"Hi, I'm your neighbour and I just came here to tell you that your wife successfully unlocked your phone."

"I know your wife has been cheating on you with the divorce lawyer you unknowingly hired, and that you lost your home, your job, and your five children, but hey, it's dollar night at the titty bar."

"You might hurt yourself."

"You forgot to clear your browsing history."

"I came by to say that you've just won a new lamborogini!"

"Bethesda finally decided to release Elder Scrolls VI!"

"I found the stairs!"

"Attack on Titan is on! You can jump later!"

That guy who fell into a coma woke up - you can finally get your five dollars back!

"The roof is higher, lol."

"Jim Carrey says:
"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,
The angry boy, a bit too insane,
Icing over a secret pain,
You know you don't belong,
You're the first to fight, You're way too loud,
You're the flash of light, On a burial shroud,
I know something's wrong,
Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, That you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand.
Well he's on the table, And he's gone to code,
And I do not think anyone knows,
What they are doing here,
And your friends have left, You've been dismissed,
I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,
Everyone's got to face down the demons,
Maybe today, We can put the past away,
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,
I would understand,
I would understand...
Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
I would understand."

"Kim Kardashian just choked to death on a dick! There's still hope!"

"The wifi is back on! No need to jump!"

"2017's almost over!"

"The Christmas Tree lights came back on!"