Her mind began to slow as her soul rattled against her chest. 'I finally feel free.' Her mind was failing to register the fact that she was in a dire situation. A weightlessness was oddly comforting as she finally felt the strain of her mind weakening. Even behind her closed lids, there were faint images of her human life and how that had ended, which had triggered her new lift as a spiritual being who ferried souls. One had to wonder how a spirit could die and cease to exist. Her human body was almost like a prison, keeping her trapped inside a sinking tomb. Thankfully the aching in her lung was eventually dulled due to her brain trying to prevent the woman from feeling the burning pain of suffocating underwater.
Among the flashes of life in her dark mind, she saw an image of Kurama and his mother, as well as the others she had encountered over the past year. Yusuke had changed her life, as well as its entire course. No longer was she floating above the clouds, helping those who had just died, but now she was remembering what it was like to truly live, to connect with humans. Botan felt an immense sadness ripple through her body. She felt nothing, no pain. Only empty freedom and yet she yearned for something more. A quiet calm settled over her as the faded images ceased to keep her company as her heart stopped struggling to pump blood into a body devoid of oxygen, devoid of hope and finally life.
Botan, upon reaching the surface, recovered with a brief heartbeat but her body was without a brain to properly steer it towards recovery. Without any assistance, she would surely return to the Spirit World within mere minutes. After a minute of Kurama's attempts, her brain and her heart-rate began to function on their own. With a sudden cough, her body jolted from its chilly slumber. Immediately met with the cool breeze and her wet body, she began to panic. 'What happened? Where am I?' She wondered frantically. Her body ached, a deep ache that kept threatening to penetrate and tear open her lungs and heart. Her eyes darted around, unable to put together the last several minutes.
It was as if she had been asleep, in some trance.
Another few coughs pushed out the remaining water in her lungs as she pushed herself onto her side for a moment, feeling the harsh concrete scrap against her shivering legs. She groaned and fell back on her back, gasping as she looked up to see Kurama by her side looking incredibly worried but also relieved. "O-oh. You saved-" She weakly raised a hand to hold onto Kurama's arm but she suddenly froze. Botan closed her eyes as another way of despair suddenly hit her again. 'You couldn't even kill yourself properly. You fail at everything you attempt.' She told herself, full of bitterness and bite.
'You continue to remain a burden to those closest to you. You keep needing to be saved. You are truly pathetic.' The voice in her head continued to mock. Whimpering, she squirmed slightly. For a moment in the pool she had been rid of that nagging doubt, that insistent voice that dragged her sanity into the abyss. Her jaw tightened as she tried to remember the people who had ran across her mind. 'Genkai, Koenma, Yusuke, Kurama, Yukina. They don't think of me as a burden...' She tried to tell herself, trying to fight against the negativity invading her mind once more.