5 Guests viewing this page
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Karos Your writing is decent but your character development is fairly weak. There's nothing unique about your Khajiit that hasn't existed in a hundred other RPs. However, we cannot force you to innovate so you'll have to think up something on your own. Another important issue is that you spent way too much effort on his martial prowess, not character development. I could not see beyond a vengeful killer that refuses to even show his personality. I get that you're excited for external, physical conflicts. However, overcoming one's inner struggle is just as important, if not more. Your character does have some inner struggle, that of helping his family and kin. Still, these are shallow and lack any substance beyond a typical fantasy warrior.

There are other problems I have with your sheet, such as being impossibly powerful for an adept and weaknesses that are exactly what I told you not to have. These problems are not immediate, because you would need a complete re-haul before I consider the finer details.

So, in essence, redo your character. Put less emphasis on combat and more on his personality, struggles and outlooks.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Leidenschaft
Raw
Avatar of Leidenschaft

Leidenschaft Relax, only half-dead

Member Seen 2 mos ago

@Karos Your writing is decent but your character development is fairly weak. There's nothing unique about your Khajiit that hasn't existed in a hundread other RPs. However, we cannot force you to innovate so you'll have to think up something on your own. Another important issue is that you spent way too much effort on his martial prowess, not character development. I could not see beyond a vengeful killer that refuses to even show his personality. I get that you're excited for external, physical conflicts. However, overcoming one's inner struggle is just as important, if not more. Your character does have some inner struggle, that of helping his family and kin. Still, these are shallow and lack any substance beyond a typical fantasy warrior.

There are other problems I have with your sheet, such as being impossibly powerful for an adept and weaknesses that are exactly what I told you not to have. These problems are not immediate, because you would need a complete re-haul before I consider the finer details.

So, in essence, redo your character. Put less emphasis on combat and more on his personality, struggles and outlooks.


That expanded a lot on what I wanted to say. Trust me, I started out my roleplaying adventures with a character that could be summed up as "brooding Khajiit Batman" so... you know. Your writing is good, best put it to work writing for a character with a more interesting and believable personality and personal struggles.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

"brooding Khajiit Batman"


CATMAN!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by The Grey Dust
Raw
Avatar of The Grey Dust

The Grey Dust The / Grey

Member Seen 1 hr ago

So, if I may ask, what was the verdict?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

So, if I may ask, what was the verdict?


What we discussed on Pad.

-Time travel = No
-Elder Scroll = A; swindled a look from a moth priest and is potentially wanted. B; took part in illegal excavation and is definitely wanted.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by The Grey Dust
Raw
Avatar of The Grey Dust

The Grey Dust The / Grey

Member Seen 1 hr ago

Excellent.

I'm shooting to have the character by Wednesday.
Possibly.
If I'm not suddenly struck by a car or caught in a similar (albeit perhaps more manageabl)e bind.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by OneEyedChurro
Raw
Avatar of OneEyedChurro

OneEyedChurro Pam Grier's Fro

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

Hey- also interested in joining this. Have a few character ideas, though; I'll have to jump on the pad soon and throw them all out there.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

So guys, I was thinking we should switch from Pad to Skype once everyone finish their sheets. What do y'all say?

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Frizan
Raw

Frizan Free From This Backwater Hellsite

Contest Mod Seen 2 yrs ago

So guys, I was thinking we should switch from Pad to Skype once everyone finish their sheets. What do y'all say?


Sure. Why not. It'll be a tad easier to communicate that way.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by HHShetland
Raw

HHShetland

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

So guys, I was thinking we should switch from Pad to Skype once everyone finish their sheets. What do y'all say?


I don't have Skype.

And answering to Frizan's claim, most chats are exactly the same in terms of function, so it really doesn't matter which one we use, as long as we all have access to it... right?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ClocktowerEchos
Raw
Avatar of ClocktowerEchos

ClocktowerEchos Come Fly With Me!

Member Seen 18 days ago

So guys, I was thinking we should switch from Pad to Skype once everyone finish their sheets. What do y'all say?


Don't have easy access to skype. If we really wanted to then we could just use chatzy
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by MacabreFox
Raw
Avatar of MacabreFox

MacabreFox Wee Witchy Woo

Member Seen 1 mo ago

So guys, I was thinking we should switch from Pad to Skype once everyone finish their sheets. What do y'all say?


I don't have skype as well, and I don't see myself getting it, I'm online so much that if anyone sent me a PM, I would most likely see it before the night is through, more like when the day is through.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by OneEyedChurro
Raw
Avatar of OneEyedChurro

OneEyedChurro Pam Grier's Fro

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

Armored, sharpened and raring to go!

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

Orakh


This is some pretty damn good writing, you have my full approval. Just need the 'Schaft and you're set.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Oak7ree
Raw
Avatar of Oak7ree

Oak7ree Mr. Rock n' Roller

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

@Gcold, @Leidenschaft What's your estimate on the RP's start? When does the adventure begin?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Leidenschaft
Raw
Avatar of Leidenschaft

Leidenschaft Relax, only half-dead

Member Seen 2 mos ago

<Snipped quote by OneEyedChurro>

This is some pretty damn good writing, you have my full approval. Just need the 'Schaft and you're set.


THE SCHAFT AGREES
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Frizan
Raw

Frizan Free From This Backwater Hellsite

Contest Mod Seen 2 yrs ago

Schaft's gonna give it to ya
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ClocktowerEchos
Raw
Avatar of ClocktowerEchos

ClocktowerEchos Come Fly With Me!

Member Seen 18 days ago

THE SCHAFT AGREES


ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY SCHAFT \[+]/
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by HHShetland
Raw

HHShetland

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

THE SCHAFT AGREES


The schaft abides.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ButtsnBalls
Raw
GM
Avatar of ButtsnBalls

ButtsnBalls Goderator

Member Seen 1 day ago

@OneEyedChurro




Here's my own sheet. Unless the Schaft wants to put a stop to it, it is also approved.







Post coming in 2 hours.
1x Thank Thank
↑ Top
5 Guests viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet