Sep said
W.I.P I know but one major flaw. The Hapes Consortium doesn't really open dialogue until the New Republic period.

Is it really a major flaw? There was a failed Jedi called Sinsor Khal who was a Hapan. Also, they have pirates and raiders on the borders of the Transitory Mists. We can't forget about the smugglers either. There's just a few ways to introduce a Hapan to the Jedi Order.

Captain Bravo said
Is it really a major flaw? There was a failed Jedi called Sinsor Khal who was a Hapan. Also, they have pirates and raiders on the borders of the Transitory Mists. We can't forget about the smugglers either. There's just a few ways to introduce a Hapan to the Jedi Order.

Smugglers couldn't make it into the Transitory mists. Nova Cruisers were incredibly fast and could even catch up with the Falcon. But I'll wait to see how you work it, and your not showing your face into your history. If it's well done I'll likely accept it anyway :P

Do I need to show my face? I did write a description.

Captain Bravo said
Do I need to show my face? I did write a description.

Not really, but if he's keeping it hidden I'd like it if in your history if you had uh, the reason why he keeps it hidden. Most Jedi didn't really care about their appearances one way or the other is all. It's a quirk I have, as I don't like people saying something major in another part of their CS or having a rare force power (For example) and then it isn't explained later on :P

Oh yeah, I was definitely going to say why, I just haven't gotten around to hashing it all out yet, that's all.

Captain Bravo said
Oh yeah, I was definitely going to say why, I just haven't gotten around to hashing it all out yet, that's all.

I know, it's a W.I.P.

I was just saying :P

Yeah that's okay, it's nice to have feedback while I'm doing it of course, means I can make changes before writing up history etc.

I'm interested in this, and will start work on an application as soon as possible.

(New to these forums, but not new to role-playing.)

Well, allow me to give you a hearty welcome to the Guild! :D

I'll take a crack at this.

WriterRaven said
I'm interested in this, and will start work on an application as soon as possible.(New to these forums, but not new to role-playing.)

Welcome.

Blaze96 said
I'll take a crack at this.

One minor thing: The archives aren't purely holocrons, holocrons are reserved for Jedi Masters.

Name: Illi Luca Dahn
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Age: 17
Homeworld: Courascant



Personality: Luca is a somewhat dull young boy. He doesn’t tend to speak unless spoken to, of course with a few exceptions. He’s a sharp and perceptive brat, sometimes getting on people’s nerves by sounding like a smartass, though his visage never gives off any emotion that would suggest he was looking down on anyone. He can be insubordinate from time to time, taking actions on his own without the consent of his master when he thinks the orders given to him are flawed.

He’s quite patient, able to meditate for several hours without being distracted. Though, when his limit breaks, he becomes rather violent, still keeping his annoyed and cold demeanour about.

Flaws: Although he’s generally calm and collected, Luca can have violent outbursts from time to time. This makes his fighting style rather predictable since he simply lashes out without any complex technique that could be created using the seventh form. These outbursts originate from his prolonged exposition to the dark side of the force during his childhood.

His silent demeanour usually makes him unsociable.

Skills: Luca is quite nimble thanks to his physique. Though most jedi are capable of achieving great acrobatic feats, Luca’s greatest virtue in close combat

Equipment: He carries a lightsaber hidden under his cloak.

Force Abilities: Luca spent quite a bit of time training his skills in the ways of the force; almost as much as he did training with his lightsaber. At the academy, he became proficient with simple force tricks like Force Push and Force Jump. During his time with he mastered the Art of Movement during his time as a padawan as his fighting style was highly dependant on his ability to move around freely. From his master, he learned the stance and meditation technique "Center of Being" to further his development in the ways of the force and to increase his skill as a swordsman.

Personal History: Illi Luca Dahn had been at the Jedi Temple ever since he could remember. During his time as an initiate, he was a rather poor student. This wasn’t because he was unskilled, but rather because he was insubordinate and impatient. He paid little attention during the training, doing his best to keep up to his fellow students with as little effort as possible. This was his mindset for quite some time, since he was never actually a below average student. He felt quite content with what he could do and even took pride in being able to contend with, even if not best, the other students. During his time slacking, of course, he had the chance to improve some other skills. He spent a lot of this time in the archives, reading.

This all changed, however, when he first entered the Jedi Temple Apprentice Tournament at the age of 10. He had some high hopes, dreaming of how he’d triumph over his opponents. Of course, he was quite disappointed when he couldn’t pass the first round, showing poor coordination and technique. Though he convinced himself his opponent was superior to that of any other in the tournament, the defeat still lead him to change his attitude about training. He devoted most of his time to mastering his techniques, disciplining himself so that he would focus more.

With his newfound determination, Luca trained harder and harder, aiming to enter once again when he was ready. After the second year since his first tournament passed, he entered once more, feeling that he was prepared. He started off well, displaying good technique and serenity.

After the tournament, one of the jedi knights claimed him as an apprentice. The woman, a young knight recently given her current rank, wasn’t especially impressed with his abilities but rather with his calm stature. Once she took him in as her padawan, she started training him before actually taking her to missions. Needless to say, Luca wasn’t very eager to get more lessons after leaving the academy. With time, he got more patient and eventually Liana started taking him with her to fight on the front lines.

Today, Luca is currently staying at the temple while Liana Radiian is on her own mission, the boy unbeknownst of the betrayal against the jedi and his teacher.

Additional Info: Sorry for the anime thing in the appearance but because I couldn’t find anything, I drew it.

Sketcher said
Name: Illi Luca DahnGender: MaleSpecies: HumanAge: 17Homeworld: Korriban Personality: Luca is a somewhat dull young boy. He doesn’t tend to speak unless spoken to, of course with a few exceptions. He’s a sharp and perceptive brat, sometimes getting on people’s nerves by sounding like a smartass, though his visage never gives off any emotion that would suggest he was looking down on anyone. He can be insubordinate from time to time, taking actions on his own without the consent of his master when he thinks the orders given to him are flawed.He’s quite patient, able to meditate for several hours without being distracted. Though, when his limit breaks, he becomes rather violent, still keeping his annoyed and cold demeanor about.Flaws: Although he’s generally calm and collected, Luca can have violent outbursts from time to time. This makes his fighting style rather predictable since he simply lashes out without any complex technique that could be created using the seventh form. These outbursts originate from his prolonged exposition to the dark side of the force during his childhood. His silent demeanor usually makes him unsociable.Skills: Luca is quite nimble thanks to his physique. Though most jedi are capable of achieving great acrobatic feats, Luca’s greatest virtue in close combatEquipment: He carries a hidden under his robes.Force Abilities: Luca spent quite a bit of time training his skills in the ways of the force; almost as much as he did training with his lightsaber. Ironically, the first ability he learned was Force Drain, which he learned on his homeworld of Korriban. Of course, he does his best not to resort to such techniques. At the academy, he mastered simple force tricks like Force Push and Force Jump. During his time with he mastered the Art of Movement during his time as a padawan as his fighting style was highly dependant on his ability to move around freely. From his master, he learned the stance and meditation technique "Center of Being" to further his development in the ways of the force and to increase his skill as a swordsman, and learned a handy trick which he has yet to master, the Buried Concealment. Personal History: Illi Luca Dahn was born on the planet of Korriban to a pair of mechanics. The family was barely getting by with both parents working day and night to feed their three children, the youngest being Luca. The boy usually spent his days in the ruins of the Valley of the Dark Lords, which was near where the family’s house. Throughout his childhood, the boy kept going there again and again, finding something rather appealing about it. At one point, his eyes were starting to turn yellowish. Around the same time, his sisters and his parents all slowly started becoming somewhat ill-healthed, even though there was no apparent reason for it.Several months after this illness befell the Dahn family, a Jedi Investigator from Courascant had come to the planet to do some research at the very same Valley that Luca would go to everyday. It’s fair to say that the Jedi was rather surprised to see a force sensitive youth in the middle of the ruins of the old Sith Lords’ graves.By the end of the year, Luca had started his training to become a jedi at the Jedi Temple on Courascant, only seven at the time. Around the time he turned thirteen, for the second time, Luca entered the Jedi Temple Apprentice Tournament. The first time he’d entered, which was two years before, he hadn’t made it past the first round, giving him the motivation to train more and more until he felt ready to get a better result. During his fights, he got the attention of a jedi knight who’d later on become his master.Once he became a padawan, his master spent a lot of time teaching the reckless and impatient boy to overcome these flaws. Though Luca resisted quite a bit, in the end, he became as the knight wanted.Today, Luca is staying at the temple while his master is on his own mission, the boy unbeknownst of the betrayal against the jedi and his teacher.Additional Info: Sorry for the anime thing in the appearance but because I couldn’t find anything, I drew it.

I like the image but uh, lets go away from that for a second.

Korriban: Korriban (Or Moraband in NuCanon but I can roll with either) is a lost deserted world, cept for some pirates that find a habitable world that no-one goes to quite useful.

Age: Jedi in this Era aren't trained unless they are young when taken away from their parents. Anakin was a sole exception to this rule.

Dark Side Power: Learning this ability he'd definitely be discouraged from ever using it again, and while it isn't the most complex off ability I still don't see how he learned how to do it without formal training of any kind.

Sep said
I like the image but uh, lets go away from that for a second.
Korriban: Korriban (Or Moraband in NuCanon but I can roll with either) is a lost deserted world, cept for some pirates that find a habitable world that no-one goes to quite useful.
Age: Jedi in this Era aren't trained unless they are young when taken away from their parents. Anakin was a sole exception to this rule.
Dark Side Power: Learning this ability he'd definitely be discouraged from ever using it again, and while it isn't the most complex off ability I still don't see how he learned how to do it without formal training of any kind.

Hehe... I don't really know much about the SW universe ^.^" I don't think I can really keep up with you guys on this.

Sketcher said
Hehe... I don't really know much about the SW universe ^.^" I don't think I can really keep up with you guys on this.

You probably can it's pretty simple :P Jedi at this time are trained since they are a toddler more or less, everything else was fine except his origin :P

Name:Tyrell Omi-Ren
Gender:Male
Species:Human
Age:26
Homeworld:Corellia

Appearance:


Personality: Loyal and caring, fiercely dedicated to his job and the Jedi Order. Strict believer in the code and follows it without question, which as such gives some the impression that he is a zealot, especially when despite his capability he decided to remain at the Temple during the war and protect the Jedi Temple. Despite this he has quite a quick wit and enjoys playing pranks, when not on duty, and jokes on fellow Jedi.
Flaws:

Skills:Trained in multiple forms of Lightsaber Combat, Sokan, Trakata, Form I, Form IV, Form V and Jar'Kai. Over all skilled duellist.
Equipment:One dual bladed lightsaber pike, of yellow colour. One dual phase lightsaber of blue and violet, standard Jedi equipment belt.
Force Abilities:Force Sense, Force Valor however isn't that good at telekinetic abilities

Personal History: Tyrell was born on Corellia, however that was a distant life and faces of his parents are simply unknown beings who sometimes perpetuate his dreams during his sleep. As at the age of 3 he was taken to the Jedi Temple, and put into one of the many clans that held initiates. Of course the Jedi Order soon became his family but despite that he also had to learn that while they were his family emotions had to be controlled. This being a difficult task for a child however Tyrell followed it with gusto unlike many in his class, the Jedi Code he accepted whole heartedly and without question, following its tenants even from a very young age. He truly believed in the order. Almost more so than he believed in the Jedi Code.

He passed his initiate trials, barely. He had always struggled with telekinetic abilities and that shown through in his trials, for example the construction of his lightsaber took more time and effort than anyone else in his clan. Despite that he excelled in the trial of combat, where he made up for his lacking of telekinetic abilities. However what one of the Jedi Knights present, a Zabrak, was impressed with most was his lack of emotion during and after the fight. He shown a level of humility, not joy at winning. He congratulated the Initiate he had bested, he did not brag. Despite the fact that many had often picke don him for being a "poor" jedi for not being able to move objects with as much ease as his compatriots. This impressed Zaken, the Jedi Master and he became his Padawan. It was under his tutelage where he truly gained a grasp on how important, and influential the Jedi Order was. People often distrusted the Jedi due to their abilities and noble intentions yet despite that the Jedi always worked to help the people of the galaxy.

He spent ten years under his Master, learning various styles of combat available to the Jedi. While he learned other forms he preferred Sokan and using the terrain to his advantage, which could often mean a less fatal battle where he did not need to kill his opponent. Despite this, his trials of Knighthood were tough and he does not speak off them. All that is known is that his task was deep within the bowls of Coruscant and he left with a scar from the top right of his face down to the bottom right near his chin and his lightsaber was nearly irreparably damaged. Taking the crystal from it, he had found another and instead of choosing he instead decided to make a rarer Dual Phase lightsaber. However soon after he became a Temple Guardian, donning the mask for complete impartiality it was his job to safe guard the Temple. He faced many challenges in the Clone Wars, largely from his fellow Jedi. He was a warrior, why would he not help in end the Separatist Revolt? Though he stood fast, it was the Jedis role of defence not attack and to lead armies in his opinion was against the very idea of the Jedi.

Since then he has seen many Padawans and Knights leave the Temple, never to return. The ones that do never seem to be the same.
Additional Info:

Is it better now? ^.^

Sketcher said
Name: Illi Luca DahnGender: MaleSpecies: HumanAge: 17Homeworld: Courascant Personality: Luca is a somewhat dull young boy. He doesn’t tend to speak unless spoken to, of course with a few exceptions. He’s a sharp and perceptive brat, sometimes getting on people’s nerves by sounding like a smartass, though his visage never gives off any emotion that would suggest he was looking down on anyone. He can be insubordinate from time to time, taking actions on his own without the consent of his master when he thinks the orders given to him are flawed.He’s quite patient, able to meditate for several hours without being distracted. Though, when his limit breaks, he becomes rather violent, still keeping his annoyed and cold demeanour about.Flaws: Although he’s generally calm and collected, Luca can have violent outbursts from time to time. This makes his fighting style rather predictable since he simply lashes out without any complex technique that could be created using the seventh form. These outbursts originate from his prolonged exposition to the dark side of the force during his childhood. His silent demeanour usually makes him unsociable.Skills: Luca is quite nimble thanks to his physique. Though most jedi are capable of achieving great acrobatic feats, Luca’s greatest virtue in close combatEquipment: He carries a hidden under his cloak.Force Abilities: Luca spent quite a bit of time training his skills in the ways of the force; almost as much as he did training with his lightsaber. At the academy, he mastered simple force tricks like Force Push and Force Jump, though he got better at some more than others, learning advanced techniques like Force Heal. During his time with he mastered the Art of Movement during his time as a padawan as his fighting style was highly dependant on his ability to move around freely. From his master, he learned the stance and meditation technique "Center of Being" to further his development in the ways of the force and to increase his skill as a swordsman, and learned a handy trick which he has yet to master, the Buried Concealment. Personal History: Illi Luca Dahn had been at the Jedi Temple ever since he could remember. During his time as an initiate, he was a rather ideal student. Not in the way that he was good at anything but rather because of his eagerness to learn. Outside of class, however, he tended to be somewhat insubordinate. It wasn’t really that he tried to start trouble, but rather that he simply didn’t care enough about what his instructors told them to do. Of course, he never got to the point where they’d get "infuriated" with him, though this was partly because the instructors had quite a bit of patience, and he was skilled at pushing that patience right to the limit before doing whatever he was told to.Luca spent most of his time either training with his swordsmanship or the ways of the force. He wasn’t really the type to make friends and bonds.Around the time he turned thirteen, for the second time, Luca entered the Jedi Temple Apprentice Tournament. The first time he’d entered, which was two years before, he hadn’t made it past the first round, giving him the motivation to train more and more until he felt ready to get a better result. During his fights, he got the attention of a jedi knight who’d later on become his master.Once he became a padawan, his master spent a lot of time teaching the reckless and impatient boy to overcome these flaws. Though Luca resisted quite a bit, in the end, he became as the knight wanted.Today, Luca is staying at the temple while his master is on his own mission, the boy unbeknownst of the betrayal against the jedi and his teacher.Additional Info: Sorry for the anime thing in the appearance but because I couldn’t find anything, I drew it.

Too many and too strong abilities for a Padawan Learner, and you barely explain learning any off them. It's better than it was before, just need to flesh it. The more powers you have the more explanation, the rarer the power also contributes to this.

Sep said
Too many and too strong abilities for a Padawan Learner, and you barely explain learning any off them. It's better than it was before, just need to flesh it. The more powers you have the more explanation, the rarer the power also contributes to this.

Okie; removed Heal and Conceal. Should I remove more?

Sketcher said
Okie; removed Heal and Conceal. Should I remove more?

Thats better, now give me some depth to the history :P Why did he fail the first time?

What did he do as Padawan? What shaped him, what made him who he is :P