Paradox Witch

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

Pelion's Pub, Edge of Shinto

@Cu Chulainn

And so, in the dead of night, Archer finally finished his work, excitedly ushering his Master into the completed area that had been built into the walls of Troy. Namely, into the quartered-off VIP section that involved passing through Troy's walls to enter. A little bit of insurance if things went south.

Now with the opportunity to see the "cave" Archer had spoken about, it in all its glory was beholden to Gin.

It was a bar.

It just looked like a normal fucking bar. Albeit a pretty damn nice one, in a dive bar-y sort of way.

“Alright, kid, you stay in the VIP section outta sight when I'm outta here. I'm gonna start puttin' up flyers in a bit but if you wanna, call ya boys and have em come by too. Bartender’ll give em drinks if they want, free since they’re ya boys.”

As he spoke, Archer passed a piece of paper forwards, which was a meticulously hand-drawn flyer, one of the countless ones he had been working on during construction to advertise the bar.

As far as the information of the flyer, most of it was rather standard. It mentioned the name of the establishment, “Pelion’s Pub”, as well as noting its location and other such basics. For its grand opening, the flyer also noted that it was “1 Yen shots for twenty-four hours”. Also it was open 24/7 apparently, because of course it was.

Well, and then at the bottom of the flyer there was this.

Flyer

...wait, hadn't Archer just mentioned a bartender?

When had he hired a bartender?

It was just Gin and himse-

---

???

Pelion's Pub, Edge of Shinto

@Cu Chulainn

The man had appeared in the bar shortly after Chiron’s statement. That isn’t to say he entered the bar through its doors, but rather that one moment he was not present and then the next, he was. What’s more, this was the “VIP section” of the bar, which was invisible from the front section even if one could enter it. It was as if he had teleported in, or rather...

A soft laugh left him as he glanced around at the interior of the bar, shaking his head a bit. “Ha, you madman. You’ve really outdone yourself.”

"Don't I know it."

A jovial smile split the newcomer's face, eyes carrying a softness to them that suggested a recalling of fond memories. After a moment, he let out a brief exhale, before rounding about and facing Gin.

“Aha, I do apologize if my sudden appearance there startled you. Your partner didn’t do much in the way of explaining, but I’ll be helping you out here as the bartender. That Servant you summoned is an excellent judge of character, so I’m sure that since he’s acknowledged you as his Master-"

"-and student, once he gets some lessons from the other kid."

"-we’ll be able to get along rather well.” He explained, not missing a beat from Archer's interruption and punctuating his remark by sparing a brief glance over to the bar.

“In the meantime, if you’d like a drink then let me know. I’m not confident in much, but I can say with some certainty that you’d be hard-pressed to find someone better at making drinks than me.”

Seeming to realize something, the strange man paused for a moment before striking the side of his head with his palm.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. Well, Chiron’s taken to calling me ‘Donnie’, so you’re welcome to do the same.”

His eyes sharpened, glinting with mischief as the trace of a smirk played on the edges of his lips.

“Of course, you might know me better by the name of Dionysus.”

[Dionysus character matrix has been added to Characters]

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

The Gates of Troy, Edge of Shinto

@Cu Chulainn @Froppy @SSW

After negotiations with the magus of the workshop had completed, Archer had naturally begun work on establishing his Noble Phantasm, though not without providing a warning to the magus who had done the majority of speaking for the opposite side during those talks.

“Listen, kid. I’m holding off on doin’ that, like we agreed, but there’s somethin’ you oughtta know.”

An odd glint in his eyes reared its head. It seemed that, at least for this, the Archer was being wholly serious. A legitimately shocking development for anyone who had grasped his character.

“That kid a’ yours, he’s different. What I do is hammerin’ our potential, turnin’ a ‘1’ into a ‘100’, yeah? I jack ‘everything you are’ to the peak. Then there are some who design somethin’ ahead of time, make it so that it’s already born as a ‘100’, like that incubus. That kinda style means ya get more control over the final result, but ya also limit them to bein’ ‘somethin’ you can imagine’.”

The explanation was hardly holistic, but it had its own logic to it. One approach was based on enhancing something, and one was based on building something. ‘Building’ meant that you knew exactly what you were getting, which was both a blessing and a curse.

After all, if Archer has used the same approach of that incubus, of building rather than enhancing, then he’d never have been able to give rise to him, that student who exceeded even the limits on what he imagined a hero could be.

“The problem is that yer kid’s somethin’ outside both’a those methods. He’s a possibility, a walkin’ possibility. He’s not somethin’ that should be able to manifest, ya get me? He’s not a ‘1’, he’s an ‘i’. Normally, at his level of Luck, it’d be easy. Give him some trainin’, bing-bam-bitch he’s on the same level as that bro of his. But he’s not bein’ judged to the same standards as Servants, he’s gonna be judged as a ‘possibility’.”

“What yer askin’ me ta do is to make somethin’ imaginary inta somethin’ real, ta turn the ephemeral permanent. That ain’t easy. Even with the Luck he’s got, it’s not enough ta guarantee anything, because his trainin’ will be the hardest I’ve ever dished out. It’ll be on the same level as what the big guy had to do. And I don’t just mean what I made him do for his trainin’, but everythin’ he did, including those damn redemption errands.”

...in other words, that Servant would face a “hell” equivalent to the years upon years that forged the greatest hero of Greece, compressed into the realm of Archer’s Noble Phantasm. What had that hero undergone? Those struggles, the number of humans who could have endured that without breaking in all of history could likely be counted on one hand.

“If he survives, forget reachin’ his brother. He’s got good odds of reachin’ the same level as my number two student in his prime right off the bat. If the stars align and everythin’ goes perfectly, there’s the chance he even hits the level of the big guy. But, it’s basically gonna be a coin toss between if he lives or dies.”

A coin toss. Either become a hero who can stand at the peak of this war, or die with nothing accomplished.

“So, let him be a kid for a while. Have fun, meet people, check out the world. Then, if an’ when he’s ready for that coin toss, I’ll do it, but I ain’t lettin’ that decision get made hastily.”

There was a conviction in that last statement, and for just a moment, behind that fat, short, balding man, it was possible to see the immaterial flicker of something else. Of someone else.

...With those parting words, he had taken his leave.

And so, the Archer took to work on his Noble Phantasm, giving Gin permission to do whatever he felt like doing over the process. The only guidance given for the time being had been “Get drunk as soon as ya can once it’s done and we get ya inside, kid. You’d handle it better than nearly any human, but this place’s rules are a baaad idea ta fuck with.”

The process of establishing an alien world was odd, to say the least. On face, it seemed similar to a Caster establishing their territory, but there was something else present, something deeper to the feeling that the area provoked in the human mind as it took shape.

Or perhaps that was caused by Archer downing more alcohol every ten seconds or so as he worked, or stopping halfway through to make what looked to be flyers advertising the bar. His blood was roughly half alcohol by volume by now.

Well, he was nothing if not productive.

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

Yakuza Safehouse, Miyama Town

@Cu Chulainn @Froppy @SSW

After dropping his Master off, Archer passed the time by downing another few gallons of alcohol as the amateur magus went and retrieved his talismans and equipment. As Gin made his return, Archer was far too busy thinking about his own priorities to actually bother to listen. At the very least, it sounded like his Master was confident and ready to go, so that was what mattered.

"Yeah sure kid, sounds good."

A brilliant lie.

With that matter dealt with, it was time to move to more important matters.

Namely, where to put the bar.

"Alright, kid, let's get goin'."

With this simple declaration, Gin was again hefted up and taken away without a word. It of course went without saying that Archer was restraining his speed enough to prevent his Master from being injured, especially now that he'd seen that, but nonetheless being carried around by a Servant was a good deal faster than any of the transport available in the late nineteenth century.

Thankfully, with the stolen farsight of his future self, scanning over the city largely became a breeze, which cut down on necessary time immensely. Namely, Archer was quickly able to conclude that Miyama as a whole was a tremendous waste of time. There were already bars littering the area, and not to mention that Athena was setting up her bar nearby at that. Even if it was the only properly populated part of the city, it simply wouldn't do. No, the bar needed something with more pizazz.

The bridge. His Master had mentioned a bridge, and sure enough, on crossing into the other side of the city, he saw it. A beautiful thing, he was tempted to call off his search there. It would be amazing, a bar built on and under a bridge. If anyone wanted to cross the bridge, they would need to provide some sort of monetary compensation. Some sort of...toll, like that which one would expect a bridge troll to charge. The foot traffic would be excellent, and the business would be booming. It was ideal-

...that is, until Archer remembered his recent realization and the decision based around it. That was right, he couldn't completely eschew any sense of reason, at least not yet. The bridge was fantastic as a bar location, but it was every bit as much an easy target. Any Servant with an Anti-Army Noble Phantasm could wipe it off the map without effort, and while Archer himself could likely escape that sort of thing, his Master was another matter. And that human had to survive, in order to allow for that to arise.

And so, he continued his search into Shinto.

No, too isolated.

No, not enough defenses.

No, not enough pizazz.

The Servant and his tagalong Master trekked through Shinto at a blitzing speed, the former crossing off every new spot they found. Just as they neared the end of their search and it seemed that settling for the bridge would be necessary, though...

"Is that...?"

He wasn't sure at first. He'd encountered several workshops on his cross-city run, staying away from them to avoid wandering eyes, but this one was something different. At first glance, a Japanese house in the middle of a field, situated on the edge of Shinto, but given his own connection to the world and the strength of his eyes, Archer saw through that farce almost immediately.

Oh yes. Oh yes, that would be perfect.

Yes, instead of a troll toll...

Without even a slight explanation to his Master, Archer charged towards the unassuming house, alerting its inhabitants as he crossed the boundary line and revealing its true form both to him and his Master in the process, and let out a sharp yell.

"Hey kids! I've got a business proposition for ya!"

"How'd you like a bouncer?"

What the hell was a bouncer?

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

momentarily revealing her golden instrument to her Servant

momentarily revealing her golden instrument to her Servant

momentarily revealing her golden instrument to her Servant

momentarily revealing her golden instrument to her Servant

momentarily revealing her golden instrument to her Servant

"NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAMN MINUTE-"

---

Swiss Franc (Familiar)

Farm Shed, Fuyuki Outskirts

@Phonic @Breo

Ordinarily, Elan's familiars surveying the city were to remain out of sight and out of mind. He assumed every Master who had gotten here before today had their own force of familiars that were acting similarly, after all. It was best to simply observe and gather information on those magi who lacked the concealment of their workshops.

This, however, went out of the window when he sighted a literal golden accordion.

Where did one even get that?

How did you make it?

Why would you make it?

Did it even play fucking music?

All of these questions, and many more, ran through the mind of the alchemist as he sighted the absurd instrument, and without so much as a moment to reconsider or convene with his Servant on the matter, he acted.

Evan Strauss was alight.

Without warning, a cat scampered from its hiding spot and into the farm shed, frantically running in circles in an attempt to get Benita's attention. Assuming it had managed to do that, it then moved to claw some words into the ground in an effort to communicate.

"Where did you get that accordion?"

"Is it actual gold?"

"What is its market value?"

This. Was. Important.

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

Zipping Around, Miyama Town

@Cu Chulainn

Troublesome. Incredibly, indescribably troublesome. That garbage niece had the audacity to try and pull another Athens on him, just like she did with that poor sod Ares. Well, old Chiron wasn't going to be caught with his pants down. Not like the time with those nymphs.

Ah, those nymphs...

No, no, focus. He had to focus on determining where to establish his cave. That was the decision that could make or break his war.

Let's see. Open the mind's eye, factor in farsight, astrological attributes, connection to nature, Donnie who was still yelling at him, aaand...

"Wha..."

Impossible.

That was impossible. The third Age of Gods had ended. The Age of Heroes was reaching its death knell. Humanity knows too much and has culled too much of the world’s mystery as a result. This is the turning point into the age of merely mundane men, so something like that should have been impossible.

Then, how was it there? How was it that something so impossible was there?

Skidding to a halt after returning to the safe house that he had been summoned in, Archer moved to set his Master down, but now with a caution that was at complete odds with how he'd treated the magus since being summoned.

His head turned up and down, looking at the magus...or rather, looking through him. As if there was something the man before him could bring about, something enough to jar even one of Archer's temperament to action.

Yes, if that could come to pass, then he could not take this as trivially as he had planned. He had planned to merely drink the week away and then fade back into nothingness, but if the promise of something like that laid out of reach...

...well, putting some effort into winning wouldn't hurt.

"Alright, kid. Rally ya boys, do what ya gotta do. Don't botha makin' ya workshop till my cave's up though, it'll be a waste. When ya ready, then we'll get back ta searchin'."

A feral glint appeared in his eyes, a demonstration of that bestial nature that laid at the core of Divine Spirit Chiron.

"We'll be combin' this city for the best spot. An' if there's this bridge ya were talkin' about, it'll be the first stop."

---

Evan Strauss

Strauss Workshop, Shinto

@Art of Fun

"Really? Planning and preparing this much feels pretty standard. If the enemy Masters haven't done around this much, then that's all the better. Just means we're not dealing with competitors so much as 'targets'."

The thickening haze of smoke in the room was admittedly harder to deal with by the minute. Evan himself had never been much for smoking, not seeing it as worth the monetary tradeoff, which made dealing with it in this closed expanse a bit of a hindrance. At the same time, it simply wasn't worth the effort of putting up a shield to protect him from the smoke, so the result was his visible efforts to keep himself from breaking into a coughing fit every minute or so.

Well, regardless, evaluating the situation did undoubtedly put this pair at a disadvantage. Evan was likely in the bottom half of magi in this war where ranks were concerned, and on top of that, he'd summoned an Assassin, and moreover a "monster", something particularly vulnerable to "heroes".

At least on paper, then, the pair could be considered underdogs, at an absolute disadvantage.

Ah well, who didn't like an underdog anyway?

The magus froze up for a moment as the Assassin offered him some strands of her hair, recovering from his surprise an instant later and taking the offering with a nod. Truth be told, he'd considered the idea from the moment that Assassin had given her name, but hadn't expected her to offer that up so quickly. Well, he wasn't about to complain.

"Yeah, got it. I don't want to risk sending you out into those areas just yet, though. Better to deal with that first bit of preparation I mentioned first, just to shore everything up here. That shouldn't take long, though, and once it's wrapped up we can get to surveillance."

"Those three families I mentioned are the obvious picks, and there are a good amount of workshops that have been set up over the past week, so we can talk about priority targets when we get there. There are a couple of place I'm a bit wary of that might be better to avoid until we're more prepared, as well."

After speaking, he gave a halfhearted shrug that contrasted horribly with the rest of his tone and posture.

"Of course, if you've got any suggestions, let me know."

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

Some Garbage Bar, Miyama Town

@Cu Chulainn @Scallop @Kyoka

"Eh?"

The annoyance and incredulity smeared across Archer's face only seemed to amplify as this cosplayer failed to answer his question, and instead tried to kick him out of a bar. Tried to kick him out of a bar. His mind's eye opened, as though he was preparing himself to spank this cosplaying brat.

More to the point, who would even want to cosplay as his niece in the first place? That's a weird level of obsession, but that only narrowed down the list so much. There was that crazy inventor guy, for one. Uhh, the birdfucker, too. Maybe the snake or the spider if they were trying to be ironic? There were a few options.

...oh, wait.

Oh, wait.

A moment of clarity seemed to splay across Archer's face as he looked to the other Servant, comprehension dawning on him. He seemed to hold himself back from saying something, a herculean feat that would have been impossible had he been more drunk.

...instead, he shattered any illusion of himself as something other than a buffoon.

"Oh, I see what we got goin' on here. That hoor niece of mine found out I was here, so she sent you to make your own rival bar, huh? Classic. This is the foundin' of Athens all over again, innit? Tryin' to pull the ol' Flipadelphia on me? Tryin' to beat me with this cahkroach-infested dump?" -Why was he glaring at the cosplayer particularly harshly when he said 'cahkroach'?- "Well I ain't, gonna, take, that, lyin' down-"

As if playing some absurd game of hacky sack, Archer reached behind himself with a foot, scooped his Master up with his leg, and then tossed him up where he was caught by Archer and deposited back onto the Servant's shoulder, his eyes never once leaving the grotesque form of the cosplayer.

"Hey kid, looks like we're making my cave early. Can't let the hoor get the drop on us. Donnie's countin' on me."

Ignoring the confused remarks send to him by 'Donnie' after uttering those words, the absurd calamity that was Archer took his leave from the bar, Master in tow.

It was time to get to work.

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Chiron [Lily]

Yakuza Safehouse, Miyama Town

@Cu Chulainn @Scallop @Kyoka

Seeing that his contractor didn't seem to want any alcohol, though he was crying about alcohol for some damn reason, Archer proceeded to knock back another bottle of the same class as its predecessor, treating it as he had the other in tossing it behind him to shatter once he had finished it. A satisfied moan left him as he went out of his way to force his body to absorb the liquor faster than any mortal man could have, his expression split by a lazy grin as the familiar haze of drunkenness settled over his mind.

"Theeeere we go. Testin', testin', one two three. Donnie, I got a line?"

_{"Gotcha loud and clear, Chi."}

After taking the time to converse aloud with an unknown presence by the apparent name of 'Donnie', whom Gin was unable to see, hear, or anything along those lines, Archer took a few stumbling steps forwards, looking his Master over with an almost skeptical look as the latter wept in place.

"Eh, guess you'll do kid. Alright, listen here 'cause I ain't gonna say it twice. Name's Chiron, guess ya'd call me Servant Archer. If ya mix me up with the wise teacher prick then I'll deck ya, I'm that OG god. If ya summoned the hero me, ya'd be shit outta luck."

After taking a moment to consider the fact that "OG" was not a term that existed in the nineteenth century, and another moment to feel some silent annoyance at the irrelevance of the time axis to his source's existence, Archer heaved out a sharp exhale before continuing. It went without saying that said exhale reeked of booze.

"What can I do? Kid, weren't ya listening to that musical number? Ya just got yourself a one-way ticket ta victory. I scream at people and they die, I make booze without payin' for it, I do a little dance and then shit gets real crazy, believe you me."

"These, uh, Noble Phantasm things? Easy. First one's I make ya into a hero, either ya become the fuckin' strong, or ya die. And no, I ain't usin' it on you yet. Way ya are now, ideal self's too weak, ya gotta build the fundamentals more so I have somethin' to jack up, or it's not worth it. Second one's my cave. I find a place, I make it, I hang out there. There's, uh, some other shit it does, but we'll get ta that later."

Seemingly ignoring the crisis that his Master was undergoing, Archer wordlessly hefted the poor sap up and lifted him over his short squatty shoulder. "Stop fuckin' moping. You can see what I do when we get into fights, so let's go explore. Holin' up here's boring, we'll find somewhere I can set up my cave, but till then we've gotta live a little. Gotta get a feel for the local bar scene so I know where ta set up my cave too, anyway."

Uttering these words, the Archer departed from the yakuza safehouse, Master in tow, and began his exploration of Miyama's bars.

This, for the whole, went as one would expect. He began examining Miyama for any and all bars, but after several minutes of dragging his deadbeat Master around and feeling the minute presences of nearby Servants who had likely been recently summoned, he chose to tap into his own abilities, granting himself far-sight and moving onto a building to speed this process up, ignorant to what people might think of a fat man on a building roof in broad daylight.

A mere moment later, the synthesis of his sight as an Archer and his senses as a Servant allowed him to reach the startling conclusion that in a nearby bar which looked to be anything but booming, the telltale presence of a Servant was present.

One could expect what happened next.

"Hey, kid, looks like another team's already partyin'! We ain't gonna lose to them!"

This realization stoking Archer's rampant alcoholism, he proceeded to dart off, Master in tow, towards the nearby bar. The Master and Servant within it would have perhaps a scant moment of sensing the approaching presence before the door to the bar slammed open, revealing Chiron and his Master as the former straddled in.

"Yo, barkeep, get me a bucket filled with grain alcohol, and the kid can get a sippy cu-"

Archer's voice died off in his throat mid-sentence as he gaped forwards at the interior of the bar. Not only was he shocked because there was no barkeep, but because of the individuals within this sad excuse for a bar. He was so shocked, in fact, that he dropped the yakuza who had been hoisted onto his shoulder, letting him fall to the floor haplessly, as he strode forwards and pointed at the Servant present.

Yes, after all, the person there could not be that woman. As a Divine Spirit who had been summoned, Archer knew this better than anyone else, and so facing someone wearing the appearance of that woman, he reacted in the only way that he knew how.

"Who the fuck are ya and why're ya cosplaying as my hoor niece?!"

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Evan Strauss

Strauss Workshop, Shinto

@Art of Fun

"Fantastic."

That glint in the alchemist's eyes had remained even after he stopped speaking, nodding slightly in response to the Assassin. It was for the best that she seemed willing to work with him. His mind was already running with thoughts. Yes, this partnership certainly had potential, especially when considering those preparations he'd made. Provided negotiations didn't break down at a point, this could be very much a lucrative venture.

"In that case, I'll start by clearing up my priorities." He spoke back up, his tone not changing from that almost airheaded flow that it possessed initially, but with a manic steel behind it. "My goal's to turn a profit. Obviously the end goal's the Grail, both so I can use it to do that and so that you can get whatever your wish is, but that does mean I'll have secondary goals around that. This place is one hell of a business opportunity, we've got high-rank magi from across the world all assembling here for some reason. Their Mystic Codes, their Magic Crests, their bodies, all of those are valuable to me if we can get our hands on them. And it's probably impossible, but if we can somehow steal these 'Noble Phantasms'? Ideal."

A brief shrug accompanied the last of those remarks. Truth be told, he wasn't sure what the nature of this sort of conflict or the beings within were just yet. He doubted even those designers of the ritual were, given the hazy nature of the ritual itself. In that regard, it was better to stay fluid for the time being, spend this chunk of time trying to understand the situation properly and then move from there.

Moving for the kill immediately, especially with an Assassin-class Servant, could result in doing away with a few competitors from the get-go, but it would leave them at a disadvantage in the long term. And with the sheer number of magi in this conflict, even only the ones Evan knew about, that was something he refused to take the chance of.

"This shouldn't cause us problems, since taking from our enemies means weakening their fighting force, and weakening them means we get closer to the Grail, so the goals align in the end. I don't plan on risking the war to turn a quick buck, but I just wanna be up front about what my goals are."

The light in his eyes seemed to recede slightly in time with the shifting topics. With that having been said, the next immediate matter was to inform Assassin about what his plans for the war were, most particularly for this day. But in addition to that-

"...ah, right, there are some others I'd like you to meet."

And so, as those 'others' made an appearance within the workshop, he spoke. Of his abilities, of his preparations, of his ideas and aspirations now that he knew of the Servant he had summoned. Of the Masters they he had obtained information on, their abilities and the concerns he had for each of them. Of the considerations he had, for today as well as for the rest of the war.

It wouldn't do if he was the only one with information, after all.

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

...I saw it, you know? Even after you tossed me away, I saw all of it. I saw you devise that plan, I saw you succumb to that pain, I saw you look to our greatest pride and assure him that it wasn't his fault.

I saw you die. We were never meant to be able to die, but you did. You gave up what made us "us", you split us from one to two, you tossed me into one throne and consigned yourself to another. In that moment, there wasn't an "us" anymore. There was you, and there was me.

We could have struggled through it, we could have found a way to repair it, but you were too weak and too old and too self-righteous to do anything besides what you did.

You...you really do disgust me.

In all regards, you disgust me.

...but, I can't be angry with you. Separated from you, I'm free to be mangled by those minds that deified us. Since you're not around to hold me back, I can embrace it. I'll accept everything and parade myself around with our name. I'll laugh at honor and malice in equal measure.

If you seek to reunite with me, I'll seal that own nature of mine away.

If you call us wise, I'll be lost to our kind's foolishness.

If you have the audacity to die, I'll live until the stars grow dim.

If you stretch your arms out towards the future, I'll return to who we used to be.

Well, anyway, let's get to it. Place your bets.

This isn't revenge. Something as petty as that is boring to me. But, I always aligned better with the person we used to be, and humanity seems to agree with me. It's like getting a job you genuinely enjoy doing, so you never work a day in your life.

So, go ahead and watch. I'll be sure to enjoy myself regardless of what you do. If you learn a lesson from watching, all the better, but I can't be bothered to care.

After all, this is so much more fun than that veneer of false tranquility you keep up.

...eh?

...

...

Yeah, sure, we were the same existence then, so technically the split-up was both of our ideas. You didn't need to come out and say it, though.

Fuck, here I am trying to hype things up, make it seem like there's something meaningful underneath all the bullshit, but then you go ahead and ruin the mood.

Would it have killed you to play along? For dad's sake, you could have just smiled and nodded and not said anything, and then we'd been good to go, but noooo, the wise teacher-man always needs to have the last word.

No, it's fine, screw it. Mood's already dead, no saving it, I'll stop pretending like this has depth.

Fuck.

---

Chiron [Lily]

Yakuza Safehouse, Miyama Town

@Cu Chulainn

In the center of the summoning circle, amidst a roiling swirl of Ether brought about by that spell which neared the realm of ritual-class, a figure appeared. A body formed around the spiritual core, a figure created out of Ether to house the information of a hero. A figure who stood among those exalted figures of mankind, those heroes made immortal by human imagination.

"Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here. So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities?"

Sound cut through the light without warning, a strange cadence to the voice as it responded to Gin’s unorthodox summoning, almost as if...

...oh.

Oh no.

No no no fuck cancel the summoning he's about to-

"Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves,"

Goddammit.

"Scheherazade has a thousand tales,"

Please stop.

"But, Master, you in luck 'cause you just got-"

"-A ticket straight to the Holy Grail!"

"You got some power in your corner now,"

"A Servant stronger than you'd ever think,"

"You got some punch, pizazz, yahoo, and how?"

"See, all you gotta do is let me drink"

"And I'll say:"

"'Hey kid, relax, sit back.'"

"'I've got this shit, ya see?'"

"'Lemme make some booze then'"

"'Drink it down,'"

"You ain't never had a friend like me-"

The light and wind faded, revealing the figure that had been bound to this world. A figure who was currently doubled over coughing from his recent singing act. Even as his body finished forming, he raised a hand up, as though to ask for a recess.

"Hey kid. Gimme a minute, will ya? Gotta settle my stomach from summoning sickness."

In all likelihood, the member of the yakuza would notice several things about the figure in front of him.

Such as, the fact that he appeared to be a short, fat, middle-to-late-aged balding man wearing a cowboy hat.

Such as, the fact that he was inexplicably dressed in modern attire.

Such as, the fact that "summoning sickness", to his knowledge, was not something that existed.

Such as, the idea that even if "summoning sickness" did exist, it seemed dubious that it could be resolved as the figure was attempting to, by way of downing what looked to be a gallon-sized bottle of tequila at a pace that even the most hardened of fraternity brothers would feel abject fear at.

Regardless of his contractor's actions, the figure did not move from the spot until he had finished the bottle in question, unceremoniously tossing it behind him, where it met the floor and promptly shattered.

"Oh, shit, sorry, did you want any?"

Fate/Factitious Paradigm

Evan Strauss

Strauss Workshop, Shinto

@Art of Fun

He had to restrain his initial surprise, admittedly. The proceedings of the ritual itself were interesting to watch, to say the least. Call it his own nature as a member of the Clock Tower speaking, but he'd been somewhat suspicious of this whole thing up until he saw the Servant actually manifesting. A place like this claiming to have created an omnipotent wishgranting device was still the height of hilarity, but at least now it was just a bit more plausible.

Now that he thought about it, if it was the Einzberns who were behind this, then maybe that was at the root of this ritual. If that was the case...

Ah, a matter for another time. Though the chance to experiment on it would be excellent if he had the chance. It was famed for nothing if not its potential for riches, after all.

Still, the surprise that came with seeing that the ritual was not a complete sham was only amplified when Evan properly looked to his newly-contracted Servant. Not even addressing her appearance, from what he knew of Heroic Spirits, he was expecting something that emanated a certain...radiance, to it. The being before him had a thread of that, but in greater measure was something else, a thick undercurrent that nearly caused his hair to stand on end, like prey being looked on by its predator.

This confusion was resolved a moment later, when the girl uttered her name. Servant Assassin, Ibaraki Douji. Not a hero of humans, but a "monster", a ruler of Oni-kind. And yet, she had been summoned as an Assassin, and even that presence he would expect of one who had led a race of monsters felt muted from what it should have been. A consequence of being summoned by a vessel meant to summon heroes, or a consequence of being summoned in the Assassin container rather than another? Both were possible, from what Evan knew, and even making use of his Master's clairvoyance didn't answer that question.

Still, there was some sort of humor that brought the barest trace of a grin to the edge of the magus's lips. It made sense, he supposed. He was no hero, he was merely an opportunist. While the oni before him no doubt had a reason for being here, some wish or desire she wanted realized, the fact that she'd been the one summoned meant that he aligned better with a monster than those heroes of humanity.

Well, that stung just a bit, 'Holy Grail'. What sort of assessment mechanism does a cup even use to work that out?

"Mhm, got it, won't say that it's nice to meet you, then. Evan Strauss, alchemist. Unless an accident happens, I'll be your Master for this ritual."

There was no doubt that the magus was intimidated, the slight dilation of his pupils gave that much away, but not even a shred of that filtered in to the words he said. It was more as if that, while his body was undoubtedly fearful, his mind seemed content to speak the same way one might talk to a familiar friend. Albeit, he visibly had to hold himself back from coughing as smoke washed over the room.

"Welcome back to Japan though, I guess. Not sure how much information you're summoned with, since this ritual seems like it's still working out and defining its own system, so if you have any questions then let me know. I'd also like to talk over some plans for how to conduct ourselves during all of this, if you're fine with something like that. If you'd rather drink, eat, or take a look around first though, then go crazy."

He shrugged, a sharp exhale leaving him as he straightened up in place. A glint entered his eyes in that moment, an almost feral light that signaled nothing more than deep obsession.

"This is good, though. I was worried I'd wind up with one of the knight classes, someone who let things like honor get in the way of their decisions. It'd have been an obstacle to me trying to plunder this city and the magi in it for all they're worth, so this honestly works better for me. I hope we can get along."

If nothing else, that at least seemed to be genuine.