Such Haukes, Such Hounds

[Maxwell]

EDIT: I wrote this before seeing the last four or so posts. I don't have time to reply to anything else for a while, so I'll leave you with this. Go ahead and resubmit. Everyone can make as many sheets as they want, so long as they make sure I know which one they want to use in the end.

That first sentence (of my last post) was not supposed to be there. Makes my post seem (even) more negative than intended, and conveys a level of conviction that I didn't actually feel. I apologize for that, especially considering what I'm about to unload. I hope I don't come off as too mean-spirited.

Let's get the easy stuff out of the way first. I don't care about the sword - I didn't even mention it in my post, and as far as I can tell, its effects on gameplay are negligible at most. Knowing arcane magic (healing or otherwise) makes you a wizard, in the same sense that being a pediatrician makes you a doctor. You may not get the respect that a brain surgeon has, but you had a hell of a way to go to get there anyway. You know magic, that is your main skill in life, not something you pick up as a hobby. Especially something as painstakingly precise as healing - unless you want to turn yourself inside out by accident. Seems like that was a simple misunderstanding, though, so I'll withdraw some of my accusations.

You also lose all natural evolution privileges once you've made a half-giant, half-tree person. The fact that *that* blasphemy against genetics can have a child with whatever race Erasmus was just throws any science talk out the window right away. But that's not the issue here. My personal aversion toward fantasy halfbreeds notwithstanding, in-universe justifications are just window dressing. What's important is the player's motivation for wanting to play whatever character they've made - and how well they convince me they're going to enrich the game rather than take away from. I do see the one you put in your post down there at the bottom, and I'll address that in a moment. I just want to emphasize that that's what matters.

Your sheet is too long for me to go over it with a fine-toothed comb looking for every place where I think communication failed, but ultimately, what you convey is much more important than what exactly you write. I didn't take away much about your character from reading it - especially not about who she became who she is. She seems to live by natural talent and sheer luck, and the hardships she's faced amount to a childhood tragedy and one hungry ocean voyage, after which she immediately married into royalty and lived in the lap of luxury ever since. Traumatizing, certainly, but there's no journey, no progression, no development, just "everyone died and she was sad, now she's not sad anymore." Every part where she might have connected with society and the people around her are glossed over, where the parts you could have glossed over "her mother was kidnapped during a raid and taken as a concubine by the king, done" take up several paragraphs, despite happening in the distant past, far away and to characters that have nothing to do with anyone else's character and will never affect the game in any meaningful way.

What was her marriage like? How did she snap out of her depression? Was she a burden to her husband until he nearly abandoned her? Did having children change her? What did she think about living in a country permanently waging war at every border? Did she have to struggle to find acceptance? How was her unique brand of magic received? There are thousands of things that could affect who she is, but her background seems to mostly focus on the physical flow of events, and not at all on how any of this impacted her. Even the stuff that could be emotionally impactful is relegated to a couple of sentences - her child is murdered, but all that leads to is a description of how the attackers lost some limbs. Even the violence strikes me as uninspired. Also, you promised flashbacks - as in, role playing segments no one can interact with or even perceive. I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve with that, and to me that only increases the feeling that your character is stuck in a past that has nothing to do with the present.

You say your character has cultural traits from her father's country, but you only list things that are not going to be noticeable in the actual game. You say you wrote parts of it when you were exhausted, well, to that I can only shrug. I still only have what you gave me to judge you by. Appendices and explanations after the fact are gonna be very impractical once the game starts, as well, so your ability to communicate everything you need to in a single post is actually important.

And then, there's a whole 'nother misunderstanding I have to address. This one's not nearly as serious or big, though. Everyone is stronger, tougher, faster etc than a baseline human, unless you choose not to be (and of course, I expect wizards to limit themselves relative to warriors), and the way you wrote it, I interpreted it as you not realizing that, but wanting to have it all anyway, which is an attitude I'm wary of to the point of paranoia. Getting run through with a sword and just keeling over dead is actually below my expectations. Did you perhaps mean to say that that's all she has to make her more physically capable than the average person?

Your last paragraph, wherein you explain your motivation, is the reason I still have faith in you. That motivation is what I care about the most. However, even there I have some issues. Mainly, that I don't feel the impact of any of those things in your sheet, and despite your explanation, I have no idea what you want.

[Raptorman]

Maxwell said
Let's get the easy stuff out of the way first. I don't care about the sword - I didn't even mention it in my post, and as far as I can tell, its effects on gameplay are negligible at most. Knowing arcane magic (healing or otherwise) makes you a wizard, in the same sense that being a pediatrician makes you a doctor. You may not get the respect that a brain surgeon has, but you had a hell of a way to go to get there anyway. You know magic, that is your main skill in life, not something you pick up as a hobby. Especially something as painstakingly precise as healing - unless you want to turn yourself inside out by accident. Seems like that was a simple misunderstanding, though, so I'll withdraw some of my accusations.

I misread your post then in regards to the sword. I thought part where you talked about not playing it by feel for making enchanted items meant that I the player shouldn't have made the sword. I see now that was a misread. Also I understand and appreciate that the magic issue has been resolved.

Maxwell said You also lose all natural evolution privileges once you've made a half-giant, half-tree person. The fact that *that* blasphemy against genetics can have a child with whatever race Erasmus was just throws any science talk out the window right away. But that's not the issue here. My personal aversion toward fantasy halfbreeds notwithstanding, in-universe justifications are just window dressing. What's important is the player's motivation for wanting to play whatever character they've made - and how well they convince me they're going to enrich the game rather than take away from. I do see the one you put in your post down there at the bottom, and I'll address that in a moment. I just want to emphasize that that's what matters.

All I can say here is that I am not sure where you got 'tree person' from and that it made me chuckle a bit to see that. Also that I appreciate your not holding the race hybrid against me and that I do still plan to use it.

Maxwell said
Your sheet is too long for me to go over it with a fine-toothed comb looking for every place where I think communication failed, but ultimately, what you convey is much more important than what exactly you write. I didn't take away much about your character from reading it - especially not about who she became who she is. She seems to live by natural talent and sheer luck, and the hardships she's faced amount to a childhood tragedy and one hungry ocean voyage, after which she immediately married into royalty and lived in the lap of luxury ever since. Traumatizing, certainly, but there's no journey, no progression, no development, just "everyone died and she was sad, now she's not sad anymore." Every part where she might have connected with society and the people around her are glossed over, where the parts you could have glossed over "her mother was kidnapped during a raid and taken as a concubine by the king, done" take up several paragraphs, despite happening in the distant past, far away and to characters that have nothing to do with anyone else's character and will never affect the game in any meaningful way.

What was her marriage like? How did she snap out of her depression? Was she a burden to her husband until he nearly abandoned her? Did having children change her? What did she think about living in a country permanently waging war at every border? Did she have to struggle to find acceptance? How was her unique brand of magic received? There are thousands of things that could affect who she is, but her background seems to mostly focus on the physical flow of events, and not at all on how any of this impacted her. Even the stuff that could be emotionally impactful is relegated to a couple of sentences - her child is murdered, but all that leads to is a description of how the attackers lost some limbs. Even the violence strikes me as uninspired. Also, you promised flashbacks - as in, role playing segments no one can interact with or even perceive. I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve with that, and to me that only increases the feeling that your character is stuck in a past that has nothing to do with the present.

Two things here, the flashbacks were intended to be included within posts of mine to help people get more into the character that I have created, not to take up entire posts and avoid interaction. My plan was to use them to enrich the experience. As for the rest. I am currently reworking much of her back story and expanding on elements that relate to her emotions and development ect which should help meet your desires.

Maxwell said
And then, there's a whole 'nother misunderstanding I have to address. This one's not nearly as serious or big, though. Everyone is stronger, tougher, faster etc than a baseline human, unless you choose not to be (and of course, I expect wizards to limit themselves relative to warriors), and the way you wrote it, I interpreted it as you not realizing that, but wanting to have it all anyway, which is an attitude I'm wary of to the point of paranoia. Getting run through with a sword and just keeling over dead is actually below my expectations. Did you perhaps mean to say that that's all she has to make her more physically capable than the average person?

This was simply a misunderstanding. I meant to say exactly that and that if on the off chance you thought she was too strong in light of her magic I would be willing to change it.

Maxwell said Your last paragraph, wherein you explain your motivation, is the reason I still have faith in you. That motivation is what I care about the most. However, even there I have some issues. Mainly, that I don't feel the impact of any of those things in your sheet, and despite your explanation, I have no idea what you want.

I thank you for still having faith in me. I'll try to improve the sheet. I'm not sure what you mean with you "I'm not sure what you want" part though.

[Raptorman]

And now I present the reworked and I think much improved sheet for Lin'Lise. :) I hope you enjoy this one.

Raptorman

Name: The Princess Lin'Lise Vexerfell of Vol'kariz

Race: 1/2 lorenvolk, 1/2 vaelie (Credit and thanks to my good friend who allowed me to use one of her races for half of this character)

Age: 33

Position: Wife of the deceased Prince Alfred, A Court Healer and Alchemist

*Vaelie 'Magics'- Vaelie 'magics' are not really magic but are poorly understood even by the vaelie themselves. The vaelie naturally produce compounds that can cause various effects on humanoid beings. The most common two that are produced are, a soporific compound which makes those exposed to it feel drowsy, and an 'aphrodisiac' compound that has predictable effects on those exposed to it, however there are others that can cause almost any emotion. All of these compounds can be released at will and in varying quantities depending on the desired effect. The more of the compound is released, the more potent the effect, similarly the longer one is exposed the more the effect will grow. These are typically subtle and best used that way to slowly alter the mood and creep up on someone, if released in a massive amount the sudden impact and mood change will be more noticeable and can sometimes alert the person in question that they are being manipulated." As Lin'Lise is only half vaelie her natural compounds are both weaker and less long lasting than a pure vaelie. Further by virtue of her thinner blood she does not produce as large of an amount of the compounds and where a true vaelie would rarely run low it is easy for her to deplete her stores of them." The two hidden spines can also be used to inject pure forms of these compounds into something directly which causes an immediate and much harder to shake off effect, it is also extremely obvious though.

*Lorenvolk Traits- Lin'Lise's muscles and skeleton are built differently than a humans, this manifests itself in her being much stronger than a normal human and also in her bones being much more difficult to break. She does not appear physically imposing aside from her height, which makes her strength a great surprise to those who do not know of it already. This also accounts for her inhuman weight. Important, because of her weight and the density of her body she really cannot swim. Notably due to the fact that she is not particularly physically fit, while she is strong she doesn't have great endurance or stamina, also she has the brute force but little skill in using it since she pursued mental rather than physical arts.

*Healing Magic/Chymistry- Lin'Lise is very skilled at healing magic. Her mother taught her many things and she augmented her learning after arriving in the kingdom. She knows a large number of words relating to the interior of the body and curing internal injuries that were unknown to the kingdom before she arrived. She can heal injuries that many would write of or not even realize existed because the only damage was beneath the surface rather than visible. Lin'Lise is also skilled at creating magical droughts and potions that can heal or cause other temporary effects. Her skills at this however are less impressive than her healing however.

*Miscellaneous- Lin'Lise is a gifted seamstress, quite skilled in the culinary arts, passable at chess, an avid if slow reader, and is at least familiar with political intrigue thanks to the lessons on the ancient wars between lorenvolk kingdoms in Vryndar.

Appearance: Lin'Lise Vexerfell of Vol'Kariz is an anomaly in the Fanged Isles for neither the lorenvolk in their ancient splendor nor the vaelie in their seductive and sinister mannerisms dwell in these lands. Her appearance is the result of the mingling of two strains of inhuman blood and she at least views herself as the best of both worlds, and while few exist in these lands who have seen either one of the lorenvolk or one of the vaelie most agree with her statements. Lin'Lise is taller than most humans, male and female alike at roughly 8 feet in height as a direct product of the lorenvolk blood that flows through her veins. Her hair is long and pure gold in color, seeming almost to be made from the metal and shining brilliantly in even dim light. She typically wears it long down her neck and back however there are two braided portions that hang down to either side of her face and serve to frame it. Her skin has a soft silver hue and like her hair actively shines to a degree in strong enough light. Her eyes are large pools of molten gold that capture and draw the eyes of any who look upon her face. Some have said they are enchanting but whether this is true or not is uncertain. Despite this however there are elements that mar the perfect appearance that her vaelie blood tries to produce. Her nose is overly long and could be described as hooked, and her eyes while beautiful pools of molten gold are slightly uneven, the left one being a bit higher than the other. This asymmetry applies to most of her face with the left side being slightly higher than the right. Her face is also broader than ideal by the standards of humans and it can appear that her skin is a bit stretched over it at times. Her mouth differs from a human in the presence of a second set of teeth that are capable of retracting and descending at will, when descended they cover her more humanoid teeth from the front and are wickedly pointed and sharp. Her mouth is also like the rest of her face uneven, with the left side ending higher than the right.

Her body appears to be lithe and thin and to lack particularly large amounts of muscle which is deceptive. Due to her thinness and lack of obvious large deposits of body fat she is a bit of a scarecrow when one combines those traits with her height. Further due to some unfortunate elements of mixing vaelie and lorenvolk blood Lin'Lise has inherited the lorenvolk sensitivity to sunlight at the same time as she inherited the vaelie skin. She sunburns easily and this often results in her skin peeling and blistering along with turning a peculiar purplish red color where the burns are by virtue of her natural coloration. She weighs approximately 600 pounds, another example of how her appearance is deceptive. There are narrow slits on the undersides of her arms right where the wrist joins the arm and hand together. From these slits a pair of hollow bone spines can emerge and strike rapidly before vanishing again, these spines can inject several toxins.

Lin'Lise is most commonly seen clad in garments made in styles that she claims come from her homeland across the vast ocean to the north. Diaphanous threads and woven cloth streamers bedeck arms and back of her clothing, and a runic script that she has never disclosed the meaning of is also commonly found woven into the fabrics. Most of her clothing is made from overlapping wrappings of silks and other fine fabrics that somehow manage to hold together and not fall apart. Her clothing also as a general rule attempts to play up her features. In truth her clothing is a bastardized mixture of the high fashion of the Court in Vol'Kariz and traditional vaelie attire, considering the patterns and styles were constructed by memory and she has not seen either since she was around 14 years old it is understandable that it is not completely accurate.

Also Lin'Lise speaks the language of the kingdom with a unique and noticeable accent that she has never been able to get rid of.

Personality:
Lin'Lise Vexerfell is a person who is accredited with kindness and who appears to genuinely care about people in general. However the truth is less pleasant. In reality she has a deep rooted disdain for most of humanity with the exception of a few notable individuals. The other emotion that she generally feels towards humankind is pity, though it is a pity that is rooted in the previously mentioned disdain. She pities them because they are so lowly and do not realize how pathetic they truly are and it is this pity that leads her to the actions that many see as being rooted in kindness. Her willingness to teach her healing arts and to practice them seemingly selflessly to save human lives stem from this pity at the state in which the lesser creatures exist, and also from the fact that she believed the trade of her secrets of the healing art for acceptance into the court was a worthwhile exchange.

She has always been something of an optimist, believing there is a way to spin almost any situation to her advantage, which is manifested in her natural response to adversity or conflict. She is not someone who thinks to use brute force to solve her problems. Rather her natural tendency is to attempt to talk her way out of situations or to use her natural gifts to manipulate the emotions and desires of those involved to produce an outcome favorable to her. It is a matter of personal pride to her though that she has managed to navigate many situations without actually using her powers all the time. Since up until now this practice had worked out pretty well for her it is rather ingrained. Lin'Lise is also not violently inclined, she had little interest in combat or tactics which her father tried to force upon her. She prefered instead the more subtle arts and the healing that her mother's teachings offered. She is strong and her strength comes as a shock but she is not mentally nor physically trained for combat.

She did have genuine feelings for her late husband and for her daughter, though even those feelings were a bit warped due to her inhuman nature. Her daughter was valued as her lineage and an insurance of her own position at the court since her daughter meant that her blood now flowed in the royal lines of the kingdom, and yes there was a bit of maternal love there as well. Her late husband was one of the few humans that she actually cared about as the man had been one who unlike the others had welcomed her initially even before she had shown the healing magic. Lin'Lise felt that she owed him greatly for this and she did find him both mildly attractive and useful. These elements together led to a fondness for him that he and others mistook for love. She also admired the old king Erasmus, for he reminded her in a way of her own father. He had vision and power with the potential to unite a realm that had long been divided. For this she respected him, and he was one of very few humans that were viewed with something other than disdain mild or otherwise.

Her desire for vengeance stems from a combination of several motivations. Firstly her father taught her never to ignore a serious slight, that any damage must always be re-payed in kind if one is not to appear weak and while she does not hold to this in all things in this case she does. Secondly she did actually feel something that passed for 'love' for both her late husband and her daughter and the death of ones who she loved sparked a desire for vengeance. Thirdly her position has been actively destroyed, she has in one fell swoop gone from being a figure of the highest nobility to a nobody, something her ego can't tolerate.

Lin'Lise worships Maev'Sil'Vien, the sole goddess of the lorenvolk in the far north. She has never been forcible or attempted to convert others to her faith, it simply remains quietly hers.

Backstory: Lin'Lise Vexerfell's story begins very far from the Fanged Isles and their many feuding kingdoms. In fact her story also predates her own birth for to truly understand where she came from an explanation of the circumstances that produced such a blasphemous hybrid as an offspring of vaelie and lorenvolk must be provided. Far to the north, beyond a vast ocean lies the frozen land of Vyrndar. Vyrndar is an ancient land, ruled over by a race of near giants known as the lorenvolk, beings who believe themselves destined to rule by virtue of being supposed descendants of the goddess Maev'Sil'Vien. There in a land of ice and snow, a land where few others could survive these beings raised great fortresses and cities carved into mountains and glaciers alike. There these beings fought endless wars and feuds against each other for thousands of years until at last for the first time a ruler rose to unite them.

The High King of Vol'Kariz brought low the other lorenvolk kingdoms, destroying those who did not submit and welcoming those who did into the fold. It was after this man had united the lorenvolk that his hunger for more became apparent. Ships were built and dispatched across the waters, seeking lands to pillage and plunder. Riches flowed back into Vyrndar and the High King was pleased, but the greatest prize was yet to come. Several years after the raids began one of the vessels, the greatest that had been built and the one that had ventured farthest from the land of Vyrndar returned bearing something that the lorenvolk had not seen before. Humans and other lesser races were common as slaves and servants, especially in those days when the raiding would constantly produce new crops, but even among the slaves from distant lands none knew what this being that had been brought back was.

The prize had been a woman whose beauty was said to have been beyond the ability of words to express and those who had brought this alien (as in unknown or strange) woman back had a story to tell. They had sailed so far south that it had become nearly unbearable, the heat became near intolerable, the sunlight more intense and hateful, storms with a violence unknown had whipped the boat about, provisions began to run low, and some had talked over turning back, or making for a land that had already been discovered where pillage and provisions could surely be obtained. But just before they would have turned back another land was glimpsed in the distance and they made for it. For nearly a week they scoured the coastline, searching for a settlement before at least they found one. The constant presence of the jungle on the coastline had diminished and there they found a settlement.

The Lorenvolk raiders descended upon the town like the looters and pillagers that they were and in the face of a surprise assault by giants the human defenders were routed and many were taken prisoner. But the most interesting prize came from the center of the town, a strange temple stood there and the beings who occupied it were strange beautiful creatures with skin and hair like precious metals. Surprisingly unlike the humans these creatures had fought and only one had been taken alive, a woman who the raiders brought back along with the other slaves.

When the High King saw this woman he was well pleased and claimed her for his own. From this union of monsters, of giants, and those who treat human like cattle would come Lin'Lise. Her mother, the woman whose beauty had so captivated the High King slowly manipulated him, the tricks of vaelie 'magic' bending his will subtly over time even as she outwardly was nothing more than a slave. Several years after she had been brought before the High King, he enthralled by her charms and at her will forsook his previous wife, and wed her to the uproar and dissent of his nobles and the lesser kings he had subjugated.

Lin'Lise was born within a year of the official union and she was proclaimed Lin'Lise Vexerfell, Princess of Vol'Kariz and Vyrndar. Her early years saw her treated like the princess she was proclaimed to be, her mother's 'magics' holding her father in line and she believed herself to be loved. She was raised in luxury and never wanted for anything, the finest historians taught her of the ancient wars and history of Vyndar, the finest warriors attempted to teach her how to fight though they were never very successful, her father taught her statecraft, and from her mother Lin'Lise learned of the other half of her heritage. The poisons and potions, secret spells, cocktails that could alter minds and bend wills, and even a few less subtle tricks, these she learned from her mother.

For years it appeared to be her father's plan that Lin'Lise would be wedded to one of the lesser kings in Vyrndar and used to shore up the shaky network of fear and domination that allowed the High King to hold his power. But things began to change. Her father became more and more disappointed in her lack of interest in the traditions of Vyrndarian glory. She only once accompanied him on one of the great raids and had been clearly miserable and ill spirited the entire time, and her participation had only been brought about by a direct order from her father. This lack of interest, along with her lack of fighting skill, and her non-confrontational demeanor, led to doubts about her ability to inherit as High Queen even if she was wed to another figure out power, which in turn led to the relationship her father had with her turning colder.

As a girl on the cusp of reaching young adulthood Lin'Lise did not understand what was happening, she simply saw the signs, the growing coldness with which her father treated her, even her mother slowly began to become more distant as she grew older and began to develop. She felt the changes but had no idea of how to deal with it. Her mother had early on impressed upon her that she was never to use her gifts to manipulate her father likely in fear that the two might cancel each other out and free the High King from her spell. As such she did not even have her gifts to turn to in an attempt to regain the lost affection.

Despite the fact that things had grown colder she was still the only heir at the time and as such she was still treated as one. However that was soon to change. When Lin'Lise was 11 years old her mother conceived again and in time bore another child, the one a son, a male heir to the throne of Vyrndar. The coldness only grew after this point, though Lin'Lise was surprised when a new element was added to her education, it was the first sign of interest that had been taken in her by her father in a long while. This new element was language lessons in a tongue that Lin'Lise found incredibly difficult to learn and that she at first could not see the point of. This tongue was not spoken in Vyrndar, why as the elder child of the High King was she being forced to learn it?

There was an inkling in the back of her mind of what it might mean, but she suppressed such thoughts and refused to let them form. Ultimately though her suspicions that she had buried proved to be correct. When her brother was 3 years old and so was deemed unlikely to suddenly take ill and die Lin'Lise was informed of her fate. In accordance with negotiations that had apparently been going on for the last several years she was going to be betrothed to the son of a monarch in a realm to the distant south. She had no interest in this, having no desire to leave the land that she had been born and raised in to venture south to an alien kingdom and this betrayal by her parents was painful. She felt a deep sense of loss which was only magnified by the way her protests were met with a slap from her mother and thinly veiled disdain for her lack of appreciation of the opportunity.

She was sent south on a great ship, accompanied by guards and a retinue to ensure that she reached the kingdom of Altrantor successfully. On the voyage south she experienced many things, anger and pain at the betrayal, and a sense that she had lost the only home she had ever known. But even in the hurt of betrayal she drew on the teachings that her mother and father, but particularly her mother had given her. "A vaelie," her mother had said "is never without tools. I rose from servitude and bondage to become a Queen. You bare the gifts of your heritage as well." And she embraced those teachings, if her parents had no need for her in Vyrndar then she would make a new place for herself by any means necessary in this new world.

Her resolution and determination lasted all of five minutes after she had disembarked from the boat. Even as the people of the city of Altrantor gaped at the escort of giants and the foreign girl who had been brought, she was overwhelmed by the city. The stench, the clamor, the seething mass of pitiful humanity. Her initial impression of the city was one of overwhelmed disgust. It was not to say that Vol'Kariz had been particularly clean, or quiet, but to her the land she had been sent to seemed horrible. The presentation of her to the court in Altrantor went poorly. The lorenvolk in her escort could barely hide their scorn at the humans and this created tension. It also did not help that they did not fit particularly well into the human buildings.

When it was over Lin'Lise was left alone in a foreign land, among creatures that she had been raised to believe were little more than cattle. Perhaps the one positive was that the prince whom she was to marry had been fascinated by her during the presentation and took interest in the girl who he was to marry in time. She had not expected kindness from a human, humans were to be looked down and pitied, not to be the ones who pitied you. Normally she would have reacted the entreaties of friendship and compassion from a human with scorn, but at that moment when she was alone, struggling under the weight of what she perceived to be a grievous plight, her normal response of scorn and disdain did not come, instead she simply accepted the compassion and for that, aid in a time when she felt betrayed and alone that fondness began to grow.

While she was never treated anything but cordially by the courtiers and servants in the palace even as a young woman there were still threads of rumor and jokes made about her, the 'northern barbarian princess.' She resented this, that humans belittled her great people and whispered insults behind her back, but as she could not do anything about it then she kept silent, showing instead a facade of friendliness and interest, acting as if she had never heard any of it. As she was a guest of the royal family she had access to the library and resources with which she could pursue her studies, and much of her time was spent there, laboriously reading magical texts and piecing what her mother had taught her together with the magical knowledge in the kingdom. She was an endless nuisance for the wizard Nykerius as she would always be pestering him with questions.

As she grew she was patient, waiting for opportunities even as she nurtured the growing relationship with her betrothed who she pumped for all the information she could about the kingdom. And eventually an opportunity presented itself, an acquaintance of the king, a famed explorer who had ventured to a jungle infested land in the south had returned ill. None of the court's healing mages or masters of chymistry could heal him. But Lin'Lise's mother had come from those lands and among the words of healing magic that she had been taught was one that named this ailment, one that could bring it to bear and allow it to be purged.

She offered to help and while they were reluctant an extremely concentrated release of her compounds swayed them just enough to allow her the chance, and to the surprise of everyone there she spoke words that none of the healers had known that checked the disease and purged it. It had not been the smoothest recitation, or the most masterful casting but it had shown potential and revealed new knowledge. It also opened the door like she had hoped allowing her to no longer just be viewed as that foreign princess from the land of savage giants. Lin'Lise was praised for what she had done and the healing mages clamored for her to share the words that she knew. She shared them gladly and openly, adding to the medical knowledge of the kingdom. While she had not wanted to sacrifice this knowledge she knew bet that it would be a chip that would allow her to be truly embraced by the court and that would make her less of an outsider. She was correct.

Following the healing several of the court healers took her under their wings, teaching her more of the healing words and helping her hone her actual spellcasting ability, something that was rusty from relative disuse. She was a fast learner and progressed rapidly, within a few years she was considered a healer in her own right. This was near her 22 birthday, roughly the same time that after 8 years in the kingdom of Altrantor as a guest of the royal family her betrothal to the prince Alfred finally culminated in marriage. This was a moment when Lin'Lise felt truly happy, while her emotions are not quite human the securing of the connection to the royal family, the achievement of a position of importance, and the affection she received combined to produce a very humanesque state of pleasure.

She had cultivated an image of benevolence and kindness, trying to distance herself in the minds of people from what they considered to be the savage giants of the north and after the marriage was consummated she continued in this endeavor. It was the act that she would play and it was the path by which she would survive and prosper.She made herself available to the sick and infirm of the city, even those who could not pay for healing and her supposed compassion was known throughout Altrantor.

Approximately two years ago she conceived and gave birth to a child of her own, a daughter who she named Vel'Lis, she insisted upon a name of her own choosing and with a few gentles nudges from her compounds the prince Alfred went along with it. Lin'Lise cared for that child as she had cared for nothing else in the world, it was more than just the fondness that a hopeful intrigued prince had mistaken for genuine love, it was love certainly, though not quite in the human way. Regardless she doted on her daughter making plans for the future and seeing the myriad ways that this child would serve to advance both her own interests and ultimately how the child herself would be advanced.

But the future that she had planned for was not to be. When the war first broke out she was confident that Altrantor would prevail. After all it was ruled by one of the few humans that she admired and respected, a gifted king who would surely smash the invasion in the way that her father had smashed uprisings back in Vyrndar. But the war did not go well, the armies of Altrantor were beaten and pushed aside as the enemy advanced. Fearing for herself, her child and to some extent her husband as well she counselled him that they should flee but this advice was not taken and he insisted that Altrantor would still prevail.

And by the time he came to his senses and realized what she had it was too late and the city was surrounded. When the city was breached she was with the other healers trying to stem the tide of sickness and death, to keep as many soldiers as possible up and fighting. With the breach she feared for her daughter and excused herself from the gathering of healers and moving as quickly as she could for the nursery where Vel'Lis was looked after. Despite her frantic efforts to make it there, several soldiers of the enemy forces had made it there first with their orders to kill off all blood relatives of the king and royal house.

Lin'Lise entered the room just in time to see the blade descend to strike down and kill her daughter. Horror filled her at the sight and for the first time she truly understood the killing rage that was so common among her father's people. The one being in the world who she had really loved was dead and she reacted instinctively with violence and strength that were shocking. She does not actually remember how the soldiers died only that the next thing she knew she was coated in blood and holding the bloodsoaked corpse of her daughter in her hands, feeling a strange numbness and pain both at war inside of her. It was there, before the window of the nursery while she cradled her dead daughter's corpse in shock that she saw Erasmus plummet down past the window.

Friends in High Places: Lin'Lise despite having become accepted and a member of the court did not have the most friends, while she was generally well liked and appreciated by the people she was still a foreigner and as a result not all were willing to open up to her. Most of her contacts were the other members of the court healing staff who she had worked with for years. Her other influential friends were people like the King who is now deceased. However there are many commoners whose lives she saved by virtue of treating any who came to her for medical help regardless of the ability to pay and while they don't have much influence even a peasant offering shelter and food for the night at the right time out of gratitude can be important.

Notable Possessions:
A set of several wands: Due to the nature of healing being very complicated and requiring many words to achieve effects Lin'Lise has had a set of wands made that each hold pieces of commonly used healing spells. There is one that contains the words that mend bones, another for boosting the immune system for dealing with common diseases, ect. For truly complicated healing procedures she has to assess the situation and craft a specific recitation of words to fix the problem but for basic and simple procedures her set of wands is highly useful at enabling rapid healing.

Mriswring 'Dagger': Mriswring, the magic defying metal only found in the land of Vyrndar to the far north cannot be touched by magic. No magic can ensorcell this blade, no magical barrier can stop it, ect. It does not give any protection to its wielder and this immunity to magic only applies to the metal itself. Lin'Lise has what would be a dagger to one of the Lorenvolk, which makes it more akin to a human short sword. While she is not very skilled in the use of the sword, (despite attempts by her father to teach her) having a blade which magic cannot interact with can be useful.

[Bainshie]

Any feedback on my character at all?

[Lexicon]

@ Hank: I agree. While she might not be overly fond of people who can make fire rain from the sky, Nykerius seems like a nice enough fellow. Besides, better to have the powerful Stormsinger on Altranor's side than on anybody else's. Heck, maybe Riven comes to Nykerius whenever she wants to attempt brewing a magical potion of some kind. Whether or not they turn out alright is a different matter, of course.

[Maxwell]

Now that I have fifteen minutes of peace and quiet, I'm gonna reply to at least one post, I hope.

Bainshie: You've explained how your character is awesome at what he does, but you need to expand a lot on who he is before I'd consider him interesting. Granted, this may be completely subjective, but I'm still the guy you have to win over. Additionally, if this were a school assignment, I'd dock you points for formatting and not signing your name.

Oh, and while being an exceptional commander is acceptable, and winning over a force ten times the size of your own can be acceptable under some circumstances, I want to mention that this is not something you can expect to do consistently, and certainly not under all circumstances. Having the ability to improve the performance of NPCs is otherwise pretty handy in a PvE sort of way.

MaxStokes: I'm down to five minutes now, so I'll make this super-quick. Your character seems to have no relationship with the king, and from your backstory, seems to barely be aware of what's going on around him. Making obedient bodyguard-type characters that still participate in the story can be difficult, and that means it's gonna be difficult to convince me it's gonna work out. Your backstory also includes a long story about how he ended up in the arena, but none of that seems to have anything to do with who he is - this doesn't really detract from the background as such, but it doesn't add much either.

Shit, now I'm late.

[Raptorman]

When you get the chance, I know you are busy I would like to know what you thought of the redone character sheet. I have done a very large amount of work revamping the personality and bio to be something that I honestly feel is far more fitting and provides a great deal more realism and character development. :) There is no rush of course.

[Bridgeburner]

Okay, so I have seen that somebody else made a character sheet being a "High General", so I'm going to change my character's role as a "Captain of the Royal Bodyguard."

Agaron Ramarys

Agaron Ramarys

Race: Renoxian

The Renoxians are a war-like people who are located to the far west of Altranor. Surrounded by tribes of other race and origins, the Renoxian people have only known war throughout their history. Their lives consist of surviving raids and skirmishers, as well as participating in brutal fighting for the right to the natural resources in their region. Renoxians are taller then humans, standing on average to be 6'4. They are quicker on their feet then most humans due to their lithe, slender build. A special talent of the race is their ability to see very well in the dark - an advantage they have had over the other warring races as they will usually set up ambushes or initiate fights during night time. The Renoxians have a longer life span than humans and reach their peak at 40 years, usually dying of old age at 110. They worship night and the moon, and it is their belief that all important events in a man's life, such as marriage, funerals, or promotions should happen during night, when these events are witnessed by the moon's ethereal shine.

Age: 45

Position: "First Sword of the Royal Guard" "Military Adviser" "Field Commander"
As Agaron is one of King Erasmus's most trusted soldiers, his main position in court is commander of the royal guard. However, due to his expertise in warfare, he is often present in war meetings, and is sometimes ordered to take a field with a battalion or division of soldiers - as per the High General's instructions.

Appearance: Agaron is an example of a Renoxian in his prime. The gray skin is prominent in his features, a dusky tint to his whole complexion. Agaron has almond shaped eyes, slanted slightly, as well as pupils which are slightly more narrow and and elongated, almost cat like, but not as drastically different from human eyes. He has a prominent and chiseled chin, but no facial hair grows on the Renoxian face, possibly a mutation of the skin color/tint. Agaron possesses the rare hazel eyes of his species, which in contrast are usually brown. He has long white hair, which is often tied in a ponytail of his clan's fashion. Braids fall down from his temples, adorned with fetishes he has collected over the span of his life. The Renoxian stands at 6'6, but has a lithe, narrow shouldered build.

Picture just to get an idea of his skin color and facial structure, disregard the armor.



Personality: Agaron, deep down, is a soldier. He tries to avoid any political intrigue or scheming, but it was always hard to do so in Altranor's court. A stoic ally of King Erasmus, he usually took the king's side in political affairs, and treated the other bickering politics with scorn. His loyalty and affection for the king knows no bounds, and he became a close friend of many of his best advisers and court authorities.

The warrior culture of his people is greatly embedded into his personaltiy. Proud to a fault, he will take offense at any insult or ridicule of his job or duties. A frequent trait in the long living Renoxians, the grudges that Agaron can harbor can last quite a while. There are are signs of naivety and ignorance in Agaron's knowledge about the more complicated layers of the world. He dislikes magic greatly, and believes that it is a 'cheater's' path to winning a fight or conflict. He is a firm believer of getting your hands dirty, and looking your opponent in the eyes when you kill him.

At the same time, Agaron's clan mentality tends to cloud his understanding of positions and ranks. Although he has learned to obey those of higher position then him, he believes in being able to have a drink or share bred with the common soldier or villager. The Renoxian loves his alcohol, and could be often found in reputable inns and the less charming taverns.

Agaron likes to resort to cynical, dark humor, which is probably a consequence of all his years on the field.

Backstory: Agaron was born into clan Ramarys and raised during very troubled times for the Renoxians. The fighting between the other tribes escalated an all time high, and alliances were beginning to be formed to bring the dusk skinned race to extinction. Raised from a young age to be warriors, Renoxian youth experienced first hand combat by their fifteenth year, and it was rare for one to outlive his twenty fifth name sake during those times. It is only on the eighteenth birth day that the Renoxian people would choose a first name for the warrior or soldier. The times were so desperate, and their population dwindled down so much, that individuals who made it to their thirties were then revered as elders and veterans. Agaron, shocking everybody with his combat prowess and expertise on the field, received the name "Agaron" meaning aga (blood) and ron (warrior). He survived well into his thirties, and was appointed as the Dusksword of his people.

To Agaron's dismay, his tactics, strategy, and experience did little to stop the death of his soldiers and people. With a surprising move, the three tribal nations surrounding Renoxia signed a pact to obliterate Agaron's people, and split the region three-way. Outnumbered twenty to one, and after a year of withstanding the attacks and retaliating as they could, Renoxia was facing it's doom. Agaron was witnessing the extermination of his people, under his own command and oversight, and no advantage in their physical prowess or guerrilla warfare tactics could stop the tide of enemies.

With no other choice, Agaron Ramarys travelled to Altranor in order to ask King Erasmus for assistance. Swallowing the infamous pride of Renoxians, Agaron made a case in front of the court about the fell position of his people to the west and requested help. Erasmus agreed to send an official party of his soldiers to issue an edict to the alliance of tribes to stop their invasion of Renoxian property. Thinking it was a foolish and pointless decision, one which none of the tribes would listen to, Agaron stormed out of Altranor and made back for his home land - where he was expecting to make a final stand.

Agaron was proved right as the tribes completely disregarded the orders of King Erasmus, and they continued their relentless push through Renoxian villages and settlements, killing everyone with even a hint of Renoxian blood.

The Dusksword banded together what was left of his army, and decided to make a last, desperate stand on a hill top overlooking their main settlement. As the battle was initiated, the tribes began to suffer heavy casualties, but they were swarming over the Renoxians with their sheer numbers. It was when the tide of barbaric tribal soldiers was nearly overrunning the Renoxians that King Erasmus, with his royal army, swept in from the east and hit the tribes in their flank. Confused, trapped, and shocked from the heavy cavalry that charged into them, the tribal alliance army was destroyed. Erasmus, furious at his orders being ignored, and with a new found respect of the Renoxian people - who had lasted so long against such exponential numbers of enemies, swept through these tribes regions and bestowed those lands upon Renoxia.

Agaron, believing that his people owed their lives to Erasmus, told the king that his people would give him anything he wanted, for as long as they lived on this world. Erasmus smiled at this notion, and told Agaron that there is only one thing he would like from Renoxia.

"I need a person like you, Agaron, in my court. Train my soldiers, be my military advisor, and protect me from any knives aiming at my back, that is all I ask of you..."

With a military leader no longer needed in Renoxia, Agaron resigned from his title of Dusksword and passed it on to one of the women in his clan, who knew better then him what it was to raise cattle, farm crops, and how to make sure their land prospers in this time of peace. He followed Erasmus back to Altranor, where he began serving as the First Sword of the Royal Guard, and became a close friend of Erasmus's throughout the years.

Notable Possessions: Renoxian weaponry varies greatly, but there is one weapon that Agaron clan favors more then others: a slightly curved scimitar blade, the Khad'ur.
Usually this blade is the length of your regular long-sword, but about three quarters down the blade it becomes double edged. The blade requires speed and precision, and employs the slashing of important arteries or organs with the tip of the sword in between ripostes and blocks. It can be wielded one handed, or two handed, but it is not usable with a shield due to the mobility needed.

Otherwise Agaron tends to wear light leather armor or chain, but his duties on the field sometimes, as well as the 'head-on' fighting style that many kingdoms tend to employee, has brought him to wear heavy armor during certain times, and put down his Khad'ur in favor of a long sword and shield.

Skills/abilities: Agaron was bred and raised in war, and has fought in countless amount of battles and engagements. His skill with the Khad'ur is second to none among his people, and that is a very impressive boast considering the martial abilities of his species. Quick and agile, and possessing impressive strength, Agaron is a menace on the battlefield.

[MaxStokes]

Maxwell:Yeah for some reason I thought that if the characters interest's coincided with the rest of the group, that is the killing of the invading king, it wouldn't matter much that the char was in a close relationship with the king. I should have read opening better.

As far as the back story goes, i got too into writing it early on then got lazy toward the end so your assessment of it makes perfect sense.

I think from what you said it might be the best idea just to completely scrap the character. Idk I'm trying to think of something interesting. It might be cool to do an actor or a scholar or something. The problem is making the motivation fit. It seems hard to justify a character going full vengeance over the king. Either they had to have really liked the king (if so why weren't they there when he died?), or they are kinda of self-destructive and petty.

I mean even assuming they knew the king but had some other family member/loved one killed in the war/siege (like the court wizard) it only really makes sense for them to seek revenge if they lost virtually all of their family. Otherwise collecting them and trying to get out of dodge or make a new life seemes like a more reasonable plan.

Idk, I'll have to think on it more.

[Nemaisare]

If you don't want the motivation to be for the king because they liked the king, you could perhaps try giving them a weakness or something that someone else in the group could exploit to get your character working with them? Or maybe just set it up so that their history gives them a reason to dislike Bernard of Ghant or one of the other monarchs enough to use this chance to try offing them, and the group of angry courtiers(and others) might make a good meatshield or alliance? Maybe?

[Maxwell]

MaxStokes said It seems hard to justify a character going full vengeance over the king. Either they had to have really liked the king (if so why weren't they there when he died?), or they are kinda of self-destructive and petty.

See, now you just went and casually dismissed the motivations of all the characters in this thread, just because you don't agree with them. You're entitled to your opinion, but I submit that exploring different points of view is at the heart of role playing. I would certainly never stick my neck out for some dead guy, regardless of our relationship, but that doesn't mean I can't romanticize loyalty and honour beyond death, or generally want to play a character with strong moral convictions that I don't personally share.

If you don't, well, fair enough. This may not be the right game to not want that, though.

Everyone else: I'll give you feedback on your character sheets as soon as I have time to give them a proper read.

[MaxStokes]

Nemaisare That's kinda what I meant to be asking. Are those kind of "not the friend of the king, but interests coincide with the group." motivations and personal situations ok for a character to have.

Maxwell I think my tone was a little bad in what I was typing. I had just got of spending a while getting my ass beat in street fighter and it was the second time I had to type up the response due to some annoying error.

What I meant was I can think of only a few potential motivations for the characters.

Anybody who is self serving or got their position at court by climbing the ladder isn't going to be motivated to avenge the king. Unless I guess their whole family was killed. Even then only in specific cases.

Anybody who has a family or other people that need their skills isn't going to be motivated to avenge the king. Unless their whole family was killed.

There can be only so many "I was his best friend/guardian and he was all I had but somehow I wasn't present at his death." Before it starts to become strange.

I've thought of a character that is young man who's father was all he had and was killed. Him and his father being courtiers of some aspect. It seems like this idea will probably work, but the whole thing still bother's me a little.

Revenge solely as a motivator is a strange thing for a group of people in my opinion. Especially on this scale. It's generally considered to be destructive, to the point that those who want revenge generally know that it is destructive but are emotional enough to not care about their own well-being. It just seems to limit the party variety to people pursuing a goal with no real rewards beyond emotional gratification, in a quest that it seems fair to classify as a suicide mission. Which makes it a little difficult to create a character distinct from the others while still maintaining that specific motivation. Throw in the additional qualifier that they need to have known the king personally and you end up with a potentially even less diverse group.

Mostly that paragraph was me trying to work out and put into words why I think I was having trouble coming up with a character who's motivations made sense. It's probably just me making excuses so don't pay it too much mind.

Anyways I didn't mean to dismiss the motivations of people's characters, from what I have seen most people's character's motivations make sense and fit well with their personality and back story. The comment I made about self-destructive and petty were more about potential characters I was thinking of more than anything else.

[Maxwell]

It feels good to be able to criticize people for lacking depth of character. It's been a long time since I had so many good choices for a game.

Bridgeburner: That appearance is way too short. He could look like anyone. Furthermore, he could use more of a personality - I might have failed to read between the lines, but all I'm getting is "proud warrior culture guy", which is a fine archetype, but it can't be all there is to him.

Lastly, why would you rip off a weapon from A Song of Ice and Fire (and not even rename it) instead of just using a khopesh?

Raptorman: Considerably better. I still think the towering goddess who can force people to like her smacks of wish fulfillment, and she's still going to stick out like a sore thumb. For the former, I guess we might see, and for the latter, that doesn't actually have any impact on the selection process, only on your in-game odds.

MaxStokes: Giving you a point by point rebuttal would take a lot of time and energy and probably not lead anywhere. You make a lot of assumptions based only on your own convictions, and that tells me I'm not going to change your mind. If you reject the premise of the game, you probably aren't going to enjoy it anyway.

[MaxStokes]

Maxwell: I don't reject the premise of the game, if I did I wouldn't be here. I was merely trying to understand my own reasoning behind having a hard time thinking of character motivations that make sense.

You don't need to feel like making rebuttal. I wasn't trying to make an argument.

Lastly, can you point me to a golden standard that I can take notes from while I work on my new CS?

[Bridgeburner]

Maxwell said
See, now you just went and casually dismissed the motivations of all the characters in this thread, just because you don't agree with them. You're entitled to your opinion, but I submit that exploring different points of view is at the heart of role playing. I would certainly never stick my neck out for some dead guy, regardless of our relationship, but that doesn't mean I can't romanticize loyalty and honour beyond death, or generally want to play a character with strong moral convictions that I don't personally share.If you don't, well, fair enough. This may not be the right game to not want that, though. I'll give you feedback on your character sheets as soon as I have time to give them a proper read.

There was a dark scythe,khopesh like blade called Dawnbreaker in A Song of Fire and Ice?

The sword that Agaran has is a khopesh, just a relic from his culture/people. No magical properties other then being made very durable.

I will edit in more to the personality and appearance, just wasn't able to take too much time to edit him and was waiting for your approval of the archetype.

[Maxwell]

I think you quoted the wrong part of my post there, but what I'm saying is that the 'arakh', the favoured weapon of the Dothraki, is from A Song of Ice and Fire. The khopesh works more like an axe than a scythe, by the way, and while that's not super-important in a fantasy game, I'm enough of a nerd that I would grind my teeth down to nubs if it came up often enough.

[Bridgeburner]

Haha, fair game, I'll change it up as soon as I can.

[Maxwell]

I just had three hours' worth of writing deleted, so I'm gonna go kill myself now, and answer any further questions posthumously tomorrow.

[Rayn Night]

You poor son of a gun

[Lexicon]

@ Maxwell: Rough! I hate it when that happens. Did your computer crash on you?