Alright, here are some thoughts in the hider below @Irisity. Please take a look at them when you get a chance!
@Heyitsjiwon Now onto Lothair! I as I said to Irisity, please take a look at the hider below!
I want to say that overall I am pretty happy with the direction you took this character. The way her Flaws were written gave me the sense that she was going to be an abuse victim without much agency, but you QUICKLY banished that notion and produced a character who has proactively chosen to abandon her lot in life and murder her own dad. Vicious. I love it!
That doesn't mean that I don't have any critiques to offer, and the parentheses hinted at that. So, let's begin!
Firstly, I know I said this already, but you can make your own flaws, traits, and proficiencies. I don't know if you just liked the ones that already existed or if you were afraid of creating your own. Just wanted to remind you of that.
Secondly, while there is definitely a Germanic touch to Abagon, it also has a distinctly Spanish/North African touch as well. I only note this because of the naming conventions you used in your background. But this is a minor quibble.
Also, just to be clear: the settlements on the map aren't precisely small. There aren't a ton of huge cities in this region, but townships (like Sutter) are nevertheless a lot bigger than villages, for instance. There are a bunch of unlisted villages and small castles on the map. Everything shown is a more important location.
One last, important thought... Your character's family was one of farmers, right? But she has no farming-related proficiencies, and it's not clear where she learned fletchery and archery from. I'd see about making your history suit that a little better. Perhaps her first father became a poacher to feed his family? Did your character learn archery from a retired soldier? Etc.
But besides that, I really don't have many actual complaints. Your sheet is succinct and it conveys very clear messages about your character. The backstory gives her a touch of ruthlessness, or at least dangerous anger, and she definitely looks out for #1. Yet she's not a sociopath, and she sincerely wants to see her homeland repaired. Being no-nonsense makes that all even cooler. I really do like this character overall.
Give yourself one more trait (not required, but you can because you took an extra flaw) and consider the things I said. Don't feel bad about taking an extra trait, either - your character has WAY less skill points than an Old Timer or Middle Aged warrior, and being a peasant makes things rough. Kyra is a good character, and while I still need to see what other characters get produced, she will be given due consideration when the time to select the members of the party comes along.
That doesn't mean that I don't have any critiques to offer, and the parentheses hinted at that. So, let's begin!
Firstly, I know I said this already, but you can make your own flaws, traits, and proficiencies. I don't know if you just liked the ones that already existed or if you were afraid of creating your own. Just wanted to remind you of that.
Secondly, while there is definitely a Germanic touch to Abagon, it also has a distinctly Spanish/North African touch as well. I only note this because of the naming conventions you used in your background. But this is a minor quibble.
Also, just to be clear: the settlements on the map aren't precisely small. There aren't a ton of huge cities in this region, but townships (like Sutter) are nevertheless a lot bigger than villages, for instance. There are a bunch of unlisted villages and small castles on the map. Everything shown is a more important location.
One last, important thought... Your character's family was one of farmers, right? But she has no farming-related proficiencies, and it's not clear where she learned fletchery and archery from. I'd see about making your history suit that a little better. Perhaps her first father became a poacher to feed his family? Did your character learn archery from a retired soldier? Etc.
But besides that, I really don't have many actual complaints. Your sheet is succinct and it conveys very clear messages about your character. The backstory gives her a touch of ruthlessness, or at least dangerous anger, and she definitely looks out for #1. Yet she's not a sociopath, and she sincerely wants to see her homeland repaired. Being no-nonsense makes that all even cooler. I really do like this character overall.
Give yourself one more trait (not required, but you can because you took an extra flaw) and consider the things I said. Don't feel bad about taking an extra trait, either - your character has WAY less skill points than an Old Timer or Middle Aged warrior, and being a peasant makes things rough. Kyra is a good character, and while I still need to see what other characters get produced, she will be given due consideration when the time to select the members of the party comes along.
@Heyitsjiwon Now onto Lothair! I as I said to Irisity, please take a look at the hider below!
Ah, the young noble incensed by forbidden love. It's a tried and true trope, and definitely one that makes a good character. It's not a bad place to start making a character, and by your writing you seem to have a solid grasp of how you want to roleplay your character, what his place in the world is, what he wants... Yeah. Good start!
With that said, let's start with his name. Lothair is fine; Wollf I'm not sure I believe works. See, the Aldonian Empire definitely took a lot of inspiration in design from both Ancient Rome and certain periods of Russia. So, it may be a minor quibble, but I think your character's last name should feel like it belongs to one of those languages more.
Also, if you can just mention what your character's hair and eye color are in the physical description, that'd be a nice touch. Doesn't need to be a elaborate; a quick mention's enough.
Your proficiencies all make sense for the character, and you made up a couple of your own that perfectly suit the setting. Good stuff! Your traits are generally all solid. However, I think you've slightly misinterpreted Traumatized. Traumatized is effectively for characters with PTSD or similar conditions. Fight or flight is right, and if you consider your character to have a condition like that, then more power to you!
On the note of your traits again: I think Traumatized (Badly injured Caernling girls) is way too narrow. I know, this is just a bonus flaw you took. However, I don't want people to get the impression that flaws are minor problems. Broaden the scope of your Traumatized flaw and give yourself an extra trait, as per extra flaw rules; elsewise, consider taking another flaw/trait combo or removing it.
No complaints on your character's equipment. Thumbs up.
Your character's history all makes good sense and fits the setting. Coupled with his backstory, it gives the impression that he is a lost character, more reactionary to his surroundings than proactively doing much. This is an interesting twist on the young noble in love story arc, and I actually think it works well for him. He was the scion of his house, and now he's wandering aimlessly in the open world, trying to find his lost love, and he's questioning his old beliefs at the same time. It puts him in a state of flux, and that is pretty cool.
I find it very interesting, too, the way you described him working with other mercenary companies. It certainly paints an image of how disgruntled he may be with being used as a symbol. Interesting.
Take note of the things I said; give your sheet a once-over and after you've made any changes you feel are necessary, let me know. Lothair definitely has the right vibe for the setting.
With that said, let's start with his name. Lothair is fine; Wollf I'm not sure I believe works. See, the Aldonian Empire definitely took a lot of inspiration in design from both Ancient Rome and certain periods of Russia. So, it may be a minor quibble, but I think your character's last name should feel like it belongs to one of those languages more.
Also, if you can just mention what your character's hair and eye color are in the physical description, that'd be a nice touch. Doesn't need to be a elaborate; a quick mention's enough.
Your proficiencies all make sense for the character, and you made up a couple of your own that perfectly suit the setting. Good stuff! Your traits are generally all solid. However, I think you've slightly misinterpreted Traumatized. Traumatized is effectively for characters with PTSD or similar conditions. Fight or flight is right, and if you consider your character to have a condition like that, then more power to you!
On the note of your traits again: I think Traumatized (Badly injured Caernling girls) is way too narrow. I know, this is just a bonus flaw you took. However, I don't want people to get the impression that flaws are minor problems. Broaden the scope of your Traumatized flaw and give yourself an extra trait, as per extra flaw rules; elsewise, consider taking another flaw/trait combo or removing it.
No complaints on your character's equipment. Thumbs up.
Your character's history all makes good sense and fits the setting. Coupled with his backstory, it gives the impression that he is a lost character, more reactionary to his surroundings than proactively doing much. This is an interesting twist on the young noble in love story arc, and I actually think it works well for him. He was the scion of his house, and now he's wandering aimlessly in the open world, trying to find his lost love, and he's questioning his old beliefs at the same time. It puts him in a state of flux, and that is pretty cool.
I find it very interesting, too, the way you described him working with other mercenary companies. It certainly paints an image of how disgruntled he may be with being used as a symbol. Interesting.
Take note of the things I said; give your sheet a once-over and after you've made any changes you feel are necessary, let me know. Lothair definitely has the right vibe for the setting.
1x Thank
