When I went to tourist Mexico when I was around 14, we went to this restaurant where the waiters all had Plush Penises under their aprons, and if you asked them to, they’d flash somebody and jack it in their general direction.

<Snipped quote by Marik>

Why are you telling us about this now?

Why did you deprive us of this story for so long?

<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>

BECAUSE I REPRESSED THE MEMORY UNTIL NOW

I WAS JUST DRIVING HOME FROM WORK AND THEM BAM PLUSH PENISES

But I really wanna open a food chain and do the same thing, and have only phallic food options.

When I went to tourist Mexico when I was around 14, we went to this restaurant where the waiters all had Plush Penises under their aprons, and if you asked them to, they’d flash somebody and jack it in their general direction.

@Lowkey123 Very well, then I give you...Dick Wars: The phantom phallus.

This took place during my freshman year in high school, specifically in my geometry class, which allowed for a mixing of different grades. Like all freshmeats I was going through that rough patch where I was in a new environment with no one familiar. Then I met Michael. Michael was a senior who had gotten all of his math credits and was simply using the geometry class as a "dump class" to fill up his schedule. Michael was also a brilliant artist with a penchant for spontaneous phallic humor. My first introduction to Michael was the sudden appearance of a dick drawing on my notebook cover. Now, mentally I was "what the fucking" the sudden doodle and trying to figure out which person did it while also attempting to act as if nothing happened. After class Michael comes up to me and admits that the drawing was his doing, and invites me to hang out with him. Me being a freshman, I of course did so in hopes of actually gaining a bit of status. Then I learned the depth of Michael's dickish tendencies, no pun intended. Everyday yielded a new drawing, and it wasn't until the magnificent bastard managed to fill half of one of my note books with his drawings before I started to retaliate with dick drawings of my own. What had started as a simple joke soon turned into an all out war. Dicks on desks, dicks on eachother's skin when on of us fell asleep in class, changing each other's phone screen savers to dicks. Our teacher finally took notice of our antics after a few weeks and threatened to have Michael suspended. This did not slow our momentum in the slightest. This mad pioneer found out a way to make phallus shaped paper planes, which he gleefully used to his advantage. Eventually it got to the point where our grades in geometry where slipping a bit. Then Michael does something I never would have imagined. I like to show up to class early sometimes, and our geometry teacher rarely left her door locked, so i'd often just sit in and take a small nap before class started. I came in one day to find the mother of all things dong on my desk. Michael had crafted a one foot dong out of clay and plastered it on my desk. And this thing was detailed. It had veins, and a completely realistic shape all around. I fucking lost it, and couldn't bring myself to move it from my desk. You can imagine the surprise on the faces of my classmates and teacher when they saw what was on my desk. I almost got expelled for it, but Michael piped up and admitted it was his doing. So the teacher goes off on him for about five minutes before having him escorted to the principal's office for expulsion. Mind you she also had him collect the sculpture he made as evidence, something he did with a bit more pride than one about to lose their chance at graduating should. Somehow this slippery bastard weaseled his way out of expulsion and got off with a two week suspension. Eventually Michael graduated and moved on to college, however we still kept in touch even after I myself graduated years later. We still meet up every now and then to go to conventions and the like, and somehow this master of all things dongtastic has managed not only to get married, but has a son and daughter whom I can't wait to get old enough to be properly embarrassed when I tell them about how I met their father.

<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>
But I really wanna open a food chain and do the same thing, and have only phallic food options.

<Snipped quote by Marik>

Call it IHOC

International House of Cocks

Serve dick shaped waffles.

[url][/url]

<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>

Or ICOC, International Cantina of Cock, the perfect place to get cock shaped food and alcoholic beverages from dick shaped glasses. And make sure to get the ICOC app for when on the go.

And now I’ve just created a gay bar. Or the perfect meet up place for chicken enthusiasts.

<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>

BECAUSE I REPRESSED THE MEMORY UNTIL NOW

I WAS JUST DRIVING HOME FROM WORK AND THEM BAM PLUSH PENISES

But I really wanna open a food chain and do the same thing, and have only phallic food options.

<Snipped quote by Marik>

wanna hire a guy in a wheelchair? we can turn it and me into a massive dongsuit.

<Snipped quote by TP>

Think bigger, you can be a mecha dong-tank that shoots dildos at people. Into people? At people.

<Snipped quote by Marik>

Sounds like a dream job, that I didn't know would be a dream job.

<Snipped quote by TP>

It sounds like part of a pride parade in the future.

<Snipped quote by Vilageidiotx>

Hey man, free dildos, that means a lot more than you think. I bought one for like $40 bucks. That shit's expensive.

<Snipped quote by Marik>

Hot.

Thought $40 is ridic. Like, that's a reduced price video game.

<Snipped quote by TP>

What can I say, Bad Dragon makes them good.

Yeah, let's go ahead and ruin what little standing I have here by suggesting I have an animal shaped dildo. That'll be great.

<Snipped quote by TP>

What can I say, Bad Dragon makes them good.

Yeah, let's go ahead and ruin what little standing I have here by suggesting I have an animal shaped dildo. That'll be great.