Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RWDS
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Here are the candidates all lined up and ready to go. Looks like Trump and Kim Jong Un are teaming up to psych out Jeremy "All images of me on the internet make me look slightly uncomfortable" Corbyn. We'll see if this alliance lasts though the election process.


District 1: A Liar and a Hero
District 2: A Commie and a Korean
District 3: Shoot the nuts
District 4: Two Swords
District 5: Meow Meow Motherfucker
District 6: Fuck off we're Full
District 7: Free Ponies
District 8: Are we Slavs or no?
District 9: I can't come up with a name
District 10: Internet Gods
District 11: Absolute Gentlemen of the Highest Degree
District 12: What are you beheading in my swamp.
I gotta hope that someone out of District 11 wins.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cyndyr
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I'm torn between Hitler, Stalin and Trump. Can't stump the Trump. I hear he'll make America great again.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RWDS
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I'm torn between Hitler, Stalin and Trump. Can't stump the Trump. I hear he'll make America great again.


But Hitler is a known Killer.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cyndyr
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But Hitler is a known Killer.


. . and Stalin isn't?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RWDS
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<Snipped quote by RWDS>

. . and Stalin isn't?


Pshh, Hitler did it better in a shorter amount of time.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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I've got everything set up properly now. I'll post either in an hour or so before I leave, or much later when I get home from work depending on how long it takes to get some shit done here. Stay tuned, place your bets, and prepare to meet your next President!

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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by KnightShade
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District 9: I can't come up with a name


Abraham Lincoln Jedi Hunter?
Leia? What are you doing at the theatre?
May the North be with you?
I'll back down on the slavery thing if you dress them all like that?
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<Snipped quote by RWDS>

Abraham Lincoln Jedi Hunter?
Leia? What are you doing at the theatre?
May the North be with you?
I'll back down on the slavery thing if you dress them all like that?


Lol
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cyndyr
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Pshh, Hitler did it better in a shorter amount of time.

Stalin lived longer.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Dinh AaronMk
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To the CNPP and beyond, tovarisch.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Hello and Welcome to the first annual Presidential Hunger Games election! Our candidates are all gathered and ready for the contest. Let's see them all again just in case you forgot any.



Beautiful. In district 1 we have our democratically chosen and strangely unpopular contenders. The other districts have been organized semi-randomly, so it is unlikely any of them will work together. I'd go over them, but nobody wants to hear all that, so lets start right off with our games!



Right off the bat a number of our candidates prove their political mettle by choosing liquor as their preferred survival gear. We also have our first death! Vermin Supreme and Jesus were on the same team, but just the moment the horn sounded Mr. Supreme jumped Christ and murdered the sin out of him! Did Jesus give his life so that Vermin might succeed? If that is true and Vermin wins, it might make a believer out of me.



Ohh! Lincoln wins yet another victory for the powers of the federal government! With Lincoln on the prowl, the cause of State's Rights just might be Stat... sta... might be permanently fucked!

Tune in tomorrow, at whatever-time-i-wake-up o'clock sharp, for the completion of the first day!
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Shorticus
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Lincoln is spearheading a new era for America!
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Welcome back to the first annual Presidential Hunger Games election! The ruined corpses of Jesus and Ron Paul lay dead on the field of battle, leaving twenty two candidates still in the running. Let's see how they fair today.



The camaraderie of the comrades is broken in brutal fashion, showing that there can be only one master of the motherland. It would appear from seeing this that Mr. Rogers might have a cruel streak in his denial of mercy for George III, but the story is very different if we look into what both candidates have done thus far. Mr. Rogers is only armed with a backpack; he has yet to attack anybody or make any attempt to kill. George III, on the other hand, has had his weapon (a mace) stolen straight out of his hands by an overweight Korean, and that is all that has happened to him. George III hasn't been injured, and Mr. Rogers hasn't made any attempts on his life. After having his weapon stolen, it would appears the mad King has completely given up on life and decided to commit suicide by way of a backpacking children's television host. Is there anything more fitting in this festival for the democratic process than seeing monarchy debase itself like that?

No, it isn't Mr. Rogers our candidates should be fearing. The rising star in this battle is that bloodthirsty freer of the slaves, Abraham Lincoln! His spear was still soaked in the freedom loving blood of Ron Paul when he turned that weapon on Hilary Clinton. Ever the canny politician, however, she managed to wriggle her way out of answering this debate of combat. Surely Lincoln cannot be sated, his spear is only painted in the gore of one enemy. Who will he turn on next? I am sure we will find out soon enough.



Little happens this round. Nigel heroically survives an attack by a common house-cat. At this point, the games must certainly be putting a sinking feeling into the roast-beef hearts of our British watchers. Their King has begged suicide after being mugged by an unarmed man despite being he himself being armed, which then caused him to become suicidal. Nigel Farage grabbed a bunch of food and then narrowly survived a mauling by a cat. Jeremy Corbyn has only achieved being followed by Genghis Khan. Mary Queen of Scots is the closest thing the British faction has for a champion. At the beginning she grabbed a bottle of booze, and must have drank it right out of the gate because she was looking for a water-source soon afterwards. If that isn't an achievement I don't know what is. In fact, I think the only thing that would make me happy now is some art of this event; the Queen of Scots chugging a bottle on the go. Somebody make this and i'll give them a like, a laugh, or a thank. Whichever on they want. I'll let them chose!

Hitler also overhears Trump and Shrek talking. One must wonder what that conversation was about. I have a feeling they must have discussed that one thing they both share; a hatred of the foreigners that keep impinging on their respective swamps. We must wonder what Hitler thought as he heard the two corpulent ogres in conversation. Did he approve? Or was he noting the location of their swamps for future anschluss? Perhaps alliances later in the game will tell the truth of this story.



And there they are, the first blood of this election. Too sweet for this world, too gentle for the Presidency. Looking at this short list, I can't help but think of those old wise words from yonder times; "One of these things are not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong". Hint: It's Ron Paul, the only one non-socialist among the dead.

That'll be it for the moment. In the mean time, place your bets for who Bloody Lincoln will carve through next.
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where is dat boi
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RWDS
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where is dat boi


Killed by the Daily Dot.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Cyndyr
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RIP Stalin.
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God is dead.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Vilageidiotx
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Welcome back to the first annual Presidential Hunger Games election! We have watched the corpses as they begin to stack like gold teeth out back a crematorium. The question on everybody's mind as we go into the first night is; who will Lincoln slay next?



A lot has happened here in the twilight hours of the day. First off, Lincoln strikes again! His rabid bloodthirst was not satiated with the murder of infamous gold-peddler Ron Paul. Honest Abe's bloody spear has been thrust aside for the moment, and he has chosen to kill his next victim with his own weapon! Astute viewers will recall how Kim Jong Un stole a mace from the impuissant King of Great Britain. This mace, once in the hands of that king, has now traveled into the hands of the stone-coldest killer in the arena. I am beginning to wonder if this mace itself might become a contender in our election.

More things have happened as well. Mr. Rogers and Bernie Sanders make a temporary alliance. One of convenience perhaps, or is this an alliance in the making? The feckless British government, dismayed by the poor performance of her native children, has pulled together their resources and supplied the only competent one of theirs with a mighty weapon. Camacho sends a warning to The Donald which, in all honesty, I can totally and with no difficulty imagine happening. We also see Hitler find an ally-with-benefits in Shrek, and...



oh fuck yes this is good. This is going on a t-shirt.



Poor King George. The two British politicians talk comfortably while their king, afrighted and unhinged, cowers in the cold somewhere afraid of even the light. If he wins this thing it will be an accident of unusual proportion. Or will his reported madness swoop in to save him?



Naps prevail on the second day, and water appears freely so the candidates may drink. Will water save King George from total defeat? Will Stubbs catch a mole after doing that cat ass-shaking thing for a bit? A formidable alliance is formed. Even more impressive, Jeremy sets out to prove the mettle of his embarrassed nation by stalking what might be the loudest and most obvious sort of prey.



The day comes to an end with Lincoln's second kill moldering somewhere, his body smashed by the very royal club he himself had stolen. They said Trump can't be stopped, and this might be true on a technicality since he has failed to do a thing. It is Lincoln that must be feared, friends. Feared and cowered toward. May God have mercy on us all.
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