<Snipped quote by NuttsnBolts>

We are in 100% agreement on this.

So then I ask, as a simple and basic question with no extra padding or information... Is it wrong for me to ask if I can write with another writer of a particular gender?

Sexual and cultural preference does not matter when you're RPing though. STILL not an excuse. You're not having sex with or getting married to your RP partner. They are simply a brain on the other side of the screen. You will probably never see them or even know for sure what their gender is. If you asked me if I was a female I could easily lie. Then you would never know. "Finding it weird" is not an excuse. It's not "gay" to RP a MxF romance if you're a dude and so is your partner.

The most dynamic, well-rounded and compelling female character I have ever had the pleasure of RPing with was played by a bisexual dude.

What if someone posted a 1x1 interest check with a plot premise I really liked. They seem to be the perfect partner and we agree on every single thing in their rules except one. Let's say I'm a chick and they are requesting a male player to play a male character. But I know I can play awesome male characters. I can match all their other expectations. So I offer to play anyways. I don't mention my gender. They don't ask, they just assume I'm a guy. We discuss the details. We start an RP. We play for months. We never explicitly talk about our real life genders and all my comments about myself could easily refer to a man or a woman.

Then like a year down the road they find out that I am actually a chick. They accuse me of lying to them and stop RPing with me, even the RP is going awesomely. Not a single other issue has come up.

Who is in the wrong here? What difference does my gender make?

Or what if the same thing happens but it's a guy who thinks I'm a girl but it turns out we're both guys? The RP is going great and is exactly what we were both looking for. Why does finding out I'm a guy ruin it for them?

The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.

<Snipped quote by Drache>

So then I ask, as a simple and basic question with no extra padding or information... Is it wrong for me to ask if I can write with another writer of a particular gender?

Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.

I think you misunderstood me when I said I was in agreement. I agree that RPing with a minor are legal issues. I agree that making weird and bad requests is a thing people can do without breaking the rules of this site. I did not say I agreed that those requests are reasonable, any more than I think it's reasonable for any other show of sexism or racism or any other kind of -ism that people are allowed to get away with on this site.

Some of what you're saying I already addressed. Look. I can count on one hand how many romances my characters have had in RPs, and I do not smut. I don't plan romances either. I am saying this as an unbiased party.

I am sorry you and your friends have been mistreated. Just don't turn that into a crusade against a group of roleplayers, the majority of which haven't bothered you, based on their tastes, when you can choose to stay away from them.

Some of what you're saying I already addressed. Look. I can count on one hand how many romances my characters have had in RPs, and I do not smut. I don't plan romances either. I am saying this as an unbiased party.

I am sorry you and your friends have been mistreated. Just don't turn that into a crusade against a group of roleplayers, the majority of which haven't bothered you, based on their tastes, when you can choose to stay away from them.

Uh. Okay. *thumbs up*

One of the best writer's I had was I assumed female, but to be honest I don't really know cause we branched into all sorts of areas across the total of four roleplays. Unfortunately they left due to some personal reasoning but I am always waiting for their return because they were such an amazing writer, no matter what gender they were.

However I'll repeat my question with a yes or no answer... Is it wrong for me to make a choice on a writer based on a gender?

My point is that no matter what you answer your talking about how I should not be allowed the freedom of choice, that I must be restricted to every possibility and must take everything that comes our way. You have also basically compared me and others to sex offenders who crave for clit pics just to prove your point.

I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but how is having a choice on who you write with connected with the desire to sexually harass someone?

I literally answered this exact question above. Are you expecting a different answer this time?

Here, I will quote myself for you:

<Snipped quote by NuttsnBolts>

Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.

And I already addressed the issue of choice. At the risk of continuing to repeat myself to cover points that you're ignoring...

This is not about choice when your partner's gender DOES NOT AFFECT ANYTHING. Not a single person arguing for gender restrictions and exclusions on this thread has given a single reason why a person's gender should automatically be used as a method of exclusion when it comes to RP. If you can provide one then I would be very interested to hear it.

Also, this sentence is a gem: "that I must be restricted to every possibility and must take everything that comes our way".
a) Because having even more options than you would have if you weren't excluding people is somehow "restricting" and
b) You absolutely do NOT have to take "everything that comes your way" (because talking to chicks AND dudes is somehow SUCH a hardship!)

Why not look into actual legitimate methods of screening RPers, such as comparing RP styles, RP preferences, schedules, posting frequency, etc. Why not ask for a writing sample from one of their male characters if you are looking for a male character?

You are deliberately making it sound like gender is the ultimate deciding factor for picking a partner when in fact it makes absolutely NO difference. You can RP with practically anyone and their gender would be the least important factor. I bring up skeezy people because those are often the people doing this. I'll quote myself again:

The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.

This is sexism. My question for you is, is it okay to be sexist?

Is it wrong for me to make a choice on a writer based on a gender?

I'll go ahead and answer this. No, no it is not. That's entirely your prerogative. However, in doing so you implicitly accept that you will be judged on that action. People interpret that action differently, some judging more harshly than others.

Semi-related anecdote: I once had a 1x1 where I was ridiculously picky. I made people write me a full length reply to even be considered. I turned down three people before I agreed to take someone on. The guy was a fantastic writer and he was definitely worthy of being picked. Few days later after we're a good ten posts each along ... he comes back to me saying that he reread my actual interest check, noted that I was not his gender preference (my IRL gender does not align to the gender distribution of my characters) and did not wish to continue. Had this been a different RP I would have been more merciful, but because I turned down three people and had been really longing for this plot for two months prior, I absolutely chewed him out for it. My opinions on IRL gender preferences thus are particularly scathing.

You are well within your rights to have an IRL gender preference. You are implicitly accepting the consequences though, and in my case those consequences are that I instantly write off anyone I see doing it. Their plots, pairings, characters, everything. The player is struck off as someone I will never write with 1x1. Period. End of discussion.

You are free to have whatever preferences you want, just as I am free to never consider you as a partner. (You are not actually on my shit list plz don't worry.)

I'm sort of surprised this turned into a thing...

But at the same time. I'm not surprised at all...

@Sierra

Thank you for saying this far more eloquently than I did.

@Drache I think the main difference is that I am just less likely to bite someone's head off over it. I still judge just as harshly, but I just add them to my shit list and move on. No point dwelling. Dwelling only makes me bitter and being bitter is not fun. I've been through that.

In the end of the day, despite our disagreements and differences, we do actually have one thing in common. We roleplay.

@Drache I think the main difference is that I am just less likely to bite someone's head off over it. I still judge just as harshly, but I just add them to my shit list and move on. No point dwelling. Dwelling only makes me bitter and being bitter is not fun. I've been through that.

I don't think that's a fair assessment. I may be opinionated about it but it's not like I spend my time trolling through the RPs to find the shitty RPers so I can attack them. I only came to this thread because I was summoned. XD

In the end of the day, despite our disagreements and differences, we do actually have one thing in common. We roleplay, so that's a good thing yeah?

Some of us better than others, it seems. XD

Since I joined in in the status bar, I figure I'll add my two cents to the thread, too. While breasting boobily along, because ahahaha, I'm still laughing at that. *coughs* Sorry, totally serious here. My two cents are really not worth much.

I've only ever seen this popping up in the 1x1s and have heard about it happening during a D&D campaign start, but usually I don't wind up writing with those people because, following their rules, I can't or I don't like their plots. I've been a bit disappointed on occasion, but I never really thought much on the subject because there's lots more fish in the sea. But reading all the posts and arguments, I have to agree that, generally speaking, it's not the best way to make a good impression or gain the best results. As Sierra said though, it's their choice, and it has some consequences. Like most choices.

Most of the time, I'd say it's silly and not at all openminded, however, I have heard instances of trouble with other writers who couldn't separate themselves from their characters and became horribly possessive and stalkerish of their partner and their partner's character whether their partner wanted them to be or not. I've also heard of spouses and significant others having a hissy fit about their loved one writing romances with people of the opposite or same gender. In these instances, I could understand why someone might try to limit their interactions, and why they might be upset about someone lying to them. Even if they've been having a blast prior to learning the gender of their partner.

Granted, the first would be generalizing from one or two (maybe more, I dunno, though I'd say go whoever's persevering) bad experiences, but those can severely ruin any chance of fun someone might have had and they could be hoping to avoid that in the future. And the second is probably suggestive of a need to get out of that relationship (or communicate a whole lot more), but that's not an easy thing to do.

Those are the two instances I can think of where I would say yes, okay, fair enough. But I'm certainly not going to ask them to justify their choice if those are reasons I think are valid. I'll simply hope they have better luck and eventually grow brave enough, or their situation changes, to give them the chance to branch out. I'm not sure it would solve their problems either, but it's an attempt I can understand making.

I have no way of knowing how these people guarantee that their partners are of the requested gender, and maybe it's enough that they feel they can trust them to have read and followed the rules. And for that reason I do think it's a bit of a darker area to be lying about your gender, even if it's by omission, unless you know why the person wants the specified gender. Though I still don't think lying is the best solution to that problem, I also don't think it's hurting anyone, if it is just that they prefer one gender over another. I've been tempted to do the same myself sometimes. If I saw a plot I really really wanted to play, but couldn't, I'd probably just borrow it and see if I can find someone else whose preferences I do satisfy who wants to give it a go with me.

But, I also don't often write romances, I'm apparently horrible at it. Even if I love the story idea. Maybe if I wrote them more, I'd have a better understanding of this issue.

I'm starting to wonder if being pan/poly is making it impossible for me to relate to this insane fixation people have. I basically entertain all offers and nothing really resonates more than anything else because I literally have no preference. Aha.

Well, it makes me bristle every time I see it, too. Especially if I've been silly and started with the plots, gone eeeeee that one that one that one! and then read through the rules and gone awwwwww but I can totally play a male just fine!

I just never cared to take it further than an internal tooth grinding moment before moving on because moving on is much faster and I have so many other plots and stories that haven't gone anywhere to cry over that I just can't find the energy to take it up with an actual person who might talk back at me as opposed to all my vanished partners.... Somehow, this makes sense, shush, it does.

Eh. As a "straight person" in the real world, I make a very solid distinction between character and roleplayer, which is another thing quite a few people simply do not do.

Remind me to never mess with politics and gender topics.

Remind me to never mess with politics and gender topics.

Did you not know that politics and religion are the ultimate "don' do it" topics on the net? :p

Come to think of it, gender does seem to be making the list too.

Remind me to never mess with politics and gender topics.

If you produce wrong think. You'll have people foaming at the mouth in no time.