Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary situations.
I know what it feels like to feel numb to everything. Lustless, not having the desire to do anything you used to love. Not even pizza tastes that great anymore.
But to speak bluntly, you could end it now and it'll always be a memory of being horrible, miserable and all-round not of great quality to live. Or. You could keep fighting. Keep struggling. Keep going and decades from now make the memory a story of heroism. How you could have given up but you didn't. This is your story - make it a legend.
They're YOUR emotions.
They don't control you,
You control them.
They're YOUR thoughts.
They don't control you,
You control them.
It's YOUR life.
Life doesn't own you.
You own it.
Me, and many others believe in you, my friend. I might not know you but just from your very first message I can tell you're clever and think about things important to you. Maybe not everyone gets that, but remember that there are billions of people in the world. I promise to you, it will be a life worth living :)