It appears that we're going to use written descriptions for this now. Sorry for not telling you earlier and kinda leading you on there. (also not gonna lie, that image is really low quality)
The backstory is a bit off, so to speak:Magpie is the most veteran contractor for Cider, but she's not very old. Cider herself has also been working as a liason for only about 9 years. Didn't make this too clear, mb. The backstory has a lot of elements that should have just been removed, IE, one-off mentions that don't really make any sense.
The backstory is used to tell why your character is the way that they are and how they have the talents they have. Generally, for weaker and less important things, I give a bit of leeway in the form of implied training that they get on the field. However, for things such as traditional martial arts; there is no reason as to why someone picks up martial philosophy on the field.
The story doesn't really explain what her powers are. For something as important and story-bending as effective immortality is, I can't really let it slide as "nobody knows." Instead of having a valid reasoning as to how they got out of fate, it's instead an incoherent mess of ideas all clashing. A one-off demon, a cult, a woman that glows for no real reason, a girl who has powers that's thrown into "she just has them and it's convenient to the backstory", pocket dimensions (for some reason). I'd suggest you really cut away a lot of elements, or you write them out to the point where they don't feel like disjointed ideas. We already have a tinkerer in the form of Buzzkill's character.
Besides that, proofreading is really important. As the old saying goes, a lot of sentences don't done do words good.
In summary, the CS would basically need a lot of proofing, tinkerer concept removed, main appearance image turned to text, and the story would need to be completely revamped as to remove the disjointed feelings I get from reading it.
I probably could've found a suitable picture, but I have this thing where it's physically painful for me to use other people's artwork without permission.
Daniel Wu shan't be used for his visage is sacred.
Damn... I can actually see the point in this lol. I love Into The Badlands and his face popped into my head immediately when I was conceptualizing my character.
Gaaah, I really can't think of any good history for Althea. It's basically just "saw how the gangs and the megacorps were fucking things up for people and decided to fight back", but a one-sentence history doesn't a good sheet make. I've got everything else, though, so that's something.
Gaaah, I really can't think of any good history for Althea. It's basically just "saw how the gangs and the megacorps were fucking things up for people and decided to fight back", but a one-sentence history doesn't a good sheet make. I've got everything else, though, so that's something.
That's not a bad start, actually. Most backstory can be summarized down to a sentence or two if you think about it. Start from there and then ask yourself exactly how the gangs and megacorps were fucking things up for people from Althea's perspective. Why did she decide to fight back? What experiences might she have gone through that would have given her this sense of justice? This need to help where she could easily just turn the other way and ignore it all? Once you answer those questions, you'll suddenly have a history written out--or that's the idea, anyways lol.
@Concept@Tojin That's basically creating your story outline/roadmap; establishing a sequence of events. After that, you pretty it up a bit and fill in the gaps.
I'm not a stickler for length of a backstory. A good way to get some finer details down is by asking a few core questions.
What events turned them into who they are? What personal stakes do they have from the events? What drives them? What traits did they acquire along the way? Scars, missing arms, what story do those tell?
A thing that I noticed is that you explained away your skills in the capabilities. You could instead use the backstory to explain how they have what they have.
I'm not looking for exact details. More along the lines of justification to who they are. You can heavily imply things that you don't want to tell.
But it's looking good so far.
And JUST IN CASE, you will have a few days more after the IC goes up because weekly posts. Tho it would be good to get it in sooner rather than later.
I ended up ditching a rather substantial backstory draft and rewriting a much shorter version. Less detail in backstory means more roleplaying opportunity.
Alright, I'm back after needing to reinstall my OS. I lost the work I had been doing to revamp the character, so gonna take a bit to recreate.
Name: Ambrosine Dumortier Alias: Stim Age: 48 Personality: She is opinionated, independent, and very much into exploring more options than those presented to her. Many people find her a bit charming due to her confident but slightly off-kilter sense of humor and speech. She appreciates humor and wit. Her freedom with her opinion leads her to expect others to share their opinions. As such, Ambrosine is a large proponent for free speech and directness. She is an introvert but is not unsociable by any stretch of the imagination. She can and will jump into the line of fire to move injured to a safe place for treatment. She is an atheist, but she tends to be unobtrusive with it. She is heavily driven by ambition to become a better medical provider and save those around her. Appearance: Ambrosine stands at 5'4" and sports a well muscled, often called amazonian, build. Her hair is light brown, and her eyes are an icy blue. Her skin has absolutely no imperfections due to her regeneration. Her features are moderately sharp, lending her a default stern appearance. She also tends towards an eternal small scowl as her default expression. Nothing about her is delicate looking and instead follows the amazonian style of being muscular, strong, and lithe. When not working as a doctor, she will wear comfortable athletic wear or, if she can fully relax safely, a set of sweatpants and a t-shirt. If needing more formal attire, she goes for a simple and elegant button up blouse and dress pants. Over the blouse, she wears a dress jacket or vest that allows her to hide her pistol if she expects trouble. On missions, she wears standard gear or clothing. To conceal her identity, she prefers to wear a balaclava and goggles. Her medical bag is essentially a modified messenger bag, so it slings over her shoulder easily. Capabilities: Ambrosine, following a supernatural encounter, has ceased to exist within the bonds of what most know as fate. As such, she regenerates wounds slowly and is effectively immortal. She does not age, eat, drink, breathe, or sleep. She can choose to eat or drink for the purpose of medication or pleasure, but she cannot naturally fall asleep. This does not prevent knockouts or drug induced unconsciousness. Due to her regeneration, she metabolizes drugs, toxins, poisons, and other chemicals at an increased pace, so for her to self-medicate, she must reapply it more frequently, thus taking more doses than her comrades. She has medical experience equivalent to any degree holding doc, but she has also learned how to perform surgery and medical attention in subpar conditions, with salvaged materials, and with makeshift tools. History: Ambrosine grew up in the slums. Her grandmother, mother, and father lived in the same lean-to. Her mother worked as a street doc while her father was a baker. Her grandmother was far too old to work, but she did act as a preacher for the surrounding families. Due to her hefty faith, Ambrosine's grandmother gave her a St. Christopher medal. This was to both protect her granddaughter and spur her to faith. Despite this and her grandmother's constant push to talk about scripture and faith, Ambrosine grew up as an atheist. She found the ideas to be irrational given the societal situation. Then, she read the Bible. From there, she grew to reject the entirety of religion. In addition, in her journey to atheism, she learned from her mother as well as studied anatomy and biology from any books and scraps she could find or steal. That started her initial push into the medical field. When she was old enough to help, her mother took her in as a nurse. As she grew in medical knowledge, Ambrosine elevated over the years until she and her mother were both full doctors when she turned 18. However, even two doctors in the slums could stop age from taking Ambrosine's grandmother. On her death bed, the grandmother told Ambrosine to keep making her proud and to rise above the slums. Ambrosine, as the last thing she ever said to her grandmother, said that she would leave the slums and become a doctor for anyone in need. Unfortunately, she never got the chance to leave the slums before Ultralight found her. On her 23rd birthday, Ambrosine managed to secure a place as a nurse in a hospital in the better part of town. Excited for the next step, Ambrosine practically bounced through her patients that day. Her last patient got dragged in by two oddly dressed people. The man introduced himself as Boomstick. Being used to odd nicknames, Ambrosine paid little mind and looked at their companion. He had multiple stab and gunshot wounds, but he was still alive and might pull through. Without delay, she set to work, having the companions stand outside to wait and be out of her way. While removing the bullets, weird black goo started to ooze out of one of them. It made her nervous, but her commitment to save her patient kept her in place. She opened the wound some to inspect it, but the incision almost explosively expanded. From the incision, a hungry blackness consumed the patient and corner of the room. Ambrosine tried to run away, but tendrils of inky blackness shot out and began to drag her towards the hungry maw. She couldn't resist the dragging, but she did manage to grab two things: a bottle of silver nitrate and a pair of surgical scissors. Once pulled through, she discovered that the place was some sort of alternate dimension. There was a constant low light that allowed just enough vision to see somewhat, but it gave no ability to see minute details. Something writhed just beyond her sight. More tendrils moved forward. Using her scissors, she tried to fight them off, stabbing any tendrils that came close. Unfortunately, the number of tendrils overwhelmed her and dragged her deeper into the darkness. As she was drawn closer to the creature, Ambrosine was met with black orbs that probably constituted eyes. Seeing some sort of target, she reared back and threw the silver nitrate bottle as hard as she could, assuming the glass might cause some damage. To her surprise, the liquid inside caused more immediate effects. A mixture of sickly glowing ichor sprayed all over her. The creature let go of her, roaring in agony. Ambrosine took the opportunity to get on her feet and run towards the light of the tear in reality behind her. The creature was preoccupied, thus letting her leap back through the tear. Once out, she noticed the tear had been slowly closing the whole time. Knowing silver nitrate seemed to affect the creature, she grabbed a spare bottle and threw it on the edge of the tear. It seemed to have an effect and closed the rest off the tear almost immediately. Boomstick and the other companion ran in to see a black, oozing corspe of their companion and Ambrosine on the ground, convulsing from the ichor that had started to seep into her body. Ambrosine was essentially stuck in her own head and locked in the grip of pain. She didn't notice the two standing over her, guns drawn and ready to shoot her. She came out of it a few minutes later, the ichor gone. She felt unusual, an odd heavy and alien feeling permeating her body. She looked fine and looked up at Boomstick. Her first words were, "I copuldn't save him." Boomstick rolled his eyes and hefted her up, convincing her, rather easily, to follow him. They took her to some run down and out of the way building. There, they ran her through test after test and interrogations galore. They determined her sanity intact, if shaken by a brush with the supernatural. They also determined that she no longer had physical needs and her "blood" was essentuially a modified version of the ooze that came from their companion. Despite being tainted in some way from an alien realm, Ambrosine was cleared to exist. Boomstick immediately sent in to recruit her into Ultralight since he needed a new recruit and her being a doctor was gravy. From there, she spent years developing her field medic skills as well as learning what the ichor caused. In addition to not having physical needs, Ambrosine learned that wounds healed automatically, even going so far as to regrow or reattach limbs. An unfortunate headshot made her learn that she would eventually even come back from fatal wounds. She also ceased to age. She never grew a wrinkle, gained a scar, or even got a gray hair. She was effectively an immortal. Some of the squads she worked with over the years tried to figure out exactly why she gained immortality. They knew the direct cause was the ichor from another dimension, but they wanted to know why the interaction caused her specific powers. Over about a decade, Ambrosine worked with many of the occult specialists and veteran operatives. They ran tests, spiritual and scientific. Eventually, they came upon an idea that she was infused with that realm's essence and thus immortal due to that realm's properties. Then, they set out to figure out what realm she actually became a part of. They tried elemental tests to see if she was immune to any particular element. None bore fruit. Then, they tried holy water or profane rituals. Neither worked. Eventually, they tried some experiments involving spiritualists dealing with karma, fate, or any other form of predetermined outcome. Any time they tried to force and outcome, she was not bound to it. Foresight could not predict her next move. Luck alteration powers could not make her succeed or fail. From exhaustive testing, they determined that she was most likely infused with pure chaos, thus being an opposite to the order of fate and most of reality. This hybridization of her made her immortal as it would be orderly to die or change state according to damage. Thus, as a being of chaos, she could not suffer lasting damage. At least, that is what she was told. Now, with the knowledge in hand that she is not bound to a set of determined values or endings, Ambrosine threw herself into missions and more learning, striving even harder to defy her upbringing. Until now, she has been simply an Ultralight field medic. Her end goal is to rise above being a street doc and become an actual clinic operator that can provide high quality care to the slums around her. Equipment:
Medic Bag: While normally worn as a backpack, this pack contains supplementary tools, drugs, and materials to treat wounds in the field.
Bullpup PDW: She managed to get a bullpup PDW chambered in 5.7mm armor piercing rounds. She keeps it in the nearest safehouse for missions and relies upon Ultralight to keep her stocked up on ammo.
10mm Subcompact Handgun: This is her personal sidearm for daily wear. She keeps it in good condition and tends to buy her own ammo for non-mission use.
Knuckledusters and Sap Gloves: Ambrosine keeps both on hadn at all times in case of a brawl. She prefers to use the sap gloves to disable an attacker, but she uses the knuckledusters to kill as necessary.
Large security flashlight: She carries one of these at all times for the sake of being able to use it for light during treatment as well as light at night. It makes a handy club.
Other: She is a native English speaker and fluent in both French and Mandarin. She has a St. Christopher medal from her grandmother as a keepsake that she flips through her fingers when thinking or needing to occupy her fingers. Her blood is a black ichor that behaves exactly as blood but smells like a sickening mixture of honey, sulfur, and mold.
...who is Worm? You didn't post a sheet for a character named Worm. I mean I assume it's the person you described drinking alone, but as far as I can tell that's all we've got to go on.
Post up. I thought about posting here that I was working on one, but I figured it'd be better for me to just finish it and let it be done lol. Let me know if there are any problems with the post.
@Lotrix Molick Looks hella refined now writing-wise. A bit hard to read because there's only single enters instead of double enters.
You're good to move her to the char tab and start, just remember to add a few extra enters so it's easier on the eyes.
accidentally hit post so you don't get pinged by this, big oofie
@Phantomlink959 Yes, Worm is the hooded guy alone. He's an unfamiliar face to all of you. He's not in the character tab yet because nothing about him is really known at this point, besides that he's called worm and is cloaked.
Also don't worry about length.
"Judge a man not by the length of his 'post' but the quality."