Horror in space
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- Xylin 9 yrs ago
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Nightmare's dreams (M looking for F) (18+ preferred) (Updated 5-5-2018)
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9 yrs ago
Forum: 1x1 Interest Checks
I was looking at this last night when you made it and was sort of bummed because it turns out that the other thread was in Advanced and when I saw you'd made one for Casual, I flipped!
I'm in.
I'm in.
EDIT:
I'd like to thank @Ellri and @Dinh AaronMk for their amazing help on my request!
I'll be lurking around both roleplays since I don't think I'm quite there to join an Advanced roleplay but I'll be using them as references so I can pick up on my writing.
Thank you both again and I hope to be joining you guys soon some time in the future if it's not those roleplays in particular!
I'd like to thank @Ellri and @Dinh AaronMk for their amazing help on my request!
I'll be lurking around both roleplays since I don't think I'm quite there to join an Advanced roleplay but I'll be using them as references so I can pick up on my writing.
Thank you both again and I hope to be joining you guys soon some time in the future if it's not those roleplays in particular!
I know exactly how you feel and I mean it, I do.
I've struggled with depression even before I lost my father to cancer last year because of my high school experiences and just being an only child with no friends. I mean, I wasn't always an only child because I had an older brother but I lost him to cancer too when I was five which was years ago before my father. Now, it's just my mother and I. Grief is strong in my family, I've lost so many family members and there will be times -- not often as before -- where I think, "I wonder who the next one is going to be." It's just so natural to do now.
As far as my experience goes, this year I've had two ugly incidents and the first one was in February where I took more sleeping pills than I should've. I got in this ugly fight with my mom and even in my suffering before we got home from work, I'd try to make amends with her and sometimes just scream to scream. It was a lot of energy and emotion, and pain. A lot of pain. When I took the pills, I immediately called 911 because I was just terrified at what I'd done. I had thoughts of it but had never gone so close to actually doing it; it was like I was on auto-pilot the whole time, kind of just there but not all there, like you're looking at the whole thing on the bleachers. I'll never forget how much my mom broke down at the hospital just repeating to me how much she'd promise to take my to Disneyland again because that place is home for me and I'm 21. I remember that she brought some dolls that I collect from Disney movies and crying even more sometimes at the thought that I was going to be gone in a few minutes if not sooner. She told me that weeks later and just how much depression overwhelmed her when she drove behind that ambulance. We both can't find the words for that day.
Months later, a new friend came along like I'd always prayed. Relentlessly. He and I are still the bestest friends ever and he's saved me through a lot of ruts.
Last Saturday was my most recent and I did have a knife but didn't know quite what to do with it. I just kept thinking, maybe I should angle it this way and lightly slit on my forearm so I won't bleed out but I was terrified once again and just when the door opened, it was my mom and the police since she knew something was wrong with me.
I was given one of the most interesting words by the guy who said:
There is only one of you and only has been one of you out of all the time this world has existed. There is no one like you and nor will there ever be. Life would suck without you because you're the only one who has special qualities that no one else has because those qualities belong to you. Life wants you here and I do too, we all do. If you don't want you here, can I please want you here? Can all of us want you here?
@Lilygold, I want you here and we all do too, take it from me someone who's been through so many cycles of pain and grief. I want you to because I want to be your friend and not because I pity you. Never. I actually want to be your friend and want you to chat my ear off or make me go happily blind by reading your messages. I'd be happy to share what I've learned despite it all and I can tell you that there's a lot to look forward to. Staying here is definitely worth it.
I promise.
I've struggled with depression even before I lost my father to cancer last year because of my high school experiences and just being an only child with no friends. I mean, I wasn't always an only child because I had an older brother but I lost him to cancer too when I was five which was years ago before my father. Now, it's just my mother and I. Grief is strong in my family, I've lost so many family members and there will be times -- not often as before -- where I think, "I wonder who the next one is going to be." It's just so natural to do now.
As far as my experience goes, this year I've had two ugly incidents and the first one was in February where I took more sleeping pills than I should've. I got in this ugly fight with my mom and even in my suffering before we got home from work, I'd try to make amends with her and sometimes just scream to scream. It was a lot of energy and emotion, and pain. A lot of pain. When I took the pills, I immediately called 911 because I was just terrified at what I'd done. I had thoughts of it but had never gone so close to actually doing it; it was like I was on auto-pilot the whole time, kind of just there but not all there, like you're looking at the whole thing on the bleachers. I'll never forget how much my mom broke down at the hospital just repeating to me how much she'd promise to take my to Disneyland again because that place is home for me and I'm 21. I remember that she brought some dolls that I collect from Disney movies and crying even more sometimes at the thought that I was going to be gone in a few minutes if not sooner. She told me that weeks later and just how much depression overwhelmed her when she drove behind that ambulance. We both can't find the words for that day.
Months later, a new friend came along like I'd always prayed. Relentlessly. He and I are still the bestest friends ever and he's saved me through a lot of ruts.
Last Saturday was my most recent and I did have a knife but didn't know quite what to do with it. I just kept thinking, maybe I should angle it this way and lightly slit on my forearm so I won't bleed out but I was terrified once again and just when the door opened, it was my mom and the police since she knew something was wrong with me.
I was given one of the most interesting words by the guy who said:
There is only one of you and only has been one of you out of all the time this world has existed. There is no one like you and nor will there ever be. Life would suck without you because you're the only one who has special qualities that no one else has because those qualities belong to you. Life wants you here and I do too, we all do. If you don't want you here, can I please want you here? Can all of us want you here?
@Lilygold, I want you here and we all do too, take it from me someone who's been through so many cycles of pain and grief. I want you to because I want to be your friend and not because I pity you. Never. I actually want to be your friend and want you to chat my ear off or make me go happily blind by reading your messages. I'd be happy to share what I've learned despite it all and I can tell you that there's a lot to look forward to. Staying here is definitely worth it.
I promise.
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