??
He's not too bad is he? I'm new to Naruto in a way, and i'm trying this out.
He's not too bad is he? I'm new to Naruto in a way, and i'm trying this out.
JonxlatheLion
Member
Seen
3 yrs ago
new to Naruto? you don't say -_-
JonxlatheLion
Member
Seen
3 yrs ago
i'll look into it and beef it up a little.
Probably won't be accepted until then. The whole idea is that there will be another character introduced later on that is the other side of this character, and they meld to make a single person. If the whole body split is not possible then, i'll think of something else.
And the six paths is too much, i realised that when I looked more into it. Will look up a less powerful fight technique.
Probably won't be accepted until then. The whole idea is that there will be another character introduced later on that is the other side of this character, and they meld to make a single person. If the whole body split is not possible then, i'll think of something else.
And the six paths is too much, i realised that when I looked more into it. Will look up a less powerful fight technique.
Salroka Antivan Crow
Member
Seen
2 yrs ago
JonxlatheLion said
Alliance: Himself
Rank: Demon Ninja
No. "Demon Ninja" isn't even a real rank, and this is a cooperative RP, so "himself" as an alliance won't cut it at the moment as we have not yet introduced any malefactors.
JonxlatheLion said Clan: Originally a member of the village Kohona, he was trained as a leaf ninja, even though he did not have the correct heritage.
Kekkei Genkai: Rinnegan Eye
1.) What?
2.) If you think you're going to be allowed Rinnegan, you're mistaken.
JonxlatheLion said Traits: Rarely talks at tall. Tends to not even say anything. The negative part of a split mind.
Not sure what the last part is about... but a silent character is ok, I guess.
JonxlatheLion said History: Agony looks at the man cowering from him, and sighs. This again?'A boy stands in the middle of the road, abandoned and crying in the rain. A man kneels down and opens his eyes to say something, but then the memory changes like it was broken film. He is on the road, walking with the man and laughing. He was asked if he would like to travel with the man, he guessed anyway. Curse his broken mind.'He shakes his head as the memories streamed through his mind. This gave the man some time to get away, and Agony let him. He growls in self-aimed anger. She must be getting close. He had to get away before they melded.'This man was a well known merchant that traveled between clans selling and buying goods. He also brought with him rumors of the other clans and items from them.'He was in the trees, looking at the path. A group of merchants passed, and then some travelers. Among them was a beautiful woman with pitch white eyes and one of them seemed to be covered with the white part of the yin-yang, but Agony knew better than this. She looks right at him, and then looks away. He feels a force tugging them together, and snarls to himself.'He saw all the clans, but when he came to the leaf village, he liked it more than anything. It had a homely look to it and felt... right. The memory changes again.He was looking on as his adoptive father was banished for accusing the ninja of unreasonable murdering. A grizzled old man with a eye patch and green eyes was smiling at him for some reason.'He shakes his head again in frustration. He did not like these memories of a better life. They always happened when SHE was nearby.'How would you like to live with me for a while? I'm guessing you have no place to stay after that incident. Besides, I could do with someone to care for. It's been a while since I had some company. The memory changes.He was a teenager now, helping the now senile old man along in life. He had a respectable job and it gave enough for both to live in good health. But a strange man appeared in the village, and sense then he had mood swings. Horrible changes in personality. At times he said nothing and said things that would frighten the bravest man, and others he was the kindest person you ever met.'He growls and climbs farther up on the tree to look around. Nothing but forest for a while. This was going to be a long walk.'one day the boy who no one knew just disappeared. No sign of leaving in the night or anything. But a man and women were reported leaving the town, and were said to look nothing like the reporter had ever seen. They say the boy's obvious seperate minds turned into two different people. Who this could happen to, however, is unknown.'
This story might be interesting if it even remotely followed the timeline of this RP, but it doesn't. Read the OOC/IC listed at this LINK
JonxlatheLion said Personality: Reckless and merciless. Stubborn and head-strong, he cannot be persuaded from his descisions. He is cold and cruel, having no regard for anyone's life.
Combat Style: Messy and unpredictable. You will never know what he might do next. A savage cunning that only a beast could have backs this technique.
Personality and Combat Style is fairly typical for villains. And as stated before, we have not introduced any of those just yet.
JonxlatheLion said Nature Release: Steel Release: Impenetrable armor
Jutsu List: Rinnegan Six Paths Technique. That's all.
No.
JonxlatheLion said Weaponry: A great amount of small throwing knives. No really, a whole arm-length supply on each arm.
A shortsword and katana.
A belt that has five explosive kunai on each side of it.
Miscellaneous: Talks with what sounds like a female and male voice combined and distorted to sound dark and demonic.Also, this character is very powerful and I understand if he needs to be toned down.
About the only parts of the sheet that are really acceptable, and only if the character was a weapon specialist.
In closing...
Were we looking to start a whole new plot arc where we needed a super-villain, maybe this guy would fit the bill. But as it stands, we are still in need of Genin. Make a Genin, and read the backstory for the RP at the link I have provided, and feel free to try again.
JonxlatheLion
Member
Seen
3 yrs ago
alright. You can use him as a big boss and I will look into a better character.
Thanks :D better than some people I have run into in my times as a roleplayer.
Thanks :D better than some people I have run into in my times as a roleplayer.
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
Name: Yoru Kyo
Age|Gender: 14 Male
Alliance: undecided
Rank: Genin
Clan: Yoru
Kekkei Genkai: N/A
Traits: Yoru Clansmen are normally covered in lean corded muscles not meant for wall breaking strength more for speed causing them to be more agile than people would think looking at their taller than average. They tend to train muscle memory fast. And an Eye for the details of a weapon.
Appearance:
History: The yoru clan had its origins beginning in the land of fire in a small village that was really nothing more than four houses. Yoru is not the original name for the clan they were originally they were the Yugure a family of blacksmiths, but one member dreamed of not just making the weapons but using them so he learned the secrets of their clans forging techniques, before left and headed out.to become a ninja. That mans name was Yugure Aoi he headed off to Konohagakure once there he began training to be a shinobi, but he seperated himself from the family name and progressed taking the name Yoru.
The Yuguru/Yoru methods of forging weapons is taught to every member. But everyone tended to forge a different method as their chakra itself was bonded to the materials they forge. Even ones chakra nature has an effect on the weapon. Their method of forging causes the weapon to be an excellent conduit for chakra The members of the family who choose to be forge masters are respected for their discipline among the hot heads. Yoru clansmen only fight with a Yoru blade. Normally they forge at least one weapon themselves that becomes their signature. A Yoru who cannot care for his own weapons is viewed as a failure and is normally outcast from the clan. The Yoru live by the idea "If your heart is in your steel then you shall never break"
Kyo was born the only son of a forge master. From the moment he could manage to swing a hammer he was working with his father building weapons for the shinobi of Konohagakure. Though as he aged he realized there was no excitement in working the forge. He decided to join the ranks of the shinobi. His father told him that before he would be a shinobi he had to understand the forging methods of their family and build his weapon. And so he spent the next year Studying harder than most of those who chose the forge master path of the family. After that year he spent the next six months forging the perfect weapon. When he was done he named the weapon Akuma no Kiba. This weapon was unheard of for one of their family to wield. They were swordsmen ever since Aoi put down his own scythe and took back up the hammer to pass down the secrets of forging Yoru weapons.
Kyo knew he could never carry this weapon publicly, but the head of the main house of shinobi taught him out to seal a weapon inside of a scroll. He then began attending the ninja academy. He put the same effort forward for his studies that he had when he learned to forge weapons. He wasn't top of the class but he was well up there but grew bored. He graduated average seen as nothing special.
Personality: He tends to be a very disciplined kid when he wants to. but for the most part he is a slacker. He views the world as if it would continue to spin even if everyone just vanished.
Combat Style: He is a weapon specialist that prefers the up close and personal methods. He prefers the options that being mid range affords when mixed with close range. He uses the sword against most but he uses the scythe if the target is particularly dangerous
Nature Release: Wind
Jutsu List:
Wind Release: Violent Wind Palm
Flying Swallow He has far from mastered this technique Right now he can no more than double the length of his kunai which are the only ninja tools that he can currently perform the flying swallow on. He also cannot maintain a single flying swallow for more four attacks. If he attempts to use two flying swallows He can only manage one swing
Summoning He uses this to summon his scythe
Weaponry: Chakra Bladed Scythe
, and Ninjato
Summoning scroll
Miscellaneous: For the most part the Yoru clan is respected among other clans as amazing craftsmen, but as they don't have any Hiden techniques or bloodline abilities they do get looked down on as being nothing special when it came to shinobi. Most people look at them with intrigue as they stand a full head taller than most people their age.
Masaki Haruna OLD TESTAMENT
Member
Seen
8 yrs ago
Is Ria okay now?
Durnehviir
Member
Seen
5 yrs ago
@gothpuppy95,
Well, if things are going to get moving along then I'd like to take the initiative, hopefully not against Prince's wishes, I'm going to offer some preliminary advice on your character, Gothpuppy.
I would suggest, seeing as you are creating an original clan, that you list, in detail, the specifics of that clan, beyond simply just a few physical traits. Whether you do it in history or misc, offer a little insight on the Yoru clan. Try to flesh them out as well as you can, especially in their history and how others would treat or look at them. (seeing as they most likely stand out).
The only other problem I have with this application that is still a work in progress is the Flying Swallow.
It is a simplistic and straight forward technique, however I'd like to stress that it requires a great deal of chakra affinity and control to be able to manage the technique, especially to coat an entire katana/scythe. I wouldn't outright say the character couldn't do it, especially if there is a good reason to back it up, however such advanced chakra control is typically too advanced for a Genin to do outright. I'd say it would be more realistic if your character could partially perform the technique or if they were able to do it around kunai, to a limited length, then it would be more reasonable. Though, such an adept ability isn't an academy level power and I suggest, if you were planning on keeping it, to explain some sort of limitation to the ability.
In anycase, I look forward to reading the completed profile.
@JonxlatheLion,
I want to start off by saying that it never hurts to use another profile as a reference. You are free to look at how others applied to the Rp if you are ever confused on what exactly to put for any one of the required fields in the template. That being said, I will tack on where Beta didn't mention anything.
You need an actual history. What you supplemented as a history was more of a slice of life. It didn't really give me any idea on your character's history, his upbringing, where he managed to get his abilities, or his direction in life. I feel that it was just one day out of thousands and it did nothing to really satisfy informing any reader of the background of the character, especially one that holds something as precious as a Rinnegan.
Also know that Konoha isn't a clan, it's more like a geographical location.
Why?
Realize that this includes the ability to absorb chakra, of any size, into your body, tear the souls out of others, manipulate force of attraction and repulsion freely and to no limit, summon the Gedo Statue, which can subdue Bijuu, omnidirectional vision, and the ability to freely summon various creature from various Kingdoms...Then on top of that to have a body completely made of iron?
Unfortunately, that isn't remotely fair even as a potential villain. Various, necessary limitations would need to be stated. it is not necessarily that he needs to be toned down, but he possesses an awkward collection of techniques for this setting. There is no one that would teach him these abilities and, without any linage in either Senju or Uchiha, it isn't realistic that he'd be able to develop any of these techniques, or the Rinnegan, naturally or unnaturally. It's too random. Without even a history to back it up, the abilities are just unbalanced. There needs to be an emphasis. Can't just be amazingly fantastic at everything just because.
Though, just to stop you before you go too far, the Rinnegan is most certainly not an allowable Kekkei Genkai, thus there is no point even trying to work around that. I'd suggest removing it or trying some other original technique.
I'd like to think you should work a little more on personality as well.
Anyway! Just my take the character.
I hope that you use the information in comparison for the next character you make. Keep in mind that balance in a character makes, well, a wonderful character. There should be strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and advantages all melded together. Just keep that in mind with the next application. I'll look forward to reading the character :0
Well, if things are going to get moving along then I'd like to take the initiative, hopefully not against Prince's wishes, I'm going to offer some preliminary advice on your character, Gothpuppy.
I would suggest, seeing as you are creating an original clan, that you list, in detail, the specifics of that clan, beyond simply just a few physical traits. Whether you do it in history or misc, offer a little insight on the Yoru clan. Try to flesh them out as well as you can, especially in their history and how others would treat or look at them. (seeing as they most likely stand out).
The only other problem I have with this application that is still a work in progress is the Flying Swallow.
It is a simplistic and straight forward technique, however I'd like to stress that it requires a great deal of chakra affinity and control to be able to manage the technique, especially to coat an entire katana/scythe. I wouldn't outright say the character couldn't do it, especially if there is a good reason to back it up, however such advanced chakra control is typically too advanced for a Genin to do outright. I'd say it would be more realistic if your character could partially perform the technique or if they were able to do it around kunai, to a limited length, then it would be more reasonable. Though, such an adept ability isn't an academy level power and I suggest, if you were planning on keeping it, to explain some sort of limitation to the ability.
In anycase, I look forward to reading the completed profile.
@JonxlatheLion,
I want to start off by saying that it never hurts to use another profile as a reference. You are free to look at how others applied to the Rp if you are ever confused on what exactly to put for any one of the required fields in the template. That being said, I will tack on where Beta didn't mention anything.
You need an actual history. What you supplemented as a history was more of a slice of life. It didn't really give me any idea on your character's history, his upbringing, where he managed to get his abilities, or his direction in life. I feel that it was just one day out of thousands and it did nothing to really satisfy informing any reader of the background of the character, especially one that holds something as precious as a Rinnegan.
Also know that Konoha isn't a clan, it's more like a geographical location.
One of his eyes is replaced with the black part of a yin-yang.
Why?
Jutsu List: Rinnegan Six Paths Technique. That's all.
Realize that this includes the ability to absorb chakra, of any size, into your body, tear the souls out of others, manipulate force of attraction and repulsion freely and to no limit, summon the Gedo Statue, which can subdue Bijuu, omnidirectional vision, and the ability to freely summon various creature from various Kingdoms...Then on top of that to have a body completely made of iron?
Unfortunately, that isn't remotely fair even as a potential villain. Various, necessary limitations would need to be stated. it is not necessarily that he needs to be toned down, but he possesses an awkward collection of techniques for this setting. There is no one that would teach him these abilities and, without any linage in either Senju or Uchiha, it isn't realistic that he'd be able to develop any of these techniques, or the Rinnegan, naturally or unnaturally. It's too random. Without even a history to back it up, the abilities are just unbalanced. There needs to be an emphasis. Can't just be amazingly fantastic at everything just because.
Though, just to stop you before you go too far, the Rinnegan is most certainly not an allowable Kekkei Genkai, thus there is no point even trying to work around that. I'd suggest removing it or trying some other original technique.
I'd like to think you should work a little more on personality as well.
Anyway! Just my take the character.
I hope that you use the information in comparison for the next character you make. Keep in mind that balance in a character makes, well, a wonderful character. There should be strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and advantages all melded together. Just keep that in mind with the next application. I'll look forward to reading the character :0
Salroka Antivan Crow
Member
Seen
2 yrs ago
Masaki Haruna said
Is Ria okay now?
Due to the fact that Prince was the one reviewing your character, I cannot comment. His Stand-In, Durn, can technically comment or answer your question.
Masaki Haruna OLD TESTAMENT
Member
Seen
8 yrs ago
Alrighty then, I for one can assume it's already okay since Prince reviewed that there's not much of a problem and only told me to correct one mistake and I just did, I'll just wait patiently and sorry for being stupid yesterday.
Durnehviir
Member
Seen
5 yrs ago
I'll read over it.
Just give me a bit. I have class soon, but it will definitely be done before the end of today.
Just give me a bit. I have class soon, but it will definitely be done before the end of today.
Masaki Haruna said
Alrighty then, I for one can assume it's already okay since Prince reviewed that there's not much of a problem and only told me to correct one mistake and I just did, I'll just wait patiently and sorry for being stupid yesterday.
Shh, Masaki, Ria will grope another day. Lol
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
Durnehviir said
@gothpuppy95,Well, if things are going to get moving along then I'd like to take the initiative, hopefully not against Prince's wishes, I'm going to offer some preliminary advice on your character, Gothpuppy. I would suggest, seeing as you are creating an original clan, that you list, in detail, the specifics of that clan, beyond simply just a few physical traits. Whether you do it in history or misc, offer a little insight on the Yoru clan. Try to flesh them out as well as you can, especially in their history and how others would treat or look at them. (seeing as they most likely stand out). The only other problem I have with this application that is still a work in progress is the Flying Swallow. It is a simplistic and straight forward technique, however I'd like to stress that it requires a great deal of chakra affinity and control to be able to manage the technique, especially to coat an entire katana/scythe. I wouldn't outright say the character couldn't do it, especially if there is a good reason to back it up, however such advanced chakra control is typically too advanced for a Genin to do outright. I'd say it would be more realistic if your character could perform the technique or if they were able to do it around kunai, to a limited length, then it would be more reasonable. Though, such an adept ability isn't an academy level power and I suggest, if you were planning on keeping it, to explain some sort of limitation to the ability.In anycase, I look forward to reading the completed profile.
I intended for him to use the flying swallow on just Kunai until he had trained enough to actually put it on the Scythe which i would have created a variant of the jutsu on the custom section.
Thank you for the advice on the character I will make sure to take it into account as I keep working on it.
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
Also I am open to Jutsu suggestions
Genin have no release? at least that was told to me with my Hyuga
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
Perhaps but i didn't build a snowflake. Thank you for telling me marrow. I will fix it if durnevier tells me to.
apart from that my sheet is finishedc
apart from that my sheet is finishedc
gothpuppy95 said
Perhaps but i didn't build a snowflake.
what are you implying?
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
I am not implying anything. I just happen to not be a keikei genkai member unlike every other character I have seen.
GM
Sub-Mod Beta will be in charge of duties relating to character acceptance and internal affairs within the roleplay.
Sub-Mod Innue will be in charge of duties relating to in character adherence to the setting and continuity.
Durn may edit their duties at any time as he sees fit and may perform any of their duties, including that of tasks I had not finished, such as refining Ria.
@Gothpuppy: Over half of the characters within the setting do not have a Kekkei Genkai. A Hozuki, Shira's KG and an Uchiha with no manifested Sharigan. You have no ground to stand on stating that every other character in this roleplay has a Kekkei Genkai, that is untrue. The current ratio of Kekkei Genkai-to-Non KG is rought 1-3 in favor of no-KG. You obviously did not look into the other character sheets before making your statement and taking a shot at the current character pool, which I do not appreciate. I have roleplayed with you in the past under several names, both as a regular roleplayer and a Moderator. Never before have you acted with such spite.
Overall, I came here to do a quick review, state domains and then state I should return Sunday or Monday.
gothpuppy95
Member
Seen
10 yrs ago
I am sorry. There is not more that i can say beyond that. I did not intend on stepping on toes. Prince as you stated I am not normally like this.
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