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Spam when was the last time you saw a tortoise (or turtle) in person Page 2

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by mdk
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mdk 3/4

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so you know, you bastards started a tortoise migration. Saw no less than a dozen trying to cross the road today, and I blame spam for it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by The Doctor
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The Doctor Time Lord

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So, are we sure this Doctor fellow isn't AreYouMyMummy?

Not even close. (Though, I can understand why you went there.)

I think The Doctor is Elena Landon, personally

Or Toellner (get it, guys? Get it?)

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dinh AaronMk
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Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)

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Saw several in the road. Couple days ago I drove passed a snapper turtle more than half way across the dirt road here.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Larfleeze
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Larfleeze đź’ŽGolden Diamondđź’Ž

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A year ago I had a pet one. I miss u, Ziggy ;-;
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades

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I've ran over a couple before. They like to get in the way.

Box turtles, not snapping turtles. Running over a snapping turtle would just anger it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vanguardian
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Vanguardian Dank Maymays

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I sexually Identify as a Turtle. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of crawling very slowly across the street annoying people who pass by. People say to me that a person being a Turtle is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a giant, and very hard. They would also make my skin green. From now on I want you guys to call me “TurtleMaster69” and respect my right to walk as slowly as possible across the street needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a turtlephobe and need to check your awesome reptile privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Tabitha
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Tabitha Birthday is on June 10th!

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Tuuuuurtles!

I have a pet tortoise. :3 Her name is Turbo. We used to have two, the other was boy and named Cannonball, but we gave him away. *tear*
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by BrobyDDark
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BrobyDDark Gentleman Spidey

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I sexually Identify as a Turtle. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of crawling very slowly across the street annoying people who pass by. People say to me that a person being a Turtle is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install a giant, and very hard. They would also make my skin green. From now on I want you guys to call me “TurtleMaster69” and respect my right to walk as slowly as possible across the street needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a turtlephobe and need to check your awesome reptile privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.


Vanguardian confirmed shitty Turt alt-account
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dinh AaronMk
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Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)

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<Snipped quote by Vanguardian>

Vanguardian confirmed shitty Turt alt-account


Do not insult him. He is a precious turtlekin!

He's is a special diamond on the inside and it would be best to not trigger him you transpeciesphobist.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by BrobyDDark
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BrobyDDark Gentleman Spidey

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<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>

Do not insult him. He is a precious turtlekin!

He's is a special diamond on the inside and it would be best to not trigger him you transpeciesphobist.


I'm sorry, but could you provide proof that there is a special diamond inside of him? I'm just curious to know where you got that from.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vanguardian
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Vanguardian Dank Maymays

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<Snipped quote by Dinh AaronMk>

I'm sorry, but could you provide proof that there is a special diamond inside of him? I'm just curious to know where you got that from.


TURTLEPHOBE!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades

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<Snipped quote by Dinh AaronMk>

I'm sorry, but could you provide proof that there is a special diamond inside of him? I'm just curious to know where you got that from.


All turtles have diamonds inside of them. It would be awfully shitlordish to suggest that Vanguard does not have one as well, him being a self-identified turtle and all.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vanguardian
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Vanguardian Dank Maymays

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<Snipped quote by BrobyDDark>

All turtles have diamonds inside of them. It would be awfully shitlordish to suggest that Vanguard does not have one as well, him being a self-identified turtle and all.


Thank you, oh great one!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades

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Shine on, you and your crazy diamond.
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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Imaginary
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Imaginary Let's start a riot.

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I had a preeminent reply but it appears I have neither the droll nor the mirth to warrant any sort of desired acknowledgement. Therefore, my statement ends with this.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Tabitha
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Tabitha Birthday is on June 10th!

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Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Smiral
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Smiral

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I have 3 water turtles as pets so every day
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades

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I am pretty sure this is out of Aesop.

The Chicken and the Turtle. And the moral is something to the tune of "Why the fuck you need a bus pass when there are turtles?"
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Hidden 10 yrs ago → 10 yrs ago Post by Vanguardian
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Vanguardian Dank Maymays

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>I was only 69 years old
>I loved Turtles so much, I had all the different types memorised.
>I pray to Turtles every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given
>"Turtles are love" I say; "Turtles are life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a Wank Pheasant
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Turtles
>I called him a Slave agains Turtles
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's Gamera, the Giant Monster Turtle from Japan
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear "I am Gamera BITCH."
>He grabs me with his powerful Turtle feet and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for the Turtle
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for the Turtle
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please the Turtle
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Gamera looks him straight in the eyes and says "You sir, are a Wank Pheasant"
>Gamera leaves through my window
>Turtles are love. Turtles are life.
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