Turboshitter — Roleplayer Guild

-Day 0-

Castle Urquhart

-10:05 PM September 23rd, 2017

"My my, what lovely fireworks tonight," Ayondale mused, chuckling as various projectiles blazed a path through the air toward him. He waved a hand. A gaggle of four, perhaps five or six skeletons quickly jumped in their path and exploded, leaving little remaining except severed limbs that continued to crawl and jawbones that clacked and clattered in silent protest. 

"You'll have to do better than that, children," he said mockingly. 

The Clocktower professor scanned the battlefield around him. Everywhere he cared to look, people were injured or dying. After the latest attack by the Servants, they'd lost nearly a quarter of the magi they'd brought with them, and over half of the skeletons he'd so graciously provided Richard with. Men and women lay crushed, exploded, impaled by giant bronze swords even. Some of them, against all logic, appeared to have been shot with an antique pistol. That'd be Archer's doing then. 

Ayondale calmly assessed the battlefield, deciding which of his next moves would be best for forcing the children to retreat. Even with the damage done to their forces, it'd still be all too trivial to drive inexperienced whelps like them off. That all changed when Lancer threw his spear. 

Ayondale's eyes widened as he saw the Servant adopting the proper posture and taking aim downhill, his Reinforced reflexes barely catching just the opening move of the Servant's deft surprise attack. The spear flew with incomparable speed like lightning, growing wide in his eyes as it slowly encompassed his field of vision. Soon that brilliant spear was all Ayondale could see, and finally, he panicked.

Saber!

2/3

Richard's body heeded his Master's command without so much as thinking, teleporting across space and through time in a bout of instantaneous movement. Such was the power of a Command Seal capable of mimicking True Magic. But... he only arrived in time to take the blow for Ayondale. 

Lancer's spear plunged deep into Saber's heart, pushing him yards back and forcing him to dig his heels into the dirt just to remain upright after such a blow. Then without pause, magical bullets ripped bloody giblets out of his living flesh, peppering his chest with even more holes than before. Saber doubled over, fighting to remain standing as blood gushed out of him like a river. Coughing, vomiting, bleeding from every hole, he leaked blood like a punctured wineskin.

Everyone went quiet.

Arieh Ayondale snarled as one of the crimson Command Seals flared to life, then faded to nought but an ugly bruise on his palm. As he began to realize what had just happened, Albert couldn't help but laugh.

"Heheh... heh..." he giggled nervously. "Hahaha... ahahaha!"

Ayondale's face contorted in fury. "Why you... you damn brats! ... I'll-!"

He suddenly found the curved blade of a sickle mere inches from his throat, held ever so slightly at bay as if to threaten him. The esteemed professor eyed the blade critically, his lip curling into a disgusted sneer. 

"Ah yes, Assassin. Of course the boy would summon only the lowliest of classes to fight for him. My dear, I find it difficult to imagine how I might 'back away' from your Master when he and I are nowhere near close to each other. Might I point out as well that he and these other little rats antagonized me first and not the other way around?"

Albert was shocked at Assassin's boldness, even more shocked by the utter annihilation of Saber, but still just about jumped for joy when he saw that she'd somehow managed to get Ayondale dead-to-rights in the midst of the chaos.

Yes! You're amazing, ma chère! he cheered mentally.

He added the little french fancy without meaning to. It was hard to contain his excitement in a moment like this. His heart felt like it could burst out of his chest! They'd actually killed Saber and captured Ayondale! He couldn't have asked for more! Though, he was a little disappointed that his strategy was no longer needed...

Touching the tip of the sickle with a cautious, prickling finger, Ayondale lightly pushed the weapon away with his gloved hand. Just enough to make it comfortable to breathe.

"Well, I applaud you for at least having the sense to not just try and kill me immediately like these other fools, as I'm afraid that would have had some rather... unfortunate consequences for everyone involved. You and the boy would've almost certainly lost your lives by Richard's blade before his time on this Earth ceased, and I of course would be dead. Hardly ideal for any of us," he said, pushing the blade back and forth as if it were little more than a toy to distract himself with. 

"Pffft," Albert snorted dismissively. "I find zat 'ard to believe, now zat 'e's been turned into a human pincushion."

"Of course, you will still die," Ayondale said, ignoring him, "but I'm offering you the chance to extend that deadline by a few days. Certainly someone who's died once already can appreciate the value of that offer? Now then, remove your blade and back away slowly, and perhaps Richard and I will let the two of you live."

Albert sneered back at him. "You should take a closer look at where you stand before you start making 'ollow threats. We killed your Servant. What could you possibly..."

He trailed off as his eyes caught movement happening just out of sight. Had Saber just twitched? 

Suddenly, everyone eyed the upright corpse suspiciously. It shifted suddenly, spasming the way most corpses do. Blood shook off it in thick, congealing clumps. Pregnant moments passed as they all watched carefully, trying to determine just how dead this Servant really was. He hadn't disappeared yet...

"James," Albert said, gulping. "'Ave Archer shoot 'im again? Just to make sure-"

Saber disappeared. Not peacefully, not in a shower of sparkles or technicolor particle effects. The space where he used to be seemed to just explode. Suddenly, the Servant appeared behind Lancer. With a kick too swift to follow with human eyes, the zombie Servant's leg crashed into Lancer's ribs and sent the weaponless man flying into the brick and mortar of the castle walls. 

Firmly grasping the shaft of Lancer's spear, Richard pulled the massive weapon from his chest with a pained grunt and a shout of exertion. The weapon clanged to the ground, leaving a hole a thumb's width across in Saber's chest that you could almost see right through.

"I think you'll find..." the blood-soaked man gasped, panting as he leaned over to pick up the spear, "... that this was very ill-advised."

BATTLE CONTINUATION: A+

KING'S CRUSADE:

The pressure from Fear has increased (no reroll required).

A sudden weight descended on the battlefield, forcing Ayondale's magical legion to their knees. Red marks burned into the necks of every Association magi present, leaving them breathless and choking. Their eyes seemed fixated on Saber. Now wielding both weapons, Richard moved in to resume his attack.

Assassin continued to hold her blade steady at Ayondale's throat, despite Saber's miraculous revival. What the hell had just happened?! Ayondale turned his head ever so slightly, just enough to look back at her.

"I'd suggest 'backing off' if I was you," he said casually, seemingly unconcerned for his own safety.

A renewed threat started to grow on Assassin's lips, something like "tell him to stand down" or "it's Saber's head or yours", but her attention was quickly refocused elsewhere as a rustling sound at the edge of the forest made itself heard. The leaves and the trees just behind where Ayondale and his mages had appeared shook slightly, as if disturbed by something. Some animal or hidden attacker. There was no doubt that as a trained killer herself, Assassin's eyes would be there. 

They would find, once the tree branches parted, a pale teenage girl (one of many that evening it seemed) walking timidly out of the forest. She looked small in the evening light, and she carried in her arms a large teddy bear, one nearly the same size she was, clinging to it like a child with their security blanket. 

"Please... get away from him," she said emotionlessly, her voice lacking much inflection. "Please."

Without waiting for any signs of assent or dissent on Assassin's part, the girl rushed at her with astonishing speed for a human, and swung the oversized teddy bear like she was flinging a sack of potatoes. It was heavy, and rock solid, smashing into Assassin like a bludgeon and shaking her loose from Ayondale. The green-haired Servant came tumbling down the hill, dropping her weapons.

"Father, I'm... sorry I took so long," the girl said robotically, dropping the teddy bear on the ground. "What should I do now?"

Ayondale rubbed his neck where Assassin had kept her blade pointed, breathing deeply and sighing. "Did you bring the zombies?"

"Yes, but... I told them to stay back... unless ordered."

"That's a good girl," Ayondale said, patting the girl on the head. "I want them to know I settled this myself."

She had white hair just like her "father", but her eyes were the same color as Morgana's. Barring the exceptional circumstance of two albinos meeting in such a place, the girl was plainly and clearly a homunculus.

"Now, why don't you get out your toys and play for a little while?" Ayondale suggested. "I'm sure our guests would be happy to see to it that you're... entertained."

The girl nodded, and dropped to her knees without a word. She grasped the raggedy fabric of the teddy bear she'd let fall to the ground and began tearing at it, ripping the defenseless toy open at the back. The teddy bear, it seemed, was stuffed with weapons. Small knives, shortswords, and throwing stars, mostly. And one enormous, "fuck off" axe.

Hoisting the massive weapon over her shoulder with strength that was unnatural for her size, she eyed all the Masters and other potential targets gathered before her. She briefly focused on Ilse, meeting her gaze with an unblinking stare, before deciding the girl was too high up for her to reach. Eventually, her wandering eyes found Daedalus. She took off in a dead run towards the Caster-class Servant, raising the axe high over her head.

Her "father" dusted himself off, returning to his former dignified posture (albeit with a certain restrained anger his stance had previously lacked). All around Ayondale, the magi who'd been stunned into silence by fear, by the Servant's counterattack and the supposed slaying of Richard, moved back into action, raising their hands in preparation to fire off more spells. In total, there seemed to still be at least sixty of them.

"I'll say this again, since you all seem to be hard of hearing," Ayondale said, adjusting his neck. "Run. If not..."

Ayondale reached into his coat pocket, revealing something he had kept hidden there. Something that glowed with a light so bright as to be repugnant. Albert flinched and closed his eyes against it. The light made it impossible to see, but there was no mistaking the nature of the object once you had been touched by that light. The feeling it gave off was that of a Noble Phantasm. 

"I'll be forced to use this on you," Ayondale said menacingly. "And we wouldn't want that, would we? Especially not him, I'd imagine."

He let the implied threat speak for itself, letting it linger in the air. What was it? A bomb? Some kind of cursed object or a weapon that could strike instantly while ignoring both speed and distance? Servants could have Noble Phantasms like that. Either way, it seemed lethal, and the aura it gave off was that of a high-class Noble Phantasm. If only they could see what it was...

Only Constantine, in his faith, could have seen what it was. Though he had not the time or the words to express it to everyone else, the object Ayondale held in his hand was a still-beating, human heart. A shape like the cross appeared to be stitched in fabric across its slick surface, and a nail pierced it in the middle. The organ was the source of the light being given off by Ayondale, and it seemed to him in his wisdom to be nothing less than a holy sacrament.

Albert felt his stomach sink as the situation became clear to him. The uncertainty was too great. They couldn't risk it, not without knowing what it was.

Why?Albert thought to himself. Why does 'e 'ave somezing like zat? Where did a man like 'im acquire a Noble Phantasm?!

His mouth dry, swallowing nothing but his words, he quietly told his Servant: Assassin. We need to go. Now. 

Wordlessly accepting the professor's offer, shame burning his cheeks, Albert ran to catch up with Morgana, Oly and Sonja. But not before he got one last word in.

"Bind."

The creature that had slowly been forcing its tremendous mass through the underground rabbit's warren burst out from underneath Ayondale, many-eyed tentacles screeching and flailing. They wrapped around him, tightening like steel cable. The professor reacted with shock.

"What?!" He squirmed. "Disgusting little-!"

Any boneless animal could fit through spaces as small as their largest hard body parts. For cephalopods like Albert's Horrors, that meant the teeth and beak. It had taken some time, but eventually his creature had managed to circumnavigate the battlefield unnoticed using the tunnels and dens made by smaller animals. 

The thing screamed in an otherworldly voice as it attempted to consume Ayondale in one piece, constricting and inflating around him like a snake crossed with a balloon animal. The mage's Reinforced physique kept it momentarily at bay.

"You think one of these... things is a match for me?!" he yelled, enraged.

"No," Albert said mournfully. "I don't."

The creature puffed up even farther before exploding into a cloud of red mist, a poisonous substance that was part blood, part flesh-corroding toxin. Ayondale coughed loudly, becoming lost in the mist as he and his comrades all disappeared. 

"Au revoir..." Albert whispered before addressing his comrades. "Everybody! Run!"
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