<Snipped quote by Silver Fox>

quick tip: plural of 'Geth' is 'Geth'

• At 913 she’d nearing the end of the Asari’s average lifespan. While I’m not sure if it’s ever explicitly stated in the ME verse, I imagine there would be some old-age wear and tear affecting her by now. I imagine she’d almost certainly be slowing down to some extent, her experience still conspiring to make her incredibly effective but perhaps not as sharp as she once was. After all, even the Krogan start to show the effects of time as they get older.
• The bit about torturing enemies for info seems tacked on. Is torture the first option for her, or is it the last? Does she enjoy it, or does she view it as a necessary aspect of war?
• Where was she raised, Krogan or Asari space? Being raised by her father would imply Krogan, but then she would find it difficult to join a Commando unit as they are raised by the Asari communities that they represent.
• How did her skill at tactics improve? Was she given a command of her own? If so, why, if she wasn’t a skilled tactician to begin with?
• Why did she become a mercenary if she was already a part of an Asari Commando unit?

• I struggle to think why the Asari Republic would force her into a role she neither asked for nor truly enjoyed. It seems an odd move for a government that relies on diplomacy and accommodation. Did they think her talents would suit her better in that field? Was her name just drawn out of a hat? I always had the impression that Asari Maidens could pursue the paths they wished.
• If I remember rightly the galaxy at large didn’t believe the Reapers were a threat until they were literally knocking on the front door. I didn’t think the Asari recalled anyone until Thessia was actually under attack, not just after the battle of the Citadel. To be fair, my knowledge isn’t comprehensive, so if I’m wrong just tell me.
• Without formal training I can’t see her developing the skills to properly doctor anyone. I mean I understand the biology of a dog, doesn’t mean I’m qualified to be a vet. Perhaps instead of being sent away to study other aliens, she was instead instructed to become a combat medic, who specialises in Alien biology. She’d still have a reason to learn a bit about other cultures that way, and she could still resent the fact that she isn’t getting to train her combat abilities to their fullest potential. Also makes it an easier jump for her to become a doctor, and she could take the role of Ships Medic.

• Small thing, but I think Quarian’s age similarly to humans, so you could probably just say 29.
• What did he do while living on the Citadel? How did he earn his money?
• I believe the Crucible was a secret project. A poorly kept one mind you, but a secret nonetheless, otherwise the Reapers would have opposed it’s construction much earlier. How did Rol discover it’s construction to apply to join those working on it? And why would they accept him, if he was a marine rather than an engineer? I know his mother was a technician, but I got the impression that he much preferred strategy and tactics to technical skills. In fact you actually state at one point that he doesn’t know anything but warfare.
• Another small issue, but the plural of Geth is just Geth, not Geths.

• Everything is very brief, the sample posts and backstory especially. I don’t really get a true feel for the character, and there seems to be vast swathes of information missing. Where did he and his father get attacked by the Turian’s? How old was he at the time? How did he survive? Where did he go afterwards? How did he develop Biotic talent? Why did Cerberus approach him, how did they hear about his power? Why is he suddenly looking for redemption? And on that note you later say he is only looking for revenge, but those two things don’t work well together. And revenge against who, the Turians? If so you should know that he’ll be working for and with Turians in this RP.
• Also is his psyche profile you say ‘The Reapers are back’, however they are not back. They’ve been defeated, and the galaxy at large thinks they have all been destroyed.
• This is another instance were my knowledge of Mass Effect lore is lacking, but is there a precedent for the nanite technology that makes up his armour? It seems incredibly powerful.

• He was the largest, and so felt the need to push himself to keep up? That’s a strange thought process. Did you mean to say newest, or was there some kind of bias against him for his size?
• Why were Turian separatists hiding out on Illium?
• Whats he been doing in the year since the end of the war?
• You say he has a need for vengeance, but a vengeance against whom?
• A minor gripe would be that he’s a vanguard with a sniper rifle. Would he not be better served by a shotgun? Leave the sniping to someone who doesn’t already specialise in close quarters combat.

• I’m afraid I don’t quite follow this paragraph –

  When Shepard and the Creators came to Rannoch after the battle in which the Geth mind were just controlled, Phalanx was the first to eagerly greet them, despite the tension between the races. And how itself fell into the Reapers control, luckily managing to not be blast to bits. Despite wishing to join in the Reaper War and assist the great hero, Phalanx remained on Rannoch to assist the Creators in making the planet their home once more. Even using its own conscious to assist volunteer Creators to adjust their frail bodies to the Rannoch air.

  Was Phalanx exempt from the Reaper’s control of the Geth? How? And why didn’t it join the Reaper war? Merely because it decided helping the Quarians on Rannoch was a better use of her time?
• Is there higher ranking Geth? I think they are democratically equal, and all decisions depend on consensus, rather than any structure of command.
• The episode with the human family and the terrorists is an odd, almost out of place addition. What terrorists was Phalanx ordered to attack, and why? And why did they take an interest in Clara? Was she a hostage, because they knew Phalanx was after them? And if so how did they know, and why didn’t they use her? I also agree with MrD’s assertation that ME tech isn’t advanced enough for a Geth to Frankenstein a body in the field, and I’m curious to why she attempted it in the first place. Is it supposed to be an example of when her emotions are at odds with her logical nature, and she somehow thought she could repair the girl?

• What was it she actually did that nearly led to the destruction of the Habitation Frigate? I mean that’s a pretty big lapse in judgement right there, and would definitely go down in her permanent records. It’s the kind of thing the Spectres would want to know about her.

• Are the Lance of Light a Bioware creation, or something you’ve devised? I couldn’t find any information on them. If it’s the latter could you please describe them in greater detail. I couldn’t figure out if they’re a ship or ground force, nor how large they are.
• Same as the above for the Apostle. Just a short description of it’s appearance and capabilities would suffice.

@SilverFox Yeah, as this is set after ME:3 I have no issue with Geth party members. Phalanx could give some fresh perspectives on things that other non-Geth characters would think of.

• I’m afraid I don’t quite follow this paragraph – <Snipped quote> Was Phalanx exempt from the Reaper’s control of the Geth? How? And why didn’t it join the Reaper war? Merely because it decided helping the Quarians on Rannoch was a better use of her time?
  I changed it to where it was controlled during the battle of Rannoch, but survived the attack. If I remember correctly, after Shepard won at Rannoch and Legion sacrificed itself so that individual platforms can gain individual consciousnesses, the control was broken. In which is how Shepard gains Geth support in the war. And yes, pretty much concluded it was better to stay home. It was built for infiltrating, not run up and charge into war. But I can change it so that it was damaged.
• Is there higher ranking Geth? I think they are democratically equal, and all decisions depend on consensus, rather than any structure of command.
  This I wasn't sure of it since now after the Reaper War, the Geth apparently have 'individuality', I'll change it though since their form of government probably doesn't change.
• The episode with the human family and the terrorists is an odd, almost out of place addition. What terrorists was Phalanx ordered to attack, and why? And why did they take an interest in Clara? Was she a hostage, because they knew Phalanx was after them? And if so how did they know, and why didn’t they use her? I also agree with MrD’s assertation that ME tech isn’t advanced enough for a Geth to Frankenstein a body in the field, and I’m curious to why she attempted it in the first place. Is it supposed to be an example of when her emotions are at odds with her logical nature, and she somehow thought she could repair the girl?
  
  Indeed, it is supposed to represent at odds of logical, and emotion. Logically, it would be impossible for her to truly bring back life. But the thought of MAYBE she could based on the Reaper Husks, or a complete machine, android, cyborg, whatever. Switching to the logical of 'It is better to save a life at whatever cost.' even if that is the incorrect wavelength to follow. Trying was better then doing nothing.
  
  As for whom she attacked, supposed to be perhaps some random bandits. Rogues, whatever. And reason to capturing Clara is simply for blackmailing the wealthy family for money. Nothing personal to Phalanx. But I can cut that whole backstory out. It was something from the original CS in which in that rp Centuries passed since the Reaper War. But I can cut it out here.

@AquaAzura – I like the concept of an Asari warrior who’s more bodybuilder than ballerina, very unique. The thought of her stomping around the battlefield like a Krogan makes me smile. Just a few issues though, if you could help clear them please.

• At 913 she’d nearing the end of the Asari’s average lifespan. While I’m not sure if it’s ever explicitly stated in the ME verse, I imagine there would be some old-age wear and tear affecting her by now. I imagine she’d almost certainly be slowing down to some extent, her experience still conspiring to make her incredibly effective but perhaps not as sharp as she once was. After all, even the Krogan start to show the effects of time as they get older.
• The bit about torturing enemies for info seems tacked on. Is torture the first option for her, or is it the last? Does she enjoy it, or does she view it as a necessary aspect of war?
• Where was she raised, Krogan or Asari space? Being raised by her father would imply Krogan, but then she would find it difficult to join a Commando unit as they are raised by the Asari communities that they represent.
• How did her skill at tactics improve? Was she given a command of her own? If so, why, if she wasn’t a skilled tactician to begin with?
• Why did she become a mercenary if she was already a part of an Asari Commando unit?

Also, while she’d be acting independently of her own squad while working with the Spectre’s, I think the addition of her Commando’s is a neat idea, and I’m sure we could find scenarios were our team can work with them somewhere down the line.