Hamming It Up
Location: Robbers’ Barge, the Chasm
Party: Omori, Jesse, Rubick, Kamek, Bowser Jr.
Word Count: 4765 (+5)
Happy that his attempt at intimidation worked out, since he really didn’t need any more headaches right now, Oinkie heaved a sigh as he plodded back toward the creek-spanning bridge to the Robbers’ Barge. When he heard the disparaging snark of a new arrival behind him, however, the gang leader came to a stop, his free hand on the bridge’s guardrail. He turned around to face Rubick, his expression dour, only for his lip to start quivering. “Hey…” he whined, holding a hand over his gut reflexively. “C’mon, man. I have a disorder…”
Out of the blue, Omori took advantage of the distraction to shoot Oinkie right in the flank with an explosive blast from his flintlock, its sharp report echoing across the Chasm. “OOGH!” the big man cried, doubling over with his face scrunched up in pain. Sensing an opportunity, the Knight -not quite as defeated as it appeared to be- whipped out the nail slung across its back to jab Oinkie in his other cheek. “Owie!” he blubbered, his voice a high-pitched squeal as he reflexively dropped his prize over the railing. The Knight fell into the creek and was taken by the current, washed downstream toward a sharp, rock-filled incline. Oinkie watched him go, an anguished look on his face. “No-ho-hooo!” he whined. “Without you, my bug collection’s ruined!”
At that point Omori reached him, knife in hand to stab away at Oinkie’s belly. He cowered, blocking low, and called for help. “Maggie!” he squealed. “The kid’s crazy! Help meee!”
“Oh, brother.” Hanging her head, the trapper fired her gun. Something whizzed past Omori and planted itself in the ground behind him, where it then deployed its harpoon trap and shot the boy in
his back to drag him off his target. Her pet Trapjaw stepped forward, growling hideously, but Maggie gave a low whistle to make sure her partner didn’t get involved just yet. Stab-happy or not, this kid didn’t deserve a messy end in the Trapjaw’s snaggletoothed maw, not yet at least.
Emitting a pained hiss, Omori struggled to cut and free himself from the trap. A harpoon, hah! Isn’t that some grim irony!? [b][color=dcdcdc]”Someone go help them!”[/b][/color] He called out to his allies, jerking his head towards the direction the Knight fell.
“On it!” Jesse shouted from the backline. She jumped the rest of the distance down the hill till she was even on the bridge. Sprinting she pushed herself off the railing and high into the air, becoming a blur as she dashed to cut the swept up bug thing up before it could get pulled away. Once in position she dropped from the sky like a stone before floating gently into the water at the last moment, and made to scoop the Knight into her arms. As it turned out, the foaming river went only about waist-deep, too deep for the bug but shallow enough that she could easily pluck him from the current before wading to safety.
Oinkie, meanwhile, had been triggered by Omori’s assault. “Shoot me when my back’s turned, will you?” he shrieked. Rolled up into a ball, he launched himself toward the boy, three hundred and thirty one pounds of destructive power. “Your bacon is COOKED!”
Ah crap. There was no way he could block that in time!
A breath before Omori was turned into paste however, there was a flash of light between him and the rolling pig as the glowing wisps instantly phased from their arrow pointing position to defend him. The statically charged incorporeal motes bundled up defensively to form, if not a barrier, then at least an electrical slow field between the boy and the pig.
The wisps succeeded in shocking Oinkie the moment before they made contact, causing his rolled-up form to pop open. Still, flailing or not, his sheer mass hit like a truck, and Omori got knocked flat as the momentum of the gang leader’s flying roll carried him onward. “Oof, ow!” he barked as he tumbled along the ground a short distance before sliding to a halt in a sitting position, facing away. He sprang to his feet, dusting himself off as he whirled around. Closest was Rubick, so the sorcerer received Oinkie’s furious glare. “You zapped me!” he accused, jabbing a finger at the wizard.
“We’ve got company!” After seeing where the wisps came from, Maggie aimed her machine pistol at Kamek and unleashed a burst of suppressive fire, trying to ward him off. This worked very well, the mage diving down behind a rocky outcrop to avoid being filled full of holes, the rush to get down there having ment he had not had time to deploy any of his usual defensive measures. This pot-shooting the mage did nothing to slow Jr’s advance however, the prince driving recklessly onwards while Mimi, clinging to her trainer’s side as the wind rushed past, employed some suppressing fire of their own via hurling an electroball at Maggie.
The trapper was not suppressed. She strafed to avoid the electro ball and turned her gunfire on Junior instead, forcing him to duck inside the clown car for cover. From inside he could hear the sharp whistle, and then the pounding of heavy footsteps. Daisy the Trapjaw slammed into the clown car strong enough to send Mimi flying from Junior’s shoulders while the young koopa himself bounced around inside his vehicle. The monster’s jaw closed around the rim of the machine with bone-crushing force, locking on, before she lifted it into the air to shake it from side to side like freshly-caught prey. Maggie, meanwhile, stopped firing the moment her pet got close to her firing line.
”Wawawawawawawa” the prince cried out in alarm as he was shaken and stirred all about, while Mimi went “miiiii” as she blasted off again.
The same situation preventing Maggie from shooting prevented any outside help for Jr, or so it would seem. Fortunately he had his own help, with the prince crying out
”Goombas! Help!” and summoning a pile off the squat little mooks all around the alien, who they immediately swarmed, point blank charge distance and overwhelming numbers making them not as useless as they normally were.
If supporting jr from range would have been tricky before, the goomba swarm made it quite impossible. Which left shooter vs shooter as Kamek reemerged from cover, the mage taking to the air surrounded by a shimmering barrier as he raced closer to Jr, while a duo of Rika clones he had summoned stepped up onto vantage points and began a bombardment of Maggie’s position from the highground. Without any cover of her own, the trapper could only grit her teeth and sprint for the nearest outcropping, whistling at Daisy as she did. The Trapjaw slammed the clown car into the ground and made a break for it, tearing out of the goomba pile to follow her master. Both took a few painful shots in so doing, but Maggie dropped a couple harpoon traps as she ran.
Normally Oinkie would be only too happy to flee from any fight that looked too risky, but once attacked even he couldn’t back down. If all these newcomers were together, things could get messy. Having heard his associate’s callout, the big man glared over at Kamek, then again at Rubick as he started to run back over. “You stay out of this!” he warned, his voice shrill.
Rubick had been watching the scene unfold, thoroughly amused at how ferocious Omori was being. Rubick then scoffed, offended that Oinkie would accuse him of a crime he didn’t commit. But to be fair, his own motes were still floating around him, making a fairly solid case against him. In the end, Rubick decided that if he was going to be accused in such a manner, he might as well make it true. “
Well, if that’s it’s going to be, then so be it!” Rubick said, ignoring his warning. He began to manipulate a few motes to zip around Oinkie’s head, zapping him constantly, while leaving a few more a bit farther away to charge up more powerful bolts and zap him accordingly.
On Omori’s end, Kamek’s intervention did little to slow Oinkie’s momentum, and the resulting collision knocked him flat on his back. Gritting his teeth he suppressed a pained yell as the harpoon incidentally sunk further into his back. He stumbled back onto his feet regardless to see the gang leader running back to finish the job, only to be waylaid by Rubick and Kamek’s motes.
”Pathetic, this is what passes for bandits around here? Much less a leader?? You sicken me.” He didn’t know how much damage those things were doing to him, but the boy used Mock in turn, the four red hands circling Oinkie in a taunting fashion before going in for a strike.
Oinkie, however, had been busy. After being surrounded by annoying sparks, he closed his fists and pulled them into his pits, then adopted a side-facing fighting stance with his front hand open and back hand closed. “Yah! Yah! Yah-yah-yah-YAH!” He punched at the motes with impressive speed, striking -and getting shocked by- each in quick succession before sweeping them all away with a spinning crescent kick. Before they could close in again the big man zeroed in on Rubick, only for Omori’s Mock to warrant his attention. Before the boy could even begin to close the distance, Oinkie came to meet him instead. “Comin’ atcha!” Moving with unnatural fluidity, he performed a back-turn flying side kick and went straight into a four-hit combo of snap kick, right palm, left palm, and spin kick. He rushed Omori down without rest, powering through anything that came his way.
Omori was forced to evade. Whatever gunfire or knife wounds struck, or even the red hands he only had regained partial control over, was being shrugged off like it was nothing. He may be tanking the onslaught, but it was only a matter of time before he couldn’t take much more of it.
“Tough little snot!” Oinkie snapped. “How about this?” The canister-like devices arrayed along his spine suddenly plunged in, and in a surge of green light he transformed into a nine-foot-eight, seven hundred seventy two-pound
scaly mutant to deliver a revolving backhand strike strong enough to lift Omori off his feet and send him off into the scenery. Gas vented from his devices as he shrank back down, returning to normal with a smirk. “Home run!”
Jesse had waded over to shore and set the Knight down. “Don’t worry you…person. I gotcha.” She produced a Friend Heart. “This should do it.” She wasn’t quite sure how to do it properly, so she just ended up holding it with two fingers and lowering it into the Knight’s form. She glanced over at the fight and- she swore she only looked away for two seconds- shit had gotten real.
Before Omori could be thrown too far, however, he suddenly stopped in midair. Rubick’s staff was raised, having casted his Telekinesis on the boy to keep him near the battle. “
Remarkable strength you have,” Rubick said to Oinkie, dropping Omori onto the ground. “
Let’s see if it can overcome a magus.” Wiggles also took the opportunity to leap down to the ground and dash towards Oinkie, climbing up onto the large man’s head and attacking his face, attempting to obscure his vision and just be a nuisance in general. Of course, the Striker timed out after just a moment spent attacking, and disappeared.
That just left Oinkie, who now ran straight toward Rubick, pumping his arms as he came. “One-two-one-two-one-two-one…” With his eyes protected from the scratch of little paws by his mask, he could get his bearings well enough to launch another flying kick the sorcerer’s way.
Rubick hadn’t been expecting much of the striker’s performance, yet he was still disappointed by it. Reaching into his robes and grabbing hold of his Blink Dagger, Rubick teleported away in a puff of blue particles. He reappeared on top of a nearby pillar of rock, where he’d hopefully be safe from Oinkie’s wrath for the time being. Yet, there was a little part of him that couldn’t resist a final response, and had Rubick taunt Oinkie, “
What did you hope to gain from that? Ho ho ho ho!”
Breathing heavily, Oinkie slid to a stop in the dust, his head snapping toward the taunt. “Slippery bastard!” He ran toward Rubick again. “Hold still so I can pound you!” His injectors slammed down, pumping him full of The Juice to mutate him again. He smashed the pillar with a colossal shoulder barge, which shook violently beneath his opponent’s feet. One more strike like that and the rock rider wouldn’t be able to stay upright.
Taking advantage of Rubick’s assist and distraction (and making a mental note that he owed the mage for this), Omori pulled out one of his snacks at random and chomped down on it to regain a bit of health. He then attempted to pull the harpoon out of his back as he noticed Oinkie had mutated again, and was trying to knock the magus off of the pillar he perched on. Dang, this guy was annoying. The boy grabbed his Boltok Pistol and fired a couple of rounds at Oinkie’s back. If not to divert his attention away from Rubick, then to divert his attention from
someone else.Jesse was downhill, her pants drenched with water. Hearing the commotion but not quite seeing the battle, she pushed off the ground and quickly rose high in the air, even with the top of the hill she had just jumped down.
Uh, okay, the big guy got bigger. She thought. She switched her Service Weapon to Pierce, the long ranged sniper Mode of her pistol. It was perfect for big targets who were resistant to damage and capable of taking a lot of it. The Service Weapon’s barrel had split into four, creating an ominous X. Lining up her gun at Oinkie, the shifting pieces of the X lit up red as she charged up her shot. There was a sharp pinging noise and a snapshot of light as Pierce reached full power. She aimed it towards his upper body, not wanting to risk missing a headshot. Then she released the trigger, unleashing the powerful psychic bullet towards him with a deep, resounding boom. The red hot bullet would reach him in an instant, passing through and out the other side where it would likely tunnel into some rocky surface before eventually coming to a stop.
“Ow.” The Boltok shots to his meaty, scaly back didn’t do much damage to Oinkie, but they stung. After a second mighty shoulder barge that would hopefully knock Rubick down off his high horse he turned to take care of Omori properly, only to be struck as if by lightning. “DAAAAGH!” he cried out, driven against the outcrop a third time by the residual force of the sniper shot as it cut through him -and the pillar- like butter. He clamped both hands on the hole in the right side of his chest as he shrank back down to human, then crumpled onto the ground. Jesse confirmed he was down and dropped from the air, making the rest of the ascent uphill on foot. Meanwhile, Rubick wasn’t worried about falling. With a simple cast of Telekinesis, Rubick could continue to hover in midair. He laughed at Oinkie’s efforts as he mockingly waved from above.
A moment later, machine pistol fire crackled across the battleground. Moving swiftly between large rocks and trees, Maggie sprayed at anyone she got a bead on, throwing down harpoon traps among the stones every so often to make approaching her a real problem. Her companion Daisy, meanwhile, had other orders. She circled around through the pushes toward where Oinkie had been downed, and once in the clear she bounded over his side to lick him again and again with her enormous tongue. Jesse peeked up from where she was crouched behind the crest of the hill. “Aw.” She said sympathetically.
Jr and Kamek (the prince having recalled mimi to her pokeball to rest) were hot in pursuit, flying high above the detection radius of the harpoon traps so as to avoid a repeat of the first encounter they’d had with them (the result of which was presently sticking out of jr’s clown car). Kamek, a quartet of identical clones and the young prince himself, were all hucking fireballs down at the fleeing huntress. While they weren't exactly the best shots, when the football sized fire orbs hit the ground they stayed dangerous due to bouncing along it a half dozen times. With the rate they were tossing them out, this created a chaotic wave of projectiles bouncing all around the huntress which, even if not a single one hit, still forced her to focus on evasion instead of taking potshots at the others. At least, that was the theory; in practice, fireballs traveled a lot slower and less reliably than bullets, and when the Koopas tried to flush Maggie out with them they got a smattering of gunfire for their efforts.
The Service Weapon recombined into its traditional, versatile grip function in Jesse’s grasp. She kept her head low, and eyed the harpoon traps suspiciously. “What are those things?” She asked the others as she began popping off shots in Maggie’s direction.
“Those pointy looking things?” She clarified her question.
“...That the person with the machine gun is putting down.” She clarified again, just to be sure, and ducked down into cover as her Service Weapon recharged.
”Harpoon! Keep your distance!” Was all Omori said to answer her question, as he moved in towards where Daisy and Oinkie were. Even with Maggie distracted, he had to be careful not to draw her attention or set off any more traps, lest he get stabbed again, to his thinly veiled annoyance. He just needed to get close enough to administer a Friend Heart…
Before Omori got in range, Daisy finished reviving Oinkie, and the big man sprang to his feet flexing his arms. “Back in the game!” he exclaimed, only to fall silent and blink a few times behind his goggles as he held the pose, the Trapjaw’s slobber slowly dripping off his face.
“....I’m fuckin’ outta here!” Oinkie turned tail and ran as fast as his legs could carry him, pumping his arms. “One-two-one-two-one-two-one!” Daisy bounded along at his heels, and together they left a trail of dust behind them. Taken aback, Maggie paused just long enough for her boss to grab her around the middle as he sprinted by. She could do little but give an exasperated groan as the elites of the Oinkie Gang beat a hasty retreat, fleeing past the Robbers’ Barge and into the distance.
They…fled? A dumbfounded look took place in the boy’s features. Sure he didn’t realize the creature’s intentions, but weren’t they still gleaming? Or really, shouldn’t they be forced to fight to the death or something?? Omori scratched the back of his head as he mulled over what had happened, but then decided not to think too much on it. This was just another group of crooks scared off. He looked around for the small Knight, then went over to check on them.
”Ok, which of you numbskulls needs healing?” Jr asked as he hovered down to join them in his rather beaten up clown car, followed by Kamek and a smaller nimble of clones than the mage had started out with, the doppelganger decoys having served their purpose well.
”Is everyone alright?" the mage asked, before also adding additional queries in quick succession
”and what was all that about? Also who is this?” regarding the whole incident.
The Service Weapon vanished from her hand as she watched the bullies flee. “Well, that outcome works for me.” She said, being a busy woman. “Omori was just walking down when they tried to, I dunno, ‘poach’ that little guy. So, it turned into a firefight. It was either that, walk away, or...some third diplomatic option that I can't think of." Jesse shrugged. “I think Omori could use some magic heal juice moved his way. Pretty brave to challenge some guy four times your size.”
Now that the excitement died down, Rubick was finally able to land on the ground again. “
Indeed,” Rubick agreed with Jesse. “
It was very reckless, but oh so enjoyable to spectate.”
”He said something about a ‘bug collection’. Considering some of the residents in Dirtmouth are bugs like… Hm, got a name, bud?” Omori asked the Knight who said nothing in response, before continuing to talk.
”Well, regardless, I wasn’t willing to let the little thing be their hostage. Or worse off. Was even intending to free Oinkie out of pity.” With one last tug, the harpoon wedged in his back was removed with a pained grunt. The boy gave it a look, before tossing it aside.
”That guy was a pain to fight head on.”Jesse cast her eyes towards the Robber’s Barge.
”I would say we have been advised that simply staying clear of the resident bandits is enough to avoid trouble, but I am getting the impression you won’t be taking that advice to heart?” Kamek said with a sigh, while a grumbling jr hopped out of his car and got to work helping Omori out with just a whole lot of under his breath grumbling involved, starting by yanking the harpoon free and then jabbing a paintbrush and a healing spell in his direction. The boy’s combination of stab wound, blunt force, and whiplash from being halted mid-flight by Rubick’s telekinesis meant he’d be feeling this fight for a while.
“
Now where would be the fun in that?” Rubick responded to Kamek, tilting his head at him. He was currently having the time of his life, and after the mind-numbingly boring train ride, he had desperately needed it.
“You’re probably not gonna like the next question I ask, then.” She said to Kamek. Jesse glanced towards the rescued bug creature. “There anyone else in need of rescue there, little guy?” She asked the Knight.
The small bug rested a hand under their chin in thought. Was there anything they missed during their escape? They quietly glanced back at the barge. With Oinkie’s gang out of the way, and new allies at that, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to take a second look. The Knight looked to the gathered group, motioning for them to wait, before they crossed the bridge again to take a peek inside the building. Omori stayed close by just in case.
By now, half a dozen strangers had amassed along the barge’s upper railing to join the
armed guards in watching the fight that went down on their hangout’s doorstep. With the firepower and numbers displayed by the newcomers, weapons were very much in evidence among the gallery of rogues. None of them lifted a finger to help Oinkie, maybe deciding that his messes were his to clean up, but when the Seekers’ attention drifted their way the lot of them began to bristle.
The Knight’s return, however, prompted confusion. “Huh? You’re actually comin’ back?” The
dude who’d been first out to watch the scrap adjusted his stylish glasses, making sure he was seeing things right. Incredulous, he furrowed his brow at the others hanging back across the bridge. “Hey, don’t look at
us funny! We got nothin’ to do with that guy!” He jabbed a thumb in the direction that Oinkie ran.
The purple-haired
swordswoman sitting next to him perked up a little. “I mean, if you lot don’t want it, we could really use the money! Bug-collectin’ don’t exactly pay well, but it’s better than grubbin’ around the caves for Geo!”
Her friend put a cautionary hand on her shoulder and lifted his other in a placating manner. “Uh, heheh, but hey, if you guys want it though, it’s all yours! I’m just an athlete for cryin’ out loud, I ain’t gonna argue with people
with guns!” He hissed the last couple words through his teeth to make sure his friend got the memo. “You neither, right Malice?”
Hanging her head, the mercenary sighed, deflated by the reality of being sorely outgunned. “Maaan…”
The knight glanced back and forth between the two as they spoke, assuming they weren’t aware they weren’t defenseless either, then looked over their shoulder to the others. They shrugged, as if to say
“They are not dangerous.” Then the bug simply walked back over next to Omori.
”Not like I’ll let you take ‘em either, but looks like they already made up their mind.” The boy spoke up, still feeling sore despite the extra healing from Junior. He furrowed his brows.
”You won’t be trying to ambush us as we leave, right?” He and his new companion both stared the collective of strangers down.
While the little guys didn’t exactly cut the most intimidating figure, the fact that so many inexplicably turned up to fight for the Knight’s freedom forced the disorganized barge-goers to take Omori seriously. As the guards stared down, stony-faced, and the pink-and-purple duo looked away, one of the silent watchers stepped forward, his spurs clinking. With his blue mutton chops, big white hat, and self-awarded badge,
Lonestar was an odd lawman for such a lawless land, but he cut an imposing figure. “Aw, now don’t get yer lasso in a twist, son,” the squat, broad-shouldered cowboy drawled through his cigar. “No need for any wranglin’ on my barge when we ain’t got any beef.” He leaned sideways on the railing, staring down with beady red eyes. “Just mind your own business, and we’ll mind ours, nice an’ easy.”
Omori stayed quiet for a moment longer, before his expression defaulted back to indifference.
”Then there’s no reason to waste any more time here.” The monochrome duo walked away from the barge, making sure the others caught up as they continued down the path to the Under.
As the new member of their group walked away, apparently satisfied, Jesse shrugged. “Just make sure Oinkie’s learned his lesson, all right?” She said, before turning and following them.
”Ah good, so we are taking my advice then,” Kamek said with a little sigh of relief, before taking off to go intercept Bowser and Rika before they came charging in uninformed and stirred things right back up again. Rubick slumped his shoulders and looked down, disappointed at the prospect. The fun would have to come another time.
Jr meanwhile was sulking a bit about not even being thanked for his efforts or timely medical assistance. Especially seeing as his car was all beat up now, and soooomeone had thoughtlessly run off with his magical repairing hammer and so he was going to have to do the repairs the old fashioned way.
He was stomping over to the car, ready to just pick it up and haul it somewhere safe, when he took one last look at the goons to make sure they weren't trying anything while the group were clearing out, and spotted just the bloodiest mess of a person sat on the roof–the Adventurer.
”Ew, gross,” the boy said, before looking away. Then he had another thought, picked up his brush and pointed it up at the guy.
”Hey you! Get healed!” and casting Cure on him, surrounding the guy in green restorative light.
The prince nodded to himself, planted the butt of his brush on the ground and then called up
”Now thank me for healing you!” demanding praise for his efforts.
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