OOC Gender Restrictions

[TrippyNightmare]

An epic point brought up by my friend @drache

I don't agree with any reason to select a RP partner based on their gender. This is about the RP. This isn't a dating site. Your partner's gender is 100% irrelevant.

I agree! You should never restrict a roleplay because someone isnt the gender you want, if a person RP wells and you like them why would you turn them away!?

Thoughts guild :)?

[SleepingSilence]

*Shrugs* Don't care much. People sometimes want the same sex because they don't want it to become creepy and their paranoid. It happens both ways, for various reasons aside from just dating. Most smut 1x1's, basically is fancy porn. :P

Live and Let Be Creepy Picky. I guess. But I'm personally against the idea, and would never do it myself.

[Darcel]

I kind of agree, this isn't about gender but rather, the ability to experience a beautiful journey with your roleplay partner regardless the gender, the skin color, the religion, etc.

[NuttsnBolts]

Playing devil's advocate here but some people may feel comfortable writing with a certain gendered individual, or even discussing certain ideas. The statement of "this isn't a dating site" is correct, but does broadening your horizons with who you talk to requires that you must be open to all individuals?

To give an example, in my characters I tend to play a female role. Probably 80-90% of my characters turn out female. On the odd occasion I will have an interest in playing a male role and the first priority I set is to find a female player with a decent idea for a story. This isn't for smut reasons or adult matchmaker, but a female player will most likely play a female role, which works out well for a M/F character pairing.

Generally speaking you will also find different gendered writers will write differently. Language, mannerisms, introduction of life experiences into the story; a male will typically lean towards adventures and action, whereas a female will learn more towards romance.

Taking those two points into account, let's say I want to write a non action rp—maybe something with a little romance and less macho... I'd probably be on the lookout for a female writer. This isn't anything to do with sexism, misogyny, or even gender equality; it's about obtaining what I want and need to achieve a story that I want to write. If that so happens to mean that I have to restrict my preferences to a writers gender and it's going to improve the odds of finding a pairing that I'm happy with, then that's what I will do.

[Drache]

I disagree with you, Nutts. In my experience some of the best romance/fluffy RPers have turned out to be gay men, and some of the most aggressive battle-oriented players have turned out to be chicks.

When I am negotiating RPs with people I state my preferences for what kind of RP I want up front. My player's gender, sexuality, race, whatever is literally of ZERO consequence. I don't even ask until later. I find it personally demeaning and offensive when I see people saying "I'm a guy looking for female RPers" or "Woman looking for guy players ONLY." I avoid those RPs like the plague. Not only do they almost always turn out to be terrible RPers, but there is almost ALWAYS a significant amount of OOC drama associated with those people as well.

I don't tell my gender up front either. I have gone by male and female pronouns on this site and I never bother to correct anyone.

There seems to be a big misconception that people generally only want to play the same gender/sexuality that they are in real life. That's not true for a good portion of the people here. Even those who write "female looking for male" they actually just mean they are wanting to play a female character against a male character regardless of the actual gender of their partner.

Here's an example of one like that:
roleplayerguild.com/topics/167857-loo…

But then there is an example of a shitty one:
roleplayerguild.com/topics/167718-im-…

♪ At this time, I'll only roleplay with male partners.

Fucking really?

I'm curious. When people post this kind of crap do they actually grill everyone who approaches them? Do you actually ask, "are you really a guy? Can you send me a dick pic to prove it?" Are people really so thick and short-sighted to think that a chick can't play a male character? Or a dude can't play a female character? Do these people never play characters that are gay when they themselves are straight? Or aliens with no gender? Or intersex characters?

On a site where you're pretty much anonymous it doesn't make sense to be that picky. There's no way to verify anyone's gender. Anyone can lie. If you're that "uncomfortable" then a site like this one probably isn't the best choice. I have yet to hear a legit reason for this kind of personal gate-keeping.

Does no one ever think outside the box?

I mean, I get it if you are a straight chick and you want to play an RP about a straight chick who ends up with a straight dude. Whatever. But what the fuck does your partner's gender have to do with it? Most of us are here to have fun and better our own writing skill. What kind of world would this be if legit authors were restricted to only writing characters that matched themselves.

Boring as fuck.

[mickilennial]

Generally speaking you will also find different gendered writers will write differently. Language, mannerisms, introduction of life experiences into the story; a male will typically lean towards adventures and action, whereas a female will learn more towards romance.

@NuttsnBolts

I know it’s not your intent, but this kind of sentiment reminds me of statistics that insist on nonsense such as “Boys like actions figures and superheroes! Girls like dolls and dresses!”. It has everything to do with sexism, presumptions, normalization of gender barriers, and so forth. In terms of slice of life RPs, this is no different than toy aisles in that it’s absolutely and completely wrong. Most of the people I’ve engaged with in making good slice-of-life (ie: drama-oriented stories) aren’t the generalized female writer that is stereotyped by any means.

A person’s actual gender should have no precedent on deciding if you want to write with them. Their quality of prose should.

[Drache]

It just seems really odd to me to care that much about a set of genitals that you will not be interacting with in any way, shape, or form, and it really says a lot about who you are as a person, not to mention your priorities when it comes to RPing (going back to the dating-site thing.)

Ahem.

Does my RP make my clit look too big?

[mickilennial]

I agree that it makes someone look like they are looking to flirt/connect/make-relations with their writing partner in a romantic or sexual way rather than focus on the writing.

[ArenaSnow]

On a site like this, it is naive or creepy to specifically require certain genders and expect to get them, and then treat people differently on that basis. I consider a particularly good roleplayer someone who is able to look at a scenario from all perspectives, including being able to emulate male and female psychology convincingly enough to make the real world differences irrelevant. If you are female and don't want to play males, that's fine. Don't assume someone else can't play females if they're male, and vice versa.

What makes me straight out laugh is cases of "female looking for female to play MxM". Wot. Like really. What.

I simply avoid roleplayers who make the distinction between genders in a literary context most of the time. It's not even worth bitching about, honestly. Won't change anything. I'll tell you what my gender is, but I couldn't give a shit what your gender is.

Making generalizations based on the distinctions between gender is typically somewhat irrelevant. I find that the distinction between human beings outweighs the distinction between genders. Going by gender stereotypes, I should be better with cars, have quite a bit more muscle, and take a more aggressive approach to situations than I find I typically do. The stereotypes of personality in a roleplay context, especially if the roleplayer is competent, I find immaterial.

There's a few roleplayers I've seen with interesting content that I've dismissed because I found their gender bias unfavorable.

And yes, there's a few people in the 1x1 forum in particular that seem to have more of an interest in appeasing their dicks than their literary sides.

[Darcel]

I find it personally demeaning and offensive when I see people saying "I'm a guy looking for female RPers" or "Woman looking for guy players ONLY." I avoid those RPs like the plague. Not only do they almost always turn out to be terrible RPers, but there is almost ALWAYS a significant amount of OOC drama associated with those people as well.

@Drache

In this, I have to politely disagree. I don't find it offensive but rather normal when I see roleplayers specifying their gender interest in the rules.

Male loking for a female roleplayer, that is normal.
Male loking for a male roleplayer, that is normal.
Female looking for a female, also normal.
Male/female looking for a roleplayer regardless the gender, whoops! also normal.

This isn't about the likes nor dislikes, it's all about the freedom of choice and we, as adult roleplayers, need to respect it. Because to take away a roleplayer's freedom of choosing, even his freedom to make the wrong choice, is to manipulate him as though he/she were a puppet and not a person.

You like it? Good.
You don't like it? also good.

This isn't about you, this is about mutual respect between him, her, you, me and us. I, as a straight man, prefer to roleplay with a female if my roleplay involved romance and adult content (happens rarely) and I find it very disrespectful to judge people just because they WANT TO ROLEPLAY WITH A FEMALE OR A MALE.

Respect the choice of others, and they will respect yours. Simple as that. Regardless the difference, whether if we're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor.

I'm sure you had your experinces, I had mine and others did too and guess what? we happen to be different and it's our job to respect that in order to maintain balance and avoid conflicts, it's our job to ignore or find a solution, not nag about it and revive old rusty problems.

[mickilennial]

I disagree in that people are owed respect of any sort. There is a difference in the courtesy of giving manners and giving someone respect.

[Drache]

@Chasebloodcrest

To be honest I disagree with your entire post and premise. There is a massive difference between specifying your preference in the content of your RPs (which does include the gender or sexuality of your CHARACTERS) and restricting people on this site based on the player's actual real life gender/sexuality/etc.

You failed to give any example as to why preference in your partner's gender actually makes a difference. If I asked to RP with you, would you ask me my gender? If I turned out to not be a straight female would you actually refuse to RP with me? Why? Please explain why my gender actually affects the content of any RP we might create together.

I am also waiting to hear how people actually verify the gender of their RP partners.

[NuttsnBolts]

I disagree with you, Nutts. In my experience some of the best romance/fluffy RPers have turned out to be gay men, and some of the most aggressive battle-oriented players have turned out to be chicks.

@Drache

I agree with you, some gay men are amazing romance writers, and some females love their violent action. I did a 1x1 with a female writer that was nothing short of zombies, blood, gore, and killing. I'm not stating that these people don't exist.

@Chasebloodcrest actually said it well, but it's simply a freedom of choice and what some people look for is very different than what others look for. If someone has written with 10 female writers then maybe they want to write with someone male for a change and will state they are looking for a male writer. That's not sexist, that's looking for a choice.

I am also waiting to hear how people actually verify the gender of their RP partners.

@Drache

I dunno... maybe you can simply talk to them like a normal human being instead of asking for their clit size. Discuss the RP, start the IC, get a few post in and find out your partner is a female with 3 children. Find out they have a certain profession or they are going through college.

[Drache]

<Snipped quote by Drache>
I dunno... maybe you can simply talk to them like a normal human being instead of asking for their clit size. Discuss the RP, start the IC, get a few post in and find out your partner is a female with 3 children. Find out they have a certain profession or they are going through college.

@NuttsnBolts

We're not talking about talking to your partner like a normal person though. I do tend to find things out about my partners in this way. We're talking about people who state up front that they will ONLY play with a certain gender partner. That isn't allowing for any chance of getting into the RP before finding out personal details about people. That's insisting on finding out intimately personal details up front.

And this isn't about choice either. If I want to specifically choose to play with someone who has a high skill and experience with like...a battle RP, then I can list that in my interest check. Assuming that a male player is going to be my best option for that is sexism. No matter how you slice it, grouping people into gender categories based on the assumption of what kind of RP they will be best at is sexism.

I guess if you want to choose to be sexist, that's fine. Just call it what it is. You can't hide behind calling it a 'preference' or a 'choice' when your criteria is flawed.

Edit to add: I also find it disheartening that so many people would dismiss a non-binary partner out of hand. If too many people insist on finding a partner that is male or female that doesn't leave a lot of options for people who are neither.

[mickilennial]

I only role-play with Hispanic men from Guatemala. Full warning.

[Drache]

I only role-play with Hispanic men from Guatemala. Full warning.

@Inkarnate

[Snipermoose]

I don't see the significance of someone's irl gender in a roleplay, even if the roleplay is about sex or whatever. If someone's good at RP, then their character will act like whatever gender you desired anyway.

How about instead of

"I want to do 1x1 smexy times rp with female only."

It could be

"I want to do 1x1 smexy times rp with someone good at playing female characters."

At least, that's how I see it.

[Drache]

"I want to do 1x1 smexy times rp with someone good at playing female characters."

@Snipermoose

Or you could just say "Looking for the M for a MxF". That doesn't restrict anyone based on their real life circumstances and will attract players who are interested in playing the role you need.

[Darcel]

@Chasebloodcrest

If I asked to RP with you, would you ask me my gender? If I turned out to not be a straight female would you actually refuse to RP with me? Why? Please explain why my gender actually affects the content of any RP we might create together.

@Drache

Perhaps I failed to plant my point of view properly but I believe I stated beforehand >> this isn't about gender but rather, the ability to experience a beautiful journey with your roleplay partner regardless the gender, the skin color, the religion, blah blah ta da boo<<< hopefully, that will answer your questions. In my experience, both as a moderator in another roleplay app and a member in this website, gender never effected the content of my roleplays.

@Chasebloodcrest
I am also waiting to hear how people actually verify the gender of their RP partners.

@Drache

You say that as if determining the gender of your partner is Stephen Hawking's equation about the black hole. I don't know about you but I speak with my partners, y'know... the-all-hi-and-how-are-you. Oh, I do skype, phone call them too and the voice doesn't lie, does it? What can I say, I'm a friendly person and I don't mind building a friendship with my partner from time to time. Don't worry, I don't force them to reveal their gender by force, we just chat and boom, a piece of cake.

[POOHEAD189]

I don't think it's sexism for a female person having an easier time writing for female characters because she herself is female. I'm a novelist and I write for female characters quite well, but it'd be ignorant of me to dismiss a female's critique on if I write them odd in any way because "wow we're NO different."

Men and Women are equal, but they do have different body chemistries and different experiences based upon their physical sex which gives them a perspective that is inherently different from the other.

However, I don't think that's what the thread is about. It's about whether someone is comfortable playing with a male who plays as a female, or vice versa. Honestly? Who cares. If someone is comfortable with that, cool. If they aren't, you can't guilt trip them or judge them into being comfortable. They cannot help it. It's how they see things, and at the end of the day, the role play guild is escapism. As long as they aren't being an ass about it, don't be an ass to them on what they do and do not enjoy. Roleplay with someone else.