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K A R A I
Karai Oroku, 1949 (b. 19)
Agent of the Hand based in New York City, New York
Active since approximately Fall 1967









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@TheMinorFall


Fixed some formatting— name header, hiders. Nothing major since a lot of this is pretty simple and easy to review.

Visage: I like this conceptually! "Points!"

Background: Is it fair to presume that their wealth is also the product of their inheritance from their late politician parents as well as any medical insurance claims? I like the idea; short but sweet.

Benchmarks: Reading over your benchmarks I’m going to repeat what I told Crash and to a lesser extent Superboy.

For example:

Decadent Dungeoneer – Dungeons are dangerous places in Pariah full of monsters, traps, and great treasures. After some time exploring and plundering these ruins and crypts Rael has found herself quite adept at pinpointing the best way to circumnavigate the dangers of their contents.

The other issues I have are with Tracker’s Gut for similar reasons (there is no explanation to it), and possibly small nitpicks with Gray Man and Self Support.

Remember to consider benchmarks are traits that have occurred due to efforts in the simulation; sometimes due to effort, study, training, or habit. Hanako is more fluid with her dodging because of outmaneuvering of opponents, Marcelino is apt at casting spells in combat after experience ignoring distractions on the battlefield, etc.

So while traits like Enhanced Strength and Fleet Footed really work fundamentally here I’m not sure if Charge and Sunder do since they are more MMO-y activated abilities. Remember that Pariah is the anti-MMO MMO where it fashions itself as more virtual reality simulation than MMORPG. Look at other CS’s for examples or ask for advice!

With your mental skills some notes:
  • Helping Hands should be noted more specifically— is it more physician abilities with first aid and basic alchemy or is it more healing spells/domains? Having an affinity with healing is fine, but remember to note what kind of healing it is!
  • Multi-Class seems redundant to me; perhaps finding a more apt mental benchmark would be better than basically telling me what I already can gather from your healer/tank hybrid concept.

History: I can dig it. We need more people-minded folks given how many Draethir assholes we have. Myself included.

Overall it only needs a few revisions and expansions as far as I can tell. So I hope this review is helpful!
That was fast.
@Thecrash20


Outside of my example CS I didn’t really explain the title banner (Name /// Name) at all, so I understand the confusion. So I fixed that for you. Outside of that on the formatting side of things there are some tolerable typos but otherwise I can get on to reviewing parts that are more vital to the RP.

Visage: I’d recommend revising this entirely— there is no avatar creation here outside of what your psyche accounts for. For example, Hanako is near-sighted in real life but she sees without error in Pariah because the perception of herself connects to the inherent desire to not be bookish. This is what I explain as a sort of avatar system to relates to the person’s subconsciousness rather than them selecting a different skin tone for shiggles. Of course once in the game you can style-ize, dye, and shape your hair however you want as it has plenty of options through resident barbers.

Background: “Yo dawg, happy birthday; here’s a module that cost me a total sum of one thousand dollars or more.” – Jokes aside, understand that Pariah is more esoteric and a bit of high end new module for virtual reality that uses different technology than the standard in VR. Whilst yes, it is probably still attainable by the low income (such as Superboy’s character) bracket players should keep in mind that Pariah’s module is not cheap and not conventional.

Affiliation: Is it me or are we getting too many Draethir-oriented characters?

Benchmarks: Have a few issues.

On the physical end of things I cannot accept Perfect Parries because it can be utilized very unfairly against others given that you describe it that they won’t have the time to counter— it is very absolute and you are either going to have to revise it or just scrap it altogether.

On the mental side of things there’s two or so bits I have issue with. Firstmost I would say Deceitful Appearance isn’t a benchmark because it’s an inherent thing rather than something that was achieved through in-game study, training, or experience. He just happens to be shorter than normal? That’s not what I intended the benchmarks to be. Take a look at my CS for Hanako, BubbleGumKing’s for Marcelino, or even some working sheets such as the one from Superboy to see as a good measure of benchmarks. Make sure they are explained as if achieved.

For example:

Decadent Dungeoneer – Dungeons are dangerous places in Pariah full of monsters, traps, and great treasures. After some time exploring and plundering these ruins and crypts Rael has found herself quite adept at pinpointing the best way to circumnavigate the dangers of their contents.

The other issues I have are with Tracker’s Gut for similar reasons (there is no explanation to it), and possibly small nitpicks with Gray Man and Self Support.

Remember to consider benchmarks are traits that have occurred due to efforts in the simulation; sometimes due to effort, study, training, or habit. Hanako is more fluid with her dodging because of outmaneuvering of opponents, Marcelino is apt at casting spells in combat after experience ignoring distractions on the battlefield, etc.

History: Everybody is a selfish assassin, it seems. Your fraternity/faction/affiliation isn’t technically a guild and all “residents” are part of them from the onset, so keep that in mind. Second paragraph is pretty simple— sneaky cook sneaks, be wary of trusting. Tangible.

With all that in mind, it’s a good draft and I should’ve been more clear about things in the OOC rather than keeping them vague and hope blindly that people would follow in my stead. Fix what I suggested and we will continue, aight?


@gowi I finally finished up the errors. All it took was some pizza, motivation, and the enter button. I feel like I may have missed one of those though.



Here is all that I changed:


I even included a bit about the katana trope, to justify that its not over powered.

Accepted.
@Archmage MC

Also, re-link me to your CS once it is completed for review.
I thought Support was buffs/debuffs/healing while Utility was out of combat things like portals, conjuring food, ext...

Utility is broad and more of a descriptor— basically it is archaic because in the context contemporarily it is kind of a moot point since definitions of Support and Utility have kind of merged. Utility is focused on non-combat but still provides use for their companions; such as a regenerative buff to caster stamina or a caster that compliments summons or skills.

Honestly, I’m pretty liberal with what terms people choose to use on their sheets since they are fairly vague outside of the obvious DPS = Damage, Tank = Lure/Pull. A utility can be a debuffer, a controller, a mechanic, a item-focus— it’s broad and has crossover with other classes.

Article about Utility Spells

it looks like I understand the basics, but what is support vs. utility?

Utility is perhaps an archaic term that is lesser known, but in the sense of how I came to be familiar with it I can explain. Utility represents people who orient on enchantment buffs, utility spells, general utility functions such as trap expertise, and so forth. Here is what someone on another forum posted about utility:

Are abilities or spells that are meant to inflict status effects (sometimes multiple) on targets. Think for instance a root combined with increased damage on the target of that root for the duration of the root. Obviously the root wouldn't be unbreakable, and obviously it shouldn't last too long. Perhaps this kind of a root has a certain number of counters that are used when damage is dealt to the rooted creature.

This article may also help.



Er... Eh... well you know...

She's still in the works :3 She'll be up tomorrow though. Promise!



I guess I'll just google.
But yeah, I think that's everything! Anything else?

Just one.

Where is your character at?
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