Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Mcmolly
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@Phantomlink959 Cool cool, I'll fix a few things now and save the rest for when you've got the full adjustments.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Mcmolly
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Alright here's the updated sheet. Thanks for the help from the gm's, you guys are rad o/

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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Always glad to help OC newbs
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by The Fox Without
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Main thing that I see is ya need to choose the elements for the dust infused steel. Should be an easy edit though.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Mcmolly
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Alright, I think I got the dust thing settled
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Add her to the team, Fox.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by The Fox Without
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Aight team NoCTuRne is a go.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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just need the 'T' for CLaReT
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Still need that last player. anybody know someone who might be interested?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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I am interested. Are you still looking for people?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Yup, we need a character with a T for an initial to go on team CLRT.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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Flicked through the characters, I think I have a good idea for a character. I'll get something posted double time.

Can I play a character with no/negligible aura?
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Gotta have enough aura to not have their heart ripped out by Beowolves, otherwise they'd never make it into Beacon.
Keep in mind, having no aura would require them to have no soul.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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Nvm, changed my mind. I think I can pull off what I want in a different way. When this character gets eviscerated in act 2, I'll have my other plan on the back burner.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Well, let's see what you come up with.
1x Like Like
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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There we go. All ship shape and bristol fashion, I think.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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@Eschatologist
Okay, a few things.

There is a lot of excess wording and misplaced information - try be as concise as possible when describing your character and only put in relevant information. Likes and dislikes are there mainly to broaden the feel of the character; we don't need a comprehensive list as there is always going to be something more to add to it. Just a couple of likes and dislikes is enough, and only what is actually relevant to a combat-orientated school universe. Any unused lines such as additional weapon forms and passive semblance ability can be cleared out to minimise the size of the character sheet and make it a bit more streamlined.

With this in mind, food allergies are nice things to consider, but not necessary for the roleplay. Reading ability should only be mentioned if she is the type to carry a book as an essential part of her field kit. Checkers and games are unlikely to actually come up in roleplay. Also, this kind of information should have been put in the notes section, not the relationships section.

The personality and background themselves feel very generic, with nothing to make her stand out form a crowd. The lazy, torpid, talkative and entertaining slacker (by the way, talkative and entertaining do not mesh with lazy and torpid slacker) personality switching to the perfectionist, methodical, rude and serious hard-worker feels a bit schizophrenic, and honestly would give someone whiplash. Her own physique doesn't makes much sense either - a military brat who could only just afford to go to combat school would not have the build of a dancer. They would be a runner, or a boxer.

On the combat side of things

Class is used to denote what kind of class they would have in a RPG setting; ie Scout, Rogue, Fighter, Lancer. Judging by her character build so far, she would be a Scout or Ranger.

The actual caliber of the firearms is preferrable as it helps to visualise the characteristics of the projectile. Can you explain what 'Has a recoil-spreading function which limits firerate but allows for firing from the shoulder without damaging aura in the process' means? All rifles are fired from the shoulder, as firing them from elsewhere results in a fair amount of bruising and possible broken bones. It also reduces the accuracy of said weapon if you don't fire from the shoulder. Only rifles that are held incorrectly would damage the shoulder and aura, and as a military child who attended combat school, she would know how to hold one correctly.

The weapon is also extraodinarily basic and utilitarian, especially for something that she has supposedly modified extremely. Telescoping and compact forms are the norm in the RWBY world - the only character without a weapon that copmpact to miniture form has a shield that becomes his sword sheath. The extras such as scope, muzzle breaks and a detachable bayonette are factory standard objects, capable of being attached to any weapon and therefore not something that makes Selous unique. As it is now, the rifle is factory standard.

Also, spears are one of the easiest weapons to learn to use, which is why in medieval times the armies were mostly made up of spearman who are all simple farmers anyway. Spears and the term 'difficult to learn' do not go together. The spear form would be form two if it actually changes shape - if it doesn't transform into an actual spear, then it is even less modified than before.

The semblance is too vague as it is now, with no defined boundaries. Semblances are small powers that have clear limits based on the personality of the user, unique to each individual, and the different uses are discovered by thinking outside of the box. Time limits and lmited uses per day are common limits to add to a semblance. Also, the perception of time is subjective to the individual viewing it and wouldn't speed up her physical reactions or slow down the world around her. This is why time flies when we're not thinking about it and why it drags when we do. It is one thing to be able to see it happening, and another to be able to do something about it.

There is slight feel of a lack of knowledge about the RWBY world that comes through your character, and We're sorry to say she isn't really a good fit for this roleplay.

As a side note, I saw you dropped another roleplay yesterday due to lack of time, and I feel like you would just end up abandoning this one partway through, which I'd rather avoid happening if at all possible.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Eschatologist
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I find myself disagreeing with a great number of things in your response, but reckon you'd be better off finding someone else honestly.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Glad we're on the same page. have A nice day now.
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