Avatar of MacabreFox
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  • Old Guild Username: MacabreFox
  • Joined: 11 yrs ago
  • Posts: 1510 (0.39 / day)
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    1. MacabreFox 11 yrs ago
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UPDATE:It has been decided that the post in progress will be put on the back burner. You all can post free of will without any delay!
I think I’ll be able to get to writing by Wednesday or Thursday. I should definitely be home by then.
@Greenie you know what this means!
Really excited to play my new character in his element, since he was made for this stuff. He is mostly the same, with a few different facts in his backstory that adheres with the slightly different canon of the RP. Hope he's good @Dervish@MacabreFox@Leidenschaft



Poo, you still have 8 spells instead of the 7 like Dervs asked ;)

Other than that, everything looks to be in order, unless the other 2/3 of the Holy Trinity dictates otherwise
Before we talk about magic, I have some things that need to be mentioned and addressed. I'll leave the magic up to Dervs and Schaft.
HI GUYS, WE FINALLY READ OVER ALL THE SHEETS!


Zevran by That1guy





Alright, try #2 @Dervish


Good job on elaborating on his personality, and giving him a family name.

Family Origins: His family seemed to crop up out of nowhere, rising on the success of a grandfather now lost to time. With enough influence on trade to gain riches, but not enough to become anything of true importance, they were stuck in a safe zone somewhere in the middle. As long as nobody did anything stupid nobody had problems with them, they had little effect on anything but the caravans and such they controlled, and floated healthily on the profit that came from it.


This entire block of text should be moved to the History section. The Family Origins section should really only contain where he was born and lived, i.e, Imperial City, Cyrodiil, or Windhelm, Skyrim for example.

I personally feel as if you didn't really answer or elaborate on anything that we asked you to in the first place, if anything, now I have more questions pertaining to his background.

We have mentioned several times in the OOC that the Mages Guild no longer exists.

I’d like to see his relationship with his family fleshed out more, what reason did he have to just stop concerning himself with them? What was his family’s reaction? - Schaft


I saw that you expanded on the Family and Associations section, but I feel that while you explained their relations to him, there is no explanation or elaboration of them in the History section, you left that out entirely. You mention that there is a family business, but you didn't say what kind?

For years he learned, distancing himself from everybody In his family save his mother, until eventually one day he disappeared entirely, stealing gold and several needed supplies from home, including his father's elven dagger. He travelled for a good time, picking up a trick or two where he could and immersing himself in the libraries of any mage college he could wriggle his way into, only spending a month or two at the most in any college he came across.

He spent three years wandering, what were some of the things he encountered?

There's a lot here, what age was he when he left home? Why did he steal gold and supplies, along with the his father's dagger? "He travelled for a good time," what is a good time exactly? You mention him immersing himself in the libraries of any mage college he could get into, but you don't state where he went, or what he learned. Also, during this period of travel, there’s not much on his experiences. Did he ever get lost, or sick? Did he ever get robbed by bandits? How did he handle interacting with people and the environment once he left home?

As of right now, I'm concerned that you're going to have a hard time writing similar quality pieces when this game launches. Your CS in general, even with the changes you've made, still isn't meeting the same hard effort everyone else has put into their applications so far. If you can do a sheet that excels by Monday, great!




Fixed my stuff too!


Great job!

I have no other qualms with your sheet, you did an excellent job answering and elaborating on everything I pointed out.

Also, about the provinces she visited, I had thought that because her age, it was plausible for her to visit all of them, but I wasn’t sure if she really had, so thanks for clarifying on that part.
<Snipped quote by Dervish>

I definitely skimped out on the family details for Jude, in hopes to try to keep her history concise lol, whoops. I'll make note of her relationships with her family.

I'm not super sure on how argonians feel about same sex marriages or relationships. This little paragraph from the wiki had me believing they have a unique view since gender for argonians is pretty unconventional.

<Snipped quote>

Again though I can expand on that a bit to make that clear for her and her family.


Even if it’s one sentence saying, “and her fam were cool with Leonora.” That would suffice. Just a mention of it really, that way we can kinda get a feel on what they thought. It ties back into the whole family thing, it’s hard to say what kind of family Judah came from, and how it’s had an effect on her life.
*waves*


Hullo!!


<Snipped quote by MacabreFox>

For the sake of convenience then, I'll fluff the fight between Sevine and A9 as follows: they get locked in a grapple, Sevine tries to break free and kill him, and manages to break free, although A9 gets the drop on her. Thankfully he misses his own attack and then ends up in a stalwart defense against everyone else since all his buddies are dead and now everyone is trying to end his life.


Sounds good to me :)!
@POOHEAD189@Peik Tbh, I am a little behind on all of the posts. I’m now starting to get caught up, but do whatever works best for you guys :) I’ll leave it to you two to decide what happens.
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