Opening up to him about what had happened was strange, she couldn’t quite tell if a part of her was relieved or that she was just thankful he hadn’t turned away from her. Instead he began to comfort her and the tight embrace in that moment was just what she needed as she finally learned how to open up to him a little. Closing her eyes as she enjoyed the warmth envelope her giving her a feeling of security as her hands moved to grip at his clothing needing to have the feeling of squeezing something beneath her fingers as she tried not to cry. Though she knew it was perfectly okay to cry in front of him, he did not care if she was upset as he wanted to help her and she knew that, but it was still hard to open up at times.
“It’s… not your fault. Don’t apologise, please.” Iris whispered as she buried her head into his shoulder, not wanting to face him just yet as she still battled with her own emotions already knowing that she didn’t want him to see her so upset. Though it was hardly an option now she had opened up. Sighing softly as she exhaled a breath feeling slightly better than she had about this for a while. Knowing that she could open up like this was a nice break, she would be able to talk to someone about everything at least and she hoped he wouldn’t judge her for it although deep down she knew he wouldn’t. Cas only wanted to help her, and she had to get used to that, though it still haunted her the picture of her father’s death and she doubted that was an overnight fix.
Glancing over at him as he pulled back to meet her gaze, she could feel the tears well up in the corner of her eyes, not daring to speak just yet she nodded in agreement. Hiding something like this from him had been hard, though he had seen right through her and pushed her to open up. “I shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long, but there wasn’t really a moment to talk about it. No moment felt right.” Mumbling out her reasons as she glanced down feeling a sense of shame for not talking to him sooner, he was right how could he help if she wasn’t honest with him?
“If we are talking about honesty… I” Hesitating for a moment before she shook her head and moved to take his hand with hers, “I did wish for that. For death. That… drug was unlike anything I have ever encountered.” Squeezing his hand gently before she looked back at him nodding, “I will try though. I promise to be honest with you about my feelings, but in return I ask for patience. It will be hard for me.” It felt strange making that promise, she knew she didn’t have to ask for patience but she had to warn him in some sense because it would take a few tries of her own mumbling and stuttering getting out her words of how she felt.
“Let me try to eat something.” Not trying to divert the subject, but more move it along because she knew dwelling on it would not help anyone. “Maybe… if it’s okay with you I could rest a little leaning on you? I know that I’ve always slept better around you.” Offering a small smile as she reached for the dome of her food somewhat motivated to try it at least as she had said she would try to eat something and it would be best to enjoy it whilst they could. That and resting appealed to her because she felt drained already going through an emotional experience with him like they had, opening up to one another.
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