Octo

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica couldn't see shit except for the annoying light of Lou's cheap-ass jewelry, but she was able to HEAR the distinct sound of pocket sand. Already memorized the handbook... Hellmouth was a heck of a Blaster alright. Lou's shouting and the violent splash that followed, however, were more concerning. Did that asshole hurt Haywood?

"Hey, SHITHEAD! Nobody screws with MAD DOG'S crew!" Jessica shouted blindly into the light.

Just as Jessica was getting ready to KICK SOME ASS, the multiple glows faded and condensed into one singular brightness that shone like a nova. A nova that hurtled right towards her!

If Jessica hadn't been wearing two layers of glasses that acted like eclipse shades, she might have zonked out quick. Even with the glasses, the brightness was too much. She didn't have long. The distinct clink of metal hitting metal gave it away, though: her magnet had managed to attract whatever object he had put all of his epithet into.

Acting quickly, Jessica jammed the rod into the sand! It was still glowing underneath, but Jessica had one advantage over most epithet users that might be able to put this matter to bed...

She wasn't a showboating asshole with her epithet, and Lou had no idea what she could do.

Jessica slammed her foot into the sand, and used her epithet to combine that pressure with the sand surrounding the rod, creating a small area of DENSELY-PACKED SAND that the light could no longer get through.

Jessica massaged her forehead, stumbling, trying to assuage the massive headache that all the immensely bright light had caused, but something was still grating... Jessica could feel something IMMENSELY ANNOYING on the horizon...

The most gratingly over-acted Saturday morning cartoon hero voice she had ever heard started screaming about villainy and knighthood. It would have been annoying even if Jessica WASN'T evil, but as an evildoer herself, she couldn't help but find Gawain's words vaguely offensive. She couldn't even SEE the guy, but she knew somehow that his face was INCREDIBLY SMACKABLE. She rubbed her forehead harder and growled.

"Eyebrows, light neutralized! End it quick, and tell that Gawain asshole to shut up because I hate him!"

Jessica had already seen how Penny withdrew her sword. That, combined with Gawain, made it obvious that whatever her epithet was it was a reference to Arthurian legend. If she had to guess, it was probably 'King' because that's how Penny was referred to despite her gender. How an epithet could be so cool but at the same time so annoying Jessica had no idea, but couldn't she have gotten someone less... extra?

"Jude, right?" Jessica asked, turning in the direction the emo-lookin' kid was probably in, "Eyebrows said you duplicate shit. Could you copy my electromagnet? I think that Hawaiian shirt ASSHOLE needs bling for his ability, and it's CHEAP GARBO. Get close enough, and you can completely disarm him! Just don't nab the sword."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

For some reason, the other two weren't congratulating Jessica and telling her how cool it was that she told that guy off. In fact, they didn't seem particularly happy at all! She could have sworn that they thought Lou was a douche too, so where was the ADULATION? Well, whatever. They could thank her and tell her she was cool later- SHIT!

"GODDAMMIT SHIT," Jessica cried out, reeling at Lou's ridiculously shiny display. Was it some sort of genetic thing that inscribed were ATTENTION-SEEKING ASSHOLES? At least Jessica wasn't like that at all. She was COOL. Jessica fumbled with her sunglasses, putting them back on and covering up her pretty baby blues.

The glow was less infuriating, but she still couldn't look away from this guy. Could he choose who was affected? Probably not. If it was the light that attracted the gaze, and everyone could see his bling, then it was probably an indiscriminate radius that lost power after so many feet.

Probably.

"Whoa, this ability is crappier than mine. I can't even think of a NON-INFURIATING practical use for this thing."

Jessica flipped her magnet off and edged towards Penny and Jude's talking. They were in the same place for the time being, and peripheral vision would do the rest. Jessica casually handed Penny her sword.

"Hey, Eyebrows. Kick his ass," said Jessica, taking a pair of CRAPPY GLASSES from Jude. She put those glasses on over her sunglasses, and thanks to the eclipse-like properties of Lou's ability, she could actually still kinda see him. It was barely irritating at all!

"HA, how do you like THAT? DOUBLE-GLASSES," Jessica smugged, turning to where she saw Haywood last.

"Yo, HELLMOUTH! This shit's annoyin', so use SECRET TECHNIQUE NUMBER THREE!"

Haywood was right next to Lou, so he had the best shot at the guy. It would be unwise to call out the actual attack, because then it would be easily dodged. Instead, she used the number in the SUPER SECRET BLASTER HANDBOOK.

And that most secret of techniques, a closely-guarded Blaster special attack, was the legendary...

Pocket sand.

(Secret technique number one was crotch-kicking, and number two was false surrender followed by a wild haymaker, by the way.)

Jessica then readied her electromagnet to drag that beach bum closer to SWORD RANGE once he was blinded, which would work if most of that wasn't real gold.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Well, no one had applauded her. They must not have understood how COOL and BADASS she'd seemed. Jessica had outright insulted the teacher lady, and the woman didn't even have the teeth to fight back like she did before. It was kinda sad, how she stammered and meandered off. But she had lost her kids, apparently. She probably wasn't in the mood to argue.

"One more job to do. Being the leader is tough, but if I want to achieve VICE PRINCIPAL status, I need to learn to handle this stuff!"

Jessica grinned her shark grin, thinking about how COOL the Blasters would think she was if she'd managed to get out of this whole ordeal. Then, a bunch of people emerged from the brush, including Haywood's friends AND the kid! Jessica had been leader for FIVE SECONDS and ALREADY a problem got solved! Maybe she was better at this than she'd thought!

But with them came some Hawaiian shirt guy who was a TOTAL LAME-O. Terrorists? Capiche? What the heck? Even Eyebrows and that emo-lookin' kid seemed annoyed, but neither wanted to really say anything. Jessica undid her twintails, grabbing the copper wire that held one up and the rubber band that held the other. Both copper and rubber were excellent for creating things and for transformations, so she kept a little of both on her at all times. Her golden hair fell over her shoulders as she tucked her sunglasses into her track suit collar.

She glared at Lou with her icy blue eyes, and looked for a moment like the beautiful, austere heiress that she should have been. A certain air of depth, intelligence, and nobility flickered around her. What higher thought must lurk behind that frown? What invisible demons must torment this cold beauty?

Her eyes flickered to Jude, and she nodded at the boy before the entire facade shattered with the opening of her big, fat mouth.

"Screw off, you Sam Axe lookalike BITCH," she said, flipping Lou off, "go back to the set of Burn Notice to act as Bruce Campbell's stunt double because THAT MAN IS A TREASURE and he'd BETTER NOT BE DOING HIS OWN STUNTS."

Jessica grabbed one of the steel poles that held up what used to be a volleyball net.

"My name is JESSICA, and my epithet is FINDING A REAL-ASS GODDAMNED SWORD so's we can FIND SOME KIDS FASTER."

Jessica combined the steel pole and the copper wire in order to create an electromagnet, which she then combined with some batteries she found inside one of those dumbass HANDHELD FANS in order to create a POWERED electromagnet. She pointed it towards the area near where Eyebrows woke up, and flipped the switch. Haywood would know that she was inscribed now, but every second those kids remained unfound was a second they were in danger.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"OK, well, I'm not a crybaby and I WASN'T CRYING," Jessica replied to Aurora, blowing her nose and wiping her tears with the inside of her tracksuit collar, "like Hellmouth says, I just... GOT EXCITED. At the prospect of..."

Shit, what was exciting about being trapped on a remote island with a bunch of DORKAZOIDS? Jessica stalled for a second before snapping and pointing at Jude.

"Finding that ki- wait, you can't find the kid?"

Jessica looked around her and, sure enough, no kid. That was no good. She might've been a dumb kid, but no way she deserved to be alone on an island. Kid was SMALL. She had to be SCARED. Jessica bit her lower lip, a bit worried about the small child, but once again she tried to suck down her dumb EMOTIONS. She turned to Penny.

"Wh- you can't just RESUMMON the sword, Eyebrows? How LAME is that? GAHAHA! Well I guess it CAN'T BE HELPED! I'll help find the SWORD and the KID and fix EVERYTHING as the NEW LEADER HERE."

Jessica smiled PROUDLY and CONFIDENTLY, putting on a face that was a lie to everyone, even herself. But hey, fake it 'til you make it. She looked to Noelle, sneering.

"We're FINE you OLD BAG. This ain't The Most Dangerous Game OR Lord of the Flies. This shit is Gilligan's Island except we get off in the end. Let's FIND SOME SHIT, and then kick back and sip a coconut or whatever."

Jessica waited for the applause that would surely follow her show of CONFIDENCE and LEADERSHIP.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica was having an utterly FANTASTIC cry sesh. She was really letting it out, and perhaps got a little loud for her own good. Her therapist would probably be proud, if she had a therapist. But she didn't. Because seeking help was for LOSERS. Best to deal with these things STUBBORNLY and ALONE.

Hey. You okay and stuff?

SHIT. She was DEFINITELY NOT okay and stuff! One of those NOSY NANCYS was sniffin' into her biz, and they were about to find out that she had FEELINGS and FEELINGS WERE LAME.

She had to lie! Lie like she'd never lied before!

"BwaaaaHAHAHA!"

Jessica's crying quickly turned to laughter as she rose from her crouching position in one swift move, with all the deftness of someone who spent HOURS of the day loitering outside of convenience stores EVILLY.

"You FOOLS," Jessica called out, her nose still snotty from all the CRYING she definitely DID, "I have been LAUGHING MYSELF TO TEARS watching you all CRY LIKE BABIES!"

Jessica looked up at the girl who had come to see if she was alright, and smirked.

"H-HAHAHA you totally thought I was CRYING but really I WASN'T CRYING so I'm FINE AND STUFF."

"HNNN! Gotta suck it back in! Eat that despair! Let it fester and FUEL my BLACK SOUL like a healthy ADULT!"

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Yet another clueless adult. Nothing that Jessica hadn't heard before. It lacked the SICK PERSONALS that the teacher brought to the table as well. Empty words, devoid of meaning. The last line, especially, was laughable to Jessica. Acting like nothing was wrong was her BAG, and infinitely preferable to the truth.

Because the 'truth' was that Jessica was friendless, unlikable, and that her own family forgot her birthday. For three years straight.

SCREW the truth, the truth sucked and Haywood knew it.

"OOOHHH SICK BUUURN," Jessica called out after Haywood delivered a piece of verbal ART. She flipped 'Mark' off as she backed away.

"LATER, LOSER!"

She was feeling pretty good about her verbal victory. Maybe with the help of Haywood and his crew, she might actually be able to get something done today. Maybe they could have fun knocking over a store or two. At least it would beat last year, when she stayed at home alone and ate a dozen cupcakes while watching anime and crying.

But she was blindsided by an unexpected source.

Like havin' some tacky trick makes you important.

Jessica stopped in her tracks, and looked at the ground, chuckling nervously.

"Y-yeah... assholes."

Because Jessica knew that, even though her epithet wasn't that great, it was also the only thing that made her special. Nobody liked her, and she wasn't good at anything, but Mongrel was HERS. No one else could do what she could, even if that something wasn't incredibly cool. It hurt, but it would be best to come clean about her status as an Inscribed before things got too weird.

"A-actually, you know, I was lying to that guy. I'm really-"

Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening. Jessica's eyes widened as she looked out at the ocean.

"...Shit."

---

"Ugh... what happened...? My birthday... w-was it a 'rager'? Did I party HARD?"

Jessica stumbled to her feet, brushing the sand off her face.

"The beach still? How did I... huh? Wait... this isn't..."

Second after second, more information came in. The wreckage, the groaning people, the new scenery, and then memory of the storm.

"Wait, what?"

Jessica continued looking around in disbelief. It was all coming together, but none of it made sense.

All she wanted was a happy birthday.

Of course something like this would happen.

Of course.

And now she was gonna die on a desert island because her parents didn't know or care where she went. All because she wanted to get out of her room and try something different. Whatever she tried, it seemed failure followed her. It was too much to take in all at once. Jessica was still a kid, after all.

She crouched and buried her face in her hands, because she didn't want anyone to see. She whimpered, sobbed, and began to cry, trying her best to do so softly and muffle the sounds. No one could see her like this. Crying was lame. Banzai Blasters didn't cry.

Banzai Blasters didn't cry.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"GAH IT'S JENSEN ACKLES, STAR OF HIT TELEVISION DRAMA SUPERNATURAL, AIRING ON CW EVERY MONDAY AT 8:00/7:00 CENTRAL," Jessica exclaimed, jumping in surprise. This was the second time Jensen Ackles just seemed to appear behind her. It was just her and Haywood only a few seconds before. Jessica backed up as her new Blaster friend handled the situation calmly.

Calm. Right. That's what this situation required. Jessica looked behind the man surreptitiously.

"How did he manage to sneak up on me twice in a row... inscribed? One... two... two sets of footprints in the sand. Mine and Haywood's. Rules out silence and invisibility. A teleportation epithet?"

There were too many words that could lend themselves to such a power. All she could guess at this point was that running was not wise. This situation was to be defused with words, as Haywood suggested. It was sheer luck that the man followed them to an unoccupied area, or else there would have been too many footprints to count. Every bone in her body wanted to brag about figuring it out, but knowing at least one thing he could do without him being aware could be useful later. Instead, she concentrated on defusing the situation.

"Y-yeah... yeah! You know, kids talk a lot of crap all the time without meaning any of it. If it'll make you feel safer, though, I'm just a mundie," Jessica said, putting her hands up in faux surrender, "my SPECIAL ABILITY is being a plain Jane. That's why I PEACED OUT so quick when that epithet-user menaced me with a sword. I don't have any ability to defend myself from stuff like that."

It was then that Jessica discovered that she had one worthwhile skill after all: lying her ass off.

"But, hey, drag me to security if you want. I'm SURE beach security will react positively to a grown-ass ADULT manhandling a VERY TALL FOR HER HEIGHT girl, especially with all the HARD EVIDENCE you have of my nonexistant wrongdoing. How about you leave us be to enjoy the beach, huh?"

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica's grin noticeably widened the more her fragile little ego was stroked. In fact, it may have been the first time anyone has ever given her praise, and it was due entirely to the fact that she paid her way directly up to Banzai Captain. Truly her only source of self-worth, the Banzai Blasters were the best! She let out a CONTENTED DOG NOISE and pat Haywood on the back.

"Look, I'm cool. I don't like to use words like 'boss' or 'superior' or 'head honcho' or 'big cheese' or 'leader,'" Jessica explained, becoming happier with every descriptor she listed, "let's not LABEL it, you know? We're all Banzais here. That said..."

Jessica followed Haywood's gaze to the teacher-like lady who had scolded her earlier. She seemed terrified as she babbled something to the life guard. Like a BUTT.

"Oh, don't worry about her. She's one of those LAME ADULTS that think they know you because you destroy a sand castle or two. Probably a teacher. DEFINITELY a NERD. Anyways, see..."

Shit.

SHIT.

She'd look like a total LAME-O if she told this dude that she didn't have any Blasters because she's unlikable and friendless! She'd seem like a SAD LOSER-PANTS if she further revealed that she was alone on a birthday no one remembered! She had to come up with something QUICK!

"See... uh... uuuhhh..."

Jessica took a second or two to prepare her LIE.

"I'm actually here... yeah, to scout the place out! Because... uh... for a BIG HEIST. See... you need to CASE THE JOINT before you do any damage. A genius captain like me knows how important preparation is. Which is why I don't have my Blasters with me. FOUR OF THEM. And, uh, they're called the FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS. It's PRETTY BADASS. The beach is perfect because, uh, there's a LOT OF STALLS lined up in a row and not much security. So I figure... yeah, if we blitzkrieg it, we can get away with a LOT OF STUFF scot-free!"

Actually, this plan wasn't sounding half bad. A few many CRAZY EPITHET-USERS on the beach today, but aside from that...

"...Out of curiosity, did you and your buddies pack your uniforms?"

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"SHEESH that was close," Jessica thought, sparing a glance back at the situation she had managed to egress. She was relieved to get away from that sword, which went from REALLY COOL to REALLY SCARY in as long as it took Eyebrows to tower over her. More than that, she was glad to see that the little girl managed to avoid harm when Eyebrows toppled. It's one thing to make a kid cry, but quite another to hurt them.

...Thought the girl that had kicked sand at a child.

She took a deep breath when she had reached her CONSPIRATORIAL destination, and took a seat nearby the boy.

Haywood probably identified Jessica as a Blaster due to how COOL she was and also how EVIL, because she didn't have a brother. He was probably AWESOME though. Jessica shook Haywood's hand EVILLY.

"I know, right? Some Inscribed are freakin' crazy. I'm Jessica Jameson, a BANZAI CAPTAIN, but feel free to call me MAD DOG," Jessica smugged, "I don't have a brother. Just a sister who SUCKS and HELPS BRING PEACE AND AID to WAR-TORN THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES like a NERD. You'll have to introduce me to this guy some time, 'cause he sounds like a riot."

Jessica looked into the tide pool and watched as a small fish got muscled out of her dinner by a much larger fish. Poor thing was gonna starve. But that's just how things went.

"Ah... yeah, I got 'Mad Dog' because when I was robbing this convenience store, the manager was SUPER HIGH and thought I was some mutt off the street. He chased me around with a broom, but I made off with most of the stuff in the register and like SIX BAGS of pork rinds."

Of course, she DIDN'T tell Haywood that she also started barking her head off when the manager ran after her. That would just sound WEIRD.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"Ah... no, your eyebrows are definitely just that big," Jessica caught herself thinking. Really, she was actually a little surprised. The eyebrow thing was what landed? How do you go that long without growing a thicker skin about stuff like that? Jessica was about to dig in deeper and really explore this eyebrow thing, but the girl did a hero landing and pulled a REAL-ASS GODDAMNED SWORD out of the puddle. Her outfit changed too!

It was a good thing Jessica was wearing sunglasses, because her eyes widened in awe. WHAT A COOL EPITHET! It had a sword and an outfit change, it was basically like one of her magical girl shows. It even came with its own minions apparently! Oh, what Jessica wouldn't give for an OSTENTATIOUS, ATTENTION-GRABBING epithet like that!

Instead she had a lame one that let her combine things with other things. It wasn't really flashy at all.

Jessica barely even heard the girl speak she was so busy admiring how cool the sword was. It was shiny and had jewels, none of which spoke to its actual combat ability but who cares? It's a cool sword! Jessica was about to flip out about how AWESOME it was when she managed to catch something the girl was saying.

Godzuki.

GODZUKI!?!?!?!?

It was only then that she noticed how much bigger the other girl was. And that the sword was being pointed in her direction.

One side effect of Jessica's epithet is that she takes on a few vaguely dog-like qualities. Generally it wasn't too noticeable, but she had a certain habit that showed up when she got scared. And that habit triggered.

Jessica whimpered like a stray puppy that had been kicked. Fear overtook her anger, and she began looking around uncertainly. More and more people began showing up, and it was getting too loud for her. Just then, a boy came up to them and began making fun of the sword girl! Thanks to that, and two guys who had just showed up to intervene, Jessica took the chance to scamper away.

"Y-y-yeah! L-let's ditch these LOSERS," Jessica stammered, bolting.

"THANKS JENSEN ACKLES, STAR OF HIT TELEVISION DRAMA SUPERNATURAL!" Jessica called out as she ran towards the rocky area, leaving the sword girl behind to explain why she pulled a weapon out on the beach.

Jessica didn't know who this new boy was, but he seemed like a BAD INFLUENCE, which was the best kind! With someone like that on her side, maybe today wouldn't be completely shot after all. At the very least he seemed to give a crap about her, which was more than she got anywhere else (except the Banzai Blasters).