@Romero I like the take. I think he's sufficiently interesting as a character that I want to read more of him. I'm actually willing to slap an APPROVED on this as-is but I there are some minor criticisms I have that I want to air for your consideration.
The notion of manipulation others, particularly through mystical means, is one of those things that's in a tricky place in power level (it can be too good to the point of boring very quickly, or neutered to the ground with minimal effort). I'll allow it with the corollary that the combination of Legionnaire and chosen makes an individual uncontrollable (i.e. no controlling the other party members), though I would make note that I think excessive use of this will get boring real quick. I personally wouldn't lean on that as a main character gimmick but you very well may; your discretion.
Fire is an interesting choice of element to pair with hammers. I am of the mind there's underutilized potential there for some earthshattering abilities (bad pun intended) but if you wanna stick to fire then stick to fire. There's no real limits on the elemental aspects of aetheric powers.
If you were to tone back/rework the manipulation/enslavement, I think your character would actually end up underpowered. If that's something you pursue in a revision, then that's something you should think about. Now that said, I also said I'd consider this APPROVED as-is and any revision pass is ultimately optional. I'd encourage it, but these are ultimately my thoughts on the character not yours. Proceed as you see fit.
@Sierra I'm glad you like the take, I had come up with a few characters, but the unknowingly corrupted holy man was the one that seemed the most fun to play.
In terms of the manipulation, I envisioned it as having two effects. The first being short bursts of will, the kind of effect that would only last a few seconds for most NPC's, something like "Drop it" or questions like "Who do you work for?" kind of thing. And the other being able to 'preach' and lean others towards his own opinion, encouraging people to join him etc. But not forcefully.
I did get caught up with what combat abilities to give him. Lightning seemed too cliche, but I like the idea of adapting it more towards earth than fire, mainly making them hit like a ton of bricks, and be able to break the ground etc. I'll think about it.
I'll hold off on moving the sheet across to Characters tab while I make some tweaks, but thanks for the go-ahead.
Appearance: Beric stands at an even six feet in height, with somewhat tanned skin due to his time time spent outdoors. He has medium length brown hair, and a short beard. His eyes are a dark piercing blue, with a scar running from under his left eye to the bottom of his cheek, partly obscured by the aforementioned beard.
Moving down to the rest of his body, the life of a hunter and bandit has made him considerably well-built, and he is more agile and strong than most. There are a few scars here and there from various incidents, but nothing that immediately stands out.
As for his armor, Gerald wears a quilted gambeson, over which he wears a vest of boiled leather, with some steel shoulder plating a pair of steel gauntlets. For legwear he has a set of padded leather pants, with steel greaves and some leather boots. Lastly, he also wears a green hooded cloak that would blend in well with local foliage, and has a few splashes of mud for good measure.
Biography: Beric was born in a decently-sized village. His father was a fletcher, fashioning bows and arrows the local lord and his guards, but in his spare time he was also a poacher, sneaking off to the woods with a bow he had made himself and quietly bringing back meat to feed the family. It wasn't long until Beric figured out where all this extra food was coming from, but he knew enough to keep quiet.
At the age of ten, Beric's father began teaching him how to shoot a bow, and he soon turned out to be a natural. At the age of fourteen, his father began taking him out of hunting trips, showing him how to track and forage. His first kill was a deer, as his father watched proudly on. Beric felt a strange sense of empowerment, watching the animal fall. His father began to take him on more and more hunting trips, and eventually trusted him enough to split up and leave him to his own devices. They covered more ground, brought in more food, and the family rarely went hungry.
Eventually, they began to take Beric's younger brother Edgar on the hunting trips as well. Edgar hated hunting, and was could not bring himself to shoot a single rabbit or deer, much to their father's annoyance. So Edgar was tasked with foraging for berries and roots, while Edgar and his father focused on gathering meat and skins. They continued on like this for several more productive trips, and then on one day it all went wrong.
Beric had been tracking a wolf when he heard shouting. Naturally he felt compelled to follow it, and came upon three guardsmen dragging his father's unconscious form back to the village. Rather than risk open confrontation, Beric immediately went searching for his brother, which took him about half an hour, and they made their way back to the village, dropping their bows and supplies at the usual hiding spot.
The local lord was swift when it came to enforcing the law. When they arrived at the village square, his father was already standing at the gallows, and a small crowd had assembled. Charged with poaching, he was sentenced to be hanged. Beric and his brother could only watch with horror as the noose was tied around his neck, and the lever was pulled. His neck did not break. So horrified at the sight of his father choking to death, Beric did not even notice one of the guardsmen pointing at him until they had already drawn their weapons and began to advance towards him.
Beric took the most sensible course of action, which was to grab his brother and run. Just before they slipped into the forest, an arrow pierced Edgar's ankle, forcing Beric to carry him on his back. Though the added weight of his brother slowed him down, Beric knew the woods better than the guards, and was able to slip away, though he knew could not return to the village.
That night, he pulled the arrow out of his brother's leg, dumped water into the wound, and binded it up best he could. Over the next few days they continued walking, his brother limping along. They would make camp, Edgar would start a fire, and Beric would hunt for the evening meal. But eventually, Edgar began to grow sick, and Beric realized the wound had become infected. Lacking the resources to treat it, all they could do was press on and hope they found a town with an adequate healer.
In the meantime, Beric couldn't help but think back to the moment when his father had been captured. How he had just stood by and watched as his father was dragged away. If he had only thought to use his bow... he could have taken one out right away, shot another while they will still processing what was happening, and killed the final one as he closed the distance. And why not? He was a crack shot with a bow, but he had been afraid to kill...
And why was he afraid to kill, he wondered? How many animals had he slain? How many rabbits, how many deer, how many foxes? Were humans really that different?
That was a question his mind would linger on for quite some time.
That night, Edgar looked at him and began to cry. Beric figured the boy thought he was dying, so he told him he would live. But instead, Edgar shook his head, and then tearfully confessed how he had told one of his friends about the poaching... his friend, who was the son of the one of the village guards. Beric backhanded his brother across the face, and for a long time sat in silence, before finally going to sleep.
The next morning, Edgar would not wake. His fever burned hotter than ever before, and his wound had turned a ghastly colour. Beric tried for an hour, but nothing would rouse him from his slumber. Then, an old memory came to him. He had once came across two deer. He shot one of them and the leg, and they both fled. Tracking them was easily enough - he just had to follow the blood. He found the wounded deer lying in a clearing, lacking the strength to stand. The other deer was long gone, having abandoned his friend to save his own skin.
Beric realized this was the same situation, and the surviving deer had been right, because in the end neither he nor his father had managed to track it down. If the other deer had stayed with its friend, it would have been killed as well, and the only difference would have been him being able to bring back twice as much meat
Edgar was weak, and helpless. Beric was strong, and still had a chance. So he rose to his feet, packed up camp, and continued walking, leaving his brother behind.
But as the days went on, Beric found that his own luck had taken a turn for the worse. The few trails he could find went cold. And when he did find an animal, something spooked it before he could fire his shot. His luck in foraging had seemed to run out as well, and he had to sustain himself on the few roots and berries he came across. At first he thought he had been cursed by the gods for leaving his brother behind.
Then, one day, as he was walking along the road, he noticed a caravan - what looked to be a merchant transporting supplies, who had only a single guard. Desperate for fresh food, Beric took a concealed position. As the caravan passed, he fired an arrow into the horse that was pulling it. The guard drew his sword and leapt from his seat, only for an arrow to pierce his throat. The merchant took cover behind the caravan itself, but Beric merely stepped out from cover and knocked the man out with the butt of his hatchet.
Beric then proceeded to help himself to the caravan's supplies, which mainly consisted of fresh cheese and expensive wine. After eating an entire wheel, he stepped out with a bottle in hand, and immediately heard the sound of clapping.
Half a dozen figures emerged from the bushes, clad in leather and furs, wielding bows, hatchets, and swords. They were bandits, and Beric had just let his guard down.
But they did not wish to kill him, or rob him.
Their leader, a man by the name of Derrick, had been impressed by Beric's pinpoint accuracy with a bow, and deciding that they were in need of another pair of hands, invited him to join their group. Beric reluctantly accepted, figuring that they would just kill him if he refused. And then the leader told him that there was one condition: he had to finish off the merchant who still lay unconscious on the ground.
To kill an armed man for some food was one thing. To kill an unarmed man who was no longer a threat after you've already had your food? That was another. But at the same time, Beric understood that if the merchant wandered back into town and gave his description to guard, he would become a wanted criminal again.
So Beric drew his dagger, and slid it across the merchant's throat. That night, Beric and the bandits feasted on wine and cheese.
Beric would remain part of the bandit group for a number of years. Though he had initially impressed them with his skill at archery, they soon came to admire his cunning as well. Previously, the bandits would simply fire at travelers from the cover of the forest. But Beric gave them new ideas, such as sending out a few of their own as a distraction, setting up traps, or placing fallen trees in the middle of the road to serve as road blocks. He soon became Derrick's de facto second-in-command, and their ranks gradually doubled as time went on.
The fact that they were killing and robbing innocents had initially weighed on his conscience somewhat, but he soon learned to shake those doubts off. They lived in a world where only the strong truly thrived, and the weak were expendable. And that was what these people were: weak. They could not defend their own lives or goods, and so both would be taken from them. He slowly came to view it as just another form of hunting, and soon felt that same sense of pride and satisfaction he received from killing any other animal.
That said, he eventually became dissatisfied with their way of life. True, it kept his belly and pockets full, but sleeping in the woods next to a dozen unwashed men was not very appealing. At least back in his village he always had a bed to return to and a stream he could bathe in. Then there were the noble lords and ladies, who demanded taxation and tribute from their subjects, but were allowed to sleep safe and secure in their castles and manors. He wanted that. He knew he would not get it, but he wanted it nonetheless, and he would not find it here.
After a raid gone wrong, which resulted in the deaths of half the group, Derrick among them, Beric decided to strike out on his own, leaving his group behind in search of more profitable endeavors.
Skills:
Master Archer: Beric rarely misses a shot, and can draw and notch another arrow in the blink an eye. He is an excellent judge of distance, and although he favors longbows he is a good judge of the range and accuracy of other bows.
The Power of Observation: Due to his years of tracking both humans and animals, Beric is highly observant. He is a skilled tracker, has excellent hearing, and has a fantastic eye for detail.
Agile: Beric is surprisingly quick and athletic. He can climb trees, roll across uneven ground, dodge enemy attacks, and run quite fast for some distance. He is highly gifted at stealth, and good at remaining both unseen and unheard.
Weapons: -Yew Longbow, with a quiver of two dozen arrows. -Steel hatchet. -Steel hunting knife.
Cassius the Cunning
Gender: Male
Totem: Cassius's totem is black comedy mask, one that would be used in theater. When worn, it shapes itself to fit Beric's face and turns invisible, even to Beric himself. It becomes visible again when Beric takes it off, or when he wants others to see it.
Personality: Cassius was perhaps one of the more reasonable members of the Shadow Legion. Unlike some of his brethren, he was not prone to fits of rage, vengeance, or cruelty. In conversation, he comes across as highly intelligent and charismatic, with a strong sense of humour. That said, he also did not possess a shred of honour, and excelled at deceiving and manipulating others to serve his own ends.
But ultimately, what defines him is his ambition, and his desire to shape the world around him. He tended to approve of those with lofty goals, who seek to obtain a higher position or find their own way in life, but he would not hesitate to step on those beneath him if they stood in the way of his own goals. And he has little respect for people who seek power for power's sake.
History: In life, Cassius was a bard and actor who accompanied a theater troupe. This troupe became so famed and renowned that they soon found themselves performing for Kings and high lords. While he enjoyed the wealth and prestige that came with entertaining such lofty company, he couldn't help but notice that so many of the people he entertained possessed tremendous wealth and influence, yet refused to do anything with it beyond throw lavish feasts and entertain guests. It was frustrating: so much power and potential at their disposal, yet it was going to waste.
Society was stagnating, and in Cassius's eyes, the Shadow Legion presented a solution. Either they would cast down the old regime to take power for themselves, and shape the world in their own image... or the lords, mages, and kings of the land would finally unite to drive them back, so that they would have finally made use of the power they so dearly hoarded but refused to use.
Cassius's charisma and talent for deception allowed the Legion to deceive and manipulate others, and persuade people to follow them. In addition to becoming a powerful magic wielder in his own right, his time at the noble courts throughout the land had allowed him to form valuable connections and uncover various secrets which aided the Legion in their conquests. Though some would say the Legion failed in their goal, Cassius's own personal goal had succeeded: they had upended the status quo.
Now, he is ready to upend it again.
Relationship Cassius views Beric as a blunt instrument. He respects the man's ambition, and recognizes that there is a cunning mastermind in there somewhere, but it will take time and guidance in order to see those qualities come to fruition. He just needs a bit of direction...
Cassius was also quite fond of his fellow Legionnaires, and save for the occasional quip he was openly friendly to even the ones who were most hostile towards him.
Skills: Position Swap: Cassius has given Beric the ability to perform a short-range teleport, which swaps his position with someone else. There are limitations, of course, such as the fact that both people must be able to fit within the space they are being teleported to, and the fact that he cannot use it on creatures which are significantly larger than he is.
Illusions: Beric now has the ability to conjure multiple magical images of either himself or other people, and make them speak the exact same voice of the person they are meant to impersonate (though only one illusion can speak at any given time, unless he has them all say the exact same thing). Beric may also project one of these illusions over his own form, disguising himself as someone else. The only way to determine it is an illusion is through physical contact, in which case the hand, weapon, item will pass straight through them.
@Not Fishing So I waited a good while and read through it a few times before writing this feedback, but you already knew that would be the case. I couldn't quite shake the reservation about adding yet another 'heir denied' character to the pile (as I checked the Characters tab and we already have two). I grappled with the idea of letting it slide for a long while and it's honestly kind of a frustrating decision that feels bad having to make (but nobody said being GM was easy). As I said earlier I normally am not firm regarding backstories, however I cannot shake the concern that adding a third character of the same backstory archetype dilutes the value of the trope for all three of them. I think both your main character and your Legionnaire suffer from this same problem in fact.
The other problem I have giving it a thorough evaluation is that I get the feeling of genericism. If I had to guess, you hammered out the first idea you had in twenty minutes for the sake of getting it done. It doesn't feel like there was any passion put into it at all. That can suggest a number of things, though I cannot know which specifically applies in this instance. Perhaps you're just throwing your name in the hat for the sake of having a fantasy RP in your current portfolio - which I would take issue with given the limited slot nature of this RP - or you're not writing a character you're really passionate about creating and playing, which I would consider a disservice to yourself more than anything that won't lead to an enjoyable experience.
I would like to see another pass on the backstory work before I sign off on it. I also feel like a complete change in direction is not out of character, but I can't read your thought process beyond that which you post openly. I can only infer from what's written. All of that said, if you absolutely have your heart set on this version, come talk to me about it on the Discord or in PMs.
@Not Fishing The editing of a post with a completely different CS is screwing with my chronology man. :P
There's some overlap going on with some sheets I've read (but I've read like 16 sheets at this point so they do blur together and I lose track of what's active and what's not) I'm gonna go ahead and say yes on this version. I really like what you did with Beric. Cassius is where most of the overlap I noticed is but overall I think its inconsequential. I think it will actually make for an interesting common ground to a few other characters. I think your chosen abilities are an oddball that I enjoyed. Their battle potential isn't immediately obvious but I can see you going full on Loki on people.
I do hope you and one of our existing characters go heavily into the archery skillset with your power scaling though (the characters will develop abilities and ramp up in power as we go ... because you will have to in order to survive). We don't have nearly enough people with ranged capability. *hint hint*
Those of you who I've talked to or are otherwise following the Discord know this was coming. Thus for you people this is mostly just a formality. For those who don't yet know what's going on, this is a mass tag for everyone playing.
This is a quick check in for everyone since we've been having some slow pacing and people with writer's block, etc. If you're still here and still good to go, just say hi here in the thread. If you're not good to go for whatever reason, that's fine too. I won't hold it against you if anyone feels the need to bow out. If there's anyone who doesn't respond to this in a somewhat timely manner (lets say within 7 days) then I'm gonna treat it like a no-show.
I'll also take a moment to give a big Thank You to everyone still with us. You are all appreciated.
Greetings to everyone still with me. I have some formalities to get to but first a few words.
Thank you to everyone who has been with us through to this point, and to those who were only with us for a time. It has been my genuine pleasure to enjoy and tell these stories with everyone. ¬¬If you are reading this and suspecting that this is a patronizing lead-up to a grim announcement, you are unfortunately not wrong. I spoke multiple times throughout this roleplay about “the inexorable march of progress” without really understanding how difficult it would come to be to maintain. Inexorable, it ultimately was not. It has become far more work than fun to keep this project alive, and I have felt it has been on life support rather than thriving for an extended period of time now. We are all here to do this as a hobby, and a hobby should never feel more tedious or demotivating thank my intensifying university coursework. As a result, I have elected to bring this chapter of my time on RPG to a close, and formally end Tear the World Down.
I apologize sincerely for leaving it on such an unceremonious note. It is with great regret that I came to this decision. The discord server for this roleplay will remain active for one week following this post for anything you wish to save, after which time it will be shut down. I have additionally edited the application status tag to reflect the current state of affairs. If anyone would like to utilize the lore or other content created here for any purpose, please feel free to contact me about such.
What follows is a more formal post-mortem analysis. In game development, these often follow the shipping of a release version of a title (though the term is often incorrect and outdated since the rise of extended post-launch support). Other members have taken responsibility when I make self-criticism in the past, though as with those this focuses exclusively on things within my control. That does not extend to other people, as there is nothing I can do as a GM to control other users. I can only take actions that influence my players to the best of my abilities.
A Post-Mortem of Tear the World Down
Done Right:
The recruitment process is a point of pride. Having a substantial amount of lore readily available in conjunction with reasonable summaries, and the request for character sheets up front prior to commencement made the process flow well. Seeking character sheets so early in the process I feel was a more accurate way to gauge player commitment and is something I intend to continue. Though the lengthy interest check post is time consuming to create, I would like to believe a more thorough picture of the roleplay in question is overall better for prospective players.
The community fostered between players was incredible to observe and be a part of. The narrative collaboration is another major point of pride. Though the process behind such collaboration was at times rocky, the diverse cast of characters and of players was enjoyable company both within the story and without.
Done Wrong:
The ultimate cause of death was a breakage of a rule I believe in upholding: the progression of a story must never be impeded by any one player. This is not the fault of that player, but rather my fault for failing to ensure alternate paths of plot progression were in place.
Pacing was slow through the duration, in heavy part due to my own actions. I delayed posting due to motivational limitations when I should not have. As GM, actions speak louder than words and if I can wait extended periods to post, so can everyone else. This problem snowballed slowly throughout the duration and after recovering the roleplay from an extended period of downtime (over four weeks), I do not believe it ever fully recovered.
Collaborative posts, while narratively brilliant, were a logistical issue. The attempt at doing these in real time was smart, but fell into a number of pitfalls, availability being chief among them. Doing collaborative posts not in real time (as some were ultimately forced to) creates an extended writing time for a singular post that contributes to the previous problem.
Future Ideas:
I would like to practice more at using a characterless GM post. I feel that the inclusion of my own character in such posts ultimately limited the creative tools at my disposal more than increased them. I also feel that it distracted me with my own narrative instincts kicking in ahead of the GM decision-making the situation ultimately required.
If anyone wishes to add their own critique of the roleplay, me, or anything else, please share. Even if this chapter must come to an end, I am hopeful I may take meaningful lessons from it to do better in my future endeavors on the guild. Again I would like to extend my thanks to everyone for making all of this possible. You have kept me going for as long as I have. I wish I could have better returned your confidence in me.
