Octo

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica's grin noticeably widened the more her fragile little ego was stroked. In fact, it may have been the first time anyone has ever given her praise, and it was due entirely to the fact that she paid her way directly up to Banzai Captain. Truly her only source of self-worth, the Banzai Blasters were the best! She let out a CONTENTED DOG NOISE and pat Haywood on the back.

"Look, I'm cool. I don't like to use words like 'boss' or 'superior' or 'head honcho' or 'big cheese' or 'leader,'" Jessica explained, becoming happier with every descriptor she listed, "let's not LABEL it, you know? We're all Banzais here. That said..."

Jessica followed Haywood's gaze to the teacher-like lady who had scolded her earlier. She seemed terrified as she babbled something to the life guard. Like a BUTT.

"Oh, don't worry about her. She's one of those LAME ADULTS that think they know you because you destroy a sand castle or two. Probably a teacher. DEFINITELY a NERD. Anyways, see..."

Shit.

SHIT.

She'd look like a total LAME-O if she told this dude that she didn't have any Blasters because she's unlikable and friendless! She'd seem like a SAD LOSER-PANTS if she further revealed that she was alone on a birthday no one remembered! She had to come up with something QUICK!

"See... uh... uuuhhh..."

Jessica took a second or two to prepare her LIE.

"I'm actually here... yeah, to scout the place out! Because... uh... for a BIG HEIST. See... you need to CASE THE JOINT before you do any damage. A genius captain like me knows how important preparation is. Which is why I don't have my Blasters with me. FOUR OF THEM. And, uh, they're called the FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS. It's PRETTY BADASS. The beach is perfect because, uh, there's a LOT OF STALLS lined up in a row and not much security. So I figure... yeah, if we blitzkrieg it, we can get away with a LOT OF STUFF scot-free!"

Actually, this plan wasn't sounding half bad. A few many CRAZY EPITHET-USERS on the beach today, but aside from that...

"...Out of curiosity, did you and your buddies pack your uniforms?"

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"SHEESH that was close," Jessica thought, sparing a glance back at the situation she had managed to egress. She was relieved to get away from that sword, which went from REALLY COOL to REALLY SCARY in as long as it took Eyebrows to tower over her. More than that, she was glad to see that the little girl managed to avoid harm when Eyebrows toppled. It's one thing to make a kid cry, but quite another to hurt them.

...Thought the girl that had kicked sand at a child.

She took a deep breath when she had reached her CONSPIRATORIAL destination, and took a seat nearby the boy.

Haywood probably identified Jessica as a Blaster due to how COOL she was and also how EVIL, because she didn't have a brother. He was probably AWESOME though. Jessica shook Haywood's hand EVILLY.

"I know, right? Some Inscribed are freakin' crazy. I'm Jessica Jameson, a BANZAI CAPTAIN, but feel free to call me MAD DOG," Jessica smugged, "I don't have a brother. Just a sister who SUCKS and HELPS BRING PEACE AND AID to WAR-TORN THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES like a NERD. You'll have to introduce me to this guy some time, 'cause he sounds like a riot."

Jessica looked into the tide pool and watched as a small fish got muscled out of her dinner by a much larger fish. Poor thing was gonna starve. But that's just how things went.

"Ah... yeah, I got 'Mad Dog' because when I was robbing this convenience store, the manager was SUPER HIGH and thought I was some mutt off the street. He chased me around with a broom, but I made off with most of the stuff in the register and like SIX BAGS of pork rinds."

Of course, she DIDN'T tell Haywood that she also started barking her head off when the manager ran after her. That would just sound WEIRD.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"Ah... no, your eyebrows are definitely just that big," Jessica caught herself thinking. Really, she was actually a little surprised. The eyebrow thing was what landed? How do you go that long without growing a thicker skin about stuff like that? Jessica was about to dig in deeper and really explore this eyebrow thing, but the girl did a hero landing and pulled a REAL-ASS GODDAMNED SWORD out of the puddle. Her outfit changed too!

It was a good thing Jessica was wearing sunglasses, because her eyes widened in awe. WHAT A COOL EPITHET! It had a sword and an outfit change, it was basically like one of her magical girl shows. It even came with its own minions apparently! Oh, what Jessica wouldn't give for an OSTENTATIOUS, ATTENTION-GRABBING epithet like that!

Instead she had a lame one that let her combine things with other things. It wasn't really flashy at all.

Jessica barely even heard the girl speak she was so busy admiring how cool the sword was. It was shiny and had jewels, none of which spoke to its actual combat ability but who cares? It's a cool sword! Jessica was about to flip out about how AWESOME it was when she managed to catch something the girl was saying.

Godzuki.

GODZUKI!?!?!?!?

It was only then that she noticed how much bigger the other girl was. And that the sword was being pointed in her direction.

One side effect of Jessica's epithet is that she takes on a few vaguely dog-like qualities. Generally it wasn't too noticeable, but she had a certain habit that showed up when she got scared. And that habit triggered.

Jessica whimpered like a stray puppy that had been kicked. Fear overtook her anger, and she began looking around uncertainly. More and more people began showing up, and it was getting too loud for her. Just then, a boy came up to them and began making fun of the sword girl! Thanks to that, and two guys who had just showed up to intervene, Jessica took the chance to scamper away.

"Y-y-yeah! L-let's ditch these LOSERS," Jessica stammered, bolting.

"THANKS JENSEN ACKLES, STAR OF HIT TELEVISION DRAMA SUPERNATURAL!" Jessica called out as she ran towards the rocky area, leaving the sword girl behind to explain why she pulled a weapon out on the beach.

Jessica didn't know who this new boy was, but he seemed like a BAD INFLUENCE, which was the best kind! With someone like that on her side, maybe today wouldn't be completely shot after all. At the very least he seemed to give a crap about her, which was more than she got anywhere else (except the Banzai Blasters).

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Small?

SMALL!?

What did this dumb woman know about her life? Thinking she could fit Jessica into a neat little box within five seconds of meeting her? She didn't know ANYTHING, and she certainly didn't know how COOL Jessica really was.

SMALL!?

The Banzai Blasters knew she was cool. That's how she made CAPTAIN. That and paying them about $100 a month. She didn't know THAT. That woman didn't know how EVIL she really was. No, she didn't know anything. Jessica KNEW she didn't know anything about her.

Because if she did, she wouldn't have concluded things the way she did.

Because how are you supposed to enjoy the beach alone?

It was a mistake from the beginning. She could be anywhere in the world right now. Jessica skips school, she has money. She could be anywhere doing anything. But no matter where it was, she'd be doing it alone. Her 15th birthday was destined to be miserable from the beginning.

Jessica blew her nose on a $100 bill, crumpled it up, and tossed it on the sand.

SMALL!?

Jessica TERRORIZED the remains of the sandcastle like a kaiju. Like a HUGE SCARY MONSTER. She kicked and stomped and, yes, even roared a little because she got a bit too much into it. Looking around for something else to bully, she spotted a girl LOOKING IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION like a NERD. She began stomping up to the girl. Sadly, she had already used "glasses" as an insult today, and needed to come up with something fresh.

"Hey, EYEBROWS," she called out to Penny, "am I putting on a show here? HUUUH? You see something you like? What's your deal? Why are- is that a copy of Chance Lords? You know you can get the computer version for like $5 on Gas and it has online play. What are you doing with your life?"

Questioning other people's life decisions like an authority on their lives always made Jessica feel better about hers for some reason.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Ha! The fool! Some lady had come right up to her and started shouting! Dear God the ATTENTION. Jessica could feel it filling her belly like TWO GALLONS OF ICE CREAM. She sneered her EVIL shark sneer and looked up at the nerd.

"What do you want, GLASSES?" Jessica asked, her genius insult undoubtedly hitting the woman like a cartoon anvil, "can't you see I'm doing EVIL here?"

She looked for a moment down at the crying girl, felt a twinge of guilt, and then looked back up at the woman because guilt SUCKED and was for losers. Not Banzai Blasters. Banzai Blasters were the baddest of the bad, did the most awesome crimes, had the most fashionable uniforms, and membership BASICALLY meant she was invincible.

"GAHAHA I guess you don't know who I am. But let's just say I'm SUPER DANGEROUS and BAD. I feel no shame, and there's NOTHING you can do about it you NERD," Jessica smugged, knowing that the adult couldn't so much as touch her. That was the advantage of being bad: everyone had to obey the stupid rules except for you.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica Jameson looked out onto the beach, grinning her DELINQUENT shark teeth in her COOL AS CUCUMBERS sunglasses and COMFY AS CARAMEL track suit, because she is very pale and burns quite easily. I mean, even with the full-body application of SPF 3000 lotion. It was kind of a problem, but people HAD to like the beach for a reason. She'd never been, but it SEEMED like a good place for a birthday party. If that birth was CHAOS. It was time to unleash the beast.

Jessica strolled casually up to a little girl working on a sand castle, knelt down, and appraised it.

"Wow, what a nice sand castle. That must have taken you HOURS."

The little girl nodded.

"Its beauty comes from its impermanence, much like life," the child replied, deep in thought.

"Yeah whatever but like it would be a shame if someone STOMPED ON IT," Jessica bellowed as she kicked at the sand castle, missed, kicked again, missed, and kicked a third time and managed to take the top off.

The child stared for a moment at Jessica, and then down at her sand HOUSE, and after another moment she began crying.

"GAHAHAHA," Jessica laughed her patented evil laugh, "I AM THE WORST, MOST TRAGIC THING THAT WILL HAPPEN ON OR TO THIS BEACH ALL DAY!"

If only her sister could see her now, bullying a helpless little girl on the beach and laughing about it. Perfecta would think she was SO COOL but that's too bad because Jessica didn't wanna hang out with that NERD anyways always being a genius and winning Nobel prizes like a COMPLETE TOOL. She kicked a small quantity of sand onto the little girl for good measure, and for a moment felt the accomplishment of achieving her DASTARDLY DESIGNS wash over her.

Truly this would be the best day ever, and she probably wouldn't cry herself to sleep even a little bit. And certainly wouldn't dwell on the fact that one small act of destruction from her could well have ruined a small child's best day ever.

"...Sheesh it's just a sand castle you can seriously stop crying you baby."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

@Octo That's an awesome character! You really made a quality application lickety-split, and I appreciate the hustle. Jessica is accepted; you may put her in the Characters tab and post at will.

@Lugubrious

Swood! I'm gonna knock something out right quick to get on scene.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica Jameson, the GREATEST BANZAI CAPTAIN of ALL TIME

Name: Jessica Jameson

Age: 15

Appearance: With her long, golden hair and sharp blue eyes, she looks like the standard ojou. EXCEPT FOR THE SHARK TEETH. Yes, the teeth of a true DELINQUENT who enjoys CRIME and DOING CRIME. She has the pale skin of a VILLAIN and the twintails of a SUPER VILLAIN. She’s very short but DON’T TELL HER THAT and ALSO NAPOLEON WAS SHORT AND HE KICKED ASS.

What do you mean Napoleon wasn’t actually short?

Anyways, when she’s not wearing her DELINQUENT track suit (because it’s comfy) she’s wearing… that’s right… her BANZAI CAPTAIN’S UNIFORM.

Personality: Jessica was born to be bad. She loves sewing CHAOS and DESTRUCTION everywhere she goes because she is VERY INSECURE. Like all good delinquents, she has a soft spot for puppies and kittens. She spends most of her free time lazing around the house, eating junk, and consuming media like potato chips.

Background: Jessica was born into the most difficult circumstance imaginable: being VERY RICH. Her parents bought her everything she ever wanted, she lived in a mansion with maids and servants, and had her every whim catered to ALL THE TIME.

Truly a tragedy.

Jessica’s older sister, Perfecta, was already set to take over the family MONEY BUSINESS by the time Jessica was born. Because of this, there were very few expectations placed on Jessica, and the few that were ended up easily crushed by the revelation that Jessica was VERY NOT GOOD at everything she tried. Why couldn’t she play piano like her sister? Why couldn’t she make numbers bend to her whim like her
sister? Why couldn’t she come up with a revolutionary cure for LUGEFAUST SYNDROME like her SISTER?

Jessica’s parents stopped caring about whatever she was up to and gave her a credit card in place of their care and affection, and in return, Jessica stopped TRYING. All-in-all a good arrangement.

One day, while eating Sugar Pockets Cereal (the sugary cereal for only the most discerning of manchildren), she came upon an ad for the Banzai Blasters. It was here that she found her place. She took out daddy’s credit card, bought her way right up to CAPTAIN, and immediately had a sense of SELF-WORTH.

Money is AWESOME!

But she had no friends or acquaintances, so she had no blasters to lead. To date, her only successful job is a convenience store robbery. That she pulled off solo. While the manager was high as a kite.

But it still counts!

Motivation: Otterholt Point is just out of the way enough to ROB A BUNCH OF SHIT, make a name for herself, and get the recognition of the Banzai Blaster organization as a whole!

…Is what she tells herself.

But the real reason is that it’s her birthday and her family forgot, so she wanted to go somewhere fun.

Assets: She’s bad at a lot of things, but she knows a lot about media and can eat a lot of garbage without getting fat. She’s actually pretty good with computers and electronics.

Flaws: She is physically very weak, is terrible at identifying her own emotions, and is reliant on a pyramid scheme for her self-worth.

Epithet: MONGREL

• GATTAI!!!- Jessica can combine with anything to create another form. However, this form is always volatile and only lasts a short time. Combining with animals lasts up to an hour, combining with plants lasts up to 30 minutes, and combining with minerals lasts a minute tops. She can uncombine at will, however, and the materials separate intact.

• Monday, it’s time for ALCHEMY- Jessica can combine any two things to make a third thing that logically follows from the first two things. Like she can combine water and bones to make soup. Theoretically, she could then combine that soup with something else to make some sort of MEGA SOUP. But what kind of moron would use soup for villainy?

• QUICKCHANGE!- Jessica can immediately ‘combine’ with a different outfit, changing into her Banzai uniform at breakneck speeds! If she owns an outfit, she can change into it immediately. She can also change the clothes of others if she touches them, but only to clothes she owns.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

I hope you're ready to BLAST SOME BANZAIS.

Jessica Jameson, the GREATEST BANZAI CAPTAIN of ALL TIME

Name: Jessica Jameson

Age: 15

Appearance: With her long, golden hair and sharp blue eyes, she looks like the standard ojou. EXCEPT FOR THE SHARK TEETH. Yes, the teeth of a true DELINQUENT who enjoys CRIME and DOING CRIME. She has the pale skin of a VILLAIN and the twintails of a SUPER VILLAIN. She’s very short but DON’T TELL HER THAT and ALSO NAPOLEON WAS SHORT AND HE KICKED ASS.

What do you mean Napoleon wasn’t actually short?

Anyways, when she’s not wearing her DELINQUENT track suit (because it’s comfy) she’s wearing… that’s right… her BANZAI CAPTAIN’S UNIFORM.

Personality: Jessica was born to be bad. She loves sewing CHAOS and DESTRUCTION everywhere she goes because she is VERY INSECURE. Like all good delinquents, she has a soft spot for puppies and kittens. She spends most of her free time lazing around the house, eating junk, and consuming media like potato chips.

Background: Jessica was born into the most difficult circumstance imaginable: being VERY RICH. Her parents bought her everything she ever wanted, she lived in a mansion with maids and servants, and had her every whim catered to ALL THE TIME.

Truly a tragedy.

Jessica’s older sister, Perfecta, was already set to take over the family MONEY BUSINESS by the time Jessica was born. Because of this, there were very few expectations placed on Jessica, and the few that were ended up easily crushed by the revelation that Jessica was VERY NOT GOOD at everything she tried. Why couldn’t she play piano like her sister? Why couldn’t she make numbers bend to her whim like her
sister? Why couldn’t she come up with a revolutionary cure for LUGEFAUST SYNDROME like her SISTER?

Jessica’s parents stopped caring about whatever she was up to and gave her a credit card in place of their care and affection, and in return, Jessica stopped TRYING. All-in-all a good arrangement.

One day, while eating Sugar Pockets Cereal (the sugary cereal for only the most discerning of manchildren), she came upon an ad for the Banzai Blasters. It was here that she found her place. She took out daddy’s credit card, bought her way right up to CAPTAIN, and immediately had a sense of SELF-WORTH.

Money is AWESOME!

But she had no friends or acquaintances, so she had no blasters to lead. To date, her only successful job is a convenience store robbery. That she pulled off solo. While the manager was high as a kite.

But it still counts!

Motivation: Otterholt Point is just out of the way enough to ROB A BUNCH OF SHIT, make a name for herself, and get the recognition of the Banzai Blaster organization as a whole!

…Is what she tells herself.

But the real reason is that it’s her birthday and her family forgot, so she wanted to go somewhere fun.

Assets: She’s bad at a lot of things, but she knows a lot about media and can eat a lot of garbage without getting fat. She’s actually pretty good with computers and electronics.

Flaws: She is physically very weak, is terrible at identifying her own emotions, and is reliant on a pyramid scheme for her self-worth.

Epithet: MONGREL

• GATTAI!!!- Jessica can combine with anything to create another form. However, this form is always volatile and only lasts a short time. Combining with animals lasts up to an hour, combining with plants lasts up to 30 minutes, and combining with minerals lasts a minute tops. She can uncombine at will, however, and the materials separate intact.

• Monday, it’s time for ALCHEMY- Jessica can combine any two things to make a third thing that logically follows from the first two things. Like she can combine water and bones to make soup. Theoretically, she could then combine that soup with something else to make some sort of MEGA SOUP. But what kind of moron would use soup for villainy?

• QUICKCHANGE!- Jessica can immediately ‘combine’ with a different outfit, changing into her Banzai uniform at breakneck speeds! If she owns an outfit, she can change into it immediately. She can also change the clothes of others if she touches them, but only to clothes she owns.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

I've recently found myself with a little free time and this seems sufficiently ridiculous. Toss me a few words, if you would. I'm interested. Love EE.