@JunkMail Allow me to say that the changes you made to my sheet make zero sense!

:D

@Mr Allen J

I added 'Year'. Because I figured it'd be important to say how many years they've been on The Promise if they're not new.

That's it.

Literally that's all I altered.

I even showed you the new sheet.

Why are you commenting on it now?

u skrub

We're going to have a lot of girls, it seems.

We're going to have a lot of girls, it seems.

It's inevitable, really. Almost like a law of the universe (in roleplaying). We must have grills.

We're going to have a lot of girls, it seems.

I'll just make this a Mean Girls RP but in space and with superpowers.

We're going to have a lot of girls, it seems.

boys r gross

like have you ever seen a penis before?

the worst shit ever

I swear I am working on a CS....okay, maybe not swear, but I promise it is happening...maybe...probably. Yes. And I'll even make one of those gross penis things @Mr Allen J

I swear I am working on a CS....okay, maybe not swear, but I promise it is happening...maybe...probably. Yes. And I'll even make one of those gross penis things @Mr Allen J

Boys go to Jupiter to get moar stupider. Girls go to Promise to get more knowledge.

<Snipped quote by Ellion>

Boys go to Jupiter to get moar stupider. Girls go to Promise to get more knowledge.

You suck.

<Snipped quote by Ellion>

Boys go to Jupiter to get moar stupider. Girls go to Promise to get more knowledge.

This post is so bad that it literally blinded me.

<Snipped quote by JunkMail>

This post is so bad that it literally blinded me.

But I ain't a rapper

<Snipped quote by JunkMail>

You suck.

Not all heros wear capes.

Not all heros wear capes.

But, do you know what happens if you don't die a hero?

@Mr Allen J

You die of old age?

Is dis ok?

Alright, @Hippocamp, I've read it over, given it an hour of thought, and sat down.

I'm fine with an edgy character, a certain level of abrasiveness is necessary for some character's backstory and oftentimes can create a sense of depth. This character takes that and runs with it to a certain degree- but that degree is a bit beyond the realm of normal. Even by metahuman standards.

I'll note a few things.

Jayne looks like she arrived from the pages of a fucked up fairytale where she just finished killing the wicked stepmother, to prove she herself is twice as wicked.

Kek

Jayne understands that the use of her power can bring hardship to others. It’s just that, she doesn’t care.

Besides this, she herself is not needlessly cruel.

She does not typically pick on those who are already down, she has a rudimentary sense of justice.

She enjoys that her power can inflict harm even to the best of those around her[...]

I've cut these few sentences out for a reason, to remove some of the filler and to highlight that the personality you've written for this character just doesn't add up. I understand that she is supposed to come off as unstable, but there doesnt seem to be a method to her madness.

She doesn’t remember when or why she first used her powers, but she demonstrated her ability to freeze water so that she would be able to go to the Promise.

This mistake could be from a variety of things, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and go off of the idea that it was because I didn't highlight it enough in the original post. When a person is invited to The Promise, it is because they were either selected in a random lottery draw, or because they are criminal and The Promise is the last thing between them and being shot into the sun. I would also like to state that as a metahuman, she would be in an Academy program pretty much since she was old enough to walk and talk.

VILE CORRUPTION: Jayne is able to greatly increase the cruelty, maliciousness and generally aggressiveness of wounded target. As long as the target has felt pain, or emotional trauma, within the last few minutes, she can sway their mood deeply into the negative. An example would be someone who has just cut their hand chopping vegetables: or someone who has just been laughed at by bullies. These susceptible targets can then be invited to cause destruction in what they suddenly feel is an entirely justifiable act: like throwing their knife at the floor, or kicking one of the bullies in the stomach. Jayne physically gains strength and stamina by corrupting others, and recharges her Frost Blight.

Okay, this is just something I would like to extend to you as someone who has seen powers with the same underlying idea as this one of affecting others.

I would highly recommend rewriting this portion of her power. The cryokinesis is okay, but this is going to be extremely hard to pull off and the reason for this is because it depends solely on everyone else to take her ability into account. I have faith that everyone I've accepted thus far would be capable of doing it- but to what degree? Everyone has a different idea of what affects who and how much. As a result, I cannot accept this power due to an impossible to control lack of consistency. I'm sorry to have to do that- because I love the idea, but the execution of the power will have to change for it to work in a group project. If you want to her gain strength and stamina based upon other people's emotions, we can roll with that, buy you'll have to let me know what her maximum potential is.

While the Cultists Frost Contagion is regulated by the scientists aboard the promise, she possesses the discreetly dangerous emotion altering ability in total secrecy.

No dice. Every ability in this universe can be picked up- as it produces a form of energy in one way or another.

Overall, the character is okay, but I cant accept it for the aforementioned reasons. I would also like to extend to you that your character is lacking in a large variety of areas where I would like to see more as a result of her persona. I understand the Scarlett Witch motif you're going for, but why all the tattoos? Why does she enjoy having power over others so much? She doesn't seem to have a dark history, so what's up my dude? She seems a little extra, for a lack of better word. I would also like to extend to you the idea that your character can be edgy and outgoing if you play it right. I'm going to be posting an Alpha-female type character if we get enough male characters, and I think that she's believable. Your character in her current form is very much a lone wolf. In an interaction heavy RP, that can be really boring to write. I know because I'm speaking from experience.

Thank you for submitting this character, because it's a learning experience for me as well. This is my first time GMing, and seeing areas where I can improve other's understanding can make other's lives easier in the future.

PM me and @SepticGentleman with any questions, and a fixed sheet if you're still interested. We'll work the details out from there, and she'll be accepted next time you post her if I can do anything about it.

Oh, an on a final note, I made this for humors sake.

@JunkMail Since she wouldn't be able to keep the Corruption a secret, I will have to go with something else. I wasn't thinking of using her Corruption power on anyone else in the RP, only NPCs, and it would only enable her to keep on using her cryokinesis and feeling good in general. Sorry her personality didn't add up, I tried to make her method "using her power not on the weak, but on those who think they have a sense of superiority or who she feels like knocking down a peg". Your finishing note on your post did make me lul! If I change her history or message you about it, do you think she would be accepted? I don't mind coming up with something else. You seem like genuinely good GM for your first time, I think your criticisms are fair.

@Hippocamp

No problem dude- I was kinda buying what you were selling, and I appreciate the compliment.

I think that your character can and definitely will get accepted in the near future. Just shoot me what you think is good and we'll go into a think tank together. I think you have the right ideas as it is, so I'm willing to bet you wont need much guidance from my end.

Shoot me and Septic a PM with any ideas you have and we'll be happy to go at it.

@JunkMail Not all heroes wear capes, but wrapping toilet paper around your neck like a scarf and calling yourself "Toilet Man" does not, in fact, make you a hero. It makes you a stalker. Please leave my house.

@JunkMail Not all heroes wear capes, but wrapping toilet paper around your neck like a scarf and calling yourself "Toilet Man" does not, in fact, make you a hero. It makes you a stalker. Please leave my house.

Screencapped.

@JunkMailIt's not a joke. Please leave. Someone send help.