Granted, but they're MLP scat fetish ponies who are all madly in love with you. So... yeah, have fun with that.

I wish that all sailors who serve aboard submarines in navies around the world would be hence forth called "The Moist Bois".

Granted but you now have some rather miffed sailors armed with nuclear warheads out to find you.

I wish the ice caps weren't melting.

granted but now all the oceans are frozen solid.

I wish for a mushroom bacon swiss cheeseburger.

Granted, it's rotten

I wish for the power of clairvoyance

Granted but only while Justin Bieber is going to the bathroom.

I wish for a 1998 dodge viper.

Granted, it's broken down and useless

I wish for a Death Note

granted but it only works on petunias and daffodils.

I wish for world peace.

Granted. Rocks fall, everyone dies. Our fossils are discovered by aliens, right before more rocks fall on their flying saucer.... which is in orbit... they all die as well. The world is otherwise peacefully orbiting the sun in a stable trajectory towards its own oblivion.

I wish for CNN to never again report on anything they already reported on (especially in-depth) the previous week. Y'know, reporting on news that isn't already 2 months old at the time of its broadcasting.

Granted but instead they now have breaking news stories every time you visit the toilet with tv crews armed with heat vision cameras and highly sensitive microphones trained on your house at all times.

I wish I knew how the universe started.

Granted but you're diagnosed with a heart condition - you now have a massive motivation and urge to go to the gym...but raising your blood pressure could kill you so all you do is go and watch other people in the gym...and eat pie.

I wish I could time travel.@FreeElk

You act like I don't already do this.

Granted, you can now time travel like Doctor Who, but you have to live forever and you will never find your soul mate

I wish I was taller.

@luna558granted but you are now so tall you can never go inside ever

I wish I had the delorean from back to the future

@luna558granted but you are now so tall you can never go inside ever

I wish I had the Delorean from back to the future

I can live with that.

Granted. It gets stolen on day three.

I wish I didn't have to worry about cavities.

(Could be worse, you could find them, only to have it perma-ripped away from you)
Granted, you now must crawl in order to clear anything resembling a doorframe, drive-thru, or tunnel. You also develop a sense of claustrophobia as a resault of not fitting or being able to move well in tight spaces.

Granted, you lose your natural teeth. Enjoy the wonderful world of dentures and superpolygrip.

I would've wished that I could still see out my left eye, so I could resume archery and target-shooting, but recent practice has shown this to be a very moot point. (dusting the cobwebs off my old target-bow after ten years and still getting hits probably made me happier than it should've)

Kinda wishing to talk to my friends more often, actually.

Granted...but they're all doing archery and thats all they talk about...reminding you of the fact you can't shoot.

(Left eye dominant? You can retrain in your right eye, sure you'll have to get a different riser , sight and stuff but lets be honest...you are now right eye dominant if you can't see out your left ^^ but I'll shut up, I'm sure you've thought of all that)

I wish the news wasn't so depressing.

I... I can't in good conscience crush this wish. Granted. You've just solved all the world's problems in one fell swoop - the metaphorical bullet through a metaphorical orange president's head.

I wish I could have another McDonalds cheeseburger. I've just had one for the third time in my seventeen years, and it was magnificent. It must be an exact replica of the one I had earlier - beef patty, bread bun, ketchup and cheese. It cannot be rotten or make me sick, and cannot have a negative effect on the world at large or my weight. Whoever finds a loophole will win a prize!

Granted. However, as it turns out, this cheeseburger is in fact such a magnificent cheeseburger that it is the standard towards which all cheeseburgers naturally aspire - the Platonic Form of Cheeseburger-dom. It is literally perfect in every way, and as such cannot harm you should you consume it, nor will it ever rot or decay. As it is perfect, it also will not cause any negative effects on the world at large due to its existence, nor will it harm your weight.

However, this cheeseburger is simply too perfect to be eaten. While the burger itself does not harm the world, and, in fact, by its mere existence makes the world a better place, this is exactly the problem. Were you to actually eat it, you would knowingly be harming the world, something which you cannot do given the parameters of your wish. As such, you are left with the one true cheeseburger within your grasp, but are forever unable to partake of its deliciousness.

I wish that my hair was approximately 2% fluffier.

Granted (hair fluffiness adjusted by 2.0239979%) ... however you're now so fluffy that every time you pass a small child they gain the strength to lift you and shake you about crying "its so fluffy"

(A video of your treatment seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCEVTcL1bJ0)

I wish I could stop (and restart) time for everyone else but still be able to sit and think through a situation before restarting time and acting.

Granted, you get stuck in a daydream-loop from which you never wake up from, thinking this is reality.

[Inception foghorn noise]

Granted...but they're all doing archery and thats all they talk about...reminding you of the fact you can't shoot.

(Left eye dominant? You can retrain in your right eye, sure you'll have to get a different riser , sight and stuff but lets be honest...you are now right eye dominant if you can't see out your left ^^ but I'll shut up, I'm sure you've thought of all that)

I wish the news wasn't so depressing.

Granted, it wasn't. Actually I can still manage with a lefty-bow (although the old settings on the sight-pins are beyond useless due to a completely different anchor-point needed to get my right-eye in-line [it's about an inch or two lower]), and it'll take awhile to build up the shoulder-muscles to pull a seventy-pounder right-handed... But I'm getting there.

---

I wish CNN would stop trying to predict the future. They aren't good at it.

Granted, CNN stop trying to predict the future and instead move their talents to the past...and end up confusing the world about what has actually happened, losing all cultural identity and technological advancement.

@Foster 70 pounds?! I'm guessing we're talking longbow or compound here. My recurve is only a little over half that (36) and its taken me three years to build that up (partly money based). At least if it is compound the resting poundage is a lot lower.

I wish it wasn't raining quite so much during our English 'summer'

I'm english and hasn't actually rained that much ( probably because I just got back from america )

I wish my brother would wake up and visit me