we heart her.

No worries! I have a million replies to do and chores o god, but I'm going to prolly be painting for the rest of the day. GOTTA GIT WORK DUN.






Shitty Valentines are the best part of this completely pointless holiday. I've been spamming my husband with them for like, 2 weeks now.
Oh god these are amazingly terrible.

-immediately goes to find more-

ALSO, tag, ur it. Sorry the post is kind of....ehhhhhhhhh
August ████
Madripoor


It will be a bloodbath. There are nearly two dozen guests intending to bid on the Kremlin’s secrets. Every man and woman that purchases a dossier, a photograph, a weapon, a corpse, will meet her wrath. She will string them up one by one, legs kicking, lungs screaming, and make an example of them. She will bleed them out, and when her target knows that their deaths are on his hands, she will sink her fangs into his fat, soft throat.

It is not her plan. It is someone else’s vision, a letter they have crafted. She is simply the messenger, writing words with every broken bone and spray of red.

If it were her plan, she thinks that she would simply track down the buyers and poison them in their plush beds. She likes her deaths clean, likes the comfort of shadows, likes it when they never see her coming.

But it is not her plan. It is not her letter. This is not her body. She can only watch as she rewires security systems, preparing doors to lock on her command, to trap her prey in her web. Their guards will turn and try to shoot, but they will stumble, falling victim to the venom she’s timed so meticulously, and they will crumble one by one. She wonders why she’s calculated doses that will not kill them, but she cannot find the answer.

She closes the access panel, slipping out of the security room, picking her way across arms and legs, barring the door behind her. They will not wake until long after her work is done. She scales walls, disappearing into vents, every bit the spider they have made her.

It is starting. They are gathered in the ballroom below as she slips out, balancing on the massive lights illuminating a stage. The room glitters in gold and crystal, with no lavish expense spared, her prey sitting at opulent tables.

Her target is on a stage, whispering to the man who will guide the bidding, all expertly tailored suit and traitorous, beady eyes. Kostya’s death will not be quick. It will not be painless.

They begin bidding. She thumbs the switch. All around the room, doors lock. The pen is made, and the slaughter will begin soon. She is hidden in shadows, coils of wire readied, every inch of her dark suit loaded with tools of slaughter.

She can only watch as she tracks the winners, memorizes their faces, as she coils her body and waits for the auction to conclude and her work to begin.

Natalia only ever gets to watch.




Lisbon, Portugal


As much as Natasha hated to admit it, Clint was right. Goons were such a waste. Shouldn’t their enemies have learned by now that quality was so much more valuable than quantity? What she wouldn’t give for a real fight, to have to dig deep into all her skills and wits, for a victory that mattered.

The last body crumpled to the dirt road, eyes empty and blood pooling around them. Natasha rose to her feet, looking up to assess the situation.

Clint bolted. Natasha followed, close on his heels.

He’d reach the car first, she realised, and that was unacceptable. She changed plans, adjusted her course. With a burst of adrenaline, she pounced, tackling Clint, dragging him with her to the dirt.

Wire around throat, tighten, snap neck, watch the light leave his eyes— something whispered in the back of her skull, old instincts, but this was her body, her plan, and she simply shifted her weight to complete a pin.

Natasha’s grin was positively feline, eyes gleaming with the thrill of competition, even one as trivial as a pointless race.

“Are you even trying, Barton?” There was a laugh in Natasha’s voice, something almost light about her features, before she was moving to exploit her foul play and gain the precious distance the would assure her victory.
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