<Snipped quote by Dinh AaronMk>

That'll work. I remember when I was a kid my dad insisted that song was a necessary primer to American history.

Somehow, based on the way I seem to recall you describing your dad - or at least some people in your family - I would have thought the basic premise of the song would have been too protesty on 'Merica for it to be a primer. Or maybe I'm confused.

The lost battalion was just standing around, minding their own business, passing around some cheeseburgers and having a nice lunch. Of course, this lunch is violently interrupted by a large, drunken mess of a man, most likely naked and on several different drugs. The drunken man ran up to them, screamed in their faces, snatched their cheeseburgers, and proceeded to ram the burgers down each and every one of their throats, until the drunken man was surrounded by countless corpses. The psychopath finished his rampage by dragging the bodies into the shape of Florida.

Florida man, a TRUE American hero.

<Snipped quote by Vilageidiotx>

Somehow, based on the way I seem to recall you describing your dad - or at least some people in your family - I would have thought the basic premise of the song would have been too protesty on 'Merica for it to be a primer. Or maybe I'm confused.

Well, people are fairly complicated, and even if I come from fairly conservative and Jesusy stock, they aren't Mormons. He also plays a recording of the Jimmie Hendrix rendition of The Star Spangled at family 4th of July gatherings even though it pisses off my grandma because she thinks that cover is disrespectful.

also, imma get to this later but gonna do stuff first.

<Snipped quote by Dinh AaronMk>

Well, people are fairly complicated, and even if I come from fairly conservative and Jesusy stock, they aren't Mormons. He also plays a recording of the Jimmie Hendrix rendition of The Star Spangled at family 4th of July gatherings even though it pisses off my grandma because she thinks that cover is disrespectful.

also, imma get to this later but gonna do stuff first.

This RCR bit comes to mind.

May or may not be related.

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! Last time we saw our first deaths. Hemingway shot Uncle Same acoustically, and Florida Man began a career of doing exactly the sort of thing we all hoped he would do. Tensions are running high probably, so let's get down to business. On to Day 1!



Well we start out the first day exactly perfectly. The "Trump is a Pro-Clinton agent" conspiracy proves itself irrefutably true. We see people prepare for the games. Forest keeps moving, Kebab and Snowden show solidarity, and Obama downs a cold one before getting to business. The WBC remembers the Alamo and likely debates it's pertinence to homosexuality in modern America (Travis/Crockett OTP). Nic Cage acts out a scene in his next movie "National Treasure Saint Louis: Hunt for a Way Out of This Fucked City." Abe is a better baller than Kissinger, which isn't surprising really. And that conversation between Guy and a redneck is probably a scenario that has played out in real life more than once.



The Democrats are winning the hunger games electoral votes. Two inspiring stories are formed. But death stalks our early game. Washington, the father of our country, dies tragically trying to explore it. peperony and chease.

Jackie Kennedy does the other thing. Is she tired of the US? Afraid? Or is she looking to find another greek guy and knows they mostly grow in Greece? Either way, she fails to make it. peperony and chease.

Our basketball heroes receive gifts. But Brobyburger denies your propertarian gifts and the capitalist swine who sold them to you. Solidarity, broby. Solidarity.



Jackson attempts to change the Democratic sway of the hunger games electorate by voting Republican. For those who don't know, this is especially juicy because Andrew Jackson founded the Democratic party. Harriet Tubman puts MLK on her insurance while Betty White and Roosevelt form a union. Is Broby's communism starting to catch? Michael Bay watches fireworks and scoffs, knowing he could do better with a heaping scoop of CGI.



Our first deaths. Washington and Uncle Sam dying so early seems like an omen. I think they were brothers too. At least, one is the father and the other an uncle. Or is Uncle Sam actually Washington's brother in law? If so, who was our mother? That secret goes with these men to their grave.

Anyway, keep in touch until next time when i post some more stuff.

Only if the actual Hunger Games were this entertaining

'Merica

Hello! And welcome back to the Fourth of July hunger games. Last time we watched the cruel vicissitudes of peperony and chease. Washington is dead. Uncle Sam is dead. Jackie Kennedy and the Lost Battalion have also met their fates. But this is just the beginning. The Democratic vote has become dominate, cheeseburgers are abound, and the people gather to uphold Leninism-Stalinism-Maoism-Brobyburgerism thought. Let's see what happens next!



Jeff Goldblum, ah, he thinks, he thinks you should maybe, ah, call a doctor... or something? Yeh?

Betty white is a beast btw. Sherman gonna be jealous.

Kissinger was defeated by Abe in the ol' game of Basketyballs, but he can't take that shit lying down. He smashes that hoop like it were a village full of innocent Cambodians, and the damage is so total that the Grand Wizard can't take it. Forest is dead. Shelby Foote eat your heart out. peperony and chease.

Abe and Sacajawea don't seem to understand the rules. Pochahontas, maybe inspired by Leninism-Stalinism-Maoism-Brobyburgerism thought, seeks freedom in the north. That could for her mean anything between Maryland and the Eskimo-y part of Quebec. Tommy Jeff, Guy Fieri, Will Smith, and Michael Bay read each other Tom Clancy books. I can see all of them getting into it but Jefferson; Jefferson reading a Clancy story and enjoying it would be a surprise. This is a guy after all who hated the entire idea of a military.

An interesting party gets in the White House. Who let them in I wonder? Did Trump, even though he voted Democrat, manage to get behind the resolute desk? Or does Roosevelt still have spare keys? I could see maybe Nic Cage knowing a secret passage in that maybe was once used by John Adams to go to and from anger management sessions. This alt universe Trump is interesting too because not only is he willing to sleep in the same building as minorities, but he is apparently willing to sleep in the same building with thousands of minorities.



The WBC looses sight of the flag. Which is to say, they once had a flag from the Cornucopia at the beginning, and now they have lost it. Good work.

MLK is back at his old tricks, curing race relations and leading America to a more equitable future. He convinces a redneck that the Dream he once had wasn't to come over the mountain and see food stamps. Religious proselytizing happens. Hot Wings order pizza, which I think is something more of a reunion than a meal. Chairman Brobyburger launches the peoples rockets into the vile fortress of bourgeois oppression. Arnold S. does the sorts of things that aren't crazy surprising; he lifted a grown man, and now he explores his sexuality in California. Lee and Lebron put aside their differences of opinion regarding the retail value of the latter and look into the sky wondering how they could possibly have evolved from the same species as one another. Murphy takes duty seriously. Obama, who has thus far drank a beer and sung country music, is turning out more the redneck than our redneck. Meanwhile the only man to vote Republican thus far is brutally executed (peperony and chease), and Millard Fillmore protects his valued sausages away from a formidable team.

That'll be it for now, wait for more when we return and see what happens on the second day! And remember to uphold Leninism-Stalinism-Maoism-Brobyburgerism thought.

He smashes that hoop like it were a village full of innocent Cambodians

And so, the list of things I definitely should not have laughed at grows.

There are many things we shouldn't laugh at, but we do.

But since we're on Cambodia:


And I suppose if that moment needed a theme it'd be:

There are many things we shouldn't laugh at, but we do.

But since we're on Cambodia:


And I suppose if that moment needed a theme it'd be:

The things I shouldn't laugh at are the straight razor, I'm the snail.

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! We've saw the rise of Brobyburgerism. We've seen murder, and basketball, and Betty White sleeping naked. Let's find out what happens next!





The peoples proletarian democratic revolution spreads across America. Comrade Will Smith and Comrade Jesus are dedicated to establishing the workers state. Uphold Brobyburger-Will Smith-Jesus thought!

Lafayette represents the reactionary vote, and he assaults Americans most forgotten presidents with the reactionary's best weapon. I hope Fillmore got to enjoy his sausages before he perished. Peperony and chease.

Cornwallis kills two of America's most absolute bad-asses. Revenge for his defeat by George Washington (peperony and chease)? And he looks so smug about it too, such a smug murdering SOB. Somebody should tell him about the Brexit and wipe that smug smirk right off his murdering face. Nic Cage and Jeff Goldblum create the plot for the next National Treasure. Old people chase each other on motor scooters. And some random guy named Arnold Benecit attempts to murder a Redneck, but that redneck is saved my the flight of a Jefferson.



"You are my proper-tay
The one hundredth big black guy
Believe when I say
I want even more slaves!

Yeh, I think Lee has the chops.

Chairman Brobyburger explains how the abuses of the capitalist state can not be fixed legislatively, boring Hot Wings long enough that the Chairman could escape to fight another day. And then Sherman... well, damn guy. ISIS is going after the American currency market by getting rid of the least popular coin. peperony and chease.

florida man most definitely doesn't have good health insurance. florida man is lying. The WBC steals thunder from Mr. Universe while Obama saves his skin from a man who has eaten his fair share of Pork Rinds. Hogan and BLM get confused.

And also, this really sticks out, Trump builds subdivisions. So far he has voted democrat, stayed in the white house with thousands of black protesters, and now he is actually working on realistic real estate options? Guys, guys, we are dealing with the 90's version of Trump here. This is gawdam Clinton years Trump!



I think Kissinger still holds a grudge against Abe over the latter's basketball victory. Lebron receives some who knows what, uncertain if any of it will work. Snowden and an Eagle in a scooter chase seems too silly. But Hemingway, Hemingway. Man, why you gotta turn you back on your people?



This time it looks like we just smeared a black sharpie across a big chunk of the history

Well that will be it for today. I will be going out of town for a couple of days so we will be on super-temporary hiatus.

Hemingway makes so much sense now. The old man is the German people. The fish is the German nation. The sharks are the Jews. And the short sentences are Hemingway's penis.

--

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! Yeh, I know, the holiday is over and now we should probably be talking about another upcoming holiday, but screw that. Let's kill these people instead!



Chairman Brobyburger has liberated some comrades from the fabric shackles of bourgeois civilization as his revolution explores nudism. You can probably put a joke here about buns but I don't really feel like it. Camacho tries to convince The Eagle to murder the 18th president of the US, but that eagle can't swoop so low as to become a traitor. Camacho is rebuked by the mighty 'murican raptor.

The Shifty Kebab Guy hooks up in San-Francisco and explores a new sort of meat. I wonder if he met with Arnie? I can imagine them now, spooning somewhere on the set of Full House, the Kebab man letting down his shiftiness and becoming serene in Arnie's manly grip...

...all the while Trump lays below and smiles that sorta "I shat my diaper" smile he does so well. #MakeAmericanGayAgain

Nic Cage lives about the same life you'd imagine him to live.

But then Lafayette murders Abe! This isn't the Lincoln of the lasts games. Oh no. This one has no fighting spirit. He even let himself die at the hands of a Frenchman! This isn't the first President that Lafayette has killed. He insulted Fillmore to death as well. A true American bad-ass, and a little horrifying. peperony and chease.

Florida Man shows us the colder parts of being Florida Man. It's not surprising, though I imagine he wasn't an impressive soldier either. The Forest Gump type I'd suspect.



That starts rather dramatically.



Snowden is the one that took out Obama. How fitting is that? This is some Game of Thrones shit, like when [Spoiler] comes back from the [Spoiler] and retakes [Spoiler], avenging [Spoiler] and becoming [Spoiler] in the [Spoiler]. Julian Assange sends his regards. peperony and chease.

Sherman defends food from Guy and the gang. LeBron attempts to convince a plate of buffalo wings to kill one of America's most famous slave holders, but the buffalo wings don't share the same values and decline. The stranger Arnold Benecit, his fireworks duds and his matches made in China, sleeps apart from his country. Betty White cannot see the flag. Will this play to her advantage? Joe finished Michael Bay, who in dying via explosion is truly hoisted by his own retard. peperony and chease. Jeff Goldblum doesn't surprise us. But then BLM, an entire movement including thousands of people, dies from smoke inhalation. peperony and chease^1000



Oh that poor redneck. Can I use the "Hoisted by his own retard?" joke, or would that be inappropes? Cornwallis and Lafayette both have made a good showing despite not having the American credentials required to make real person. That redneck on the other hand was 100% pure flag-waving goodness. I mean, he has a truck. Look at that truck! Look at it! peperony and chease.

The others keep their distance and settle in. Will Smith is alert to things all around him, while Roosevelt will soon be aware of that which is within, and that which is below. Jesus pulls an all nighter so that our sins may be defaulted upon.

Truly, Michael Bay died the way he lived, covering a shitty product with explosions.

--

Julian Assange sends his regards. peperony and chease.

Okay, Vietnam war atrocity jokes I can deal with. But Red Wedding jokes cross a line.

Welcome back to the Fourth of July Hunger Games! Smoke hangs on the arena as the fresh corpses are lifted away from the bloody stage. All that can be heard is the underpinning silence of the wilderness, distant fireworks, and probably Florida Man's yelps. Lets continue.



The discovery of North Dakota promises a title for the movie Fargo, though not a setting. The Pokey Powhatan admits in her faith in the Aryan race, which seems a tad bit awkward for her. Sherman up and does the most American thing possible, which just goes to show you that joining ISIS doesn't pay. Support the Kurds, friends. Requiescant in peperony and chease.

Snowden, with the red white and blue blood of Obama still dripping from the very same fingers he stole America's secrets with, saves Mr. Medicine Crow from the clutches of the most dangerous of actors. Hot Wings, having ordered a pizza, now hunts for venison. Perhaps he is preparing a feast for the winner, a feast in which he may be a part?

Mr. Benecit and Mr. Cage mop up the remnants of Sherman's cell. Cornwallis, meanwhile, is delighted to discovered some bootlickers loyal people in the colonies.



Mr. Kebab dreams of the good old days, when men were men and rough rider wasn't just the name of the last club he visited in San Fran. Florida Man yet again proves his credentials, either that or he is from Iowa. A lawsuit ensues, making us wonder if The Fresh Prince and the Frosted Pate have their heads in the game anymore. Kissinger, no doubt wiretapping, listens to a couple of gruff men complain about the common exchange of penii.

Arnie overfeeds Chairman Brobyburger in a disgusting display of bourgeois excess and horror. We tried to fit him into a tomb on Red Square, but his dialectical girth makes him too big for any tomb. In a common grave he will rot, a corpulent corpse of communism. Peperony and chease, and whatever else Arnie fed him.

MLK does the smart thing and runs away from the French murder-monster. Camacho steals Hogan's fireworks while Hogan finishes off the last of his barbecued General Lee. Jefferson kills two Nazi sympathizers. peperony and chease peperony and chease.

Jesus's all nighter proves its worth when he is delivered some outdated military equipment, giving him an edge he might not be able to use since he's probably coming down from his caffeine high. And Michael Jordan evens out the score, meaning that the Dems and Reps should be running at a dead heat now.

That is it for now. Join us next time on a very special episode of the Fourth of July hunger games.