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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Maxwell
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Maxwell Dumber than Advertised

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Raptorman: The king had been married for a long time and had several children, some with children of their own.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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Alright, is there space to detail the affairs of one of the children of the king a bit?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lexicon
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@ Maxwell: Understood and you're right. I think I was underestimating Riven a little bit. She can dodge a lightning bolt or two. Not forever, of course, but she does have a great deal of acrobatic training.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Maxwell
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Raptorman: As much as you want, except that all the children are now dead, and the lineage broken. Who they were and what they did before they die is completely open.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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Awesome, I have sent you a private message in which I have asked another question now.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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So should I post my character sheet here or in the OOC when it is finished?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Maxwell
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Maxwell Dumber than Advertised

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Either works.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Bainshie
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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Here you go. I hope you all like it as much as I do for it was a labor of love to make. :) She's got more than one reason to hate the invaders.

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Acrolith
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@Maxwell/Lexicon = You guys are probably right, I'll stick with Taula. I think I'm just a little too eager to start posting. Fun fact: I actually ended up with two other CS's I didn't submit!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by MaxStokes
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Hey all, I ended up spotting this RP on a different site before Maxwell decided to move it over. After a couple of PMs I found my way over here.

Seems like most of the discussion is currently going on here. I wrote up a rough draft for a race profile of the character I was thinking of making. Was wondering what you all thought.

Feel free to ask questions and say if anything doesn't make sense. Hopefully I can hammer this race out quickly so I can start on the CS.



Side note, is there a way to preview a post before it goes up?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Maxwell
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Raptorman: Okay, let's see here...

Your character is a super tall, super strong, super tough, super rare supermodel with superpowers. Her personality is 'sad background', 'kind', and 'hesitates to use her wondrous powers'. On top of that, she is a wizard, a talented negotiator even when not using her mind control powers, a lost princess from a distant kingdom (whose cultural values she does not seem to share), and a half-breed of two races that are both of the 'like humans but better and prettier' variety.

I am always open to the possibility that I may be wrong, and feel free to object if you feel I've summarized your character unfairly. Surely, though, you can see why I'm getting some serious wish fulfillment vibes from this character. I'm also not sensing much of a motivation behind your choices - there's a lot of text, and while it's not bad prose as such, it really seems to me as if there are two characters traits and one element of her backstory that take up the vast majority of the focus.

Other than that, I have a minor gripe. You cannot play arcane magic by ear, especially when creating magical items. The success rate is low enough and the cost high enough that an emperor would beggar himself before he guessed how it works.

Additionally, I would assume that this woman would be famous throughout the Fanged Isles for her immaculate beauty and unrivaled healing magic. That might make going anywhere incognito rather difficult.

MaxStokes: You could have gotten away with a less thorough description, but I'm not complaining. I've got no complaints about the race - the Fanged Islands could use something to set them apart culturally anyway. However, I'm a lot less interested in the physical properties of a race, than what you want to use them for.

And no, depressingly, there is no way to preview your posts. You can edit them, though.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lexicon
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@ Acrolith: I'm also pretty eager to get this thing going lol. In the meantime, however, I'll be sending you a PM with some more ideas for Riven and Taula's relationship prior to the king's demise.

@Hank: If you wanted to discuss how Nykerius and Riven get along as well I'd be happy to do so. While Riven is somewhat leery of the admittedly impressive power Nykerius wields, I feel like spending enough time around each other would at least make her feel less standoffish towards him
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Grimoire
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Grimoire Awesomesauce Since 1623

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I wish to join(if theirs room for me , XP), need to collect my ideas into something solid, also will read up on what characters are already up...
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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Maxwell said
A hybrid, clearly of the "have your cake and eat it too" variety Okay, let's see here...Your character is a super tall, super strong, super tough, super rare supermodel with superpowers. Her personality is 'sad background', 'kind', and 'hesitates to use her wondrous powers'. On top of that, she is a wizard, a talented negotiator even when not using her mind control powers, a lost princess from a distant kingdom (whose cultural values she does not seem to share), and a half-breed of two races that are both of the 'like humans but better and prettier' variety.I am always open to the possibility that I may be wrong, and feel free to object if you feel I've summarized your character unfairly. Surely, though, you can see why I'm getting some serious wish fulfillment vibes from this character. I'm also not sensing much of a motivation behind your choices - there's a lot of text, and while it's not bad prose as such, it really seems to me as if there are two characters traits and one element of her backstory that take up the vast majority of the focus.Other than that, I have a minor gripe. You cannot play arcane magic by ear, especially when creating magical items. The success rate is low enough and the cost high enough that an emperor would beggar himself before he guessed how it works. Additionally, I would assume that this woman would be famous throughout the Fanged Isles for her immaculate beauty and unrivaled healing magic. That might make going anywhere incognito rather difficult.


Okay. I believe that you have read my character in the worst possible way but you did offer me the chance to defend my choices, which I will make use of considering that fact that I believe you have read her wrong. Now to begin this process and hopefully allow you to read my character in the light that I did when I created her.

Firstly, I object to the statement that she is an example of wish fulfillment. I personally have no desire to actually be an 8 foot tall half lorenvolk half vaelie in real life. lol That is not the most serious of objections but I thought to start things off on a lighter note there and hope you found it at least mildly humorous.

Moving on to the more serious elements of the explanation, I feel that I should make it clear exactly what the lorenvolk heritage actually means, since it appears some of it did not translate well. The lorenvolk are a race of what would best be described as giants, Lin'Lise is only half lorenvolk but the fact that she is half Llorenvolk accounts for her abnormal size and abnormal strength. These you are correct in spotting for she is indeed "Super tall, and super strong" as you put it. However she is not super damage resistant or tough. This is actually extremely important and you appear to have misread it. The lorenvolk, to actually support themselves and not break apart from muscle strain on their bones ect, actually have to have a different bone structure. I had thought to have her inherit this bone structure from her father's side because it seemed a reasonable thing to have inherited. Further this trait only actually applies to her bones, her skin, muscles, internal organs, are all just as easily damaged as any humans, it is only the bones specifically that are so strong. You crack her over the head with a mace and she'll still die, you run her through with a sword and she will still die. Further the fact that her bones are like that is what makes it literally impossible for her to swim. However I will stress here that I had included it for completeness' sake rather than any real desire to have her possess the lorenvolk bones and that I am more than willing to remove that trait(The bones) and in truth to reduce her physical strength a bit if you see necessary.

I should also make the exact limits of her strength clear. She is likely at this time roughly 1 1/2 humans in strength. I am uncertain that classifies her as super strong or just makes sense in the light of her heritage but if you feel it should be nerfed and she should only be deceptively strong in that she despite her appearance has the strength of a very strong human I would be more than willing to make that change.

To the next element of the half vaelie heritage. Will you accept that I made a mistake in this section and did not realize it until now? There was supposed to be an important caveat which stated, "As Lin'Lise is only half vaelie her natural compounds are both weaker and less long lasting than a pure vaelie. Further by virtue of her thinner blood she does not produce as large of an amount of the compounds and where a true vaelie would rarely run low it is easy for her to deplete her stores of them." This line was supposed to be at the end of the segment about vaelie 'magics.' I think what most likely happened here was that I was too tired while working on the sheet and that it simply, along with a bunch of grammar issues and typos slipped through the cracks. I will be adding that line to the description as soon as this post is finished.

You describe her as a 'supermodel.' Now to be fair I will concede that she does have that appearance at first glance as she is designed to be extremely beautiful. I believe though that this element can easily be explained and justified. The vaelie are a race of beings for whom this 'supernatural' beauty is an actual evolutionary advantage alongside their other 'magics'. They in ancient times were eaters of men and other humanoid races. They would use their assets such as their beauty and compounds as lures to muddle the mind, entice the weak willed, draw in those who could be subdued and consumed. As I stated there is actually a reason for this beauty to exist in the vaelie and she inherited it.

I would not describe her as a wizard. Her actual magical knowledge is strictly limited to the healing arts and what magic words she knows are specifically in that realm. She is not the sort of magic user who flings around fireballs and does impressive things of that nature with magic, in large part because she actually does not know how. I feel like that is important to mention because her magic should not be seen as being on wizard level in anyway outside of her healing skills.

"She is a talented negotiator and mediator even without using her powers." This is not incorrect. However I want to explain the reasoning behind this. If you were a stranger in a land where you could not speak the language, a stranger with a precarious position, wouldn't you work to avoid causing conflicts and strife? She has honed those skills because she viewed them as essential to her survival.

On the subject of the "Lost princess" bit. She was indeed a princess by virtue of her birth, and she was indeed lost in a sense though that is not the word I would use. However I am not sure this is inherently a bad thing. Moving on to the more serious element of this point you state that she does not seem to share the culture of her homeland. I will say that this statement is wrong in several ways. Firstly she does have many elements of the culture of her homeland. Her social mannerisms come from Vyrndar, her speech patterns come from Vyrndar, her ideas of justice and punishment come from Vyrndar and to an extent her mother's teachings, her knowledge of languages comes from Vyrndar and her mother primarily (though she did learn the language of this land), her clothing comes from Vyrndar, the specific nature of her desire for vengeance also comes from a mixture of vaelie and lorenvolk traditions, ect. Secondly with her backstory already exhaustively long I perhaps petered out a bit at the end, but not everything about her emotions and desires were included. For example when she first set out from Vyrndar towards her mother's homeland she had intended to raise an army and take back her throne, after she was marooned on this land after seeking asylum the thing she petitioned for most for years was aid in taking back her homeland, aid that was never granted her. Notably she settled for life here and made the best of it pretty well but it was a third choice, not the first or even the second. This is one of many examples and I can produce more if you want.

Her personality was written when I was exhausted and late at night. I don't personally see an issue with any of her personality traits, she is a natural optimist, she is a kind person on the whole, and she isn't a fan of being the abusive and manipulative 'bitch' (pardon my language) that her own mother was. This is in part because she saw what the ultimate fate of her mother who used the vaelie 'magics' liberally was. I would say that her personality as it stands is incomplete as it does not mention several elements that I now notice are missing.

As for the magic sword. If you wish we can consider it dropped if you would like? I'm fine with doing so if you wish it done.

I am uncertain that she would be famed throughout the entire region. She brought some healing words unknown to Altrantor, I purposefully didn't specify if they were new to the islands on the whole. However she would quite likely be well known in Altrantor and possibly known of to a degree outside of it. She is not the most suited for going places incognito, but given there are other beings with large stature in the islands if she was to conceal her features it is very possible that she could avoid being recognized for who and what she is if necessary.

To recount, She is physically, a bit stronger than a strong human, taller than a human, heavier than a human and incapable of swimming, has natural manipulative tricks, and possesses a unique and somewhat exotic beauty. Magically she is above average at healing but rather poor at everything else. She also serves as a mediator and conflict resolver. To me this does not seem to be over the power level that the rest of the cast has.

Lastly and hopefully this will help make her seem more palatable, she is a character who I feel has a great deal of depth to her. I wanted to showcase the very real grief that accompanies extreme loss, to tell a tale that had seemed almost classical fantasy only to turn the happy ending on its ear, to play a character who is something of a diplomancer but who does it in an interesting and different way, to play a character who comes from a different culture and who has spent much of her life now in a land where everything is at least somewhat alien but who has learned to cope and adjust, to play a character who not only faced the fall of her 'world' once but after adjusting and eventually settling into a new life has seen her world uprooted again. I feel like this character with her unique fusion of cultures and her unique ancestry gives me the best chance of doing this and I hope you will give me the chance to prove it in the rp.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Acrolith
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@Raptorman = Gotta say I'm with Maxwell on this one but in the interest of being excellent to each other I'm more than happy to offer a little unsolicited advice.

*Personality wise I don't really think she should be at all kind. Civil perhaps, or superficially kind even, but not truly kind. Having read your CS start to finish it seems to me she was raised by a father, mother and culture all focused on the domination. Wars and feuds raged for thousands of years until her father murdered and intimidated his way to the throne, once there he kept to the proud Vyndarian tradition of viking-age economics by exporting murder and sailing back with anything and anyone they could carry.Her mother on the other hand used drugs, sex and manipulation to make a puppet of the man that raped a child into her and presumably had everyone she'd ever known killed or in similarly dire straits. Not only that but her homeland considers humankind ((and I'd wager all non-giant humanoids)) as lesser beings to the extent they liken them to livestock, this little tidbit of information opens up a seldom used opportunity...

*Your family doesn't need to be dead. Nobles from all walks of life had tons of ways and reasons to get rid of their unwanted offspring. As both Lin'Lise and her mother have evolved sexual predation as a biological imperative perhaps the Queen felt threatened by her maturing daughter. Your character could just as easily be foreign royalty sent abroad and supported via a yearly remittance--it might even have been at the King's order. He can't be happy to have an heir that's both female and only half a lorenvolk.

*It doesn't seem like she went raiding with her father's men, especially with a displayed interest and talent for healing over harm. Maybe work with that--if she hasn't been killing foes by the scads she's probably not all that good at it. Given that she's in her thirties, has had a child and led what seems to not be a physically active life. ((Healer at court, raising a kid, studying magic)) she could even be a little out of shape for a nice breathe of fresh air.

*The last thing i'd say is she should certainly be a pampered princess who had everything in life handed to her. She was born into royalty then lucky enough to marry into another Kingdom's direct line of succession. Heck, I'd even go so far as to say the captain of the guard would have made her his concubine rather than kill her the night of her father's death, the rebel guards were using loyalty to the late King and his legacy to justify their actions after all. Even in her original backstory it really only sounds like she only had to suffer through a coup d'etat and getting hungry during a long boat ride between periods of unimaginable luxury, excluding the death of her firstborn of course. I honestly think she'd be or soon grow to resent suddenly being a commoner at least as much as an act of infantcide.

Hope some of this helps Raptorman.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Hank
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Lexicon said @Hank: If you wanted to discuss how Nykerius and Riven get along as well I'd be happy to do so. While Riven is somewhat leery of the admittedly impressive power Nykerius wields, I feel like spending enough time around each other would at least make her feel less standoffish towards him


Sure. Considering Riven's personality, I think Nykerius would be amused and taken in by her impatience and temperament. She probably reminds him of himself a little when he was her age. He has no reason to dislike her in any way, which means that they should get along well enough. Not the closest of friends, but then, who is? Both of them are private people.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Acrolith
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@Hank = Feel free to have him attribute it to the poor girl spending too much of her time around Taula!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by MaxStokes
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Rough draft of my CS. I think I went too ham and story-telly on the back story so I will probably revise/shorten that later.

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Raptorman
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Acrolith I have sent you a pm.

Maxwell I am in the awkward position of having just written an essay defending an idea that I think may actually not be as good as I had initially thought. Would you permit me to make some changes and resubmit her with some of the elements that people have pointed out to me changed and improved? Or, if my post above has convinced you may I use her as she is? I am willing to do either.
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